Red

C H A P T E R F O R T Y S I X

I shuffled upright in the seat and he stood up completely. “You’re nervous?” I asked.

“I’m -” he ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Forget it.”

“No, tell me.” I stood up, holding my belly hostage behind the fluffy unicorn hot water bottle. Standing up was always worse. I felt heavy, but dizzy and everything rushed south. I felt like shit.

Ace closed his eyes, moving his mouth little by little but not actually letting any sound out. Then he opened them and looked at me with this lingering gaze, deep and meaningful.

“I’m nervous because I can’t hold back my feelings and hide them as well as you.” I blinked at him, wondering where the fuck this was coming from.

“Fuck Red, I am completely and utterly besotted with you, can’t you see that?”

“I-”

“I hate that you’re feeling so shitty right now and I’m the one to blame. I just want to protect you from any pain, suffering and hurt.”

“Okay but-”

“Fuck it, I want to love you freely, openly without holding back. I don’t want it to be awkward when we have intimate moments because this in itself is pretty fucking intimate and I love that. I love you.”

“Woah, Ace -”

“No red, I want to be next to you when you’re feeling your best and hold you when you’re feeling your worst. I want you in our life Red. Look, I know what I did was bad but you don’t the full story. You don’t know everything and I can’t explain anything yet. Fuck this fucking vendetta you have against me. Just drop your guard and commit, let me be your safe space. No holding back. No buts.”

Silence fell over us, his stare burning a blue fire in my heart. Filled with hope and expectation. He was as gorgeous as sin and I was a hormonal mess.

“Now?” I questioned with an ounce of anger to my voice. “You tell me all of that now when I’m ugly and frumpy and bloated and sore?”

“God, you are so fucking beautiful. How do you not see that?” He reached out to try and hold me but I pulled away from him and sat back down. He left me feeling conflicted and confused.

My mind was set on what it needed to do.

Kidnap Grace.

Torture him with her absence.

Capture him. Kill him.

For the family.

“I can’t Ace. I can’t deal - I can’t - it’s too much - and I’m not well - and I can’t think straight - and - and -”

“Hey, shh it’s okay.” He pulled me up to my feet and I fell against him, letting him bear my weight. “Let’s go.”

He lifted me into his arms like he was about to carry me over the threshold on our wedding night. I clutched my hands around his neck and he lifted me upstairs to his bedroom and lay me on his bed while he drew a bath.

I couldn’t care enough to scope out the room, look for weapons or think about the panic room. I just lay in the fetal position on his bed and cuddled into the hot water bottle.

“You ready?” He asked, taking me by the hand and leading me to the candle lit bathtub. It was bubbly and calming. The smell of his shower gel filled the room with a delightful aroma.

He grabbed the ends of my T-shirt and pulled it over my head, dropping it to our feet. Then he lowered my sweatpants to the floor and I stepped out.

“So fucking beautiful.” He whispered, eyes floating down my body. I felt anything but beautiful in this moment.

Ace was right about one thing though, this felt intimate. Too intimate. There was no sex or seduction, just moments made for privacy.

Here he was, lowering down my oversized period panties, probably stained with leak patches and I was letting him. Why was I letting him?

“Do I pull out the plug or-?” I opened my eyes, only realising now that I had them closed. I looked to the bathwater, it looked amazing. I desperately wanted to get in there and let the water soothe my ache. Why would I want him to pull the plug?

My eyes fell down to him, he was on his knees eye level with my crotch and studying my tampon string like he was trying to figure out how it worked.

“Oh my god.” I covered my face. “Ace, no.” I pulled him to his feet.

“Okay.” He held his hands up unarmed. “Just asking.” He helped me into the bathtub and I lay back, the water feeling fucking amazing all around me. He started undressing and I looked at him weirdly.

“You’re joining me?” I asked.

“You don’t want me to?” He stopped stripping his clothes.

“No I do, I just thought that you’d be too grossed out.” He laughed, stepping into the water and sitting behind me, pulling me between his legs so I could rest back on his chest.

“Grossed out by what, blood?” I laughed realising how fucking dumb that sounded.

“Well, yeah.” I admitted, flicking the bubbles at him.

“Nothing about you grosses me out Red.” He nuzzled my neck and I laughed more. He picked up the sponge and started gently rubbing soap into my skin. Dusting over my shoulders, collarbone and breasts.

“Why do you still call me Red?” I inquired.

“You didn’t give me permission to call you by any other name.” I turned to face him, water lapped up his chest and he gripped the edge of the bath to stop himself from slipping down.

“I did, I-”

“You gave permission for Grace to call you Gabriella, but not me.”

“Oh.” I turned back around, laying my head back on him. I guess he was right.

“Would you like for me to call you Gabriella?” I smiled and chewed my lower lip.

“No, Red is fine.” I answered, trying to keep the humour out of my voice.

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying.” He flicked his wet hands at me and I laughed.

“Honestly, I don’t care what you call me, I’ve never really had a name that felt like mine.”

“Gabriella.” He tested it out, it sounded kind of sexy on his tongue. Forbidden and naughty.

He gripped my hair gently in his palm and soaked it with the faucet nozzle. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes as he lathered his shampoo and conditioner into my scalp. Then he rinsed it off and I lay back on him once more.

“I do, you know?” I turned my head to face him.

“You do what?”

“I do love you.”

His eyes sparkled in the brightest blue and he grabbed my chin, bringing me closer. His kiss filled me up like an inflatable balloon, bursting at the seams with love and compassion. He tasted of him and somehow of me, mixed together to make the best combo. But then he pulled away.

“God, you love me?” I nodded and he kissed me again.

“Are you sure?” I nodded again and he kissed me again.

“Fuck Red-I mean-Gabriella, that makes me so fucking ecstatic.” He kissed me again. His hand travelled down beneath the water and skimmed over my clit but then he stopped his kiss and pulled his hand away.

“Oh yeah, shit I’m sorry.” I grabbed his hand and put it back, smiling into our kiss.

“Just be gentle, can you do that?” He kissed my neck sweetly.

“Oh I can be so gentle and so slow. I can kiss your whole body so softly everywhere, you’ll forget all about your pain and only feel the pleasure.”

“Ace, wait.” He pulled his lips away from my neck to look at me. I felt guilt only briefly but then I remembered all that he has taken away from me. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”