More Than We Can Tell

Ethan_717: It might be too late to send you a message, but I just wanted to check on you.

The message hits my screen after midnight. I have to be up for school in the morning, but sleep is a long way off. I don’t even feel tired.

That might have something to do with lying in bed all day, but I don’t think so.

Divorce.

We’ll have to put the house on the market.

Where will we go? What does that mean?

I don’t want to think about it. Messaging is a good distraction.

Azure M: I’m alive.

Ethan_717: I’m glad to hear it. Are you OK?

Azure M: I have not left my room all day.

Ethan_717: I haven’t either. Any more messages from the Nightmare guy?

Azure M: No. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s crazy. What’s up with you?

Ethan_717: The usual.

Then he sends me a gif of a crazy woman pulling her hair out, with the caption NO WIRE HANGERS!

It’s from an old movie about Joan Crawford, who couldn’t deal with the stress of Hollywood and took it out on her children. Mom loves it.

I know, I know. I can see the irony.

Azure M: Is your mom like that?

Ethan_717: She can be.

Azure M: Are all mothers like this? I don’t even get it.

Ethan_717: Yes. All mothers are crazy.

Azure M: Then again, my father might have made her this way. I don’t know.

Ethan_717: I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Azure M: Thanks.

Ethan_717: Are your parents still living in the same house right now?

Azure M: I don’t want to talk about it.

Ethan_717: OK.

Azure M: OK.

Ethan_717: I’m assuming you don’t want to run a mission?

Azure M: Not right now.

Ethan_717: I wish I could help.

Azure M: You are. Thanks, Ethan.

Then I blink at the screen. I quickly type another line.

Azure M: I just realized that I don’t even know if that’s your real name.

Ethan_717: It is. I’m Ethan. The 717 is my birthday. July 17. I know it’s not a gamer name, but I started using Ethan_717 when I was 9 and now I can’t seem to give it up.

Azure M: I’m Emma.

Ethan_717: EMMA! Now I get it. All this time I’ve been guessing M names. I was torn between Melissa and Melanie.

My eyebrows go up.

Azure M: Dude. You could have just asked.

Ethan_717: No, it was more fun to try to figure it out.

Azure M: Now you know everything about me.

Ethan_717: I’m writing a biography entry for Wikipedia right now.

I almost laugh, but it’s like my sense of humor is broken.

The thought makes me want to burst into tears again.

Ethan_717: Can I tell you something?

Azure M: Sure.

Ethan_717: It might be better. The divorce.

Okay. I do burst into tears. I’m so glad we’re typing instead of on the headset, or he’d think I was this total weepy mess all the time.

Azure M: We have to move. Mom said we have to sell the house.

Ethan_717: It’s just a house. You’ll see. It’s just a house.

Azure M: Did you have to move when your parents got divorced?

Ethan_717: Of course.

Azure M: And it wasn’t bad?

Ethan_717: No. It was the end of life as I knew it. It was awful.

Azure M: Gee. Thanks.

Ethan_717: But I survived.

I swipe at my face with the sheet again. My cheeks are raw.

After a moment, he sends me another message.

Ethan_717: Hey, I don’t want to be too forward, but here’s my number. In case you ever want to talk outside the game. I know what it’s like.

And then he sends me his number. It chases some of my tears away.

I immediately add him as a contact in iMessage, which will add him on my phone, too. I quickly send him a text.

Emma: Thanks, Ethan.

Ethan: You’re welcome, Emma.

I roll over in bed and pull the blankets over my head.

And for the first time all day, I smile.