Nevermore (Crossbreed Series Book 6)

Before Christian showed me all the skeletons in his closet, he lit a fire to warm me up. I could only imagine what everyone was talking about outside, but right now my focus belonged to Christian. Curled up on a red loveseat, I watched him squat in front of the fireplace as he stoked the flames with a poker and added more kindling.

Still barefoot in his sopping-wet jeans, Christian rose to his feet but remained at the hearth. “Are you warm?”

I nodded, not wanting to give him a reason to stall any longer.

“My maker’s name was Ronan. I was turned in the early 1900s, around the same time that I’d lost a steady job. I worked as a pickpocket and made decent money from street fights. People didn’t hire the Irish in those days, so we did what we had to. Ronan was a good man who saw a chance to help a lad out. I spent a few years with him. He helped me get through the bloodlust stage and taught me how to use my Vampire magic. Ronan wasn’t a wealthy man, but he wasn’t poor either. When I realized I could charm people out of their money, I started pocketing coins. Ronan eventually found out and cut ties with me. No hard feelings, but there was nothing more the man could do for me.” Christian clasped his hands in front of himself. “I met Lenore in 1921. She was high society, gorgeous, and caught me stealing from one of her companions. I’d never met a female Vampire before, and she terrified me, to be sure. Lenore Parrish is ancient and more powerful than you can imagine.”

“Why would she take a job working as an official if she’s so powerful?”

“She has money and centuries’ worth of connections, but that’s not the power to which I speak. The older the blood, the more pure it is.”

“Blood you drank?”

He inclined his head. “Aye. But not at first. She said it would be a shame for a Vampire to wind up in jail over such a petty crime. Lenore has an indirect way of manipulating people. So I begged for mercy and asked if I could be of any use to her.”

I huffed quietly, thinking about the favor I owed her. Damn that witch, and I’d walked right into her lair. “What did you do for her?”

“One favor turned into twenty. Each time I did something for her, it became another misdeed she could hold over my head. No, she never threatened me explicitly, but she had a roundabout way of making me think I needed her for protection. Lenore seduced me with the idea of power and wealth, promising me the world if I would let her mentor me. She gave me special attention, and whenever I did something for her, I gained her affections. Everything changed when she let me drink from her. Ronan had warned against drinking from an elder, but I was curious. I’d heard stories about how sexual and unparalleled it was to taste a female Vampire’s pure blood.” Christian turned around, anchoring his hand on the mantel as he sighed. “And it was.”

“Come sit next to me.”

“I don’t know if I can even look at you.”

“You have a nice ass, Mr. Poe, but I’d rather look into your eyes while you’re telling me about your past.”

Reluctantly, he pushed away from the fireplace and sat to my left. I turned, tucking my left leg under the right, my other foot on the floor. He stared straight ahead, his eyes bereft of emotion.

“I can’t blame her,” he continued. “I did everything willingly. I chose to let her affect me the way she did. I chose to kill for her and do whatever she asked. And Lenore never had to ask. She would simply talk about a person who offended her, in such a way that I decided they were a blight on humanity who had lost their right to draw breath. She would take me in her arms and tell me how much my loyalty meant to her, how she could always count on me to protect her. So I killed for her.”

“Are those your dark deeds? You killed a few baddies for a woman?”

“I slaughtered hundreds!” he roared. “I murdered without even knowing what they did to wrong her. I killed men, women, and even a teenage boy. He was eighteen with the world in his palm.” Christian leaned forward, head in his hands. “Hundreds, Raven. Hundreds.”

I sat quietly, allowing him to tell the story that must have haunted him for years. The way he said hundreds left me guessing that that ballpark could have been either low or high, but perhaps the number was so many that he’d lost count.

“When she buried me in that coffin, I spent a decade hearing their cries—begging me to spare them. Telling me they had children to raise or were good Christians. Not all were Breed. Some were humans. High society. Lenore never found fault with the downtrodden, she simply looked at them as the dregs of society. I suspect now she was targeting anyone who stood in the way of her getting what she wanted. Perhaps people who found out about a scheme or her seducing men for money and power. She never gave an explanation, and to this day all I can do is speculate. I’ll never have the truth except for my own hand in it. I chose to become an executioner.” He rubbed his forehead. “I can’t even weep for them anymore.”

“Is that why she buried you? Because you knew all her dirty secrets?”

“I stayed with her for years. The more time that went by, the more I wanted her to notice me in a different way. To see what I’d done for her. She dressed me in fine threads, invited me to social events, but never as her companion. Only as her trusted advisor.” Christian lowered his hands and stared at the fire, the orange light illuminating his profile.

“Did you love her?”

He barely moved. “I thought I loved her, so yes. But it was an obsessive love. The only time I held her was when she fed me.”

“So she only gave you affection when you drank her blood? And she fed you her blood to control you. No wonder you became an addict.”

He flew back and closed his eyes. “Fecking hell. All those people, Raven. They weren’t all criminals or outlaws. Perhaps some, but all of them perished because I wanted to please a woman.” He clenched his fists. “I wasn’t quick about it either. I took out my anger on them because they’d offended my lady.” Christian turned and gave me a stone-cold look. “That’s who I am, Raven.”

“That’s who you were.”

“I’m still that person. I’ll always have that monster inside me, and I’ve come to accept it.” His gaze lowered. “It never goes away, no matter what you do afterward or who you save. Wicked deeds are thorny vines that weave into your soul.”

When I saw a tear roll down his cheek, I scooted closer and touched his arm. I’d never seen Christian expose his true emotions, and it devastated me to learn how someone had manipulated his love. I couldn’t begin to understand the power Lenore wielded, especially after getting him hooked on her blood. She’d used his love to make him a monster.

“I believed her to be a good woman,” he explained apologetically. “You’ve met her. You understand how charming she is and how there’s this vulnerable side to her. I never saw Lenore as evil. She did so many good things for people. She gave money to orphans and wanted women to have equal rights. In the end, I began to see myself as unworthy. So I saved up every penny I could, hoping to one day have enough to impress her.” Christian’s dark brows angled in a frown, his gaze still lost in the fire. “It was around 1932 when we attended an auction. Her heart was set on that ruby necklace, so I bid on it. And won. Lenore was outraged when she learned that I’d spent it all. She made a scene and stormed out. I left with the necklace, hoping she’d let me explain it was for her. And then she laughed. Called me a fool. She made me promise to sell it back, and so I lied. I told her I would.” Christian stood up and paced in front of the loveseat.

“She believed you?”

“Aye. She had no reason not to. The seller had already sailed off on a ship, so she had no way of knowing the truth unless she charmed me. I was convincing enough. Told her it was a mistake.”

I put both feet on the floor. “Why was she so mad?”

“I’ve wondered for years why she was so vexed about what I did with my own money. I gave it all to her in the shape of a heart. She said it was a foolish gesture and a waste of money. I think maybe she wanted to create powerful immortals as part of her social circle, and I’d given away my fortune. After that, she was more distant. I didn’t feed from her as much, because the viper had withdrawn her affections in every way.”

“Why didn’t you leave her?”

He did a slow turn and scorched me with his eyes. “She had so much dirt on me that I would have been burned alive if any of it got out. I had no money, so I had no place else to go. I’d hidden the necklace in one of my coat pockets, hoping she’d eventually forgive me. And one day she did. Lenore asked me to accompany her to a masked ball, not as her advisor but as her companion. I thought that meant something. But when we got there, she wanted to match me up with someone.”

“Match up… as in sleep with them?”

He shook his head. “Lenore saw an opportunity to get close to a powerful Mage, a woman with great influence. People sought her approval for real estate and loans. Lenore said if I seduced this woman and became her partner, that together we could be a powerhouse. Jaysus, I wanted to disappear right there on the dance floor. I can still hear the song playing in my head as I realized I would never have Lenore.”

“Please tell me you didn’t marry a Mage. Because finding out you’re still married might be a deal breaker.”

He jerked his head back. “As if the rest isn’t?” Christian folded his arms, and my gaze traveled over the raven tattoo. “I had the necklace in my pocket that night, and I asked Lenore if she would wear it. I confessed I could never be with another woman, and she was infuriated. We left the party immediately. In the car, she pulled out impalement wood and drove it into my chest, right through the pocket where I kept the necklace. She asked the driver to make a detour and had him bury me in an old cemetery.”

“That bitch,” I murmured. Love for Lenore had ruined Christian in the worst way, because she never loved him back.

“I was buried for a little over ten years.” He dropped his arms to his sides as he loomed over me. “Do you know what it does to a man to be buried that long? Nothing but your thoughts and the darkness to keep you company.” His eyes lowered. “And that necklace.”

Now probably wasn’t the best time to admit I’d given it back to her to sell.

“How did you get out?” I asked, dumbfounded how anyone could be buried in the dark for that long and retain their sanity.

“Believe it or not, Spooky found me.”

“Wyatt? Our Wyatt?”

“Aye. The wanker was wandering around in the cemetery, looking for someone’s relative who was allegedly buried alive. He sensed my presence and dug me up. I was a sight. My clothes were in tatters, and my beard was long and thick. We parted ways and never saw each other again. He barely recognized me when I joined Keystone.” Christian heaved a sigh. “It was ten years before I could lie with another woman.”

Now I finally understood why Christian believed that love was poisonous. Lenore abused her power and then betrayed his loyalty and devotion by stabbing him in the back. And now, after all these years, she wanted him? Maybe she just wanted her loyal guard dog back by her side.

Christian knelt at my feet. “Can you look me in the eye after all I’ve said?”

“Did you really get the tattoo to convince me or yourself?” I looked up into his onyx eyes. “She still tempts you. Don’t make me promises if you can’t let her go, if she’s constantly on your mind and you’re still in her thrall.”

He placed his warm hands on my thighs and stroked my legs. “I told you my words would never be enough. Even if you accepted everything, there would always be a lingering doubt. That’s why I marked my body with your name as a symbol. I can’t make you choose me, Raven. But if you’ll still have me with no secrets between us, knowing what you know, then I’ll be the luckiest man alive. I promise to be an attentive lover, if that sweetens the pot any.”

I tunneled my fingers through his hair and pulled him to my breast. “If you can promise me you’ll never put your fangs on her again, I’ll have you.”

He leaned back and pulled me to the edge of the sofa so he was wedged between my legs. I cupped his neck with my hands, his pulse ticking against my thumbs. It sang to me, the rhythm a sweet promise.

“Oh, Raven. Your Vampire nature is so much more than what you think it is. Blood is life, but it’s not about the consumption. Simply the feel of it is home.” He moved my hand over his heart. “You can’t be with me if you’re going to deny your Vampire instincts. That’s part of you, and if you don’t love part of yourself, how can you ever love a monster like me?”

I drew closer, my eyes following the pulse on his neck.

“It speaks to you like a whisper,” he said softly. “It tells you to do things that don’t seem rational. What’s yours telling you right now?”

I shook my head, wanting to deny it.

He tilted his neck to the side. “Show me.”

Cradling his neck, I leaned forward and stroked my tongue across his artery as if he were an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. He drew in a sharp intake of breath and shuddered when I did it again.

But I had no urge to drink from him. It wasn’t about thirst or feeling his emotions. There was something so primal in the act that I had no way to rationalize it.

He tilted back and stroked his thumb across my cheek. “It’s a connection. It’s life. You haven’t even scratched the surface of what it means to be Vampire. Let me show you.”

“Okay,” I said on a breath.

He leaned in close and his fangs elongated, but there was nothing threatening about it. My heart sang, and I no longer questioned my feelings. Neither of us had a clean past, but we were willing to accept without judgment. For all his sins, he would never balance the scales. And neither would I. Did two sinners deserve love? Maybe not, but here we were, and I wasn’t about to turn him away.

His soft eyes were full of love, his lips against my cheek. “Sweetheart, I will take such good care of you.”