FULL NOVELXO Chapter Seventeen: Sawyer
The water rushed through his blood-covered fingertips as he sat on his knees and watched the clear stream wash away the aftermath of his reconning. Its clear melody swirled around his skin as if it was always meant to be there but he knew differently, he knew what he did, what he had done and none of it was justified.
‘To protect someone you love, you end up hurting them. Choose your actions wisely, my love.’ A saying his mother had quoted to him many times when he was a child but he never considered it until now. Marley clouded his mind so often that thinking straight no longer existed. Her safety was his everything, yet she almost died right in front of his very eyes.
He got distracted by a crew member from the ship for two minutes and suddenly she was gone, her scent mixing with everyone else so strongly that he couldn’t find her until it was almost too late. Had he been a few seconds too late, she wouldn’t be part of this world anymore and that tore him to shreds. She wasn’t safe with him but she also wasn’t safe away from him.
Sawyer tried so hard to keep a distance from her so the mate bond wouldn’t grow but it didn’t work, the bond wrapped itself around him as if he was some dog on a leash and now the thought of her being out of his sight angered him. What was he thinking when he thought letting her go was a good idea? He didn’t know himself but now he knows. Now he knows how stupid he was in thinking he didn’t need her.
Blood slowly cleaned off his skin as he held his hands under the water and splashed his face and hair. He hated the stench of blood, as a creature who can turn into a bloodthirsty killer, he found it comical that the smell made him want to vomit. But he prevailed, trying to find some normalcy within the deep dark shadow that was his mind. Trying to convince himself that his rage on every living ghoul was justified to protect the woman he loved as well as her family. If he had just saved her, the entire village would be gone. The humans would be wiped out and Marley would no longer have the one person she loved the most, her sister.
His skin was now clean as he sat back and ruffled his growing hair. He hated it long and wondered if Marley would cut it for him if he asked. He knew that she wanted to touch it, he has caught her staring multiple times but he never dared to challenge her. As soon as her little fingers touch his head, he knew she would be a goner. Bent over some table or tree while he marks her but that was something he kept to himself.
“I figured I would find you here.”
Her voice sang in his ears as he turned his head and cocked an eyebrow. She hasn’t spoken to him properly since she told him that she hated him. Words that still crushed his soul to this day but he knew that she was just hurt and he had to keep reminding himself that he was the reason for it. “How?”
“This is the second time you have shifted in front of me. The first time you reappeared completely clean as if you didn’t just almost wipe out an entire species so I went looking for this one stream.” She shrugged as she came closer and frowned. “Does that hurt?”
Sawyer looked at her confused, moving his hand to feel where she was looking before he hissed back in pain. He had landed at one point to fight but he didn’t realise a ghoul had gotten close to his face. “I wasn’t aware that I was cut.”
“That is more than just a cut!” She scaled, tearing some fabric from her dress before placing it into the water and wringing it out. He watched in curiosity as Marley grazed her fingers under his chin so that he would look at her and began to dab the fabric onto his wound to clean it. He felt himself leaning into her touch as she cupped his cheek to clean the wound properly.
He loved the contact, this was the first time she had ever touched him willingly as the sparks shot through his entire body, the mate bond healing any wounds that were hidden from her view. “I don’t hate you.” She softly spoke while she eyed his cut. “You piss me off to the point where I want to punch you in the face but I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you.”
He felt his heart jump, staring into her green eyes as if they were the most beautiful things he has ever seen in his life. “I am sorry.” He spoke back just as softly, her shock almost made him laugh but he wanted her to know. Actions weren’t cutting it anymore and now he needed his words. “I have to protect you and I thought the only way to do that was to remove you from me. I thought you would be safe in the safety of your own home but I was wrong, you will never be safe no matter what I try to do.”
She smiled, removing her touch from him and sitting back which caused him to internally groan in protest. “I am safe with you, I always will be.”
“But you aren’t Marley!” He stated with frustration. “I had to put trust into a complete stranger to save your life just to watch you almost die again. I cannot lose you and the thought of losing you kills me.”
Swirls of emotions flicked through her eyes as she stared into his own. “Promise me something.”
“I am listening?”
“Promise me that no matter what, you won’t try to get rid of me again.” She requested. “Promise me that you won’t try to stop me from helping you.”
“And what if that promise gets you killed?”
She smiled, leaning forward and kissing his temple. “Then I die knowing I helped you save your people.”