Pure

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Maigred turned away, feeling like she was intruding on something private.

“It’s okay, Maigred.” Finten said softly. “These are things we should talk about if…if we want to try for a future together.

Maigred froze. She took a slow breath. “That’s…something you’re open to?” There was a long pause, but Maigred didn’t dare look towards him.

“Well, fate seems to be pushing us together. I don’t know what will come of it. I know I feel safe around you, I feel less lonely. You have saved my life twice now. I would be a fool if I didn’t at least consider the possibility.

“It- it won’t be easy for me. My heart is still bound up in the loss of Caevah.”

Maigred turned to look at him. He was staring down at the covers, a forlorn look on his face. She reached out and touched his leg. “It’s okay Finten. It’s going to be hard for me to. I…I…” she turned away and swallowed, then looked back at him. “I need to tell you something. But I need to know that what I say here wont be repeated outside these walls.”

He gave her a nod. “Of course Maigred. Anything you tell me in confidence will stay in confidence.”

She turned away again and took a deep breath. “I was not planning on still being here, in this town. When Sinead was born, I planned to smuggle her away before she was five.”

Finten made a noise and she turned to look at him. He gave a nod. “Honestly, I’m surprised you are still here. But, you stayed to help Cara keep her claim on the inn, didn’t you?”

Miagred gave a nod. What he said made her feel better about telling him. “I’ve still been planning on getting her out in the next two years at the latest, but…” She paused to take a deep breath, “And I know you don’t believe that I had a vision, but I do.”

Finten nodded. He had a serious expression on his face.

“After getting that vision, I’ve been rethinking everything and really struggling to decide what to do. If the gods are calling me to be here, to fight Hadeaon, then how can I abandon my people to their fate? How can I abandon every other girl in this town?

“But I don’t really know what they are calling me to do. I just know that they are asking me to give myself to you, and that…well, that could put my daughter in danger the same way I put Cathal in danger all those years ago.” She was surprised to feel tears spring up in her eyes.

Finten’s face took on a stricken look. “Maigred…”

She shook her head firmly. “I’ve come to a decision. I want to get her out, soon, but I’m going stay here. I’m going to do what the gods have asked of me and pray that I see her again.” She blinked furiously, but moisture insisted on filling her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. She turned away and covered her face, trying to stifle her sobs, but a grief she didn’t even know was inside her rose up, and filled her chest and insisted in pouring out of her in tears.

“Maig,” Finten touched her arm softly.

She tried desperately to choke back her weeping, but couldn’t stem the tide.

She felt Finten lean over the edge of the bed and heard him put his bowl down on the floor followed by the tray, then he took her bowl and put it on the floor as well. Then he touched her arm again. “Come here, Maig.”

She turned unseeing towards him and his strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his chest. One of his hands went up and tangled gently in her hair cradling her head close. “It’s all right, let it out. Let it all out. I’ve got you. Just let it out.”

Something in the tone of his voice broke her. Her sobs came flooding out loud and uncontrolled. Finten’s only reaction was to stroke her hair and rock her gently.

Maigred heard footsteps pounding up the stairs and shoved her emotions down with sheer willpower. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.

The door burst open. “Maig?” Cathal’s panicked voice asked.

Maigred hastily wiped her cheeks and turned to face her brother. “I’m-” the sight of his worry filled, scarred face made the flood rise up in her chest again. “I’m fine, Cathal. I’m just feeling emotional.”

“You’re sure?” His eyes searched her face worriedly.

“Yes. I’m fine.” Tears were already leaking down her cheeks again. She hid her face in Finten’s chest. “I just need a moment, please.”

“Maig,” Cathal said in a choked voice. But Maigred couldn’t do anything for him. Her emotions would not be denied. Her sobs squeezed out of her throat, into Finten’s shirt.

“She’ll be fine, Cathal. She just needs to get it out.” Finten said quietly.

There was a moment of silence, then the door shut. Maigred relaxed and her grief flooded out again. It felt like it would never end. But after a while it did. Her tears stopped for a bit and then started again much quieter before they stopped altogether. She lay against Finten’s chest as it rose and fell reassuringly, listening to his heart beating steadily in his chest.

Finten shifted, kissing the top of her head, then he moved back so his cheek was resting against the top of her head again. “I’m so sorry, Maigred,” he whispered. It sounded like he thought she was asleep. Maigred was close to sleeping, but she wasn’t quite there yet. She needed to get up and change Finten’s bandages before she went to sleep.

She would get up in just a minute.

The next time she opened her eyes they had shifted. Finten was laying down on his back and Maigred was curled up next to him, her head pillowed on his arm, which was curved protectively around her.

Someone had built up the fire. She could see its flames dancing on the wall.

She wondered how late it was. I should go down and help clean up, she thought.

She tried to move away from Finten unobtrusively, but he startled awake immediately, his arm tightening on her slightly.

“I’m sorry, I was just going to go down to help clean up.”

He let out breath. “It’s fine,” his voice was full of sleep. “They all went to bed already.”

She frowned. “Is it that late already?”

“Mmhm.” He turned his face towards her. “You should get under the covers so you don’t get cold feet.” His voice was muffled against her hair.

Maigred giggled. “Cold feet? I never get cold feet. Well, except if I’m walking in the snow in winter.”

Finten made an amused sound.

They lay in silence. Maigred had almost drifted off to sleep again when Finten spoke again.

“When do you want to get Sinead out?”

Maigred’s eyes opened. She swallowed. Soon. Was her first thought. But once Sinead was gone, she might never see her daughter again. Was she ready for that? Maigred thought of her son. She thought of seeing the scrap of cloth falling open, revealing Cathal’s severed finger.

Maigred swallowed. “As soon as possible.”