Rebellion in the Shadows

I woke up to find myself in the worst place imaginable, back in the chair. Frozen in place but without any shocks going through my body. Kirtis was bent down, his eyes squinted at me.

“She’s up,” he said.

“If it isn’t our little hero, back again, Kirtis you are excused.” Sidarc’s new cut pulsated in the dim late, he was furious. Kirtis left the room, but not before he shot a sympathetic look my direction.

I watched him go and it filled me with rage. “You son of a bitch, I will end you!” I couldn’t believe that he would turn on me after helping the others get away. The whole day was wrong. From the moment Notawa had admitted her guilt I should have run straight from this place and never looked back. Master Guardian wasn’t about to let me escape. He was right, he had everyone in the loop and knew everything.

“Kirtis told me you came back for your father. Admirable, but stupid. I warned you Talaya. You didn’t want to play by the rules, and I warned you what would happen,” The softness in his voice and the lack of punishment made me crazy. I closed my eyes, nothing good was going to come from his mouth. If my arms were free, they would have covered my ears.

“We live in a delicate society. If they thought I was going around kidnapping and killing people, no one would be happy. Peace and happiness go hand in hand. Now, one drone blowing up, that’s explainable. Damn animals chewing a fuel line, or a random unpredictable gust of wind throws it off course. They will think of something creative, they always do. Only a few people died, and all were pilots, so it makes sense, right? But two accidents in the same day? Too many people saw you on the runway with Kirtis. All the people that responded to the explosion, well they aren’t all ‘on my payroll’ so to say. Not to mention, the whole Selected Master Guardian thing.” No light came through my closed eyelids. All my bravery was gone. As soon as Master Guardian had mentioned my dad, I was defeated. Notawa was the example; play nice or die, and I was on thin ice.

“So Talaya, you will live, for now,” he walked from his desk over to me. I knew he was getting closer by the clunk of his boots against the hard floor. The steps stopped on my right side I heard the scratch of his pants as he knelt beside my arm, the one with my calcumat.

“Just to make sure.” he said, his voice right next to my ear.

He stabbed into my arm. The searing pain forced my eyes to open to the horrible reality. He dug at the body monitoring chip in my forearm with a knife. In the first few minutes of digging, my teeth were pressed firmly together, determined not to let him see me writhe. But the pain became too much, and my lips parted into a scream. The chip was ripped out of my arm, blood squirting out of the hole it left.

“We wouldn’t want your friends to know anything.” He threw the chip against the wall where it shattered into numerous pieces, but his voice stayed calm. The shaking came and I knew that the chair was off. My body slumped over, but otherwise I didn’t move.

“Your will continue to study with Kirtis. He’s been a part of my personal MP force for years. If you weren’t Selected Master Guardian, you would already be dead. You’ll be lucky if I don’t kill you out of spite.” He walked back over to his desk but wasn’t done with me yet. There was news he had yet to deliver. I looked up to him, the question written on my face.

“Oh Talaya, don’t be so predictable, you already know the answer.” It was like he was reading my mind. A sinister smile spread across his face. “He died the minute I discovered you’d escaped.”

He knew I was destroyed. There was no coming back from that kind of defeat. My mother, Notawa, and now my dad. All of them gone because of this man right in front of me, and I was powerless to stop him. I couldn’t even move from this chair without his permission. Sidarc was standing at the entrance to the curved wall.

“You will return to your normal training schedule tomorrow, is that understood?”

“Yes, Master Guardian.”

“There will be two armed guards outside your room and classes at all times.”

“Yes, Master Guardian,” He walked out of the room and spoke with someone before leaving my sight. The scratch was clearer in the light of the hall. Deep and bright red, it was as thick as a one of the tails on my burla. As soon as he was gone, Kirtis came running in with another guard.

“Damn it, that’s a lot of blood. Talaya? Can you hear me?” He had taken his hat and pressed it to my arm.

“We need to get her to medical,” he said to whoever was with him. I barely register his words. The ability to interact with the world was temporarily lost. My injuries weren’t too bad, this was psychological. He picked me up like a sleeping child and carried me to the hospital. They patched me up in an instant, my arm healed, though they didn’t replace the chip, and a large wound on my leg I hadn’t even noticed. My two guards escorted me to my room after my visit with the doctors. When I walked through the door, Tomma greeted me. He looked at Kirtis as if to ask, ‘What happened to her?’ I ignored him and went straight to bed. Kirtis stayed at my door with the other guard. No emotions came out at all. It felt good to rest my head, but nothing could comfort my mind. After several hours, someone came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

“Talaya?” It was Kirtis. His voice quiet, but full of remorse. “We had to know for sure Talaya. If there was any chance we could get him out, we had to try. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this will pass. Just do what you need to do to feel better for now, and we will figure this out,” he said.

I sat up to face him. “I should kill you.”

“It wouldn’t do any good, except lose you an inside man,” he said.

“How do I know I can trust you at all?”

“Go with your gut, what does it say now?”

“It says to punch you in the face,” I said. He scooched a little closer. For a second, I thought he was going to touch where Sidarc hit me. The slaps and the punch to my temple were a mix of swollen bruises. Medical had given me something to take care of them overnight, but they were still sore.

“If that will make you feel better, then do it. Then we can figure out how to get the hell out of here,”

“How Kirtis? It’s impossible, he’s too good.”

“Arwago will come back for us.” I huffed.

“Don’t you get it? I am already dead, just like them; my mom, my dad, Notawa...” The names hurt to say aloud, as if admitting it was killing them all over again.

“Talaya, I know it feels like a vice is squeezing you from every side and there is nothing you can do right now except sleep. We will get out of here,” he said. His voice knew grief. There was something in it that told me that his heart had, at some point, held the same pain I was feeling now.

“Forget it Kirtis. You are safe, you don’t understand,” I said and threw myself back onto the mattress with my back to him.

“No one is safe, trust me on that. Try to sleep, we have training in the morning.”

He placed his hand on my shoulder and kept it there. Exhaustion kept me from making him move it. My burla crawled into Kirtis’s lap and started making a gentle animal noise. It wasn’t a sound I had heard him make before. I was curious for a fraction of a second before I decided I didn’t care at all. The tears eventually came, then turned into sobs. Kirtis didn’t try to talk, but his hand stayed on my shoulder through the long night. Eventually, it became unclear whether I was awake and asleep.

My alarm woke me in the morning. I slapped the calcumat on the side table and it went silent. Most people think that nightmares are the worst types of dreams. Peaceful dreams affected me more. Waking from the world of perfection created by my mind was more depressing than any nightmare. This particular dream had both my parents living happily in the Durok Mountains with me. If only that could be my reality.

My thoughts drifted to my real-life excursions with my father in the Durok Mountains. It was a large forest on the edge of the equatorial climate, not far from our home. The forest was famous for its geothermal lakes. Swimming in the warm water on the cold nights was one of my fondest memories. It was also one of the last that I had with my mother before she died. She was a superb swimmer and it was always tough to get her out of the water. My father didn’t like to go back to the Durok Mountains after she died. I never asked why, I understood that it was too painful just like the park. I closed my eyes wishing I was there with them both now, floating in the lake at night and looking up at the stars.

When I didn’t get out of bed, Rotowey came in, my apparent guard for the morning.

“You are required at your first class in fifteen minutes,” he said, his voice deep and gruff. There was no way he had forgotten our little spat in the hallway. When I still didn’t move, he prodded me with the long black stick. The tip was electrified and even the slight touch with it made me jump out of bed.

“You have ten minutes before I come back in here and check on you,” He left the room and closed the door. I wasn’t even sure what day it was or what class was next. My calcumat told me to get ready for orbital training. Getting into my uniform took a while, where Sidarc had dug the chip out of my arm was the most sensitive. I didn’t bother combing my hair or brushing my teeth. Rotowey was standing with Kirtis in my front room when I walked out. He looked almost as tired as I felt. The guard gave me a look from top to bottom and decided it was not satisfactory.

“Please see to your personal hygiene,” he said. Kirtis didn’t talk but stood there carefully watching me.

“No.” It was a simple statement, but I felt its power resonate. Rotowey hadn’t expected me to resist anything after using the shock-prod on me. He raised it again to give me some more motivation but Kirtis stopped him.

“There’s no need for that Rotowey, I will take care of this,” Kirtis dismissed him. We were the only two left in the front area of my small room. I certainly didn’t want to talk to him but the silence was making me angrier.

“Well?” I yelled, flinging my arms to the side. “You gonna make me ‘see to my personal hygiene?’”

“No,” he answered simply. However remorseful he felt; it didn’t matter to me. I crossed my arms and waited for him to tell me what to do. He never did, but after five minutes walked out of the room with me right behind him.

At orbital training, I was in robotic mode but still noticed the class was half as large. Obviously Notawa wasn’t there but also the instructor was gone. Santeeg had been replaced by some new lady. My curiosity got the better of me and I asked Kirtis.

He told me, “Must have been ‘reassigned,’” and gave a non-committal shrug.

Nothing in orbital training stuck. All I could think about was the night before with amix of sadness and envy. Where they were headed in the 4-5-2 was a mystery to me. They must have had some sort of plan. Arwago had mentioned a secret base in the polar region but, had also mentioned that it wasn’t large enough and that they didn’t have supplies. Kirtis seemed upset at the change in instructor. He brought it up at lunch while we sat together. I didn’t have any appetite and pushed my plate away.

“Santeeg wasn’t in on it,” he said quietly.

“Any idea where he went?”

“Probably just deserted honestly. That guy hated the Flying Force, but mostly out of laziness I think,” he said. His soup looked horribly runny. At one point it dribbled down his chin over the bottom of his large scar.

“Where did the scars come from?” I didn’t care if it was rude or blunt anymore, I was curious and mad enough to ask.

“You don’t want to know,” he said.

“I do, that’s why I asked.” I watched him take another giant spoonful.

“It was a fire, if you must know.”

“Didn’t they offer to, I don’t know, make them look, better?” I asked.

“Some wounds feel better to be reminded of everyday,” He wiped his chin and set his spoon down. “Brush your hair yet?” he asked.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Who knows?” he said with a shrug, “Maybe, you just can’t find the energy to care after something tragic.” He pointed to the cheek covered in pockmarks, “Even if it’s ugly.” The words struck me hard. His scars weren’t exactly ugly, they were as much a part of him as his grumpiness or blue eyes.

“What?” he asked irritated at my staring.

“Nothing, makes sense is all.” After another few seconds of silence, I decided to try something desperate. One final attempt to figure out anything to help make sense of the night before.

“I need to use the restroom,” I had turned to one of my other guards but Kirtis gave me a knowing look.

“That’s not a good idea,” he said.

“Just a quick trip?” I asked.

“She gets five minutes,” he said to the other guard and went back to eating his soup.

My feet hurried across the cafeteria. The lab wasn’t far, and it was only a few minutes before I ended up at the door. To my surprise, it was full of people. The door to the blue room was closed but not locked. It creaked loudly as it opened. Several of the students glanced my way, but otherwise ignored me. There were no monitors or computers in the room anymore. Items were scattered all over the floor, even the two metal chairs were gone. Someone had packed up and left in a hurry. Nothing was there to help me; they were just gone. It made me feel even less hopeful than before. I returned to the cafeteria, filled with another round of fresh despair. Kirtis didn’t even ask, my body language must have said it all. There wasn’t much talking after that, not for the rest of that day, or in the weeks that followed. Like a mindless zombie, I drifted everywhere.

My guards continued to follow me from class to class. My only company was Kirtis, he tried to keep me on schedule and help me avoid any more punishment. Rotowey seemed to really enjoy shocking me. Literally anytime I moved without his permission, I got a tap with the shock-prod. It was infuriating. If I wasn’t so afraid of Master Guardian, I would have taped his little device to a very sensitive area on the man.

Weeks later, after another long day, I was being escorted to my dinner when someone stopped us.

“Master Guardian would like to see her in his reaffirmation room.” My heart stopped. They changed course right away towards the secret doorway in the inner most curved hall. I was shaking, terrified of what waited for me on the other side. I had done everything right and couldn’t understand why he would want to talk to me. The nervousness lessened when I saw Kirtis waiting.

“You stay here,” he told Rotowey. The way they looked at each other spelled out their relationship perfectly, it was only a matter of time with those two before one tried to kill the other. We walked inside and the door closed behind me. Even though it was only Kirtis in the room, shivers covered my arms as soon as I was inside. More out of fear than the cold. It had been a few weeks, but the memory of my last visit was as fresh as if it had happened minutes ago.

“What the hell are we doing here?”

“I figured it was the only place that wasn’t bugged.”

“You didn’t seem to care the other night in my room. I hate this place,” I said.

“He wasn’t here the other night and I didn’t say anything he didn’t already know. We don’t have a lot of time, but I needed to talk to you. Where are the others?” he asked.

“I have no idea Kirtis. I told you, Rando had the plan that night, I was just along for the ride,” I said.

“There are a lot of assets left, they definitely have a-”

“If you’re going to tell me about anything I shouldn’t know, forget it. I don’t want any part of it.” I crossed my arms and shook my head. It probably made me look like a childish fool, but I wasn’t having it.

“You are just going to give up? Just like that?”

“Yeah Kirtis, just like that,”

“You serious? After all you did? People know how you stood up to Master Guardian. It gives them hope. Arwago was always in the background getting things done, now that he’s gone, we need someone else to do it.”

“Stood up to him? Yeah, I screamed at a wall and got my father killed, real brave, super helpful,” I rolled my eyes. He just raised his eyebrows, almost begging.

“No Kirtis, I can’t. Is that all you wanted? Can we leave before Sidarc shows up and straps me to that chair again?” He looked disappointed, like I should have accepted the role without hesitation. I was nobody’s leader or hero; I was just a pilot in the Space Academy that was biding her time until she could leave this place forever. Possibly go into the Durok Mountains and live like a crazy person, alone.

“Don’t you care? I mean, look what he has done.”

“Yeah, I care about staying alive and getting out of here, but I’m no leader.”

“That’s a bunch of bull shit, why would the computer choose you to lead the whole damn planet then?”

“I have no clue.” I stared at him, his disbelief at my rejection irritating me.

“You are infuriating,” he said.

“I’m infuriating? How about you? You’re the one that turned me in.”

“That was the only way to keep us alive, he has no idea that I’m a rebel. If he did, I would be dead before you could say ‘Cacao,’ and who is going to protect you then? Huh?” He tried to meet my eyes, but I turned away.

“I don’t need protecting.”

“Fine, I can leave you to your own devices from now on. We’ll see how long you last. Get shocked in the face for all I care.” He threw his hands up and walked out. I followed behind him without saying another word. Whatever he thought, I was no leader. None of this was on me, Arwago and Tesser obviously had it under control. They were safe, holed up in the polar region probably enjoying every second of their new freedom.

Dinner was a tasteless mush and it was the first time I had eaten alone in weeks. Kirtis always covered the night shift. Usually sleeping in a chair just outside my room. I wasn’t that surprised when instead, one of my least favorite people, Su’jee, showed up. Her face was devoid of the typical scowl reserved for when she was talking to me and the shock-prod she was supposed to have, was set against the wall next to my door. Something was in her small hand and she offered it to me, letting her fingers touch mine for an extra minute.

“To help you sleep,” she said and handed me a piece of a root. I recognized it from my reconnaissance class as the yeno root. I looked at her.

“It’s safe?” I asked.

“No one will get through this door tonight,” and she saluted me. That was new, I had never been saluted before. Especially not by an MP and I thought Su’jee hated me.

“Thanks, Su’jee.” She was supposed to be one of Sidarc’s most loyal followers and uneasiness crept over me when I laid down. Her actions didn’t make sense and Kirtis’s word stuck out in my head. My gut was telling me to be careful with her.

Even with the yeno root, it took a long time to fall asleep. I kept going over my fight with Kirtis and wondered how long it would be before he forgave me. Already, I felt the loneliness over his absence growing. Some nights, when I was having trouble sleeping, he would be there playing with my burla and I would watch them until I grew tired. Now that he wasn’t there, I realized how much of a comfort he had been.

Eventually, the yeno root did its job and I drifted off into a long dreamless sleep. The morning was better. My inability to find a good night’s sleep was wearing on me more than I had realized. So, when the alarm went off, I got dressed and went to my first class feeling better than I had in weeks. Eating alone again didn’t interest me, so I skipped breakfast in favor of a bare nutrient bar.

This quickly became my normal routine. Time passed as I went to each class and pretended to learn. For the most part people just left me alone. Occasionally my obstinate attitude was met with the shock-prod, most of the time from Rotowey, who liked to sit behind me in my classes and shock me at the slightest distraction. Kirtis still had shifts as my guard, but he was cold and distant.

It all changed when a man in civilian clothes approached me in the hall.

“Talaya, I must speak with you,” he said grabbing my arm as he caught up to me. Su’jee was my guard, along with another woman I had no interest in learning the name of. It was lucky too, I had a feeling that Rotowey would have just used the shock-prod on him.

“Keep moving,” Su’jee said, but the man persisted.

“No please.” He tried to push past the guards but was met with resistance.

“Talaya!” The man said. Su’jee was done being nice and shoved him to the side.

“Sir, clear this area.”

“It’s about Notawa!” He had yelled out in desperation. It worked; he had my undivided attention at the mention of her name.

“Stop Su’jee,” I said to her, then said to the man, “Come with me,” Quickly, I turned in the hall and led him back towards my room. My heart pounded in my ears, sure that he was about to demand answers. Whoever he was, he deserved them and it created a burning in my chest that I was anxious to quell.

Tomma was sunbathing in the tall window until he saw we had company, then jumped down to retreat into my bedroom.

“I’ll wait outside,” Su’jee said and stepped out into the hall.

“Talaya, I am Kaynotee, Notawa’s husband. I was told you could help me.” I thought he would be here to blame someone for everything that had happened. As the last person to see her alive, I could see how he would blame me but as he sat in front of me, all I saw was a broken man. His clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and his round face weary. Smudges covered his glasses and there was a thin veil of sweat on his bald head.

“Yes, Kaynotee, I am so sorry, she—”

“No Talaya, not that. I know what was going on, I am afraid for me and our daughter. I need to get to safety. I was told you could help.” The grief on his face was distracting me from his actual words.

“You came here? For help?” I asked. If I needed help, the Flying Force was the last place I would go.

“They know where I live, why is coming here any more dangerous than that? And I had no other options.”

“Kaynotee, I am not even a part of it anymore. I am stuck here just like this, maybe you should try to—”

“Whatever you are going to suggest, I have tried it. This is my last resort, you are my last chance.”

“Kaynotee, I’m sorry, I can’t. I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” I said.

“Talaya, who do you have left to protect?” he asked. The question was strange, nothing like I was expecting. None of the meeting had been.

Confusion building, I answered, “I don’t know.”

“You think it’s about what you have lost, but you should be thinking about how much others could lose.” His voice was soft, but on his face was quiet determination. “There’s no end to their reach, and at some point, it will be too late. Maybe it already is. I need someone to help. Someone that hasn’t given up on making this right. Someone that has lost as much as I have. I need you. ” His plea was done. He had made his case perfectly clear; Without my help, his little family wouldn’t make it. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, careful with my next words.

“We can try to help you. I don’t know how yet, but we will find a way,” He crossed the room quickly and grabbed my hands to place on his forehead. He closed his eyes, so thankful at my promise. I couldn’t understand why he would believe me. I had no plan, no real resources, and no experience. Kaynotee left quickly after that, his nervous hurrying made my heart hurt more for him. Whatever I was going to do, it had to be fast. Kirtis was right, people needed someone, and they had already picked that person.