Project 43

It's getting close to Halloween and it's been announced that it's officially canceled and that there have been confirmed infected in the local town. I must have been out for a while when I was bit... because a lot more time has passed since I left. I know I'm not recording regularly but that's only because we've been so busy.

Nathan finally found my face on some of the news feeds, but they were so far buried under the infected that he didn't think I needed to worry. Small miracles I suppose. Honestly they probably think I'm dead now without a transfusion. I'm honestly surprised I'm not dead I feel better than I ever have.

We have to leave at daybreak to wait midday for food boxes now because of the lines and daylight curfews which doesn't bother me. Everyone in this small town including us are armed with objects. Just in case. Nathan showed me some great zombie flicks and survival guide, so I went with a classic baseball bat with nails.

I cut my hair yesterday- but Nathan said I should probably go see someone tomorrow when we're in town. We don't get any government assistance because we're basically kids without any identification, so our money is running out. But honestly, I don't think it really matters to reserve anymore at this point. Ok kid, technically I'm near the legal age of adulthood- not that it really matters.

Weekly food boxes where now given as daily food boxes, so I went all the time to collect more free supplies. People were also giving out free items for the winter, so I stocked up on those just because I wasn't sure how our solar anything or portable heaters would work in the long run. It also didn't help everyone carried weapons anywhere I went in town now, it made tensions high.

A cough or even a sneeze made everyone keep an eye on you and a hand on their weapon. Ready to attack at the first signs that a random human they had never met was infected. Other than that, things went on mostly as normal according to Nathan and when we were not preparing the house I was out walking everywhere.

Yesterday Nathan and I went to a park, and I honestly couldn't grasp the concept of a swing until I saw the way Nathan moved his weight. He said normally there's a ton of kids playing on the equipment despite another outbreak of another sickness, but this illness was a bit more serious... Something about becoming a mindless beast that begins to eat other people as a walking corpse was a lot more terrifying then catching a normal fatal illness.

"You know for as much as I try to warn you about how scared people are you seem really careless."

I ran my toes over the oddly shaped balancing beam that was a shiny blue still grinning ear to ear as the sun shone on this particularly frosty morning. The air was getting crisp, and I loved it. "Well, it's not like I really got to get out often before."

"What do you mean?"

I froze, an icy chill going up my spine at my slip of tongue. Though I searched my mind for an excuse I came up empty with a scenario that made sense. What did teenagers respond when they say they didn't get out much? Surely, I watched enough T.V to figure out what was considered normal. "I just. Didn't get out much."

"Home schooled?"

I didn't turn or look at him, I continued on the beam pretending everything was normal. That my childhood was normal. That everything about me was as it seemed. "Yeah." My reply was short- strained. Obvious I didn't want to talk about it. I never grilled Nathan unless it was for a reaction, so he didn't prod.

Thinking about it now... I guess it's unlikely anyone will read the words I recorded in my past diaries, about my childhood memories or about how I began to log my friends like they were subjects to be watched while in actuality I was the one inside the cage. In reality though, it seems I wasn't far off the mark...

Can I honestly call them friends though if I haven't made contact with them in fifteen years? Instead, I was like a creepy neighbor that stalked them every time they walked by. Then again with all that went on...

I think the next entry I have will be dedicated to them when I have some downtime to myself. They... probably aren't alive anymore.

How easily that could have been me.

The thought is heavy.