North x Northwest

She grew anxious when she emphasised the time she had left. As Lil cast a hazy glance at the madman resting next to her, she noticed him spinning around. However, she understood that was most likely just a side effect of the alcohol. She also knew that this companionship she has with Ed will also be the first and last, giving her a reason to look at him a bit longer.

‘I’ve waited a long time. I waited and finally gave up, and it’s been so long since I did. But then this pervert showed up out of nowhere and caught me off guard…I’m slowly realising that I want to keep Ed. As Jarles suggested, it may be time to give him part of my trust. It won’t hurt to take him on the Bell Rock to Serlio Island and drop him off there. Panichi is still out of reach of the Navy, and we won’t come across any on our way to Serlio. No matter how many guards we assign to him, it makes no sense to leave Ed in Panichi. I’ll abandon my first intention to get rid of him.’

She closed her eyes tightly.

‘I don’t exactly know why Ed keeps asking me to share my story with him. He seems to know more about my circumstances than I do. And I’m a little envious of how easy it seems for him to interpret my thoughts and show them to the world…‘

Lil coughed forcefully to clear her throat and rolled her tongue in her dry mouth. She opened her eyes again and glanced up at the beautiful night sky. Like the sky that continually gives out magnificent starlight, she wanted to pour forth fragments of her identity.

‘Will the parts of my identity shine as brilliant? For the first and last time, I’d like to know.’

“I thought this many times before, but when I keep silent in a conversation with you, it feels like I’m losing. However, I’m not such a smooth talker as you are, so the right words don’t come as easily to me as they do to you… ”

“…”

She wasn’t trying to be eloquent, but she couldn’t help but be concerned about her poor speaking skills, so Lil cleared her throat again as she looked at Ed.

“A small interference can have a great impact if one allows it… Like how a snowball can turn into an avalanche …”

“…”

Ed was as calm as someone listening to old stories around a bonfire. He wasn’t overly excited to burden Lil, nor overly quiet to make her feel ignored. Even if he didn’t chime in after every sentence, she knew he was listening to her. Uncharacteristically, Ed seemed to have a knack for stabilising his opponent.

“…That’s why men are really afraid of others. Afraid of beings who look just like them and think the way they think, it threatens them.”

“Are those beings the slaves or the foreigners you talked about?”

“Women.”

“Oh, you didn’t mention women before. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t overlook the opposite sex only because they’re being dominated in the guise of respect. When a woman holds a master’s book, she gets ridiculed. Of course, while most women don’t feel shame for such reproach… still, it isn’t her fault. An uneducated man would be treated the same way. But some women, like men, can comprehend any great work. What makes them all think that this is impossible? Do they believe intelligence is exclusively for men?”

“Are you saying that a woman’s ignorance is formed by a lack of education instead of a lack of intelligence?”

“Yes. All humans have eyes for a reason. It’s the same with the ears, the mouth, and the legs. Just because a woman’s eyes are gouged out doesn’t mean she can’t extract the treasures buried in books. How about cutting off her ears? Obviously, no one deserves to have their ears cut off, but this world firmly believes that it’s fine to do so. Those who are defined as inferior are being put in their place without hesitation. To people and to Mortu…. Ugh, It’s something that is driving me completely crazy. However, I believe that in the future, there will be an end to this.”

“It will end?”

“Yes. All this abuse will inevitably stop. Is it right for the world to cut off the noses of humans who were born with them intact? A civilization built on innocent sacrifices is destined to fall ill. As this world is already full of madness and anger, it will soon collapse. It will explode due to their inability to bear their own sins. Any dynasty or country has a history of such an end, it’s amazing that they still can’t predict it despite having failed so many times. It’s self evident, a fact that cannot be questioned. The only thing I’m not sure about is how far it will be in the future.”

Even though her gaze was concentrated on the night sky, she could feel Ed staring at her with his chin resting on his hand. It’s as if his gaze is fixed on her. When she thought about asking him to take his eyes off of her, Ed asked abruptly.

“Why did you have to include the word ‘future’?”

Lil frowned a little and bit her lip.

“Because I won’t be alive to see it. The continuation of life after death feels so far away, like the future.”

“But the farmer said there’s no need to mourn for not seeing the buds, Captain.”

“Do you think that a farmer who is still only human can transcend the emotion of sadness?”

Ed rubbed his lips.

“So, is that why the grieving farmer built his own society on the Bell Rock?”

Lil was momentarily speechless. She was so surprised that she didn’t even realise she had fully understood Ed’s words. Her internal emotions and joy welled up like a fountain and let the water flow in beautifully formed arches. Had she been standing, she would surely have fallen over due to the amazing sight. Lil didn’t notice that she was directly staring at Ed for a while now before realising they were looking at each other face to face. His green eyes laughed softly. She couldn’t believe it and wanted to ask.

‘Are you real? How did you…’

She wanted to confirm that he was real by touching his skin. But as soon as she would confirm it, she probably wanted to hold him so he couldn’t run away as she couldn’t cope with the overwhelming emotions. However, that was only possible in a delusion. Lil retracted her outstretched hand and squished the hem of her robe into a fist. She had let go of all her desires a long time ago, so in the end, she turned around with a heavy heart. She stubbornly shifted her focus to the view above her. The vastness of the sky.

“I… wanted to see it happen with my own two eyes.”

“Can a group that doesn’t abuse others thrive?”

Her face lit up at Ed’s judicial question. Shyness accompanies anything unknown, but her delight bursts forth like a flowing fountain. Lil answered by looking to the left.

“Of course.”

“…”

“When people live together a group will naturally form. This may sound crazy, but I thought it would be achievable with permission. Anger and abuse are actions taken by someone who is striving to influence others in ways they’ll never want to. But obviously, it will never work. It’s meaningless and ineffective. If you want to move others, you have to ask for permission first.”

“Permission is such a vague word. Can you clarify?”

“When I’m making a legitimate request, I’m making a promise that you’ll agree on. In return, you’ll show me respect, and occasionally use your skills for me.”

“That’s like a contract.”

“…”

Ed, who was still resting his head on his hand, fiddling with his earlobe, murmuring to himself.

“…It isn’t a ridiculous idea… the Bell Rock itself proves it…”

Lil thought to herself without verbally answering.

‘But the Bell Rock is over now. I just have to be satisfied. I’m grateful to have observed the possibility that such a group can exist and I’ll now spend the rest of my life as a wife and a mother. All I was allowed to do was to hope that one day this idea would be sculpted into reality and that the finished sculpture would be indescribably beautiful and dazzling. I want to lie down and be a stepping stone for that great arrival, but in the end, I’m left alone on this lonely path again, unable to contribute to that brilliant realisation…’

“…I can’t stand it.”

“What?”

Lil was startled by accidentally verbalising her inner voice and quickly turned to Ed. Although he was still lying in a relaxed and friendly posture, Lil swallowed her dry saliva as the cold sweat on her forehead evaporated.

“Did I say it out loud?”contemporary romance

“You did.”

At the small mistake, Lil clicked her tongue. ALthough, it was quite questionable if she did that correctly because there was no sound. Lil humbly teased her tongue in vain, so she added.

“I must be drunk.”

“What’s it that you can’t stand?”

“…”

Even though he was submerged in the night, his transparent green eyes shone brightly as if he knew something. She didn’t want to answer, so Lil turned away from Ed again. After a while, she heard a voice whispering carefully.

“…Captain. Don’t make stupid choices…”

– – – – –

done.co