River

Ben

I’m just waiting for him, patiently, wanting him to get comfortable being alone with me. I know that he was entirely unnerved when we first got here. I could hear his breathing quicken. I have never felt so attuned to another person before, so eager to make sure that he is all right. I don’t know why I feel this way or where these emotions came from, but they are powerful. It is a very strange sensation to care so much about someone else, but I like it. A lot.

The light fades, but the moon is nearly full, and the sky is clear, so we are still able to see a little in our grove. After the hot day, the evening feels cool and fine, with the slightest hint of the coming autumn in the air, and it is comfortable here leaning against the rock on the blanket. I am enjoying sensing him relaxing by my side.

After several minutes, he speaks. “This is very pleasant, Ben. Thank you.”

I nod, realize he might not see it, and say, “I’m very glad you’re here.”

He asks, “Why?” Then he sucks in a breath and I can tell that he blurted that out without thinking. I don’t want him to regret anything, so I just answer.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I tell him honestly. “I want to get to know you better.”

He is silent, so I prompt him, “I have heard that you are a doctor?”

“Yes,” he says, and I think he is relieved to have a tangible topic of conversation. “I came down the Trace into Natchez a few months ago.” I force myself not to tense up at the mention of the Trace. I’m still relying on him not remembering our meeting there. “My brother has been living in Natchez for a few years, and he is a doctor too. When I finished school I came down to visit. I learned that he is getting married and moving to a plantation, so I am going to take over his medical practice.”

“Ah,” I say. “I think you’ll be a good town doctor. When is that happening?”

“In about a week. The wedding will be at the Methodist chapel in Natchez.”

I want to keep him talking, so I ask, “Where do you live?”

“My brother and I share rooms above the medical office. When Thomas is in town he stays there too.”

That is interesting. If his brother is getting married and moving away, and sometimes Thomas is not in town, that means that Samuel will be alone in his rooms. This isn’t something to think about yet, Ben, I chide myself. That’s a long ways off.

We talk for a long time. The conversation feels strangely easy for me, unlike any other conversation I’ve ever had. I can tell he is entirely at ease now. The whole side of my body where he is sitting feels like it is warmer, even though we are not touching at all. I wonder if he is relaxed enough to accept anything else.

Hesitantly, I reach my hand over, and brush two of my fingers against the back of his. “May I?” I ask.

He doesn’t respond with words. Rather, he grasps my hand, firmly, then in a moment sits up, no longer leaning against the rock, so that he is facing me. I can tell what he wants. With my other hand, again slowly, I reach around behind his head, and pull him nearer. I let him close the distance, and soon we are kissing, his lips firm against mine. My heart soars with the contact, and I feel an intense flare of passion.

This time, he does not shrink away from me.

Samuel Duncan

We must have dozed off. I can tell it is hours later, by the position of the moon which has nearly touched the horizon across the river. I feel the most extraordinary contentment. I never before understood what men could do with each other. I’m a doctor, of course I know about human reproduction, but this is something that they do not teach in medical school.

Ben was so gentle, so cautious, so considerate, right up until I gasped, “Please!”, not even understanding what I was asking for. I just knew that I wanted more, more of him, more of whatever this was that was happening.

Then the passion took us both, with a ferocity that blotted out everything else. I only wanted to learn, to explore him, to have him explore me. I am replete with satisfaction.

I feel him stirring beside me. “Mmmmm,” he murmurs, reaching out and pulling me closer to him.

I rest in his arms, feeling him giving me little kisses behind my neck, his beard rubbing against my skin there. I don’t want to move, but I really have to get home. “I hate to tell you, Ben, but if I don’t get home before dawn I’m afraid my brother will send a scouting party out for me. He’ll think I’ve been murdered by Mason or something.”

I feel him grow immediately tense. “You know, that brigand everyone is talking about? I hear they’ve put up a reward for his capture.”

He relaxes again, then sighs and sits up. “Yes, I should get back to the boarding house too.”

Before he lets me up, though, he takes my face between both of his hands, and gives me another long, lingering kiss. “Thank you, Samuel, for this. I’ve never had anything like this before. It was special.”

Was it? I am delighted to hear it. He seems so much more experienced and worldly than I am, so I am glad to hear that he found our time special. “I hope to be with you again soon,” I tell him, and he nods, looking relieved.

I reach over to retrieve our clothes. I hand his to him, then start putting on mine. He is done much faster, with his plain laborer’s clothing, just his simple breeches and coarse shirt and jacket. He helps me with my more involved costume, laughing a little at how many buttons there are to fasten. It looks like some of the buttons are missing, I realize wryly, casualties of our fervor in the night.

I know we will be spending much more time together. It is a wonderful realization.