Rogue (Relentless Book 3)

“I THINK I’M starting to like California.” Jordan leaned against the railing of the patio at the back of the house. “I could get used to this.”

I inhaled deeply as I watched the waves crashing against the shore below us. “I missed the ocean when I was at Westhorne. It’s pretty there, but nothing compares to the ocean.”

“Is that an undine thing?”

A laugh escaped me. “Nope, I think it’s just a Sara thing.”

She was quiet for a minute. “So when are you going to tell me what happened when Nikolas got back from Vancouver?”

“Nothing happened, really.”

She gave me a sly smile. “Nothing, huh? Is that why I saw him leaving your room that morning before breakfast?”

“He came to see me when he got here that morning because he knew I was worried about him.”

“I take it you didn’t tell him your secret since we still have a roof on the house.”

I exhaled noisily. “I wanted to, but then he started talking about the bond, and how crazy it makes him when he thinks I’m in danger. He’s not ready to know everything yet. I wish he was because I hate keeping this from him.”

“Bonds are pretty complicated from everything I’ve seen and heard, and hell on the males. He’ll come around eventually, maybe in a decade or two.”

“Maybe.”

She nudged me with her shoulder. “What’s wrong? You have a smoking hot warrior visiting you in the wee hours of the morning. Why are you not grinning from ear to ear?”

I bit my lip, thinking about my talk with Nikolas two days ago. “Sometimes I wonder how much of what he feels for me comes from the bond. I know it makes males overprotective, and Tristan said it can give them some pretty intense emotions. What if there’s no us outside of the bond?”

Jordan scoffed. “Are you blind? That man is crazy about you. And it’s obvious you’re head over heels for him.”

“I know he cares about me. But he never talks about his feelings, except for how much he worries about my safety.”

“Guys hate to talk about their feelings.” She smiled again. “Nikolas seems more like a man of actions than words anyway.”

I shook my head. “Not with me. He’s taking it really slow.”

“He headed straight for your bedroom when he got back that day. That doesn’t sound slow to me.”

Heat rose in my cheeks. “We’ve never done anything except kiss. He likes to hold me.”

Her hand went to her heart. “Nikolas Danshov likes to kiss and hold you. You poor, poor thing.” She sighed dramatically. “Where did I go wrong with you?”

I pushed her away. “Forget I said anything.” I loved every second I spent with Nikolas, no matter what we were doing. But I’d give anything for him to tell me his feelings went deeper than caring and protective instincts. I loved him so much. What if he never felt the same way for me? I wished I was brave enough to tell him how I felt and hoped he loved me back. But I wasn’t that brave, and my heart couldn’t handle it if he didn’t return my feelings.

“We are a sorry pair, aren’t we? We’re surrounded by hot male warriors every day and neither of us is getting any action.”

Happy to move the conversation away from Nikolas and me, I said, “Whatever happened to that Egyptian warrior you liked – the one with the big sword? What was his name?”

“Hamid.” Her eyes turned dreamy for a second before she huffed. “He left for LA before we could get better acquainted.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

She grinned. “Don’t worry. I’ll see him again if I have anything to say about it.”

Laughing, I turned to look at the water again. Poor Hamid. That man had no idea what he was in for.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Jordan said after a few minutes. “You haven’t really said much about seeing Madeline in Vancouver. What was it like to finally see her face-to-face?”

“Strange. She looks our age.”

“So does everyone else we know.”

I shrugged. “I know, but it’s different when it’s your mother.”

“Too bad you didn’t get a chance to talk to her before she ran.”

I nodded. “I shouldn’t be surprised, but I can’t believe she ran away like that.”

“After everything I’ve heard about her, I can believe it.” She grew quiet and I looked at her.

“What?”

She shifted weight from one foot to the other. “I was thinking. What happens if we find Madeline and she won’t tell us anything? Or what if she really doesn’t know anything about the Master?”

“Why would she be running all this time if she didn’t know something?”

“I don’t know. Why wouldn’t she tell her father and let him take the Master down? She wouldn’t have to run anymore if he was dead.”

I couldn’t answer that. I had asked myself the same question many times over the last few months. The possibility that Madeline might not know the Master’s identity was one I wouldn’t consider. I couldn’t.

“There you are.”

I turned around to see Desmund striding across the lawn toward us, wearing jeans and a thin gray sweater that clung to his muscular body. In the months since he’d recovered from his illness, he had returned to his former warrior physique and his skin had taken on a healthy glow again. Today his hair was tied back in a ponytail, showing off his handsome aristocratic features.

Jordan let out a low whistle. “Damn! He makes me wish I was male. And gay.”

“Did you forget our training?” Desmund asked me as he stepped onto the patio.

“I was hoping you’d forget.” After three days of training with Desmund, I longed for our quiet times together in the library at Westhorne. He was on an unrelenting mission to teach me to bond permanently with my Mori or to go insane in the process. It was like a freaking boot camp. If I thought hiding would get me out of working with him, I’d be under my bed right now.

His dark eyes gleamed wickedly. “Oh no. I have something new planned for us today.”

I think I actually gulped. My eyes went to Jordan who gave me her “oh shit” look. “What is it?” I was almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Nothing you can’t handle.” He beckoned me with a wave of his hand.

“Later,” Jordan called, and I thought I heard her mutter “maybe” under her breath.

We walked to the house, and he opened the door for me. “Wouldn’t you rather play checkers?” I asked him when he steered me toward the training room.

He laughed richly. “I’d love a game later, if you’re still talking to me.”

That doesn’t sound good.

I sensed Nikolas before we reached the gym. At the door to the room I stopped at the sight of him stacking weights on one of the mats. Desmund gently nudged me into the room. “Nikolas has agreed to join us today to help with a new training technique I’ve devised for you. We’ll start with our normal routine and take it from there.”

Our normal routine consisted of me joining with my Mori for as long as I could stand, which was usually less than thirty minutes. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to merge with the demon; I just couldn’t handle the constant onslaught of emotions and the alien power flowing through me. I had no idea how the other Mohiri lived with it every second of their lives, and I wasn’t surprised that orphans went insane if they were not taught to control their Mori.

Nikolas nodded to me but didn’t speak as I walked to the center of the room where he had laid the weights. I closed my eyes and lowered the wall holding back my Mori. Its emotions, which had been muted, brushed against my mind – mainly its joy at being close to its mate. A few months ago, it would have rushed forward, but ever since the onset of my liannan, it moved slowly and warily. I assured it every day that I’d never hurt it, and I thought it was finally beginning to believe me.

It stopped and I knew it was feeling for my Fae power. Glow? it asked fearfully.

No glow, just us. I opened my mind to the black shapeless blob.

Solmi! A bonded Mori had a one track mind; all it cared about was its mate. The demon forgot its fear and pressed against my mind eagerly.

No matter how many times I merged with my Mori, I reeled from the sensations and myriad of emotions bombarding me. I gritted my teeth and let the initial wave wash over me. After a minute, my Mori reined in some of its emotions until I could think clearly again. It had taken us weeks, but we were both slowly learning how to join without overwhelming each other. I took a deep breath as it slowly released its dark power into my body until my muscles quivered from the increased strength.

“Are you good?” Desmund asked.

I opened my eyes. “Yes.”

“Okay, we’ll start with the smaller weights and work up to the larger ones. You know the drill.”

I moved to the first set of kettlebells that were forty pounds each. After ten reps I moved on to the sixty-pound weights and did ten more reps. The heavier the weights, the more I had to tap into my demon’s strength, allowing me to gradually widen our connection. By the time I got to the eighty-pound weights, I had so much power coursing through me I felt like I could lift one of my trainers.

Nikolas and Desmund stood off to one side as I went through my workout routine, and I heard enough to know they were talking about Vancouver. I almost lost my concentration a few times, trying to listen to their conversation.

“I’ve never seen them behave that way,” Nikolas said. “There were enough of them to wipe out several teams.”

Desmund nodded thoughtfully. “It is unusual to hear of that many vampires working together.” His voice lowered, but not enough that I couldn’t hear him. “I am amazed you did not suffer casualties.”

“I am too. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were trying to capture us, not kill us.”

A tremor went through me and my Mori, and I lifted the kettlebells with more force than was necessary, sending one of them flying away from me. The thought of Nikolas in the hands of vampires made me want to retch and hit something at the same time.

Nikolas retrieved the weight and brought it back to me. “Are you okay?”

“Great,” I lied. “Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”

He smiled and laid the weight at my feet. Then he went back to stand near Desmund again. I tried to tune them out, but it was no use. Nikolas hadn’t said much about what had happened that night in Vancouver, and I was dying to hear more.

“You are fortunate then that help arrived,” Desmund said.

“Yes,” Nikolas replied grimly. “We found almost twenty vampires dead in the street and near the house. I don’t know how he knew where we were, but he’s the reason we didn’t lose anyone. The Seattle team wouldn’t have made it in time.”

Desmund’s gaze flicked to me then back to Nikolas. “It sounds like you have a powerful ally out there.”

“We need one. We are already getting reports of more vampire attacks on our people. The team in Houston nearly lost two warriors last night.”

I lost track of what they were saying when I started to feel the strain of being joined with my Mori. Sweat beaded my upper lip and my legs began to tremble. The clock on the wall told me only twenty-five minutes had passed since I’d started, and I knew I wouldn’t make it to thirty. Carefully, I set the heavy weights I was holding on the mat so I didn’t hurt myself when the demon strength left me.

Desmund walked toward me. “You have thirty-five minutes left in this exercise.”

I gaped at him. “I can’t last an hour. I can barely do half an hour.”

“Nonsense. You are stronger than that. Continue.”

My hands curled into fists at my sides as I held the connection with my Mori. The hands on the clock seemed to be glued in place, and I was shaking by the time ten minutes had gone by. My Mori’s presence began to buzz like a hornet’s nest inside my skull, growing louder with each passing minute. “I can’t,” I gasped. I looked at Nikolas, who watched me with eyes full of concern but made no move to intercede.

“Am I late?”

I turned in confusion to the door as Eldeorin walked into the room. He smiled at me then looked at Desmund. “Sorry, I was detained.”

“Your timing is perfect,” Desmund said as the faerie joined him and Nikolas.

I spoke through clenched teeth as my Mori shifted again. “What are you doing here, Eldeorin?”

“Desmund and I talked last night about your training, and he mentioned the difficulties you are having with your demon. We came up with something that will help motivate you.”

Desmund and Eldeorin had discussed me? What would a faerie know about joining with a demon? My eyes moved from Eldeorin to Desmund and then to Nikolas, whose expression gave nothing away. The smile on Eldeorin’s face set off warning bells inside my head, and Desmund looked entirely too pleased with himself. What the hell were they up to?

Desmund approached. “We are going to try something new, and Nikolas has agreed to take part in our little experiment. You must stay joined with your Mori until the hour is up. If you don’t we will start over, but I don’t think that will happen.”

“Why?”

Eldeorin moved before I could blink. He reappeared behind Nikolas with his hands on Nikolas’s shoulders. A second later, Nikolas grunted and his jaw clenched as if he was very uncomfortable, but not in pain.

Solmi! my Mori cried. I forgot about my pain and ran toward Nikolas. “Stop!”

Desmund grabbed me from behind in an iron grip. “Your life could one day depend on you joining with your Mori. What if it was one of your friends’ lives in danger? Or his? Could you do it then?”

I twisted, unable to break his hold. My eyes narrowed on Eldeorin, who met my furious glare without blinking. “Let him go, or so help me…” Eldeorin was very powerful. What if he accidently used too much of his magic? He could kill Nikolas or seriously harm him. I knew better than anyone what Fae magic could do to a demon, and I didn’t want that anywhere near Nikolas.

“Imagine that is a vampire instead of the faerie,” Desmund said mercilessly in my ear. “What will you do?”

He held me immobile and all I could do was watch Nikolas helplessly as minutes ticked by. My whole body trembled as fear and a violent urge to hurt someone boiled inside me. I was a pressure cooker that was about to explode.

Nikolas grimaced, and I saw pain flash briefly in his eyes.

Desmund slammed into the wall behind me. I moved so fast that Eldeorin barely had time to show his surprise before I ripped him away from Nikolas. The faerie righted himself quickly as I went after him, shaking with rage.

A pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. “It’s okay, Sara. Calm down,” Nikolas said, pulling me back against him. My Mori and I immediately quieted at the sound of his voice and the touch of his skin on mine. I kept my eyes narrowed on Eldeorin, who watched us with blatant curiosity. Friend or no, I was going to kick his ass if he took a single step toward us.

“Fascinating.” Eldeorin leaned against a wall nonchalantly, as if I hadn’t just thrown him across a room. “Sara, are you still joined with your demon?”

“Yes,” I bit out.

Desmund straightened his clothes as he walked over to stand a few feet from Eldeorin. “Interesting.”

I scowled at them. “I’m glad I could entertain you guys.”

Eldeorin ignored my angry retort. “You are not strong enough to throw off a warrior or me with your demon strength. You used your Fae magic.”

“So?”

“You used it while joined with your demon.”

“What?” Fear shot through me, and I turned my attention to my Mori. The demon was calm and unharmed, and happy now that Nikolas was holding us. The realization of what I’d done shook me to the center of my being. Somehow I had used my Fae power while connected to my Mori, without erecting a wall to protect the demon. How was that possible?

Nikolas pulled me closer to him. “What does that mean?”

“I am not sure,” Eldeorin replied, his gaze never leaving me. “Sara has told me that her magic hurts her demon. Perhaps she and her demon have adapted. Or perhaps her Mori is safe from her power when they are joined.”

“Whatever the reason, I was correct in my assumption.” Desmund looked at me. “You think too much about merging with your Mori, instead of just letting it happen naturally. I thought that giving you something else to focus on would make you forget about the joining.”

My anger rose again. “You couldn’t have explained it to me instead?”

“We thought this would be more effective.”

I pulled away from Nikolas, and he released me. “I can’t believe you went along with this.” I fought to keep my voice steady, but hurt crept into it.

Nikolas shook his head. “I didn’t agree at first, but Desmund made me see that you needed incentive.”

I rubbed my arms. “Hurting you is not incentive. It’s cruel.”

“You know Eldeorin would not really harm me.” Nikolas took a step toward me, and I backed up.

Desmund sighed. “I’m sorry you are upset, little one, but I think you will see this was all for the best. We’ve made significant progress in your training today.”

“It is no wonder she cannot join properly with her demon, the way you coddle her.” Eldeorin’s blue gaze locked with mine as he walked toward me. “Everything we do is to help keep you alive, Cousin. I won’t apologize for that, just as I did not apologize for our training.”

Nikolas looked from Eldeorin to me. “Apologize for what?”

“Nothing.” I shot the faerie a warning look.

Eldeorin looked at Nikolas. “Sara did not care for my training techniques either at first.”

I almost snorted. Eldeorin had very different ideas about training, and it wasn’t like I’d had a choice in the matter. It was bad enough training with him and Nikolas separately. I didn’t think I could handle the two of them and Desmund working together.

I breathed deeply, battling the emotions welling inside me. I felt manipulated and angry, and my Mori was still upset about seeing Nikolas in pain. And since we were still joined, I felt every one of its emotions as if they were my own. Looking at my three trainers only intensified my negative feelings.

“I think that’s enough for today.” Nikolas’s tone left no room for argument. “We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Once I was away from them, I gently nudged my Mori and it separated from my mind. I heaved a giant sigh as all the noise faded from my head.

I left the house and walked around the small lake twice before I stopped being hurt and angry. I understood their reasons for what they’d done, but it was hard not to be upset they had tricked me, even if their intentions had been honorable.

After the anger passed, I was left with the shock of what I had done. I’d used my power while joined with my Mori, something that before today had been inconceivable to me. But then, I’d never tried to use my power while joined because I didn’t think I could.

I sat in the new gazebo that had been built near the lake. Closing my eyes, I lowered the wall around my Mori.

Are you okay? Did I hurt you?

Solmi hurt, it replied, still a little upset.

I almost rolled my eyes. One-track mind. Solmi is okay, I assured it. Did the glow burn you?

No burn. The demon moved forward a little. Again? It asked eagerly.

Not yet. Soon.

I opened my eyes and stared at the pretty little lake as I tried to make sense of it all. For the first time, I left the wall down, and my Mori and I sat quietly together, not joined, but as companions. I sighed in contentment. This is nice, demon. I could get used to this.

It curled up like a happy cat. Me too.