Mortal Magic: Broken

I woke up feeling someone shaking my limp body and calling my name. “Wake up, come on. We need to go”. Opening my tired and not so obedient eyes I saw Yuto leaving my side after he made sure I was not lost in my dreams. Not that I had any to begin with.

I stayed on the ground for a minute or so to let my body wake up and then I got up on my shaky feet. My little visit to the river last night seemed to have affected me after all. I was not sick that for one was certain, but I was feeling weak and disorientated now. Since the other two had already packed and were ready to head out I was the only one who still had to gather his stuff, mainly my clothes and what I took from the animals to sell at the city. When I was ready I found them and we got on the road again.

This day was luckily uneventful. We simply kept on the road until it was time to eat and then after a brief moment of rest we did the same. Late in the evening we came across a caravan coming from the direction we were going and Yuto and I tried to keep a low profile just to be safe. They asked us where we headed and told us that the road ahead had a frequent bandit problem. They had kept their distance for a few days but they were bound to make their move again soon. We were advised to keep watch during the nights until we were out of the forest and then they left us to ourselves.

“Why did you act like that in front of them”? Maia was curious about how we acted like nothing was wrong with the men in the caravan. Yuto looked at me and waited for me to answer so I did telling her part of the truth. “We were just being careful. You never know who might want what”.

The rest of the day passed quickly and the light of the moon was soon passing through the trees reminding us that soon we would have to stop our travels. Having kept some food from our lunch we ate what we had left near a small fire. Just like yesterday Maia was in the mood for more stories but this time she looked at me for entertainment. Her blue and green eyes were expectant and patient, while eager and wanting at the same time. I found myself lost in their color and decided that it was time for me to share something that I never told anyone.

I tore my eyes from hers and pinned my gaze to the fire as I took a deep breath and then let it out. Still staring at the fire I wanted them first to understand that this was not something I did often. In fact it was the first time that I was about to tell someone everything, and it was uncomfortable and scary at the same time. “Before I start I want you to know that I never told anyone this. I don’t want anyone’s pity so I prefer to keep this a secret if I can help it”. They both looked at me questioningly but only Yuto voiced the question. “Why”?

“You’ll most likely understand by the time I finish”. I waited for a minute and then Maia asked something. “Not even you know what he is about to say? I thought you were friends”.

“No Maia, we met two weeks ago, maybe a few days more. It was in that time that Yuto decided to follow me. I still don’t know why he wants to help me though”. Taking one last deep breath I readied myself and started talking. “I already told Yuto about the village I lived in before, and he most likely told you some of that but without the details, but I never told him about my life specifically”.

“The truth is that I wasn’t born in that village, but somewhere I don’t remember anymore. I had a family once, and a younger sister. I don’t remember much from back then, but I remember everything after they abandoned us when I was seven and my sister five years old. They left us in a forest while we were asleep without a word and we wandered helplessly and aimlessly, starving until we found that village”. The memories were coming back to me again, testing the limits of my emotions that I wanted to keep below the surface. “I tried my best to find food and shelter since no one wanted to take us in and we lived in the streets for a few months. That was when my magic surfaced and I realized that it was useless, except for hunting. My projections were fragile and didn’t last long so this was the only thing I could do”.

“What little money I made that way was barely enough for us to buy something other than food but one day a hunter saw me killing his target and decided to train me. He took us in and he was good to us but half a year later he died from an attacking lion, and we were alone once again. But since the hunter was considered one of the best and I was trained by him I took his place to meet the village’s demands and we lived like normal people for a few years”.

It was hard for me to go back to that day again, to imagine it and live it again while telling other people what transpired then. “On the day of my thirteenth birthday she disappeared to give me my first gift in all these years as a thank you for everything I gave her and when we came back to the village we saw it was being attacked. The magi army was burning the houses and killing the people and they saw us. They took her and I to their leader, the master magus Lars and he took her with him while I was thrown in the arena in Redgard”.

“I survived for five years in there killing people that I didn’t even know planning my escape and ready to go and find him and kill him. I never lost no matter who they threw me to and one day they had me fight Yuto. He was by far the most skilled fighter I had seen until then and I didn’t want him to die so I spared him and they put him in my cell to mock me and made me endure the week long abstinence of food along with him as punishment again. In that time I taught him what he needed to survive here and for some reason we were helping one another”.

“As the blood moon grew closer they had me fight endlessly in hopes of tiring me and killing me after all these years and I was injured badly two days prior to the blood moon. He took care of me and burned my wound to save me but he was against me going back out there and trying to escape with the magic boost of the moon. But this was my last chance so I had to or else I could just die there. That night I killed everyone that had come to see the fights. Hundreds of people slaughtered like animals. We broke out and then we left Redgard and came to Brickbourne where you know the rest”.

This was everything that happened until now. No more lies, no more secrets. I laid myself bare of secrets to them and they said nothing as they took in my words. I was trying to digest it myself when Maia spoke. “What was your sister’s name? And what happened to her”? This was a question that I dreaded to ask myself too. I knew that Lars needed her as a sacrifice for his plan during the blood eclipse, but her fate was largely unknown to me. She could have been locked in a cell for those five years and starved and who knows what else. And I was nowhere near her to help her.

“Her name is Ashe, and I don’t know where she is if she was kept alive. But I know that they wanted her to sacrifice her during the blood eclipse this month so she has to be somewhere”. I tried not to think about her, not to imagine her face as she was taken from me. I tried not to think how she might look like now after what they could have done to her. But I did it anyway and I felt my eyes water and closed them in an attempt to hold the tears at bay. “She was everything to me… That is why I need to find Lars and kill him for what he did. And maybe, if I am lucky enough I can save her too and then my wish will have come true”.

My voice was little more than a whisper by the time I said those last words and I really hoped that I had not sounded that broken in front of them. I never liked letting others see my weakness, and now I was showing it willingly. “So that was your wish, to find your sister and save her. That is all you want you said, that this was all you needed in life. To see her happy again like before”. I turned my face from the fire to hide the tears that were falling from my closed eyes. My breathing was ragged from the emotion but I tried to maintain a somewhat silent and slow rhythm for my sake.

Then I felt a hand on my own on the ground and the touch was comforting. I needed this more than I let myself believe and so I did nothing to get away from the touch, secretly hoping that I would get something more than this. And soon after I felt another hand cupping the right side of my face and turning my head, and I saw Maia sitting in front of me and looking at me almost crying. She seemed sadder than ever but she still retained a small sign of her smile. I let out a deep, panting breath and let her gently rub her hand on my cheek. The action was insignificant, but the gesture held more value to me than anything else. In her eyes I didn’t see pity, but compassion and empathy.

I took her hand from my cheek and got on my feet and slowly left the camp site. I was so lost in my self-pity and sadness that I never realized that I got quite far. I rested my head on the bark of the nearest ancient tree and I felt the slight wind brushing against my face and cooling the trails my tears left. Some big brother I was… Some man I was… Some human I was… I was pitiful and even I knew that. Unable to even protect myself I hope to protect others, even if I have killed more people than I can count.

But that wish alone was true. It was the purest desire I still harbor inside me, and I still desperately cling to it for strength. To see her smile one more time in my arms, take her away from all this pain and sadness somewhere safe where no one would be able to hurt us again. I know that I am doing this for myself, following the path to fulfill this selfish wish. But that wish is all I have now to believe in and keep on living.

I looked up on the sky covered by the tree branches and took deep breaths to calm myself. “Just a little more, I just need to hold on for a few more days and then I will find him and make him tell me where he is keeping her before I kill him”. I just need to make it to Starkhaven and then find and kill him. Then it will all be over. His plan will never see its end and then I can have my family back. This thought was the only thing that gave me some comfort right now.