Mortal Magic: Broken

Nothingness was nothing new to me. I had experienced the nothingness of sleep and unconsciousness often so when it came to the nothing that came with death I wasn’t surprised. Blackness and loss of feeling was all there was to it. You didn’t feel anything; you couldn’t think properly, you couldn’t focus on anything to keep you sane. You just drifted on unconsciousness and inability to focus until you lost your mind.

I could have said that it was cold in this darkness but then again I wasn’t sure that this wasn’t just a trick my mind played on me to force me to retain sanity. Oftentimes it was warmer than usual and other times it was cold like I was being thrown into a cold river. Sometimes I could feel warmth around me that faded faster than I would have liked but the next moment was forgotten as I lay there staring into nothingness. Most of the time I didn’t feel all that as death was exhausting and for some reason there was nothing that could sate that exhaustion.

At the very least I was glad that I had taken Lars with me, but I would have wanted to see him one more time. We were both dead so it would be reasonable to believe that we would end up in the same place but as I now knew that was not the case. Maybe after death there was nothing, you didn’t go anywhere but in this dark place where nothing exists but you. Or maybe I was the only one who ended up here instead of where the others went, or death meant something different for everyone.

I had drifted in and out of conscious thought many times by the time I made all these thoughts. I had lost count of the time that I was like this and it was torture. When I was partially awake I kept thinking of the others. What happened to them? Had I kept myself alive long enough for the eclipse to end and saved my sister? Did Yuto go back to his family like he intended to do and what happened to him after that? Did Maia travel the world like her dream demanded of her? Did they tell Ashe who she is and how did she take it? I missed them in this place. The way Yuto used to laugh and joke around and make me uncomfortable. Every touch from Maia that made my skin crawl and my body tremble sometimes in anticipation in a way I had grown to be fond of. And I missed the smile in Ashe’s face that I liked to see so much. It made me proud to see her smile, she deserved to smile.

I didn’t realize it at first but in my exhaustion the darkness started to fade to a somewhat familiar light. Agonizingly slow light started to break through the darkness and I felt a weight being lifted from me, like I was whole again. Then without even realizing it I found myself opening my eyes and the darkness was gone. In its place was a dark room being lit only by a candle somewhere next to me shedding its warm light around.

I felt weird, like I was crippled or something. There was no pain but I could still feel that something wasn’t right with my body. I knew I was exhausted, and I knew that I should be dead from what happened to me. But what exactly happened to me in the first place and I’m here? Was this real or was I really dead and I’m imagining this?

I tried to move and sit up but then pain came and stopped me. It originated from every wound that I had gotten from killing Lars, and when I stood still it faded to weirdness. I tried to look by just raising my head and I saw that what was supposed to be a hole on my left shoulder was now a slightly smaller hole that had been burned closed. There was a literal chuck of meat missing from the place and it felt awkward as hell, and I was sure that this was the case with every other wound I got from my weapons.

I tried to look around in the dark room by turning my head so as to not make the same mistake as before and I saw that this place was completely unknown to me naturally. The room was small but still had enough space even with everything that was in it. There was the bed I was in at the wall opposite the door, and a drawer chest at the wall to my right that was barely at the same height as the bed but fairly large. A small table was in the opposite wall from the drawer chest with a bucket on it and nothing else and two chairs around it. And even though I could barely see the floor I didn’t miss the fur rag that must have come from a huge bear right in front of the bed, it took me by surprise really. It was then that I saw the cup on the drawer chest and realized just how big my thirst was or how dry my throat had become when I tried to swallow and it was like sand was going down my throat.

I tried to sit up again to no avail and this time a loud grunt escaped me as I fell back and waited for the pain to fade again. Before that happened the door opened hurriedly and on the other side appeared Ashe more worried than I had ever seen her. The moment she saw me she ran the few steps between us, fell on her knees and put her arms around me in a hug that was more painful than I would like to admit to someone as she had landed on one of my injuries. I could feel her sobbing on my whole body as she cried away whatever emotions that plagued her mind and I simply put my right hand on her head and patted it. She looked up at me and smiled rubbing the tears from her already soaked red cheeks almost giggling in the process. “You finally woke up”. Her voice sounded in the room loud and happy and she really did seem that way.

I woke up? Was I asleep all this time? It never crossed my mind that I might actually be alive in the first place and right now it seemed like it was not even possible at all. “How is this even possible”? Just then as if to answer my question Maia appeared in the doorway too, panting with hope in her eyes and when they met mine she did the same thing Ashe did. Now with both of them basically laying on me like that it was just as painful as moving and I was trying to move them away a bit. When they got the hint I looked at Maia and with a small smile I asked her. “It was you right? You saved me again”? I didn’t even need to ask this kind of question, she had saved me enough times already to know that she would always be there. Those times when the darkness was warm, it was her light that I felt all over me healing me.

Her face got from happy and content to angry and irritated in seconds before she spoke. “I did and if you ever pull a stunt like that again I will let you die you hear me”? I started laughing when I saw her expression, so serious and yet so hilarious at the same time. She was pouting like a little kid and looking at me with her eyes slightly narrowed in a death gaze and I just couldn’t help myself. The action though was painful as I had to move and that brought that pain that I would never get used to.

When I cringed they both saw it and they moved away from me worried that it was them but I was still laughing so I kept cringing which made it worse. Right then I saw Yuto leaning at the doorframe and looking at us with a smile on his face. He was wearing new clothes like everyone else and he seemed to have let his beard grow a bit but he was still the same. “I see you are back with the living again”. It never occurred to me to ask before but now I just couldn’t let it go, like an itch that you just had to scratch even though you know it would be bad for you. Even so with my laughing episode finally over and my face taking a sad expression I asked the question I realized I have been dying to ask. “What happened after I killed him”?

They all saw the look in my face when I spoke and none of them spoke up right away. They all looked away and I didn’t like that. If they didn’t want to talk about it then it must be worse than I might think. Fortunately I didn’t need to push harder for them to speak because Yuto did. “After you so stupidly used Mana Overdrive despite my warning and killed Lars I managed to get to you before you collapsed with the weapons still inside you. I put you down and they disappeared from your body leaving you in pretty much a similar state as Lars, full of holes”.

I expected this, I knew this had happened. And even if I didn’t know I had certainly deduced as much from the marks they left on my body. Still he kept on talking after a brief pause. “Maia had already come by then and she used the same arte as before when you hit the ground at your first fall, but it wasn’t enough. She ran out of mana and collapsed from exhaustion after barely managing to heal what organs were damaged and remaking some of the flesh. You were still bad and losing blood with the gallons so I had to burn the wounds closed before you died from blood loss. The result was as you can see now you have more burns that scars and some holes from where the bigger weapons were”. True to his words the aftermath of the battle was visible on me. I could feel the stretch of the burned flesh and it was painful to say the least. But there was more to the story.

“I wasn’t sure you were alive when I finished and I was convinced that your heart wasn’t beating so we tried to make it do so hoping it would take over later. We tried the conventional way but after a few tries we saw it was futile and your sister had an idea. She wanted to use her powers to deliver a shock to your heart saying that it could be enough to make your heart start beating again. I tried to tell her that it would be dangerous and ruin every chance we had to save you but she snapped. I think her exact words were, that was the only other chance we had and it failed, we have nothing to lose anymore”. He paused again and came closer looking at Ashe and smiling again for who knows what reason before he sat at one chair. Maia took the other and Ashe sat on the rug beside the bed.

“She said it with conviction I give her that but I saw she was afraid even though she was hiding it”. I looked at her again and she had a sight blush on her face that amused me. “She did use lightning on your heart though, not enough to be considered an attack but enough to jolt your whole body. She did it many times, and I was about to stop her and tell her to give up when her face lit and she smiled. After all these shocks your heart decided to beat again and we hoped it would stay that way. We waited for Maia to wake up and in the meantime we buried the men that I had not turned to ash. We explained to her what happened and she healed the burns on you as best as she could before we set out. I was worried that it would be dangerous to carry you myself so Ashe took a slice of marble from the castle and she used it as a bed for you that she kept in the air for hours every time”.

I looked at my sister again and I was going to scold her for acting so stupid. People don’t just use magic for hours it’s dangerous. “Don’t worry, we were both against it in the first place but as time went by and she didn’t even seem to be bothered by the task we gave up on trying to dissuade her. Let me tell you that your sister is tougher than she looks, just like you in fact”. Yuto’s words didn’t put me at ease at all. I was still worried that she was far too careless. But they did bring me a sense of pride for her. She managed to carry a big marble slice for hours without breaks like it was nothing. Not even I can use magic for that long. I didn’t want to smile as I knew that it would seem like approval of what she did and make her ego bigger than it was wise. But I did smile a bit like the proud brother I was seeing that my sister was capable of great things.

“Moving on it took us three days to get here and it has been two weeks since then, you never stirred in your sleep even though Maia tried many times to wake you with her magic. Those two were always around here waiting and that is it”. All that made sense as a story but there was one thing I wasn’t quite sure of yet. And that was, where exactly was here? I looked back at him and with a questioning look I asked him. “Where is here exactly”? Just then a young girl stepped into the room and went straight to Yuto who picked her up grabbing her under her arms and letting her sit on his lap smiling like an idiot. By now I didn’t need an answer but one came from the kid itself in a most amusing show of speech. “Papa, is your friend awake now? Can I play with him”? We all laughed, even me despite my condition and then Yuto spoke. “I don’t think he will be able to play with you today sweaty, maybe tomorrow once he is fully healed. I hope that answers your question”?

It truly did. I had completely forgotten that our original plan was to follow the path to the north and reach Yuto’s home. So this had to be his house and that his three year old daughter who could speak already surprisingly. Even barely. And he had us here for two whole weeks which was more than I could count as hospitable. As I was lost in my thoughts Maia tried to snap me back to attention by moving her hand in front of my face and she succeeded. “Now that you are awake maybe you can help me heal you? I will need to use my stronger method to do so and it will need more mana than I can provide myself, you can make yourself useful in the process”.

It was funny as she said that with a somewhat straight face and it almost sounded as something different than what she intended. I also didn’t miss the teasing look in Yuto’s eyes just like Ashe didn’t but she didn’t know enough about him to realize what he was doing. I on the other hand did and made a projection of a small club fall on his head and we both laughed at it. His daughter saw the projection and jiggled wanting to play with it so I didn’t let it disappear and Yuto played with her for her safety.

I turned back to Maia who was smiling at our foolishness and just waited for me to respond. It would be nice to not feel pain when I move or laugh but I realized that there were more important things for me to do than pursue my own comfort. I grabbed her hand that was still next to mine gently and without looking away from those eyes I loved I gave her an answer. “Healing can wait for a little longer, there is something I need to do first. Can you give my sister and me some time alone? There are some things I need to tell her”.

I didn’t need to ask twice or explain myself as both of them knew what it was that I wanted to tell her, or rather the many things I needed to explain and for some ask for her forgiveness. I needed to tell her everything. Yuto stood up from his chair with his daughter in his arms and went for the door and Maia followed soon after she gave me a not so confident smile. To tell the truth I wasn’t confident myself at all. I was anxious and my mind kept making scenarios on the many different ways she Ashe would react to the truth. Once the door had closed and we were alone in the room I turned to look at her and found her waiting patiently and yet anxiously. She couldn’t begin to imagine what I was about to tell her, or maybe she did and she had been expecting this moment for days, maybe even years if you count the time she waited as a kid for me to tell her about our parents.

I let out a shaky breath and moved closer to the wall and patted the side of the bed that I left empty for her. She smiled a little and I saw her face turn a bit red from the gesture. We both remembered all those times when she slept in my arms. Those days seemed so far away now. So many things had changed so fast. When she was finally settled on the bed with me sure that she wouldn’t fall down I put my right arm, my good arm for now around her and she laid her head on my chest.

There was no use in prolonging the inevitable so I decided I had to start explaining somehow. And the best point to start was always the beginning. At first I asked her what she remembered form that night she was taken. She remembered more than me as I was taken out before they took her away completely, but I stopped her after she said about the soldiers taking me away. That was where it started. I told her about how I woke up in that cell all alone and was then taken in the arena. I told her how the spear she made for me saved my life and how I first took the life of someone and that many more would follow.

I told her that the five years I was in the arena I survived only because I swore to escape and find her. And then I told her how I met Yuto and we escaped together. I told her that he carried me to a healer in the village we were headed, Maia and she saved me from mana sickness. And then we traveled together to Starkhaven where we were lead to believe that Lars would be a few days later. I told her about the journey to Starkhaven and how I would have died again if it wasn’t for Maia before we arrived and stayed the night at an inn.

“The following morning I found Lars and I followed him and after he told me where he was keeping you I tried to kill him but I was captured. I was taken to the arena in Starkhaven to be executed and then”… I stopped midsentence not sure how to put the next part into words and Ashe tilted her head up to look at me. I sighed defeated as it was time to finally tell her. “Do you remember all those times you asked me if I remembered anything about our parents”? I saw her eyes darken from emotion but I wasn’t sure which emotion it was. By now she had already figured the way things were going, that I had lied to her so many times. Was it anger or sadness? Did she feel betrayed like I would? Like I felt with him at some point?

She nodded and averted her eyes from mine but kept her head still and I couldn’t help the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat robbing me of my words. Turning my head away I continued even if it pained me to do so. “When I told you that I didn’t remember I wasn’t entirely truthful. I did remember two things. I remembered a beach that I liked to go to all the time. And I remembered the face of our father that later I pushed away in my memory”. I didn’t say anything else. I wanted her to say something first, anything. Whether it was that she hated me for keeping this from her or anything else. But she didn’t say anything for a long time. She was silent and the room felt like it was crumbling over us.

Finally after a long while of uncomfortable silence she spoke. “I knew that you remembered something all along and you didn’t want to remember it. That is why I never pushed but instead I simply asked hoping for a different answer. But why are you telling me this now”? I should have known that she knew. She was far too smart even then and I could barely hide her gifts without her finding them prematurely. But this was different. She needed to understand that when he came to my cell I remembered who he was and what he did. “Because he came to my cell before the execution”. Again I let my words sink in. This would be hard for both of us I was certain for that. I had allowed myself to not feel anything about him until I saved her, but now that she was safe I had no reason to hold back anymore. And she would have to find out what happened.

“I had been beaten almost unconscious by two guards and another one came to stop them and help me because the king wanted to see me. When I woke up later I heard Yuto talking with someone, and that someone then came inside the cell. When I saw his face I recognized him immediately, and punched him as hard as my body allowed me at the time. I was angry at him and I made sure that he knew how I felt about him. I made sure to tell him that he was the worst father someone could have and that to him I died eleven years ago when he abandoned us. And when he called me his son again with tears in his eyes I snapped and punched him with enough power to kill him and yet he survived”.

I recalled that day like it was yesterday, and I regretted everything I did. “I survived the execution and my crime was omitted but I collapsed after, and I woke up in the castle. There he told me that my magic was killing me and I needed to use my master arte if I was to survive. He trained me and as I was still angry at him the moment I thought that he was using my illness to repent I fought him and almost killed him. But no matter what he did I never wanted him dead, I just wanted him to be the father that he should have been to both of us”. As I was talking the lump in my throat grew to the point that I it took me a few seconds to swallow every time, and I did often.

“A few days later he had to go meet someone and he took me with him to show me the city as he claimed. And then he was attacked. A man had come and stabbed him in the heart and we never saw it coming. I held him as he was drawing his last breath and tried to make him hold on until Maia came but he died moments later. And I was so angry and hurt that I lost all control, both of my magic and myself. I found the man that killed him and tortured him in front of everyone and I would have killed him had Maia not come to bring me back to my senses. The following day we burned him and scattered the ashes to the sea and left for Blackspire. Nothing else happened that was of importance until we reached the black citadel, and you know the rest”.

I barely held myself from shedding the tears of grief I kept inside me but I did it one last time. I didn’t want her to see me like this also. I couldn’t make myself look at her now that I told her everything. I couldn’t even think that I should be holding her right now. She didn’t say anything but I could hear and feel her silent sobs before I felt her hand on my head trying to turn it to her direction. Even after my head was turned my kept my eyes away from her for a few moments trying to avoid this as long as I could but eventually I did look at her, and she had already stopped crying.

Her cheeks were wet again and some tears were left in her eyes but that was it. She was just looking at me waiting and demanding that I look her in the eyes before she spoke. “Listen to me carefully you big idiot. None of this is your fault, not my kidnaping, or our suffering all these years and certainly not dad’s death. All this happened because of a bastard that wanted to find a sacrifice for his plan that was doomed to fail in the first place. You can’t force Ea to absorb the mana she creates to create more, it’s absurd”. Was it though? Was it really a doomed plan with no probability of success? Or did I just kill every single person on Ea to save my sister?

“How do you know that? It could have worked and I just took away every chance anyone had to live. Ea will stop creating mana at some point in time and then the only ones left will be the ones who create mana themselves like me”. I was purely trying to find reason in my actions at this point. I never stopped to think about the greater picture once I had accomplished my goal. In saving a life that I cherished I took away countless more.

As I was about to turn my head away from her she grabbed it again and held it fast with determination in her eyes. She was determined to make me find reason in my actions that changed the course of history for good. “I know because it’s the same as you. You can’t absorb mana, only create it. Even if you were forced to absorb it that would not mean you can create even more. On the contrary from what I was told having more mana inside you outside your imaginary realm makes you so sick that you could die”.

It was true; I can’t do something like that. It really was a similar case but I wasn’t the world; I was just a human that inherited this ability that no one knows where it originated from. “And even if there really is no other way you did what everyone would have done in your place. Don’t ever think that it was wrong for you to do so. Because then it will be like you regret saving me”. This time I saw the pain in her eyes and the only thing it did was bring me to my senses. I would never regret saving her from death. Like I said I will be the villain as many times as it takes if it means I can protect those I care about.

I lifted my right hand and wrapped it around her as best as I could in an awkward hug that was barely even a hug. We stayed there for a few minutes before I pulled away and she sat up pretending that nothing had happened here. “Can you call Maia? I think it’s time I got out of this bed”. Of course for that to happen I needed Maia to heal me and for that she needed me to help her maintain her healing power long enough to do so. Nodding she got out of the room and barely a minute later Maia came inside and to my side.

“How did it go? You two were alone for nearly an hour”. I didn’t realize we were alone that long and it took me by surprise a bit. I let it go though as soon as Maia took my hand and got kneeled on the floor ready to use magic with her free hand on my body. “Better than I expected it to go”. We both smiled and then I started transferring my mana to her through our touch. She used it up immediately as that familiar warm bright light came out of her hand healing wherever she touched. Passing her hand through my injuries I felt them fade away and my body became less tense by the minute. We were at it for a while and I was running out of mana and Maia was getting tired but just then she stopped so I opened my eyes that I had closed at some point.

I looked down and saw that not only the wounds had closed but most of my scars had disappeared too. The only ones that remained were from the wounds she healed now and the one from the tusk she had to pull out of my stomach. I looked at her puzzled and she just laughed slightly. “This healing method is stronger so it takes away minor scars too. Big ones like the ones you see now are left as they are though, and I’m sure that the big one on your back is still there too”.

I was in awe at the fact that I now had significantly less scars on me. It was awkward to carry them around and people seeing them on me and cringing or turning away in fear or disgust. Five or so scars were nothing compared to before. “Thank you, this makes things a lot easier”. She must have understood what I meat because she said nothing and sat on the bed beside me. Right then she bent down and pressed her lips against mine waiting for me to respond to her which I did closing my eyes again.

When we ended the kiss I thought of what I was supposed to do now. I had nowhere to go. My home turned to ashes a long time ago. And now I had Ashe with me and I didn’t know what to do with Maia and what we had. It was all so complicated now. She noticed my troubled face and she asked me what was wrong so I told her and she just laughed out loud. “This isn’t funny you know”. I was a bit offended that she was laughing about this right in front of my face but her cheeriness caught on me and I smiled too even though I was supposed to be a bit angry.

“Sorry. It’s just that this issue has already been resolved. You see Yuto brought the topic of a conversation to what you would do when you woke up and your sister mentioned all this. And before she was able to object he decided to have you live here. He said that they had more space than they could think of what to do with it and you are more than welcome. Not even his wife objected”. I was again surprised and with good reason. Why is it that people decide about my future without even asking me about what I want? This was getting old and irritating really fast but I guessed I had to find out for myself what they said.

“Well this can wait for a bit. Right now this is all I need”. I sat up on the bed and drew her closer to me and she didn’t object at all. I kept her in my arms now that all was over and there was nothing to worry about, and for once I could truly enjoy the feeling. Once again we let our lips connect and dance on their own with our eyes closed. I would never let her go if I could help it. I cared for her more than I thought I would at first and I didn’t regret a thing. We were free; all of us and that was all that mattered. We could make plans another day but now we wanted to enjoy the moment we had.