FULL NOVELXO Chapter 33
“Bebe! Are you really married to Colby McNichols?” a girl shouts.
More questions are yelled from the swelling crowd.
“What about Axel? Did you cheat on him?”
“Who are you in love with? Axel or Colby?”
“What about the show?”
“How was rehab?”
“When are you leaving for LA?”
The drone of voices buzzes in my ears until it’s tempting to slap my hands over them and squeeze my eyes tightly shut to blot everything out. Instead, I crane my neck and search the sea of onlookers for Colby. My heart twists beneath my breast when I don’t find him.
The hurt and confusion written across his face had been palpable.
I hate myself for causing him even a moment of heartache.
It was never my intention to hurt him, but that’s exactly what happened.
A pit settles at the bottom of my belly. I need to find him and explain why I kept my identity a secret. I should have tried harder last night to have a conversation. Maybe then everything wouldn’t be playing out the way it is.
My biggest fear is that he won’t listen to what I have to say.
Ignoring the questions hurled at me, I turn to Axel. “I can’t do this with you now. We’ll talk later.”
Before I can slip away, his grip tightens around my waist to keep me locked in place. “If you hadn’t run away and ignored my calls, none of this would be happening,” he mutters through gritted teeth just loud enough for me to hear. “Now smile for the cameras. It’s about time we were in front of them again.”
“Let me go,” I growl, shoving at his chest and pushing him back a few steps.
I don’t give a damn about the hundred cell phones that are poised to record every move we make. When his grip loosens, I bolt, cutting a path through the thick mob. People reach out, attempting to grab hold of me as they continue shouting questions at my retreating form. It’s enough to make me hyperventilate.
It’s only after being away from the frenzied crowds for more than six months that it’s slammed home just how much I hate them. And how claustrophobic they make me feel.
With a shaking hand, I key in the code before slipping inside the lobby. The door slams closed behind me as people press against the glass, trying to fight their way in. It won’t be long before another resident grants them access, but it should buy me enough time to reach the apartment. Instead of waiting for the elevator, I race to the metal door and take the concrete stairs to the third floor. Once I arrive at the landing, I burst into the hallway and find several people milling around, talking to one another.
It’s only when my hand rises that I realize I’m not wearing a ball cap. After Vegas, I became more complacent and felt more comfortable on campus without it.
“Something’s happening in the parking lot.”
“My friend just said that Bebe and Axel are outside,” a girl yells. “Let’s go!”
I duck my head and stare at the thin carpet as people race past, chattering excitedly.
This is a nightmare.
I pick up my pace, only wanting to reach the safety of my apartment before all hell breaks loose.
It’s a relief when I reach the door and slide the key in the lock before bursting inside. With a slam, I collapse against the thick wood. My knees feel more like jelly. It takes effort to keep myself upright. Ever since starting school in the fall, this was my biggest fear.
And now it’s come to fruition.
I’ve been outed.
Everyone knows I’m here.
“Colby!”
I wait for a beat or two, but there isn’t an answer.
If I didn’t know better, I’d assume I was alone. Except for the suffocating tension that hangs heavy in the air that tells me differently.
He’s here.
In the utter quietness, I feel the vibration of his hurt and anger.
I shove away from the door and beeline for the bedroom before skidding to a halt at the scene that unfolds in front of me. His duffle is open on the floor as he yanks the drawer open and scoops out his socks and underwear before dumping them in the bag.
“When were you going to tell me who you were, Bebe?”
The way he bites out my name sounds more like an accusation.
And I can’t blame him for it.
I went to great lengths to hide the truth from him.
From everyone.
I force myself to the bed before settling on the mattress. My tongue darts out to moisten parched lips as I wring my hands in front of me.
Now that we’re alone, I have no idea what to say.
Or how to make the situation better.
But I have to come up with something. Otherwise, he’ll walk out of my life and never look back.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, heart thumping painfully in my chest. “None of this was supposed to happen. I needed a break. Time to figure everything out.”
His expression remains inscrutable as he glances toward the window. “From the looks of it, your break is over. Your adoring public is waiting.”
I squeeze my eyes tightly closed before forcing them open again. Maybe I was able to blot out my life in LA, but I can’t do that here with Colby.
In a matter of a few short weeks, he’s become important to me.
“Can we please talk about this?”
A humorless chuckle slides from his lips. “It seems a little late for that, don’t you think? Your boyfriend is here. The one who proposed on national TV. The one you failed to mention.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I murmur, trying to keep the panic from invading my voice.
When he raises a brow, his stare boring into mine, heat suffuses my cheeks.
“Not really,” I mutter. “It was all for the show.”
His lips flatten into a tight line as he jerks his head into a nod. “Well, that’s just perfect.”
“No, it’s not. Nothing about my life is perfect.” My heart thunders painfully against my ribcage. “The only time I truly feel like myself is when I’m with you.”
He cocks his head. The iciness filling his blue depths is enough to freeze the blood rushing through my veins.
“And who exactly would that be? Bebe, the reality star? Or Britt, the college student I married in Vegas? The one who secretly sings? The one who refuses to share any pieces of herself with me? Because I have to be honest, I have no idea who the hell you are.”
Tears spring to my eyes. His words slice through my heart, leaving me to feel as if I’ve been gutted.
“I tried to tell you last night.”
“You should have tried harder,” he fires back. “Or maybe you should have mentioned that you were living a lie weeks ago.”
“You’re right.” I rise to my feet before inching closer. “I was scared. Scared of how you would react and what would happen if people discovered I was here.”
Emotion flickers in his eyes, and the harsh lines bracketing his lips soften.
A kernel of hope blooms inside me that I’ve finally said something that resonates.
Instead, he zips up the bag and anchors it to his shoulder. “I shared things with you that I’ve never told anyone before because I trusted you. It would have been nice if you’d given me the same benefit of the doubt.”
As I open my mouth to tell him that I wanted to, he stalks past me on the way to the door. He stutters to a stop when he reaches the threshold but doesn’t turn back to meet my gaze.
His shoulders sag. “This isn’t goodbye.”
Thick emotion floods my voice. “Are you sure about that?”
“I need time to figure out if it’s possible for us to move forward.”
“Take as much as you want. When you’re ready, I’ll be here waiting. For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”
He drops the bag on the floor before swinging around and eating up the distance between us. As soon as I’m within striking distance, he yanks me into his arms. His lips crash onto mine and I open so that our tongues can meld into one. If only it were as easy for us to do the same.
Just as I sink into the embrace, he sets me free and takes a quick step in retreat. Even though he’s no more than a foot away, he’s never felt more out of reach.
In trying to protect myself and my identity, I hurt the one person I’ve come to care about. I’d do anything for the chance to rewind time and make different decisions.
Better ones.
“I love you,” I whisper, needing him to understand what’s in my heart.
Moisture gathers in his bright blue eyes as he jerks his head into a tight nod and swings away. Tears burn the backs of mine as the door to the apartment closes with a soft click.
As the silence settles around me, I realize that even after walking away from my life in LA and leaving behind everything familiar, I’ve never felt more alone than I do in this moment.