Rebellion

There was an aching pain in my chest when I woke up during the middle of the night. I was clutching at my shirt, trying to breathe and grab hold of reality. I haven’t struggled this much since I really had a problem. There’s nothing worse than thinking I might die from paranoia.

I didn’t go back to sleep for the entire night. I just stared up at the ceiling like something might happen. I opened my mouth to say something but I realized that I couldn’t; I forgot that I was alone until I couldn’t feel anything when I turned over.

Usually I’m not alone like this unless I’m at home with my family. It’s so quiet. What am I supposed to do with myself now that I have this peaceful silence?

I’m sure the stress will just eat me alive now that I have nothing else to think about. Everything was supposed to be easy once I gave up the things that induced stressed for me but somehow the stress found me. And it’s not even a manageable amount of stress, it’s so immense that I’m going to lose my mind.

What am I supposed to do now?

Telling myself to breathe just barely works anymore. It’s been a few days but I feel like passing out. I was anxious and on edge.

Unfortunately, I knew of one way to handle the awkward feeling.

I really shouldn’t be doing this, but...

I shuffled under the blanket, my hands reaching into my loose pants. My lips mashed together as I tried to think if this was really something I wanted to do. But my hands practically had a mind of it’s own and I stop them. I was just a little hesitant since I don’t do this often.

So I took it slow.

My hands rested on my thighs before I had enough nerve to finally use them. My fingers kept a slow pace while trailing my skin; I was a bit hesitant to touch myself but I didn’t stop. An unexpected shiver went up my spine, making me jolt on the bed and slightly curl up. My fingers wrapped around my throbbing skin gently before I got the urge to tighten my grip.

There were a number of things going through my mind to make this a bit easier on me. I needed something to think about that could maybe speed things along.

I curled up under the blanket and moved my hand a little faster. The pads of my fingers pressed on my swollen skin, making me jolt slightly. That felt good enough to make me want to do it again. My eyes closed and I let out the breath as I was holding.

It got hotter under the blanket, to the point where I was beginning to get irritated, impatient, and uncomfortable. I didn’t move from underneath it. I could feel the sweat forming on my skin as I put in the extra effort to finally get what I needed. My other hand was tempted to reach lower but I stopped myself and grabbed on to the bed sheets instead.

It wasn’t embarrassing to hear my own moans since it was just me here. I bit the inside of my lip and shuffled around more under the blanket. My voice got louder when my hand tightened again.

Oh my God.

I found myself cursing under my breath as I continued to stroke myself. It was having to deal with that dreadful heat that made me want to release, that was the only thing that would stop it. I wasn’t being nice to myself apparently; it was just so much easier to make this unbearable to the point that I couldn’t breathe. My thighs were beginning to shake as I moved my legs. I groaned miserably as I pressed my face into the pillow to muffle my moans.

It felt like I was close, like I wouldn’t be able to last much longer. Doing this myself makes it seem like it’s taking forever. My fingers gripped harder on the sheets as I tried to keep from slipping. I stopped thinking a while ago and now I’m just suffering. The rest of my body was shaking and drowning in heat.

Just a few more seconds and I could no longer move. My cock jerked against the palm of my hand as I came. I didn’t move my head from the pillow when I found it hard to breathe; the fire in my chest made it feel better.

I gave it a little more time before the pleasure numbed away and I was left feeling awkward and shameful.

It was too hot to stay under the blanket. There was enough sweat to make my hair stick to my skin. Once my legs stopped shaking, I got up on my knees and shrugged off the blanket.

My heart was still beating hard in my chest. I breathed hard until I could finally catch my breath. I pushed my hair back from my face so I could see and feel the air on my skin.

As much as I know I shouldn’t do that again, I had a feeling that I was going to anyway. I’m not used to doing anything by myself but I’m just really bothered by whatever this anxious feeling is.

What I truly need is a stress free day where I can worry about myself in peace.

Unfortunately, I was going to have to settle.

There was somewhere I had to be in a couple of hours. I slowly got out of bed, yanking my sweat pants up as I walked.

This was definitely going to be a long day if I feel this stressed and filled with pent up aggravation. Not one minute of me touching myself solved the overall problem.

If I can get through the day then all I’ll have to do is worry about tomorrow.

Nova directed me to California the other day. There was a chemistry lab that wasn’t that well known for much, however I recognized the research they did have going for them. What I actually really need is some equipment where I can fuse microchips into clear lenses and hopefully have those chips work while synced to my tablet.

Because this lab is not that big, not a lot of people will see me there, which means I can get away with almost anything. And since there will be surveillance, I’ll just have to get on a few people’s good side and make friends.

I walked into the large glass building prepared to find myself completely unable of going further than the front desk. It was just about deserted today. The only things around were the drones that wheeled on the floor as security and cameras.

A man with white hair sat at the front desk, turning a hologram of a globe with markings on it.

“Can I help you?” He asked without looking up.

Before I could answer and try to bribe my way in, I heard a voice behind me call my name. It took me less than a second to realize who it was. When I turned around, I saw Serberous walking towards the front desk, wearing a lab coat and badge like he works here.

I wasn’t sure what came over me but I don’t normally get excited to see people. Serberous, however, is different though. He’s one of those friends I don’t have to talk to for years and we could just casually pick up where we left off.

He hasn’t changed much besides getting taller than he was already and the shorter hair that had blond highlights at the tip; that’s new. I also really never expected to see him in a lab coat, ever. He wasn’t much for all the science stuff unless I dragged him with me.

He works here doesn’t he? That’s why Nova pointed me in this direction. I would have less trouble if I found someone I knew that could get me what I need.

It’s been years since I’ve seen him, and it would have been nice to know that he was all the way in California. I would’ve came by more often to see him.

“It’s been a while, I thought you forgot about me.” He said and smiled at me before turning to the man that sat at the desk. “He’s with me.” Serberous told the man.

That was much easier than I thought it would be. In fact, I planned on lying my way through and it would’ve worked since I know how to change information on my tablet now. But I followed Serberous instead since he was my ticket in.

There were a set of doors that opened when he placed his hand on the scanner. Already I knew that this place was more high tech than anywhere else I’ve set foot in. Serberous made it seem so casual, like I could walk around like I truly did work here.

I have to admit that he does look amazing in a lab coat. The last thing I remember seeing him in were those awfully tight black suits Flyers had to wear. This is better, he looks official.

“Nova told me you were coming but she didn’t say when.” Serberous glanced down at me. “She also mentioned that she’s getting married.”

“She’s not much for keeping secrets.” I said.

“I sort of figured.” He laughed. “When she mentioned that you needed plutonium, I got that it was some secret that could lead to you getting hurt or worse.” He said.

I sighed.

Nova really did tell him everything and she wasn’t supposed to. Some of those things were to throw her off and anyone else she talked to. Serberous still remembers that that word was the code word. That was just a thing between us and it was useful for a while since I had a habit of never minding my own business.

“So you’re gonna tell me what you’re doing here or should I figure it out?” He asked.

“I should ask you the same thing.” I said.

“Well...” He looked up and thought. “I didn’t want to stay around and still be on a fighting force, so I tested for anything else I could do. Thanks to all that useless chemistry you taught me, I ended up here.” He said and put his hands in his coat pocket.

“And since you’re still here, I bet you enjoy it.” I smiled.

“Yeah, it’s fun here.” He was embarrassed to admit.

Science wasn’t his thing. In fact, he always complained when I said anything remotely science related. But it seems like he’s not having a hard time.

“I moved around a lot the first year people were getting settled. Then I just decided to stop here.” He said. “And I’m not going to forget about you being Commander for the first two years on this planet.”

“Listen-”

“Oh come on, I don’t need to hear any excuses about why you resigned.” He shrugged.

I pursed my lips and looked away. I’m really sure if I told him I deal with an anxiety disorder, he wouldn’t believe me. All I used to talk about was becoming Commander to the point he would lock me out of our room until I promised that I wouldn’t get so overzealous about it. Of course it would be a little weird that all of sudden I don’t like it anymore. Two years is actually a short time to be Commander and he knows that.

“So what are you doing here?”

“I need to borrow a lot of stuff.” I said.

“Hm.”

“And you can’t tell anyone I was here.” I added because it was a serious issue. If anyone knew I was here, especially someone with power over me, I’d be in a lot of trouble.

“As long as I get to see what you’re doing, then I won’t say anything.” He stopped in front of a metal door and picked up a lab coat and glasses for me to wear.

I always showed him everything. How could I not take this time to teach him everything I know? He might even show me something since he has the real experience.

He let me inside the lab room once I put the coat and glasses on. It’s bigger than I expected it to be. I wonder if he picked the biggest space to give me room. The equipment here looked completely brand new, and the first thing I wanted to do was touch it. I think I was getting a little too excited; Serberous has to understand that he shouldn’t bring me around anything that will fuel my need to making stuff. I just can’t believe that he works here, I can’t even believe that he got me in here. I wanted to keep my shock to myself but this place was honestly cooler than I imagined. I think I know where I’m working next. I took my bag and put it on the table, taking out a few containers and packets.

“Contacts?” Serberous lifted up the box of contacts that I got earlier this morning. “Microchips?” He picked up the smaller metal box that was locked tight. I’m “borrowing” those. “What are you doing, Aurora?” He asked.

I know it’s supposed to be a secret but I tell Serberous everything. “There’s been a problem with the system recognizing people’s devices so I figured out a way to find people that need help.” I told him.

“That has to be a glitch.”

“Nova told me it was Commander Janus who’s doing this.” I mentioned casually but Serberous didn’t take the news that way. “And she put two and two together and figured out that anyone part of the rebellion gets their devices deactivated.” I continued as I pulled a microscope closer to me.

“That’s extreme.”

“That’s what I was thinking, right?” I agreed with him because it certainly is extreme. “So, apparently, I had my own tablet modified for months now but I had a setting that could reverse the system shutting people out, which isn’t something anyone should have access to do.”

“You’re probably going to be number one on the wanted list.” He said. “Let me help.” he didn’t care that being associated with me would make things worse for him.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because I trust that you know what you’re doing, and you always wanted to help others so let me help you do that.”

I don’t like when people make it seem so easy to follow what I do. I don’t like when they think its okay even when I do something terribly wrong. I could get people imprisoned, or worse, killed. I would never want to get anyone I care for in a situation as bad as what I’m putting myself in. But here Serberous was, ready to fight along side me just like everyone else who knows.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble.” I told him quietly, holding on to the box of contacts. “It’s one thing to know how this is going to play out, but I have no idea what’s happening, and all I want to do is get people their identities back so they can live.” I explained.

“I can do that with you.” Serberous insisted. “I mean, I’m not doing anything so I got some free time.” He shrugged.

I laughed to myself because all this reminded me of how things used to be. The Flyers I used to know had no problem tagging along when I wanted to go do something. Well, I shouldn’t say it like that; sometimes they would complain, but they came along anyway. Serberous wasn’t much of a complainer. He just came along because he thought it would be fun.

We both loved going on adventures.

I’m sure he still does. I don’t think I have the heart to keep doing stupid things anymore. I can barely handle the stress. All I’m doing now is my part to the solution. Everything else will fall into place once I help the right people in the right direction.

“So how’s everyone else? Still around Taurus and Hags?”

“I see them a lot more. Hags works with for the Department of Health so he helped me out when I needed to sneak around with drugs.”

“Oh my God.” Serberous laughed.

“And I work with Taurus at NASA and that’s pretty easy besides all the work orders for things that barely has anything to do with space.” I complained quietly as I took one contact from the box and set it on the glass slide.

“What about Sirus?-”

“Don’t even get me started.” My tone dragged on bleakly. “Let’s just say that whoever decided it was okay for him to lead an entire sector for the army was mentally unstable.”

“I thought Picses was doing okay.” He pointed out because of my comment.

I couldn’t help but laugh more. I really didn’t want to but I couldn’t stop smiling and then I just couldn’t stop laughing.

“You always have a lot to say, Aurora.” he mentioned casually as he shook the container of microchips that took me hours to calibrate and put together. “I missed all the quiet complaining and casual snooping around.”

“That’s not good behavior, considering how my PTSD doesn’t allow me to do all the things I thought I could do before.”

“Well, things change, you know. It happens to the best of us.” Serberous sighed beside me.

It happens to the best of us.

I didn’t think it would happen to me. I thought I had it handled too, but that’s no longer the case. I have to be careful with everything I do just so I don’t get triggered. I bet no one has struggled as much as I have. I’m sure others get better while I sink in my anxiety. Time moves on but I still suffer. It’s not fair.

Though, I wasn’t going to say anymore about it.

“You shouldn’t be mad about what happened to us.” Serberous added as if to make me feel better. It should, but nothing changed with how I felt. Now it was just indifference. I didn’t have the strength to feel sorry for myself. “If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t come down to earth for an entire week because I thought I would burn to death.”

I scrunched my nose up and narrowed my eyes before giving a side glance towards him. That’s not the first time I’ve heard of that happening.

“See?” Serberous pointed at me. “That’s the same face you made when you got into that heated argument about the flu still being a real thing.”

“It...is...” I don’t understand the problem.

“You should make faces like that more often though.” Serberous always wanted me to get mean, to make people uncomfortable, to make them sweat when I come around. He thought I could be cutthroat but I was just too nice for that.

I took the container of microchips from him and used a small forceps to pick one up.

“It’s really funny when you indulge in the idea of me doing bad things.”

“I know I’m not the only one that does it.” he leaned on the table. “Everyone knows you’re not as good as the image you portray to be. Like, you’re literally about to lead a full scale rebellion and-”

I had to stop him there. Serberous had this habit of getting ahead of himself with his big dreams and ideas. And honestly, that’s probably a habit he got from me. However, I still had to stop him from saying something that would get me in even more trouble because no, I am not leading a full scale rebellion.

“Did you just assume that I’m taking over something that has nothing to do with me?”

“You’re making contacts that would make it easier to identify people with deactivated devices and from the looks of it, it’s not just for you.”

Well he got me there.

“Modify my tablet and I keep my mouth shut.” he bargained.

I pursed my lips tightly and stopped placing chips on the contact. I don’t want to get Serberous involved but like a lot of people I deal with, he’s stubborn and won’t change his mind no matter how much I beg him to. I didn’t say anything but he knew I wouldn’t tell him no. It would be more of a problem if I told him yes.

Serberous is much smarter than he looks. I took my tablet from the other side of the microscope and slid it his way to use to modify his himself. I shouldn’t have to bribe his silence, but he wants to help and I know that these contacts won’t go to waste. He can make his own pair as well.

With just the few of us, maybe we might be able to solve this problem quietly like it didn’t happen.

For a couple of hours, Serberous and I stayed together to work on the contacts. I had overstayed my welcome but I didn’t want to leave. A change in environment isn’t so terrible, especially when it’s quieter here with Serberous. Just thinking about going back to the seriousness and severity of the situation I’m trying to deal with almost makes me panic.

I needed some hours away. It gives me time to breathe and figure things out.

There was no way I was going to finish the entire box of contacts I needed but Serberous was kind enough to take over that project for me. I know he’s another person I have to watch over and help since I got him involved with the rebellion but I really appreciate him being able to help me. As stressed as it makes me, a little bit of reinforcement is good.

“So if you need anything else, I’ll be here.” Serberous said as he walked with me outside. “Things aren’t that exciting without you messing around with a higher power.” He joked around.

“Do not tell people about this. The other Commander is probably waiting to get me for everything that’s going to happen.” I sighed.

“Any wild plans?”

“If I come up with something cool, you’ll be the first to know.” I looked up at him and smiled.

“It was nice seeing you again.” He pulled me into a hug. “Don’t get caught.” He said as I let my forehead rest on his shoulder.

I wasn’t at ease when he said that. I wasn’t at ease when he hugged me either. It’s just not what I’m used to.

If I don’t get caught, everything runs smoothly.

For now, I’ll just tell myself to not get caught and hopefully everything will be okay from there.