Manipulate

In the training room, we stand in three lines waiting for Max and Theo. I hear voices and footsteps outside the door. Everyone in the room stiffens. We know that something definitely happened yesterday. And whatever it was, it’s not good at all.

The door opens and I notice something different about Max. Tattoos cover his arms and his neck. They’re either new or he covered them up. But one thing is new for a fact. On each of his eyebrows, a barbell pierces through the skin and a ring pierces through his lip. Everyone’s attention shifts from Theo to Max.

“Morning,” Max says.

“Morning,” some people chorus, while the rest of us stare at Max.

“Today we’ll be reviewing the techniques you’ve been working on this week and then two days from now we’ll be testing over them. Understand?” Max asks.

We nod and then we get sent off to the punching bags. My shirt is damp within minutes and my hair begins to stick to my forehead and neck. I discarded my jacket when we started and now it hangs snugly around my waist as I punch the bag.

Max and Theo begin to walk around the room, stopping every now and then to correct technique. The room soon fills with the scent of sweat and blood. My fists begin to split and peel from the material.

Nick still looks like a maniac when he punches. A whistle prices through the room and we all stop. Max stands next to Nick and the expression on his face is anything but good.

“I want you all to stop and come over here,” Max says, his face turning darker every second.

I notice one thing. Max holds Nick by the scruff of his shirt. Nick’s face shows no signs of embarrassment as everyone crowds around him. Max releases Nick and stares at him.

“I want you to stand in front of the punching bag and show us how to punch it properly,” Max says through gritted teeth.

Nick rolls his eyes and laughs. I swear that one day he’s going to land his ass in so much trouble that he won’t be laughing. The rest of us watch Nick closely as if he’s a wild animal on display.

“Nick, if you don’t do what I say, you may leave,” Max says, sounding more irritable than before.

Nick stops laughing and stands in front of the punching bag. He stance is all wrong and with the way he’s punching, he’s going to either break a bone or worse. Max stands to the side resting his chin on his hand while Theo sighs and presses his index and middle finger to his temple. They’re embarrassed and I can tell.

“Stop,” Theo orders.

Nick stops. Sweat rolls down his face as he begins to pant. We all stare at him. Nick begins to scowl.

“What?” he says. “I did what you wanted me to do!”

The mood in the room begins to darken; it would be wise for Nick to start running if he doesn’t want a stampede of people coming after him.

“Yes, you did do what I asked you to do but, it wasn’t correct,” Max says, bitterly. “Now, the test has been pushed back to after lunch. You may thank Nick for helping you all.”

Groans echo through the room and then the sound of angry voices shouting fill the room. Multiple people go up to Nick and try to punch or kick him. Anger flares up inside of me but I don’t say or do anything.

Before I can control my emotions, time shifts and I feel it happen. The nice thing is that no one notices what just happened. And I’m grateful for that.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough,” Theo announces, as he attempts to handle the situation. “Back to practicing. Grab a partner and start training again.”

I get stuck with Erika and she gives me a death-glare. Her blue eyes are dark with anger and her blond hair is pulled back into its signature long braid. I stand in front of her with my arms ready and my legs slightly bent.

Erika follows my lead and waits for me to start. I take a deep breath and we begin to circle one another. Erika’s jaw tightens as we pace. I throw a punch at her ribcage and she stumbles backwards from the blow.

On concrete floor this is going to be fun.

Erika’s fist collides with my nose and then, warm blood gushes out of my nose like a fountain. Erika laughs as she stares at me in my condition. I wipe the blood my nose with the back of my hand. If this is how she wants to play, bring it on. Bring it on.

“Do you need your older brother to come and save you? Or are you too tough for him?” Erika teases.

Her voice makes my blood rush faster and my temper rise. Heat builds up inside of me. I kick her in the legs and Erika’s knees buckle from my strength. I breathe heavily as sweat rolls down my neck, face, and back.

Erika stares at me as she gets up again. She glares at me as if I’m a threat and she’s trying to get rid of me. Erika’s fist hits my face and I stumble backward. I can’t fail. I can’t. I have to be strong to find mom. I have to.

There’s no other option now. You either be strong and make it or you fail and you can kiss everything you ever wanted goodbye.

I suck in a deep breath and stand back up. I feel dry blood begin to crust on my face and bruises forming on my arms and legs.

I raise my arms up and I punch Erika right in the jaw. She stumbles back from the force and momentum from the blow. She grunts and stares at me. Her eyes become darker and darker with each second.

I stare at her hands. Electric sparks begin to generate from her fingertips and the lights in the room begin to flicker. Max rushes over and grabs Erika’s hands. He looks her dead in the eyes.

“Stop,” he hisses as he holds her hands in place. “Control yourself and stop fooling around.”

His voice is rough and serious. Everyone in the room stops and all the eyes falls upon Erika the Drama Queen. Her face begins to burn with embarrassment.

“Did you hear me?” Max asks.

“Yes,” Erika says quietly.

“Good. Now, go back and finish practicing.”

The room begins to fill with chatter and yelling after Max and Theo retreat to the front of the room to observe us.

We continue to fight until the bell rings for lunch. And when it does, we run. We run as if our lives depend on it. As if we’re wild animals that have been released from our cages.

Laughing, talking, and screaming echo in the hallways as we make our way down to the cafeteria. I feel a hand land on my shoulder and I spin around. Trey walks beside me and greets me with a warm smile, but his eyes are filled with an uneasy look and his lips are pressed tightly together. I can tell that he’s thinking.

“Abhaya, can I tell you something?” Peter asks.

“Yeah, sure,” I say.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize for when Nick and I threw you into the closet and I’m not proud of my actions,” Peter says as he scratches the back of his neck, his voice is drowned out in the large crowd. “I was wondering if you could forgive me? I’m not asking for a lot. Just forgiveness. That’s all.”

My mind argues with my heart for a moment. Would I forgive him? Can I forgive him? Does he really mean what he says?

“I can forgive you. But can I ask, why did you do it in the first place?” I ask, curious to know what his answer is.

Peter stares at me for a minute. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and then exhales.

“I did it because Nick was my first friend that I made when I arrived at TID. He accepted me when no one else would due to my ability. He was like a brother to me but I was wrong. I followed him around like a dog does and I feel so stupid now. I watched him as he beat the TID-Borns up and mocked the adults. I didn’t know how he treated anyone around here. I really didn’t. It took me three years to figure out that I made a huge mistake. I regret it. I really do. I’m sorry, Abhaya. I really am. I feel really guilty and I wanted to apologize to you. So yeah, that’s the dramatic life of Nick and I,” Trey explains as we enter the cafeteria.

“I forgive you,” I say.

Peter smiles with glee as he skips off to join Mia, Trey, and Kayla. I walk behind some of the adults to get in line. This time, the scent of freshly baked bread, cheese, and chocolate cheesecake fill the air instead of hamburgers.

My stomach growls impatiently as I wait to get a plate to fill up. When I get to the pleasant scent of food, I pick up two slices of bread, cheese, and a slice of chocolate cheesecake, along with a fork and a cup of water. I make my way to our table and sit down.

When I sit down, Kayla and Trey sit next to each other kissing one another on the cheek every five seconds. Their food is untouched as Mia stares at her friend laughing as her face turns pink.

“Really you two? Really?” Peter asks, annoyed. “You’ve been doing this for the last five minutes. It’s sickening.”

“Let them be Peter,” Mia says. “Its fine.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Peter sighs.

I poke at my cheesecake and stab it. My mind begins to wander and I can’t help but to think.

I think about the test after lunch.

I think about my rank.

I think about Aj and Dad.

I think about how I’m going to make it through training and find Mom.

I have to find her. I have to. There is no other option. I promised Aj and Dad that I’d bring her home and then we’ll be a family again.

But one question lingers in my mind, who is Donatella? This question has been stuck in my mind since I’ve arrived here in TID. It bugs me constantly. The thought is like a fly in my head. It annoys me and it constantly runs around my head. I can’t get rid of it. I need answers and I have the questions. But who has the answers?

“I can’t believe that we have to do our test after lunch,” Nick complains loudly from a nearby table.

I pick up the warm and cheesy sandwich and take a bite. Warmth spreads throughout my body and I smile. The last time I ever had a sandwich this good was when I was four-years-old and Mom made Aj and I each one. I smile at the memory.

The bell rings and we leave the cafeteria. My eyes skip around the room. We all move at the same pace and all the initiates wear the same colors. We’re like robots. We’re being controlled.

But we can’t be. But we are. I still believe that we’re being manipulated. I really do.

As we make our way down to the training room, my ears are full of voices, whispers, and yelling. Couples fighting. Low conversations being passed back and forth. Boys and girls gossiping. Children shrieking as they run down the hallway playing tag. It makes my head spin but I ignore it.

We enter the training room and a black mat is set in the middle of the room. My muscles tense at the sight of the mat. Max and Theo stand in front of the room scanning us. Max claps his hands and we stare at him. We’re ready for what him and Theo have planned for us.

“Erika and Abhaya,” Theo calls. “You’re fighting first.”

Erika tugs her sneakers off and I tug my boots off. The two of us stand on the cool and firm mat. The both of us stand in front of each other dressed in black and maroon with our eyes staring one another down.

“Start now,” Max says.

Erika and I stand with our arms raised in front of us. Anger and determination course through my veins. I swing at Erika and my fist collides with her nose. Blood begins to gush out of her nose as she kicks me in the stomach.

The air gets knocked out of me as I struggle to inhale a breath. I gasp and then I punch Erika in the ribcage. She stumbles back and gasps for air.

“Come on,” Max complains loudly. “We still have other people to test.”

Erika’s fist punches me in the nose and I stagger for a moment and then I regain my balance. Another blow and I’m seeing stars dance around my head as my vision fades from reality to black. Before I know it, I’m on the floor with blood spilling all around me like a pool.

My eyes close and I take a deep, shuddering breath in. My head begins to spin once again but I push through it and try to stand up. That doesn’t help at all. My vision begins to blur together until all I see is pitch dark black. Whispers and murmurs and low conversations fill my head.

“Is she okay?” “What is she doing?” “What just happened?”

I take a deep breath in as I fight for balance. I stand up and then I fall back down. My knees shake but I’ll fight. I will even if I fall down. If I fall down, I’ll stand up again and again and again until there is no more energy left inside of me and I’m all worn out.

“Come on Abhaya,” Erika sneers, “what are you waiting for? You’re weak.”

My fists begin to curl into small balls and I throw my fist at Erika’s stomach. I stare at her as she double overs in pain. Her eyes turn dark and cold. She begins to scowl.

Who’s the weak one now?

I stand ready to fight again as Erika charges toward me. She wraps her arms around me and shoves me to the floor. My head hits the mat with a solid but muffled THUD! Stars appear once again as I struggle to catch my breath.

Erika’s fists begin to attack my ribs as I attempt to fight back. But all the air I breathe is being knocked right out of me. I manage to kick her with my foot and that distracts her.

Erika scrambles to stand up as I do myself. As I raise my fists, Erika’s fist punches me in the ear and then the face. The world slowly fades into a deep, deep, darkness. The ringing in my ear drowns out the screams, yelling, and “good job!”

My head hits the floor and my head’s spinning. My thoughts begin to muddle together. Then the last thing I see is, Theo’s silhouette leaving the room and Kayla and Mia scrambling to my aid. Then, I’m completely knocked out.

“Abhaya? Abhaya, are you okay?” a soft voice asks.

My eyes open right away and I notice something. I’m lying in a hospital bed covered in a thin sheet with an icepack pressed to my forehead and jaw. Kayla and Mia stand over me, their eyes filled with concern and their faces painted with worry.

“How long have I been out?” I ask.

“An hour,” Mia says casually.

I sit up, causing the ice packs to fall off my forehead and jaw. A nurse comes in with a Disc in front of her. She looks at me then, she runs toward me.

“Abhaya, please lie down,” she asks, her voice soft and soothing.

“Why?” I ask, my voice sounding like a curious four-year-old.

“You hit your head pretty hard on the ground,” the nurse says as she checks my eyes with a bright light. “You’ll need to stay here for the night before you can return to training.”

I nod and then she leaves. Mia sits down on the edge of the bed and holds my hand. Her brown eyes are filled with worry and her eyebrows begin to stitch together. I look at her and I tilt my head. The world looks funny now. I wonder why?

“You should get some rest, Abhaya,” Mia says softly.

I press an ice pack to my forehead and then I burst out laughing. Mia and Kayla look at me and then at each other.

“We’ll leave so you can get some rest. You really did hit your head,” Kayla says as she leaves.

I nod and wave at Mia and Kayla as they leave. My eyes close once again and I’m out.

#

“Come here, Abhaya!” Donatella screams as her heels click aggressively against the marble floor.

My heart begins to hammer in my ribcage as my ears perk up. Donatella’s voice begins to echo through the empty house. I freeze and I hide my book under my pillow. I stand up as the door flies open and I feel every muscle in my body go rigid. I stare at her with wide eyes. I’m seven-years-old and my stepmother has everything against me.

“Get over here now,” Donatella barks loudly.

I stare at her. Terror consumes my body as I force myself to take a step toward her. Donatella’s blond hair is smoothed back and is perfectly brushed into a sleek and mid-back length ponytail. Her gray blazer, white top, gray skirt, white pointy heels, and her Government issued badge all blur together like the rest of the house.

Donatella holds both a belt and a vase in her hands. I gulp. She really hates me and I can tell just by the look on her face. Her gray eyes turn to hard stone as she stares at me.

“Get over here,” she says, tapping her toe against the ground. “I don’t have the time or patience for your games.”

I take a deep, shuddering breath in and make my way toward Donatella. The house is empty and I’m alone. No one can save me. The belt cracks against my black tank-top and I suck in a deep breath. Pain floods through my body as the belt bites at my skin. The next thing I hear is glass shattering.

Sharp shards of broken ceramic stab my arms as I once again, bite back a scream. The belt hits my back multiple more times until Donatella yanks my shirt up to reveal raw and bleeding skin. She sits the belt down on the floor and spins me around to face her.

“Look at me,” she hisses. “Do not tell anyone about this or I swear to God it will get worse. Do you understand?”

I nod. Fear and terror begin to flood into my bloodstream. My muscles tense up as Donatella’s cold and hard gray eyes pierce into my soul. Heat begins to cover my back.

Where the belt bit me I feel my back turn into a fire. The lashings are oxygen and my back is dried grass. It burns. I won’t cry because it’s foolish to. I can’t or else Donatella will think that I’m weak and I can’t afford to show her that side of me.

The side no one is allowed to see. It’s my dark side. I have secrets that I hide there. No one will ever know because that’s side no one wants to see. Never.

I feel a sudden shift in time and then Donatella is gone. I stare at myself in disbelief. Wait…. I forgot to take my medicine this morning! Dad said that I have to take it every day or something bad could happen. Is this what he warned me about? Oh no, no, no.

I try to calm down but all I feel is the world spinning around me. Fast and faster and faster and faster and faster until it’s dark out and the sun has set. I glance at my watch on my bedside table. It’s seven o’clock.

What did I just do?

#

I wake up drenched in cold sweat. My head throbs as I open my eyes. I glance around the room and I’m still in the hospital room. The nurse comes over and checks my vitals and my eyes. She flashes a bright light into my eyes to check my pupils. She clicks the stick off and types something into her Disc.

“Can I leave?” I ask as she types.

The nurse looks up at me. Then she sighs. I look out the tinted window and see the sun setting.

“Do you really think that I will let you leave?” She asks, slightly annoyed.

“I don’t know. I feel better though,” I chirp.

The nurse looks at me. She’s dressed in black scrubs with a maroon undershirt. Her brown hair is curled and is shoulder-length. Her brown eyes are kind and soft but I notice a scar right above her eyebrow.

“Fine. But if your head begins to hurt again or if you’re having trouble seeing or standing up come back here as soon as you can. Do you understand, Abhaya?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I say, as I kick back the covers on the bed. “Thank you!”

I exit the hospital wing and before I close the door, I hear the nurse mutter, “She’s just like her mother. Stubborn and determined.”

I smile. Everyone may say that I look like her but, I can be like her in every way possible. Whether it’s my attitude or my style; I’m just like her. The person I looked up to and the person I never wanted to be. I’m like my mom in so many ways that I never knew or even imagined. How hard can it be to find her now?

I return back to the dormitories and find Mia and Kayla waiting for me. I smile at the them when I see them. Peter stands next to Mia with his arm wrapped around her waist as he presses kisses to her head, forehead, and temples. Trey holds Kayla by the waist as he kisses her firmly on the lips. I smile.

Kayla and Trey break apart when Mia clears her throat at them. Trey smiles and Kayla blushes when she sees me.

“Abhaya, you’re back!” Trey exclaims as I make my toward them.

“How’s your head, Abhaya?” Peter asks as Mia presses a kiss to his cheek.

“Much better,” I say. “What are you guys doing?”

Mia, Kayla, Peter, and Trey stare at each other and smile.

“You guys planning on getting tattoos now, aren’t you?” I say with a slight smile.

“Yep,” Mia says, popping the last ‘P’.

A few minutes later, the five us are making our way down to the tattoo parlor. Kayla rides on Trey’s back and Mia and Peter walk side by side with their arms wrapped around each other’s waists. Our footsteps echo through the hallways as Peter and Kayla lead us to the tattoo parlor.

Trey let’s go of Kayla once we reach the tattoo parlor. I stare at the neon sign that reads, ‘Tattoo’. Kayla knocks on the door and a woman with electric green hair with a pixie cut answers the door. She’s dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants and a black sleeveless tube top.

“Good evening, Ash, how are you?” Kayla asks politely.

Ash smiles at Kayla before a large yawn takes over. I look at Ash. Her tan skin is painted with black ink and her ears are pierced in multiple and places and her nose has a hoop going through the middle of her nose.

“Sorry,” Ash apologizes. “Come on in and I’ll help you all.”

We follow Ash into the tattoo parlor and she pulls out a sketch pad and rummages through a mountain of papers and old sketches to find a pencil. She perches herself on the edge of an armchair like a bird. Ash motions for us to take a seat in the folding chairs.

“I apologize for the mess,” Ash says as she attempts to clean off the table in front of us. “Okay, so what can I do for you all?”

Ash bends down to pick up some of the scattered papers and I notice some of her tattoos. An owl is meticulously drawn on her upper-back.

Peter nudges Mia in the shoulder and smiles. Mia flips her hair over her shoulder and tugs her arm out her green jacket. Ash cocks her head to right and arches an eyebrow.

“I was thinking about getting an arrow here on my inner bicep,” Mia says. “By the way, do you have any hair-dye I can borrow?”

“I like the idea,” Ash says as she taps her pencil on the blank sketchpad. “And yes, I do have some hair-dye you can borrow. What color?”

“Blue,” Mia says.

Ash smiles. “Then I definitely have some of that. Peter, what can I do for you?”

“A snake behind my ear,” Peter says. “But no color.”

“Gotcha,” Ash says as she scribbles on her sketchpad. “Kayla?”

“I was thinking of getting a wolf paw print on my shoulder,” Kayla says pointing to her right shoulder.

Another smile creeps over Ash’s face as she writes on the same page. She looks at Trey and smiles.

“What do you want, Trey?”

“A hummingbird on the back of my neck,” Trey says, pointing to the back of his neck. “But like Peter, I would like no color.”

“Sounds cool to me,” Ash says. “And who are you? Are you new here?”

“Yeah I’m kind of new here,” I say. “I’m Abhaya.”

Ash smiles. I can tell that she smiles and laughs a lot due to the laugh lines that form around her mouth and eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Abhaya,” Ash says. “What kind of tattoo would you like?”

I look at the top of a pile of sketches and see a sketch that catches my attention. The tree that is drawn in a way that it looks almost real. The branches spread out and look strong. Three birds are sketched moving toward the shoulder. The tree trunk has a hole in it. It looks like a home. A safe place. A safe home.

“This one,” I say, picking up the sketch.

Ash smiles once again and takes the sketch gently from my hands. She glances up at me, her deep brown eyes sparkle. Ash stands up and leaves the room with her sketchpad and the tree sketch in her hands.

“I’ll be back with some ideas,” she says. “Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? Water? Milk?”

“Tea’s fine,” Kayla says. “Can you add some milk and honey in it?”

“Sure thing!” Ash chirps.

The five of us sit in silence as we wait for Ash to return. The sound of mugs clinking against the counter and water boiling begin to fill my head. I glance at Mia, Kayla, Peter, and Trey. They don’t look bothered by the sound. Is it just me or am I going crazy?

Ash comes back balancing six steaming mugs on a plate along with sketches on her head. Ash holds the plate out in front of us and we accept the tea. The scent of milk and honey warm my body and I smile.

“Okay, who wants to go first?” Ash asks us as we sip our tea silently.

“I’ll go,” I say.

“Follow me then,” Ash says. “You can bring the mug with you.”

Kayla and Mia pat me on the shoulder as I exit the room. I follow Ash into a room as she snaps on a pair of gloves. Ash motions for me to sit down in a black leather chair. She smiles brightly and hums a tune under her breath as she sets up.

“Can you remove your shirt please,” Ash asks.

I nod and I take my tank top off. Ash applies a cool and wet wipe to my back before she presses the stencil to my back. Ash gently presses the stencil to my back and then the buzzing sound from the tattoo needle begins to fill my head and the room.

“Are you ready, Abhaya?” Ash asks hesitantly before she applies the needle to my skin. “This is permanent and you cannot get rid of this.”

“I’m sure I want this,” I say. “I’m ready.”

“Are you nervous?” Ash asks as she maneuvers around the chair to find an angle to start at.

“A little,” I say.

“Just breathe in and then out,” Ash says.

I breathe in slowly and then I exhale. I feel the needle touch my skin and then it all begins. Ash traces the stencil with the needle and then wipes the ink off of my back. I soon begin to lose track of time as Ash works on the tattoo.

“Done,” Ash chirps as she removes her gloves. “Do you want to take a look at it?”

I stand up and clutch my shirt to my chest. I walk over to a mirror in the corner. I turn around to observe the new piece of me. My eyebrows shoot up. It’s perfect. I smile at the myself in the mirror.

“It’s perfect!” I exclaim. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, Abhaya,” Ash says. “Now, let’s find a bandage that can cover that up so it can heal.”

Ash opens a drawer and pulls out a roll of the drawer and applies it to my back. Ash smiles and exits the room. I put my shirt back on and I open the door. I find Kayla, Mia, Peter, and Trey sitting in the waiting area with bandages on them too.

Mia stands up. I forgot that she asked Ash for hair-dye because her hair is now an electric blue.

“Have a good night, Ash!” Kayla calls out.

“You too!” Ash calls out as she closes the door behind her and all that is left is the neon sign glowing in the dark.

The five of us walk down the hallways back to the dormitory laughing and talking. We all have bandages covering our tattoos either on our shoulders, back, ear, or neck. Kayla rides on Trey’s back, her hands wrap around his shoulders, watching out for his tattoo.

I open the door to the dormitory and we enter it. But tonight, it’s much, much worse than usual. Knives whizz through the air, paintballs are thrown at the walls, food flies and makes art on the walls. It’s literally a zoo!

I snake around bunk beds until I get to mine. I push my body up onto the mattress and lay face down. My head buzzes from the yelling and screaming, my body is sore from the fight today, and I skipped dinner tonight.

My life is filled with pain, misery, and cruelty but somehow, I still manage to stand strong. Because that’s life. It’s filled with pain and misery but we learn how to deal with it because everyone has their breaking point no matter how strong they may be.

I sit up and press my fingertips to my temples. I breathe in and out as I attempt to control my emotions. Stress, tiredness, hunger, and pain build up inside of me as I close my eyes. I try to block out the noise by thinking but that’s no use.

I sigh and jump off the bed. My jacket is still wrapped around my waist and dried blood crusts on my arms. I guess I could shower now since everyone decided to have a fight in here tonight.

I walk into the shower room and find the shampoo and conditioner in shower six. I shrug and decide to shower in there for the night. I turn on the water and I stand there for a moment, just letting the water hit me as I stand there thinking about the fight earlier.

I squirt some of the shampoo into my hands and massage it into my scalp. The scent of lime and coconut fills the stall along with steam from the warm water. I rinse the shampoo and conditioner out and then pick up the soap.

I smile as lavender and lemon fill my nostrils. The scent will always make me smile no matter what. I finish showering and turn the water off. I dry off and enter the locker room.

I take my time with dressing myself because of the bandage on my back covering my tattoo. I sigh and pull my hair back into a heavy ponytail. I stare at myself in the mirror and smile.

I made it through the first fight today. I may not have won but I made it. You can’t win every battle but you can at least try.

I exit the locker room and find my way to my bunk. Another knife flies through the air and nicks my ear. A warm stream of blood trickles down my ear as I touch it with my finger.

“Idiots,” I mutter. “Idiots.”

I step onto Nick’s bunk and hoist myself up onto my bed. I lay face down into the pillow. I don’t bother to pull a blanket or sheet up to cover to me. I lay in bed with my jacket as my blanket and my sopping wet hair soaking through my jacket and tank top.

#

I stand in the kitchen with a piece of paper next to me as I mix different herbs and spices together for the chicken for dinner tonight. I smile as I hum an old tune to myself. Mom would hum it whenever Aj or I had a bad day or we were sick. Footsteps echo outside the kitchen door and I glance over my shoulder.

I can’t tell if I’m just paranoid or if I’m just extra aware today. I took the medicine but I can’t help it. What is wrong with me?

The door flies open and Linda stands in the doorway. Her cold gray eyes stare me down and her red curly hair looks like a giant flame, encasing her in it.

Without the hair, Linda looks like an exact replica of her mother. The way she walks, dresses, her posture, and her expressions all make her look like a copy of Donatella.

“Can I help you?” I ask as I coat the chicken in the mixture of herbs and spices.

Linda crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me. Her heels click against the marble floor as she approaches me. I look up to see the expression on her face. Insecure. Linda is dressed in a gray button up shirt with a black pencil skirt and white two-inch heels.

“I’m worried about tonight and Lillie says that I’m being overdramatic about it so I came to talk to you,” Linda says.

“So, you’re worried about a dinner party with Donatella’s co-worker, who has a son that you like. Is that correct?”

“Abhaya,” Linda hisses. “This is serious! I don’t like him. He likes me and I have to sit next to him tonight! This is so-so-so UNFAIR!”

Linda stops once I look in her direction. I arch an eyebrow and cross my arms over my battered and torn red t-shirt. My black jeans fray at the ankles and my maroon sneakers are beat up from years of running and working on projects. I look nothing like any of the females in this house at all. My dark hair is pulled back into a long ponytail so I don’t manage to chop any of it off with a knife.

“Linda!” I snap. “You’re going to be fine. Just breathe.”

Linda looks at me. Stunned. Stunned at the words that just shot out of my mouth. Linda takes a deep breath in and runs her hands through her hair.

“Thanks, Abhaya,” Linda whispers. “I guess I kind of lost it there.”

“It’s fine,” I say.

Before I know it, Linda wraps her arms around me. After living with her for nine years, she finally realizes me.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry that I was cruel toward you for all those years. I regret it. Mother scared me and I was controlled by fear. I wish that I could take it all back and start over.”

“Well, I wish that I could hug you now but I can’t,” I say, Linda laughs. “It’s fine, Linda. We learn from our mistakes.”

“Well, I better go before Mother finds me in here,” Linda says as she unwraps her arms from me. “Bye, Abhaya.”

I smile and wave at Linda as she leaves me alone in the kitchen. The world is full of good and evil; but you’re in charge of what you become.

#

I wake up with my hair covering my face and to the stench of food and sweat. I sit up and find that everyone is asleep. I ponder for a moment until I get an idea. I jump off of my bunk and exit the dorm.

I hear Erika mumble something as I exit. She may have not said them clearly but I that what she just said is anything but good. She said, “I hope everyone ranks the lowest and I rank the highest.”

I shake my head and sigh in disbelief. Training is definitely going to test us all. Not just us but our friendships and relationships. It’s going to let us show who we really are and how we manage in situations. I fear that I’m not going to make it but I’m going to try because that’s all that matters now.

I have to keep my promise. I have to. I can’t lose my mom like how I lost Abi. I can’t afford anymore losses. I just can’t. I just can’t. It’s not possible. It just isn’t.