Never Have I Ever: Wanted my Brother’s Rival

The water running through the pipes was both soothing and arousing. It soothed me because it was a tangible reminder that someone was in the house with me. And it was arousing because my brain wouldn’t stop picturing Eli naked and soapy in my shower.

I’d spent so much time alone over the years I’d forgotten what it was like to have someone around.

We’d had single rooms at boarding school, and I’d lived alone in whatever apartment my dad decided would be mine when I’d been in college. Then I’d moved in here.

The last time I’d lived with other people was before that night, but even then, I’d spent most of my time alone. My parents had been gone more than they’d been home, and even with staff wandering around, it had still felt empty and lonely in the huge house.

The house they lived in now was a modern monstrosity with too many windows and more rooms than a family of four could ever use. I’d spent my summers there while in school, and the marble walls and floors were about as welcoming as a dentist’s office.

I liked the old-world feel of this house, and the architecture and craftsmanship were incredible. I wouldn’t mind living in a house like this if it were mine, but it wasn’t.

It was another way for my father to control me and make money, two of his favorite pastimes.

The whooshing water stopped. Eli was upstairs in my bathroom, naked and wet. Maybe with little rivulets of water trailing down his smooth skin, dipping into the little ridges of his muscles and making them pop.

Jesus, I needed to get a grip.

We were finally in a good place. Clearing the air between us had been an emotional roller coaster, and my heart still broke for him and what he’d gone through. I didn’t understand how people could be so cruel, especially to a child. Unless things had drastically changed after I’d left, he’d never been in-your-face about his intelligence. He didn’t brag about his grades or raise his hand to answer every question. He wasn’t that kid who reminded teachers if they forgot to collect homework or give a quiz.

He’d done everything he could to be invisible. Never talked to anyone, barely made eye contact, and sat in the back row of every class we’d shared. He’d spent most of his free time in the library and always had his nose buried in a book.

The news about what had happened to Gray was also going to take some time to settle, and the guilt was crushing.

Gray and I had never been friends. The rivalry between us might have been fostered by Coach, but it had always been there.

At thirteen, I’d been an arrogant little shit. I was so used to being the best and people fawning over me that having Gray show up and be actual competition had lit a fire in my blood I hadn’t known was there.

For two and half years, we’d battled it out for everything and smashed each other’s records like it was a game.

And to me, it had been. Swimming was something I had a natural talent for and I enjoyed it, but I’d never had plans to swim in college or go to the Olympics. It had been a way to pass the time and keep my father off my back.

But for Gray, swimming would have been everything. He hadn’t competed against me so fervently because it had been fun. He’d done it because he’d had to. Because being the best was the only way for him to have what had always been a given for me.

I’d been such an asshole to him. Always taunting him and riling him up. Teasing him to get a rise out of him because it gave me a rush. I’d never been like that with anyone else other than Eli.

What was it about the Hawthorne brothers that they made me act like a completely different person with them?

“West?”

“Jesus!”

I whirled around, my heart in my throat.

“You look like how I imagine a serial killer would right before he lunges at his latest victim.” Eli smirked. “Should I run? Are you gonna chase me down?”

My dick twitched. I cleared my throat and lowered the knife I was holding. What the actual fuck? Why was the thought of chasing him through the house and tackling him to my bed so damn hot?

“Sorry. I was thinking, and you startled me.”

“Your shower is amazing.” He tucked a lock of wet hair behind his ear, a shy smile on his lips.

“It’s pretty awesome.” I’d installed a rainfall showerhead and a separate system of body jets in the stand-up shower, and they were incredible after a long day at work. “Did you try the lights?”

“Lights?”

I focused on the green pepper I was slicing. “Yeah, the showerhead and jets have LED lights built into them. The remote next to the bathtub controls it. I like to set it so they’re synched to the stereo.”

“Stereo?”

“Mmmm-hmmm.” Using the edge of my knife, I pushed the pepper slices to the side of the cutting board. “There’s a system you can control with the panel on the wall next to the mirror or with the other remote. The black one.”

“Your bathroom has more features than my mother’s car.” He propped one elbow on the counter and leaned against it. “My bathroom at the house doesn’t even have a fan.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Nope. No fan and no window.”

“That’s against regulation. You need one or the other in a bathroom.” I glanced up. “But you knew that.”

“I did.”

“So why didn’t you make a report?”

“Because I like having a place to live.” He shot me an unimpressed look. “Your dad didn’t bother fixing a water heater he knew was in danger of malfunctioning and potentially destroying one of his properties. Do you really think he’d care about breaking a ventilation code?”

“Is anything else in the house not up to code?”

He shrugged. “Probably.”

“You’re very unbothered about this.”

“I grew up in an apartment building with no working elevator and emergency doors that were locked on both sides. Not having a fan in my bathroom is annoying, but at least it’s not a fire hazard.”

“Are you working tonight?” I asked.

“If you don’t mind. I didn’t reach my goal last night before the power went out. I’m hoping people will be extra generous since they missed the money shot.”

“You were in the middle of a show when the power went off?” I grabbed the bowl of lettuce and veggies I’d already prepped.

“At the end.” He used the pad of his finger to pick up a pepper seed. “Fifty tokens from my goal after an hour of edging myself.”

“Do you like that? Edging for so long?” I dumped the vegetables I’d cut up on top of the lettuce.

“Not really. It’s okay for a little while, but then it gets uncomfortable. It’s hard to stay in the moment when it hurts.”

I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. I’d assumed he’d be shy or bashful about his work, but I liked how he was so open and willing to talk about it. Did that mean he trusted me? Or was that just his nature?

“Do you like camming?”

“Sure.” He crossed his arms and leaned the small of his back against the counter. “I’m paid to jerk off, and I get to talk to people on the regular. It’s a pretty sweet job as far as work goes.”

“How did you start? It’s so… unusual.”

He smirked. “You interested in starting a channel?”

“Maybe.”

“What?” he squeaked.

I laughed. He looked like a shocked owl. “What? You don’t think I’d be good at it?”

“I didn’t say that.” He cleared his throat. “I just never thought you’d want to…”

“Jerk off in front of strangers?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I never really thought of it, but it could be fun. The idea of people watching and getting off while I do is hot. I’m not sure I’d like the whole interacting with people and doing shows part, but the other stuff is intriguing.”

“Do you watch a lot of cammers?” he asked, his cheeks bright pink.

I nodded. “You’ve obviously been able to deduce that voyeurism is a major kink of mine. I prefer camming to porn because it’s interactive. And I like tipping people.”

His eyes clouded for a moment, and I wanted to kick myself.

I didn’t regret the tips I’d sent, but I could have worded why I’d sent them better. Part of it had been because I’d wanted to help. Having an autoimmune disease in this country was expensive, and I had no idea what his insurance situation was like, so I’d tipped him as a way to support his work without watching him or buying his content.

But that wasn’t the only reason. I liked giving people gifts, and sending tips to models made me happy. Knowing Eli was spending money I’d given him was satisfying on a level I didn’t quite understand and wasn’t sure I wanted to look at too closely.

“Are you a gourmet or a gourmand when it comes to your cam preferences?” Some of the lightness was gone from his tone. I didn’t like that.

“What’s the difference?”

“A gourmet has a discerning palate while a gourmand enjoys a variety of things.”

“Probably a cross, then. I’m a mood watcher and usually room-surf for a while before I settle on one.”

“Do you watch more women than men?”

I pointed to the drawer he was leaning against. “Can you grab cutlery for us?”

He nodded.

“I don’t keep track. I watch both. Sometimes solo, sometimes partnered or group stuff in all sorts of combos. It all depends on my mood.”

He brought the cutlery to the island, where I’d already put out plates and glasses.

“I’ll do a food run tomorrow if you want to give me a list of things to pick up. I was able to salvage these veggies for a salad, but pretty much everything in the fridge and freezer needed to be tossed.”

“I’m not looking forward to cleaning out the fridge when the power comes back on in the house. Five guys share it, and Alex tends to forget about what he buys, and a bunch of stuff was already growing their own ecosystems on his shelf before he left.”

I handed him a bag of mixed nuts and seeds. “I don’t have any protein other than these. Not until I can go shopping.”

He flipped the bag over and scanned the nutritional information. “These are good.”

“Do you like dried cranberries? They go well with the balsamic vinaigrette. I cut some apple slices too. They give it a nice crunch and add some extra sweetness.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that sounds really good.”

We dressed our salads in silence and ate, sitting side by side, at the island.

“What time do you want to go to work?” I asked as he helped me clear the dishes.

“I usually log in around eight. Seems to be a sweet spot for viewers.”

I glanced at my watch. Just after seven.

Where had the day gone?

Eli and I had spent the afternoon in the living room. He’d had his nose buried in a book, and I’d brought my laptop down so I could catch up on paperwork. We hadn’t spoken much, but I’d liked having him there. Just feeling his presence and hearing the soft sounds of him flipping pages was comforting.

“You can set up in my room if you want.”

“I can’t take your room again. I’ll be fine in the spare room.”

“My bedroom has better lighting. The spare room doesn’t have an overhead light.”

He chewed on his upper lip. “That’s not ideal.”

“It’ll be more comfortable too.” Why was I fighting so hard to have him do his show in my room?

“I don’t want to get your bed… messy.” He looked away.

“Put a towel down if you’re worried. It’s not like I don’t do that in there.”

He widened his eyes, and his breathing hitched.

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” I closed the dishwasher. “Do you mind if I grab a quick shower before you start?”

“Yeah, no problem.” He swallowed. “I’ll hang out down here until you’re done.”

“No need. You might as well get set up and make sure everything is good.”

“Okay.” He glanced around the kitchen.

Flustered Eli was cute as hell. Sassy Eli got my dick up, no question, but him, all shy and unsure, was arousing in a different way.

Both were dangerous. I needed to stop provoking him. I might like his reactions, but it wasn’t right to send him mixed messages when we were finally in a good place.