Nikolai: Mine to Protect (Russian Mob Chronicles #4)

Nikolai wakes me an hour before we are scheduled to land. The scrumptious feast the stewardesses prepared while I napped is visually appealing, but my stomach isn’t interested. Hormones aren’t wreaking havoc with my gut. It is the early hour. It’s barely 4 AM.

The reason for the odd hour of our trip comes to light when Nikolai murmurs, “The devil can’t tell time if he’s never seen the sunrise.”

Vladimir has been dead for nearly a year, yet Nikolai still struggles to comprehend it. It is understandable. Vladimir ruled with gritty, devious tactics that burned fear into the hearts of every man beneath him, but he was killed in a humble, barely spoken of way. His death has never been discussed out loud, and no funeral was held to honor his life. He was merely forgotten, laid to rest in the very room he sent his son to hell in. If he weren’t such a vile, indecent man, I’d feel sorry for him. It’s unfortunate for him empathy was the only thing he stole from me a year ago.

I’m drawn from my thoughts when Nikolai says, “Eat, Ahren. You need to keep your strength.”

His eyes drop to the plates of food spread out in front of us before he nudges his chin to the seat across from him. He waits for me to sit before slipping into his own chair. His shirtless torso and bare feet have my mind straying from the scrumptious treats in front of me to the one responsible for the true awakening of my hunger.

“Ahren. . .” Nikolai growls in warning while loading my plate with pancakes, bacon, and sausages. “Ты и твоя жадная пизда будут смертью меня.”

I give him a frisky wink. “There are worse ways to die.”

“There are.” His smile competes with mine. “But I’m already facing an uphill battle keeping you alive; I don’t need more obstacles.”

That takes care of my rampant horniness by securing it in a dark, tormented place. This is the first time he has voiced concern about protecting me. Usually, his confidence reeks of attitude, certain nothing will stand in his way of keeping me safe, so his reply is as foreign as his denial of my wordless request for him to take me hard and fast on the table we’re dining at.

Nikolai’s eyes stalk me when I stand from my seat to fill the gap between us. Something in my eyes must give me away as he pushes his chair far enough from the table that I can slip into his lap. My hair is a mess from our tussle between the sheets, and my eyes are puffy from a lack of sleep, but he still scans my face as if I’m the most sought-after trinket on the planet.

“If this is too dangerous, turn the jet around, and go home. We’ll devise a new tactic in the morning.”

A fire burns in Nikolai’s eyes. “And be seen as a coward? Never.”

“Being smart isn’t cowardice, Nikolai.” My raging heart is heard in my voice.

Nikolai huffs as if he doesn’t believe me. “That’s not the theory you ran with when you demanded to go home.”

My lips twitch, but words fail me. I was so excited about Maddox’s release I didn’t stop to assess the consequences of a trip home. All I wanted to do was celebrate his return with my family.

“I was the last face Maddox saw before his incarceration, so I wanted to be the first face he saw upon his release. I was being selfish, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Ahren.” Nikolai waits, exhales deeply, then continues, “You’re not selfish. You don’t understand the meaning of the word. I just need to stay on my toes.”

He gives a look, one that reveals what his riddled comment means. He can’t keep me safe and answer my every whim at the drop of a hat. One must be sacrificed for the greater good.

If this doesn’t prove how self-centered I am, nothing will. The first thought I had when the reason behind his response dawned on me was to demand our jet return to Vegas this very instant. Maddox lost years of his life for me, but I’m struggling to harness my desires for Nikolai for a few days. I’m a horrible person.

“Don’t, Ahren.” Nikolai’s tone is full of warning, proving he knows me better than anyone. “The only selfish person in this room is me.” When I attempt to interrupt him, he presses his finger to my lips. “If I truly wanted to keep you safe, I shouldn’t have sided with the devil like I did twelve months ago.”

My brows furrow as confusion makes itself known in my gut. What deal did he make? The only one I can recall is the pledge he made to kill his father, but that was vowed to me, not the devil.

I still as recognition dawns. He’s not referring to the moments after we succumbed to the inane sexual chemistry firing between us. He’s referring to the home arrest documentation he switched so he’d be placed under house arrest at my apartment instead of the Popov compound.

A year ago, I was mortified I had unknowingly invited a mafia prince to spend the long weekend with me. Now I gobble up every second he’s willing to give me. It’s amazing how differently you see someone when you truly look at them instead of judging them on who they are believed to be.

“I’ll never regret your decision that day, Nikolai. As you always say, every sunrise is unique, meaning every day is a new beginning. You breathed life back into my veins that weekend. That is something I’ll never regret.”

I burrow my nose into his neck to breathe in the scent of our skin mingled together. My heart gains an extra flutter when his head flops to the side, giving me unlimited access to a scent I’ll never grow tired of smelling. His hand traces the bump in my spine as his nose gets lost in waves of unruly red curls. He drinks in my scent as readily as I’m devouring his. We’re truly addicted to one another.

This is conceited for me to say, but Nikolai deserves to have someone like me in his life. He lived in hell for years before I dragged him from the trenches. That’s why I know beyond a doubt his worry is unnecessary. He’ll protect me and our baby as fiercely as I’ll protect him. Nothing will stop me from keeping them both safe.

After a few more deep breaths, I say, “If I’m being honest, I don’t just want my face to be the first Maddox sees upon his release. I have so many questions I need answered. Such as, why was he at the Petretti compound the night Col sentenced me to run the gauntlet? How did he know he could claim my punishment as his own? And although I never believed he killed Megan, if he is responsible for her disappearance, where did he hide her all this time?”

Nikolai murmurs, “All questions I want answered as well, Ahren. Although I doubt mine will be asked as pleasantly as yours.”

The mirth in his tone shelfs my retaliation. Nikolai will never hurt Maddox. He’s a member of my family, which means he is sheltered under the same protective umbrella as me. I’m more concerned about what Maddox’s answers will be than how he’s forced to give them.

I’m accepting of who Nikolai is because he was born into this lifestyle. He doesn’t know any different. Maddox can’t use the same set of excuses. If any of the theories running through my head are true, he has a lot to answer for.