Manipulate

When I open the door to the dorm, I’m greeted by a whole room yelling, drinking, or sleeping. I slip back to my bunk and find Nick and Lee sitting on Nick’s bunk drinking an amber liquid out of paper cups. I climb up onto my bunk and unlace my boots.

I hang the shoes at the end of my bunk, along with my black backpack. I sigh and close my eyes. So much happened today. From the first day of mental training to climbing the rope to Theo. Theo. God, I might as well die of stupidity and embarrassment now.

“Abhaya, you need to wash the makeup off,” Mia’s voice chimes in my ear.

I sit up and find Mia somehow balancing in the air. She can levitate.

“Oh, yeah,” I say. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Mia says, smiling. “By the way, where were you after dinner?”

“Oh.” I don’t want to tell Mia or anyone that I was with Theo, or any of the details. “I was in the training room,” I lie.

“Okay. Doing what?”

“Archery,” I reply.

Mia nods as I open the door to the bathroom. When TID changed, so did the bathroom arrangements. Girls and boys now share both a locker room and a bathroom together. When we find a sink, Kayla’s already washing off the layers of eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick.

“Hello,” she greets, brightly. “Where were you after dinner, Abhaya?”

“Training room,” Mia and I chime together.

Kayla nods and rinses the washcloth under the sink. Black and red stain the cloth like blood does to white. Kayla rings the washcloth out and leaves. Mia goes over to a stack of washcloths and picks two up.

“Thank you,” I say, accepting the washcloth.

Soon, my cloth is caked in black and I laugh silently in my head. I see my reflection in the mirror and stare at my eyes. They’ve turned back to their dull and lifeless shade of blue. I wring the cloth out and drench it in water again. I wash my face with cold, bone-chilling water. I feel the water wash away all the dirt, grime, and sweat off my face.

I set the washcloth down and exit the bathroom, flipping the lights off. When I get back to my bunk, Nick and Lee are still drinking the same alcoholic beverage from earlier. The air around them smells stale and it burns my nostrils. I climb up onto my and close my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

#

“Abhaya Hughes,” Mrs. Shallow calls.

I raise my hand. “Present.”

It’s the first day of school and I’m the youngest student in class. I’ve attended North Kate Private School since Dad married Donatella. I know that I don’t belong here. It’s obvious. I stand out like a sore thumb in the crowd. Mrs. Shallow continues calling out names and I feel all eyes sink in on me.

Class drags by and I hate it. People stare at me not because of my size but because of my knowledge. I suddenly become aware of people’s eyes watching me. I become self-conscious about the scars on my back. I’m twelve years old and this is what I’m afraid of?

My Stepmother is practically in charge of the entire city and she scares me? I am so stupid.

The bell rings and everyone shuffles out of the room, causing me to get pushed to the side. Every day, I try to be selfless just like Mom was but some days it’s harder than others. We don’t see past others; we just see ourselves and we’re the main goal.

“Abhaya, can you stay here for a moment please?” Mrs. Shallow asks.

I stop and pivot on my heel. My sneaker squeaks against the tile floor. I stare down at the floor; my arms begin to shake. Mrs. Shallow walks over toward me, her spotless heels clicking against the tile floor. She stops and crouches down to the ground, her eyes looking up to meet mine.

“You’re different,” she says, whispering. “Abhaya, this is your first day in my class and you’ve already made a good first impression on me. Do you realize that?”

I shake my head. “No, ma’am.”

A smile creeps over Mrs. Shallow’s face. “Politeness and selflessness get you further in life than you expect it to. Bravery and knowledge do too.”

I nod. Those words sound like what Mom would say before she left us seven years ago. I pick at the fraying edges on my black jeans as Mrs. Shallow’s words sink in.

“Can I leave now?” I ask.

“Yes, of course. Have a good day, Abhaya,” Mrs. Shallow calls after me.

I exit the room, my worn, maroon, sneakers squeaking against the tiles floor. People whisper and point at me as I make my way down the hallway. I stand out in a sea of gray and white because all I’m dressed in is black and maroon. When class starts, the whispers and stares are the same.

I’ve skipped three grades and I don’t know why. When the bell rings for lunch, my heart pounds in my chest. Lunch has never been kind to me so I’ve just learned to eat in a bathroom stall or along the wall. Lunch ends twenty minutes later and I flee from the cafeteria.

The rest of the day drags by slowly but when the bell dismisses us for the day, I’m already darting out the doors. I run home, not bothering to stop. When I turn the corner to my home, I’m out of breath. I open the door and close it behind me, locking it.

I beat them home. I beat Linda and Lillie home. I drop my backpack sink down to the floor. I close my eyes and exhale a long breath. My head rests against the door as I do so.

A knock on the door causes my eyes to snap open instantly. I stand up, my heart pounding in my chest. I peer out the window and see Aj standing outside, his eyes creasing. I unlock the door and Aj drops his bag to the floor as he wraps his arms around me.

This is his last year of school, then I’m on my own. Well- Aj will still be living at home-he’ll just be at a different school, leaving me with Linda and Lillie for the day.

I wrap my arms around Aj’s neck and bury my face in his neck. A hot tear pricks my skin as Aj unwraps his arms. Tears fill his eyes like air fills a balloon.

“What happened?” I whisper quietly.

“Rumors,” Aj responds. “They were spreading rumors about you today.”

“Oh.” I look away. People enjoy spreading rumors about me just for fun. Just to draw attention to me. Just to embarrass me. “Sounds like people,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “People are just full of bullshit.”

“Language,” Aj warns. “And hey, I would love it if they’d stop. It sucks and I’m sorry-”

“Leave me alone,” I say, almost shouting. “I don’t care about what others think.”

I pick my backpack up and sling it over my shoulders. I shrug and walk away. I climb the stairs to my room and throw my backpack on the bed. I sigh and lay down. No homework except, I have to fill out a form on my Disc.

I open my Disc and type my password in it. I sit up on my bed and begin to fill out the long form full of questions. I finish the form and close my Disc. I sigh and rub my eyes.

I hear a car’s engine pull up in front of the house. That only means that Linda, Lillie, and Donatella are home. Dad won’t be home for another two hours. Great. The door opens then slams shut. Heels click on the marble floor as voices fill the empty house. My heart gets lodged in my throat. Heavy steps make their way up the staircase and I stop.

The door to my room opens and Donatella enters with one of Dad’s belt in her hand. My body shakes in terror. Before I know it, the belt collides with my back. It takes me five minutes before an agonizing scream escapes my clenched jaw.

“Shut up,” Donatella hisses.

The belt whips against my skin

Once

Twice

Three times.

Donatella leaves once she’s satisfied with the amount of pain that she’s put me through. When she leaves, I’m left with a burning and bleeding back. She loves it when I’m in pain; it makes her feel like I’m weak and hopeless. That’s the thing about pain, it makes you stronger and teaches you lessons. Lessons more valuable than the ones you learn about in life.

#

Lactic acid jerks me awake. The acid sends a burning yet painful sensation through my legs. I clench my jaw as I try not to flail in my bed. The sound of yelling and loud talking jerks me awake. The room soon becomes stuffy and humid from the hot water in the bathroom.

I stuff my face in my pillow to drown out the noise and to drown out time for a moment. Time. Time never stops; it’s always moving. Theo’s words ricochet in my head as I clench my eyes shut. I sigh and get up. My body feels heavy. As if someone piled a bunch of bricks on top of me and left me for days like that.

I jump off of my bunk and enter the bathroom. I’m immediately bombarded by the sweet and tangy scent of lemon and lavender and the heavy scent of perfume and cologne. The scents mix together and my lungs gaps for clean air.

I manage to find an open shower stall at the end of the line of stalls. I turn the knob to cold and I begin to shower. Cold water trickles down my collar bone, seeping under my bandage. The cold water wakes me up like an electric spark does.

The shampoo and conditioner bottles ram into the stall wall. I mumble a small “Thanks” and proceed to wash my hair. The scent of coconut and lime fills the stall along with lemon and lavender. I inhale the sweet, tangy, and cleansing scent through my nose, the scent making my nostrils tingle. I feel more awake, more alive.

I lather my hair with shampoo and conditioner, letting the grease wash down the drain. I pick the bar of soap up off of the wall and sit it in my hands.

I finish showering and turn the teeth-chattering water off. I dry off and wrap a towel around me. I walk out to the locker-room and sit my clothes down. I throw my tank-top on and then the leggings. I step into the pants and pull them up. Once they reach my thighs, they stop. I tug again but they won’t move. Damnit, I think. Not now.

I press my lips together and close my eyes. I pull the pants up, hoping that there will be no holes or worse, a rip. I stop once the leggings around my hips. No hole or rip. Thank goodness, I think as I breathe a sigh of relief. Yelling and shouting tear through the room as the bell rings for breakfast. Today is the second day of mental training and I’m anything but ready.

People dash out of the dorm, eager to get to the cafeteria for breakfast. Yesterday still haunts me. The fact that TID is no longer safe worries me. It intoxicates my blood just thinking about it.

When we get to the cafeteria, Rae stands on the podium dressed in all black. From her sweater to her jeans and combat boots. Her expression is creased with worry and her posture showcases it all. Her lips are pressed tightly together as if an adult was trying to shove vegetables into a child’s mouth.

As we all either sit down or stand in line or along the wall, Rae claps her hands, capturing our attention, causing all the conversations to fall to the ground. Everyone’s eyes stare at Rae. Worry and fear eat through the room like a monster.

“Everyone,” Rae announces, “I have an announcement to address. The rumors that you have heard are true. The Government is looking for us. Donatella has Government workers looking for us.”

The room goes from deadly quiet to panic in a matter of seconds. Gasps tear through the room. The once deadly silence is now gone. My heart lodges in my throat as my thoughts begin to rush around in my head.

This is all my fault, I think. All because I left home.

I cross my arms over my chest to trap the guilt inside. It claws at my ribcage as I train my eyes on the floor. My stomach begins to twist in and out of knots as Rae answers as many questions as she can.

I feel a light tap on my shoulder and I turn around. Theo stands behind me, a tight smile stretches over his lips. Worry fills his eyes but he hides it with his posture. Theo stands like he does in the training room, Confident and ready.

But for one split second, I swear that I Theo shoot me a quick and small smile. But Rae’s voice throws me back into reality. The room falls silent once more.

“For those who started Train Jumping yesterday, you will be resuming that later. We couldn’t do that this morning due to morning patrol,” Rae explains. “This is for everyone, after breakfast, you’ll be learning about TID’s Safe House locations and then you’ll resume Train Jumping. Have a nice breakfast then.”

The room fills with light conversations as the cafeteria begins to serve breakfast. My head begins to swarm with other people’s conversations.

“I can’t believe that this is happening,” someone says. “They said that TID is a safe place. We’re safe here.”

“Morning, Phoenix,” Theo greets.

I turn around and see Theo smiling softly at me. Dimples form at the corners of his mouth. His smile is less forced and more natural.

“Morning, Wolf,” I say, forcing a small smile. Mornings are not my thing!

Blush creeps up Theo’s ears, turning them from a milky pale to a light shade of pink when our eyes meet. Blood pounds in my veins and I quickly look away. The line shifts and for the rest of breakfast, Theo and I don’t say another word.

The scent of coffee, oatmeal, toast, eggs, and bacon fill the serving area. When it’s my turn, I retrieve a bowl of plain oatmeal, a slice of toast, and a cup of black coffee. I place the plastic bowl, glass plate, and tin cup onto a metal tray. The coffee warms my insides as I fight my way through the large crowd of hungry people. I sit down at my usual table with Mia, Peter, Kayla, and Trey. The five of us sit shoulder-to-shoulder this time. Mia sits next to Peter and Kayla sits next to Trey; I have no one and it’s quite nice.

“Morning, Abhaya,” Mia sings, glee filling her voice.

“Morning,” I mumble, still half asleep.

“Abhaya, you need to wake up soon. We have training later and you do not want to be half asleep for that,” Kayla chimes.

“I’m working on it,” I yawn.

Peter reaches over to punch my arm lightly and I react just as his fist collides with my arm. I shove him off and we all burst out laughing. Mia and Peter flirt until Peter sprays milk out his nose.

“Oh, God, that burns!” Peter exclaims. Tears rolling down his face as he laughs. “God!”

The sound of metal clattering on the table silences us. Nick sits down on my left and a dark and heavy feeling hangs over us like a weight. Erika and Lee join the table and breakfast uncomfortable. Nick, Lee, and Erika begin to talk loudly as I stir my oatmeal with my spoon.

I bring the spoon to my mouth and take a bite. The creamy and rich oatmeal warms my stomach as I chew it up. I smile. Even though some things are wrong out there, there are always some good things inside.

The bell dismisses us fifteen minutes later, and the sound of feet shuffling, benches scraping against the floor, and metal trays being stacked, fill the room. All the initiates and the younger members of TID make their way to either a training room or a classroom. As we exit the cafeteria and walk down the hallways, conversations fill the air like air in a balloon.

We make our way to the training room and Theo and Max stand in front of a new, but battered blackboard, taping a large, white, and carefully drawn map. We stand there in a large group until they turn around. Max nods at Theo and Theo clears his throat.

Theo inhales and then exhales, letting whatever nerves inside of him escape. He says, “I want you all to sit on the floor. This might take a while.”

Groans and complaints fill the room as people sit down, unhappily on the dusty concrete floor. Theo’s eyes narrow as he sighs, annoyed.

“You can act like little kids and complain or you can act like teenagers whose lives are on the line. Which one will you choose?” Theo asks.

The room becomes silent; no one says a word. Max steps forward and Theo steps back. Max now owns the floor.

“This map shows the two and only TID Safe House locations that are still standing after St. Louis was isolated from all the other states in North America,” Max explains, pointing to the two houses drawn on the map. “This one here on the right is about two miles East of where we jumped off as yesterday. The one here on the left is to the west of St. Louis-- before you get to the other side of the fence that separates us from the state of Illinois.”

Max stops and stares at us, his expression is full of concern. He turns to face Theo and seems to send him a message, almost telepathically. Theo stares at Max and responds to him. Max turns back to face us and he continues.

“If there were to be a scenario, in which we did have to leave, which Safe House would we go to?” Max asks, quizzing us.

No one moves or says a word until Max clears his throat. That jerks us all awake.

“The one two miles East from where we jumped yesterday,” we chorus all at once, almost sounding like robots.

Max nods and accepts our answer. He fiddles with the ring on his lip and continues talking.

#

Thirty minutes later, Max finishes explaining to us about TID’s Safe Houses and the room is deathly still. No one talks or moves as Max ponders for a moment. He rolls the end of the barbell between his index finger and thumb until he stares at us.

“I want Peter and Lee to fight for now,” Max declares after a long silence.

Theo turns around to face Max and arches an eyebrow, questioning Max’s abrupt and odd decision. Max turns to face Theo and raises both eyebrows at him, answering him by nodding his head. Theo nods and turns back to face us.

Peter and Trey jog over to the corner and drag the mat out. Everyone scrambles to stand up to make room for the large mat in the middle of the room. Peter and Lee step onto the mat without shoes or socks and the room becomes tense with suspense. Everyone that’s part of initiation right now knows that Peter and Lee are the best of the best when it comes to physical training. They’re almost tied for first place.

“Begin!” Max yells.

Peter and Lee stand with their arms in front of them, protecting themselves. Peter steps forward and Lee takes that to his advantage. Lee throws an uppercut at Peter’s jaw, causing Peter to stumble back. Peter catches himself and stops. Lee’s and Peter’s fists collide with one another’s but Peter kicks Lee in the knees; and Lee falls onto the mat with a muffled Thud. Peter pins Lee to the mat with his elbow, sweat drenches the back of their tank tops as blood runs down their faces. Both boys’ knuckles are coated in each other’s blood.

Lee raises his fist and punches Peter square in the jaw and knees him in the stomach. Peter is thrown to the ground and Lee scrambles to pin his opponent to the ground. Theo attempts to step away from his spot next to Max, but Max stops him. Lee begins punching Peter in the face with his bare fist; blood gushing out of Peter’s nose and nose.

“STOP!” Peter cries, his voice cracking. “Please. I-I give up.”

Lee doesn’t stop; he keeps punching and punching Peter until Max pulls him off of Peter. Theo helps Peter sit up, handing Peter multiple paper towels for his waterfall-like-nose. Lee’s knuckles are stained with Peter’s blood and soon Max is too. Mia darts over to Peter’s side and whispers something in his ear. Theo and Mia help Peter up and Theo turns to face us.

“I’m taking Peter to the Infirmary, you all will go with Max and practice Train Jumping,” Theo says, helping Peter stand up by wrapping an arm around his waist.

Theo leaves with Peter, leaving Mia behind with us. Blood stains the mat and drips onto the concrete floor. Mia stares down at the ground, her face contorting as she ponders.

“Mia, if it’s about Peter, he’ll be fine. He’ll have some bruises, scratches, a swollen lip, maybe a black eye, and maybe a broken-” Kayla tries to explain, but Mia cuts her off.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just- it’s what they’re teaching us- what they’re making us learn. They’re training us for war,” Mia exclaims softly. “We’re just teenagers who have no idea what we’re doing. They want to kill us. The people who run this city; they want to destroy us.”

That makes Kayla shut her mouth. Kayla messes with one of the earrings on her cartilage and stares down at the floor. Max hands Lee a couple of paper towels and tells him to clean the blood off of him.

Five minutes later, we’re all jogging down to where the train cuts through TID. The funny thing about the train is, no one in the city uses it or monitors it; all they do is keep it running because no one knows how to shut it off. The sound of feet hitting the cold, hard concrete floor echoes off of the stone walls that built TID.

A train horn blares through the tunnel as our pace changes from a jog into a run. A light cuts through the tunnel and box cars appear. A couple of cheers pierce their way through the heavy sea of footsteps.

As we run along the cement platform, a feeling of freedom invades my blood. It courses through my veins, filling me with energy and motivation. As the crowd of people slowly begin to fill the train cars, I begin to sprint. Wind whipping at my face and blowing my hair around. I reach my hands out and grab the handles on the side of the car. Then my feet push themselves up and off of the ground.

I land in the car with my knees slightly bent, absorbing the shock. The old wooden floor creaks under my weight as I move away from the open door. Someone behind me slams the car door shut and darkness incases us.

Minutes past, we’re jumping. Again. The door is yanked back, revealing a blue sky filled with white clouds and the hot and burning morning sun. Wind fills the stuffy car with clean, fresh morning air. Bodies begin leaping into the tall fields of grass and disappearing. There may be only fifteen of us, but it seems like there are much, much more.

We’re a blur of black, red, and green as we leap out of the train cars. Some of us land on our butts, others land on their feet, or worse, on their face. No one cheers or makes a sound as we jump; normally we would be full of energy and excitement but this time, we’re doing this to save ourselves.

We know that we’re being hunted and that we have to survive; because in a world like this, only the willing will survive.

Max stands in front of us in a black T-shirt, revealing multiple tattoos on his arms such as flames and a bear. He waits for us then we begin walking. I tug my jacket around me tighter as the morning sun burns the back of my neck.

We march through the fields until Max stops. He turns around to face us, his facial expression set and cold.

“I want everyone to know this,” he says. “Are you all listening?”

“Yes,” we chorus as a group.

Max accepts our answer and nods. “I want everyone to know this,” he says. “We’re not going inside but I want to tell everyone this-”

“What, is there dangerous and toxic stuff in there?” Erika asks, scoffing.

Max clenches his jaw, thinks for a moment, then asks, “Erika, come to the front.”

“I’m right here,” Erika scoffs. “You can see me right where I am.”

“You’re in the third row,” Max points out. “This is the front.” He points to three boys in front of him.

Erika pushes her way to the front of the crowd, her blond braid swinging like a pendulum. She crosses her arms over her chest and stands up straighter. Max and Erika stare at each other coldly for minutes until Max opens his mouth.

“Your mouth’s a gun,” he barks harshly, “and your words are bullets. Aim them at the wrong person and there’ll be consequences.”

Erika nods, her posture still full of confidence. She’s not shaken nor scared of Max’s words. Max rolls the barbell between his fingertips again, trying to find his train of thought. He inhales deeply then looks back at us.

“Let’s keep going,” Max says, a slight sigh of annoyance filling his voice. “I’ll tell you what I needed to tell you earlier before I was interrupted.”

We walk until Max stops and we’re standing in front of a run-down-building. The building is made of brick and the windows are tinted. Max raises an eyebrow as we gaze at the building in front of us in astonishment. Max opens his mouth to speak but a figure emerges from the building, run toward us. Max whips around, reaching into his pocket, revealing a small silver gun. He aims it at the person.

“Max, it’s me, Theo,” Theo says, holding his hands up in a mock surrender.

“Theo, why are you here?” Max asks, confusion seeping into his voice. “You aren’t supposed to be here!”

“That’s none of your business,” Theo responds. “It was a decision made between Rae and I.”

Max rolls his eyes for what seems like the hundredth time today and sighs. Theo stands next to Max like he does in the training room, then his eyes find mine. I break the gaze and then look at the ground.

“What’s it like inside?” Nick blurts out.

Theo stands up straighter and bounces on his feet before answering Nick’s question. “It’s like TID,” he says. “But a bit newer on the interior.”

We stand in silence under the morning sun until Max claps his hands. I guess that he’s decided to tell us his story from earlier. That catches our attention and then the mood settles into a dark feeling.

“The reason that TID was built was because, after St. Louis was shut out of the states, we had a program running. It was a test where they would try to modify humans like out of the old comic books. After the Government took over, we were no longer safe in our own homes so that’s why TID was built,” Max explains.

“We’ve been inside this fence for the past three-hundred-years and TID has been destroyed multiple times. The TID we live in, is the first TID that was ever built and has been burned down multiple times since then.” Max stares at us and shrugs. “That’s all to it, honestly. The rest is just war and death really. But we can’t talk about that until everyone is an adult.”

Multiple complaints and groans fill the empty field and Max and Theo share a wide smile at that.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Theo announces, silencing us. “We’re going back to TID in ten minutes. You can talk with your friends, or whatever.”

Mia, Kayla, Trey, and I stand in a circle laughing and telling jokes. Kayla’s arm is wrapped around Trey’s waist as we talk as a group. In between jokes, Kayla and Trey sneak kisses when they think that Mia and I aren’t looking.

“Hey, Abhaya, do like Theo?” asks Trey, his expression set.

“No,” I say, a slight scoff creeping its way into my answer. “Why would I tell you? Are you going to tell him what I said?”

Trey goes red. “N-no,” he stutters. “I wasn’t going to tell him, I swear.”

“People say, ‘I swear’ when they’re lying,” I point out. “Are you?”

Trey sighs and shakes his head. “I was just wondering,” he says. “It’s just, he shows so much respect toward you. That’s all.”

That’s it. My face is like a bomb, it explodes with blush creeping up my neck. “Oh,” I manage to whisper. “Oh,” I say again, surprised.

“You shouldn’t deny that Theo likes you, Abhaya,” Kayla adds. You should never deny the fact that someone likes you.”

“Yeah, what happens if it’s your instructor that likes you?” I ask. “Then can I deny it?”

“Okay, guys, that’s enough.” Mia steps in and waves her hands for us to calm down. “Take a breath.”

The tension between Trey and I hang in the air for a moment. Then I take a breath but the feeling is still hot in the air. My face still radiates with anger and embarrassment.

“Hey, Trey,” says Theo.

“Hey, Theo, want to join our group?” Trey asks, hope filling his voice.

“I guess,” Theo hesitates.

“Cool.”

Theo joins the circle and stands next to me. Great, I think. This is going to be a blast. My chest constricts with each breath I take as Theo talks and his hand brushes my jacket sleeve. I turn away from everyone and stare at TID’s Safe House. Questions begin to run around in my mind like wild animals.

A train horn tears through the and everyone stops talking. We begin jogging along the train tracks that cover the soft and firm field. Wind rushes past us as the train draws closer and closer to us. I run behind Max and Theo; catching multiple glimpses at Theo’s tattoo as the ink peers out from under his shirt as he runs.

Max opens one of the doors and we begin jumping. First Max, then Theo, then me. The fourteen other initiates follow us and then we’re stuck in one, stuffy, sweaty, and gut-wrenching box car.

“When we get back to TID, I need the following people,” Theo says, “Abhaya, Erika, and Nick, you’ll be coming down to the Fear Room with me.”

Theo’s voice fills the closed car like when you yell into The Cliff. I stand with my back pressed to the wall and I feel my heart beat faster. Not again, I think. Not again.

I don’t want to go through my fears again. Not that I’m scared of them; but that I’m scared of the fact that Theo can see them. My head is nowhere someone wants to be in or see into. There are just far too many things that go on up there and they are anything but pretty.

The train ride is fast and short but it feels much longer. I attempt to control my breathing. I count the long seconds that pass instead of what I have to do when we get back to TID. I clench my fists together, my short fingernails leaving impressions in my palms.

Max opens the car door, then we jump with no hesitation. The sound of feet hitting the ground fills the tunnel with multiple echoes that ricochet off of the walls. We part ways with Max and the rest of the unit, and Theo leads Erika, Nick, and I to the room where we face our worst fears.

As Theo leads us to the Fear Room, my heart beats just a little faster than it did the last step I took. My heart beats faster and faster until it feels as if it will burst. Theo goes into the room and begins to set up the equipment needed. Erika and Nick sit down on the metal chairs, I stand with my back pressed against the wall. My foot taps impatiently and my nerves ignite with each second.

“Erika,” Theo calls from the doorway, “you’re going first today.”

Erika stands up and walks toward Theo, her back straight and a look of confidence consumes her. Theo shakes his head in disbelief and closes the door behind him. The door clicks shut and I’m left outside the room with Nick. His arms are crossed over his chest and his maroon tank-top shows a lion inked on his upper arm.

The lights above us begin to flicker and screams emerge from the Fear Room. Electricity hums in my ears as the lights flicker on and off again and again. The sound makes my head buzz, oh wait, that’s what electricity does; it makes a humming sound.

After twenty minutes, Erika exits the room and Theo calls for Nick. Erika sits down, taking Nick’s place and Theo closes the door. Tears roll down Erika’s face as a slight hiccup escapes her lips.

I pull my jacket around me tighter. I don’t want to do this but I have to. I have to so I can find mom and then Dad, Aj, and I can be a family again. The thought settles in my head and I suppress a smile. Family. A family. Those words are the words I’ve missed the most throughout my childhood. A family isn’t where your step-mother abuses you behind your dad’s back and only you and your brother know about it. A family is where everyone is together and loves each other in one way or another.

Nick exits the Fear Room fifteen minutes later shaking and his face red. Theo calls me in and my arms and legs tremble with each step I take. Theo stands in the doorway and then closes the door behind him. I walk toward the metal chair and sit down. Theo’s eyes catch mine and I press my lips together into a tight and thin line.

The metal is cool and my heart rate slows down; just by a little bit. Theo types something into the computer and then picks up a syringe filled with the blue liquid that’s used for the hallucinations. My throat pinches at the sight of the needle.

He can see inside my thoughts, I think. What if I screw up and then he sees Donatella?

Theo walks toward me and I tilt my head to the right. The needle pinches my neck and I hear Theo say, “Nothing is real. Just like last time, be strong and don’t let your fears control you.”

This time I’m not falling, instead I’m in my old home. Donatella’s home to be exact. This may be a hallucination, but I’m still aware of my body, my breathing, my movement, and my memories. My heart feels like someone kicked it. It’s beating out of control.

I’m inside a closet. No. I’m trapped in the old closet I used to hide in. Footsteps echo outside of my hiding spot. A voice punches me in the gut. I haven’t heard that voice in weeks!

“Abhaya, come out,” she coos. “I won’t hurt you.”

I want to scream. To crawl deeper into the closet. But I can’t. I have to face my fear. I stop and inhale. Everything stops. Even in my calmest states, I can still manipulate time. This time I can’t; I can’t manipulate anything.

I frantically look for a way out. The doorknob twists and jingles from the inside. The white door is visible in the dark and I can see light slowly creep into the dark closet. My breath hitches in my throat.

The door jerks open and there in front of me is Donatella. The one who haunted my childhood. The one who hurt me. An evil smile creeps over her face. Oh no.

I freeze as her hand reaches for me. I try to scream but no noise is able to escape my pinched throat. Panic consumes my entire body. I close my eyes and think. I think for a way out or for a way to defend myself.

A knife appears in my left hand. I’ve never used a knife but there’s a first time for everything. Right? The blade is sharp and pointed. The silver gleams in the light of the hallway. I clench my fist around the blade handle and lunge for the woman who broke me at such a young age.

I plunge the blade into her stomach and twist it. Blood gushes out of her stomach and stains her white blouse. Donatella’s blond hair soon turns pink from the crimson blood.

The scene fades and I’m falling.

This time, I land in a box filled with water. The water greets me like an old friend when I hit it. I don’t smack the water or sink to the bottom, I just slowly, just slowly sink to the bottom. I take one last gulp of air before I go under.

Once I begin to drown, the box begins to close in around me. Two fears in one, I think. Brilliant. The box walls begin to close in around me. It seems almost endless; there’s no bottom. I ram my body into the glass that surrounds me.

The glass is unbreakable. I begin to search frantically for a way out. Just one way will help. My ponytail becomes a heavy anchor that pulls me down, further and further down. My heart hammers in my ears as the walls around me begin to shrink faster and faster and faster.

I think for the millionth time. Find a way, I think. There’s some way. Without a second thought, I close my eyes and ram my arm into the glass. The glass shatters into a million pieces and the water and I rush out.

Everything but the glass and I disappear. As I fall, I have to shield my face with my arms so I don’t get impaled with the tiny, microscopic pieces of glass shards. I have to fight, I think to myself as wind howls in my ears and the glass falls around me. I have to fight no matter how agonizing the fear may be. A painful scream tears through me like a bullet to the back.

I’m on the ground, my arms and legs outstretched. I sit up in relief to know that it wasn’t me who screamed. My brain processes the pitch of the scream. Aj. Aj was the one who just screamed. I scramble to stand up and once again, like last time a gun is pressed to his forehead.

There’s two guns, one held in each hand. Instead of Donatella, it’s me who’s pointing the guns at the two men. Dad. This is my other fear. Killing Dad and Aj.

“No,” I choke out in a low whisper. “No.”

“Shoot them,” a cold voice hisses.

“I-I can’t,” the other me screams. “I can’t.”

“Do it,” the voice hisses, even louder this time. “You have to!”

I sprint toward me. I watch as she cocks the gun back and loads a bullet into each one; one at a time. Her finger shakily pulls the trigger back but before she can pull it, I punch her in the face and she falls to the ground. The guns clatter to the floor.

A figure emerges from the dark shadows that surround me. The other me lays on the ground with blood a puddle of blood surrounding her. I drop to the ground and pick up the loaded gun. My hands shake as I hold it in both hands. I’ve already faced Donatella and killed her. I have to do it again.

A smirk crosses Donatella’s face and she asks with a scoff, “Are you going to shoot me? Because that’s adorable. I’d like to see you try.

Rage consumes me. “You haunted me every day since I was five-years-old. You broke and beat me. After all this time, there’s nothing more than I would like to see is you on the ground dead!” The words I just spit out, are filled with enough venom to kill someone.

I aim the gun at her and fire. A clean bang rips my eardrums apart and I’m left standing there with the small gun in my hands. Dad and Aj fade. I catch one last glimpse of them. I want to see them again so badly.

Blood fills my mouth. My face is wet and streaked with tears. My hands clench the armrests of the chair and my legs are straight and stiff. My breathing is fast and sweat rolls down my face, dampening my back. I open my eyes and the real world is unclear for a moment until I focus on the wall next to me.

“Abhaya, are you okay?” Theo asks.

“Yeah,” I mumble, not looking at him. “I’m good.”

More tears roll down my face. I don’t want to seem weak; there’s no room for being right now but I guess I am. A sob doesn’t tear me apart nor does a cry crawl out of my throat. The tears become silent as I take one long breath.

“Abhaya,” Theo asks, “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Yes,” I repeat through gritted teeth. “I just need to think for a minute.”

I feel Theo’s eyes linger on me for a moment, he walks away and leaves me alone. I trace the faint cracks that spread out like spiderwebs on the wall. I turn my gaze to face Theo. He stands at the computer monitor typing on the keyboard. I swing my legs over the edge and I stand up.

“Abhaya, can I ask you a question?” Theo asks, his voice filled with curiosity.

“You just did,” I say, leaning against the wall.

“Well-I- I didn’t mean it like that.” Theo turns to face me. “Sit down. I’ll be back in a moment. I’m going to take Nick and Erika back to the training room. Then, we’re going to have a little chat.”

Theo starts toward the door and opens it. I listen as his footsteps disappear along with Nick’s and Erika’s. I shift my weight from my left foot, to my right one. I huff and blow a stray hair away from my face, annoyed.

My mind begins to wander and then the memories come flooding back. Donatella was the one who broke and hurt me. My head is one of the most dangerous places not just for me; but for everyone.

The door clicks open and Theo returns. He sighs as he drags a chair over toward the metal chair. Theo’s eyes meet mine and he nods with his head, motioning for me to sit down. I lean against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest showing him that I’m not interested in sitting down.

“Abhaya, I need you to sit down,” Theo says. “Please.”

I sit down on the chair and shrug my shoulders. Theo leans forward on his forearms and looks me dead in the eyes. I feel my heart hammer in my chest.

“Abhaya, are you aware of the fact that you once again manipulated the hallucination?” Theo asks in a low voice, arching an eyebrow.

“No,” I lie. “I am not aware of that.”

“Where you aware that you managed to stab Donatella with a knife. A knife. You made a knife appear at your own will! Can you explain to me why you did that?”

“Is there a reason that you’re bombarding me with these questions?” I ask. “Or are you going to figure it out yourself that I can manipulate shit?”

Theo stares at me. Startled at what I just said. He holds his hands up in mock surrender and inhales sharply. I didn’t mean to hurt him but I guess that I did.

“Abhaya, I’m going to ask you one more time, are you sure that you weren’t aware of the fact that you manipulated the hallucination?”

“I’m sure,” I lie again. Theo raises an eyebrow at me again. “I swear.”

“Okay,” Theo sighs, “you can leave now.”

Theo stands up and returns the chair from where he got it from and I stand up. I walk quickly toward the door and then Theo turns to face me. His eyes begin to stitch together as he parts his lips to say something.

“Abhaya, what you did today, is nothing that I’ve ever seen or heard of,” he says. “Don’t tell anyone about being able to manipulate the hallucination; you’ve seen how fast news and rumors spread around TID.”

I nod and open the door. Once I’m far away from the Hallucination Room, where Theo saw me stab and shoot Donatella, I begin to jog down to the training room. When I get to the training room, I open the door and see Max and Nick racing as they scale the ropes. I close the door gingerly behind me and walk over to join the rest of the group.

I’m short enough that I can’t see over the two boys in front of me. I can’t see a goddamn thing.

Heavy feet hit the ground then lighter ones follow. Max beat Nick. Not a surprise. The door opens and diverts our attention to the unexpected noise. Theo closes the door behind him and raises both of his eyebrows.

“Did I miss something?” he asks, half amused. “Or did I miss a race between Max and Nick?”

Some people’s jaws drop open in surprise. Max cuts his way through the crowd and greets Theo with a devilish smirk.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Future Boy,” Max teases loud enough for all of us to hear. “Is anyone going to die or is Donatella going to come and kill us all? Or is she going to break into TID and take someone? What’s the fut-”

“That’s enough,” Theo says, sternly, not raising his voice. “You know very well that I can’t see everything. The future has a limit and I can only see one week from now. So please, just quit with the name calling. It’s getting old.”

Max stops and shrugs his shoulders as if nothing had happened. What did Theo do to make Max hate him? I glance at Theo for a moment. His face is slightly flushed from Max’s comment.

“I need Lee, Trey, Kayla, and Mia.” Theo sighs and shakes his head. “No more horsing around. We need to finish physical training and have everyone moved over to mental training. We don’t know when Donatella will choose to find us. Max, make sure that everyone is behaving. We can’t afford to lose any more time than we already have.”

Lee, Trey, Kayla, and Mia follow Theo out of the training room and down to the Hallucination Room. The door slams shut and a cold, evil smirk crosses over Max’s face.

“Abhaya, you and Nick are going to race,” Max says, his voice turning stone cold. “And may the best initiate win.”

A lump forms in my throat and my arms begin to shake, my legs melt to the floor. There’s no way in hell that I can beat Nick at this. No way.

I walk hesitantly toward the rope on the left and Nick walks toward the one on the right. A cruel smile flashes across his face. I wrap my hands around the rope and a bead of sweat rolls down my face.

“GO!” Max calls.

My feet pounce off the floor almost immediately and I’m scaling the rope like it’s nothing. The scratchy and tough rope cuts into my palms as I lift my body off of the ground. The rope sways with each move I make. Sweat rolls down my face and I glance down at the ground then around me. Nick is behind me- by a few feet. How did I get up here so fast?

I inhale a breath and keep climbing. Heights don’t bother me-- they never did grow up. In a few minutes, Nick is climbing at the same speed as I am. We’re almost to the top.

My hand slips and a sharp burn catches me off guard. I bite back a painful hiss and I continue to climb. Nick and I are head-to-head as we race to reach the top. I reach the top before Nick and I smile.

A hint of pride flutters in my chest as I make my way back down slowly. The door opens and the sound echoes throughout the room-- I lose my concentration. My hands slip and my legs don’t react fast enough. I’m falling. Again. My body hits the map with a muffled Thud. A small laugh escapes my lips and I see Theo crouching next to me. His eyebrows are raised, showing concern. My head stings from the sudden fall but there’s no stars.

“Are you okay, Abhaya?” Theo asks.

“Yes.” I push my body-weight onto my elbows and I sit up.

Nick’s feet hit the mat as I stand up. Theo stands up and walks toward Max, leaving the group alone. A scowl crosses Nick’s face as shock mixes in with it.

“What? Ho-how did you? What?” he sputters.

“I fell,” I state plainly.

Nick squints at me as if he thinks that I’m crazy. I cross my arms over my chest and shrug my shoulders. Nick, unimpressed walks away from the conversation. I turn to face the rest of the group as Max waits for us to pay attention to him and Theo.

“I need Mia and Kayla on the mat,” Max announces. “We’re going to finish Stage One before the day is over.”

Mia and Kayla shoot me an uncomfortable look. Worry glazes over Mia’s eyes as they walk toward the mat to fight each other. When they face each other, arms raised--hesitation paints both of their faces.

I can tell that this isn’t going to be easy at all.

“Go!” barks Max.

“I’m sorry, Mia,” I hear Kayla whisper. “I’m so damn sorry.”

And with those words, Kayla punches Mia in the jaw. Mia stumbles back and presses her hand to where Kayla just hit her. For a brief second, I swear that I see Mia’s feet lift off of the ground and Kayla’s hands glow an ember orange. I glance around the room and find Trey biting his lip. The room is tense as we watch two friends fight each other.

A strangled cry tears through the room and what we see is a horrific sight. Mia has Kayla pinned to the ground but Kayla’s fist collides with Mia’s nose. Blood stains Kayla’s and Mia’s shirts and the mat underneath them. My eyes search the room until they find Max and Theo.

Theo looks unsure while Max looks like he’s enjoying it. Enjoying the blood and the fight between two friends. Some days, I swear that Max isn’t human. He shows no emotion, no remorse, and no expressions.

“Stop.” Theo steps calmly away from Max to separate Mia and Kayla. “Nick and Abhaya are next.”

Theo shows no emotion in his voice. It’s cold and hard; just like the rest of the world we live in. He doesn’t look up. Mia and Kayla stand up, blood covers their faces and their necks.

“Nick, Abhaya, now,” Theo says harshly as he wipes the crimson red blood off of his hands.

I inhale deeply and walk toward the mat. I hope that Nick knows that I can and I will kick his ass. My heart beats faster and faster as my stomach begins to churn.

I stand face-to-face with Nick and I feel like I might throw up the remains of my breakfast. My arms are in front of my face--ready for actions. Max doesn’t yell ‘fight’, instead, he nods his head for us to begin.

I step forward and aim for Nick’s jaw. It may not be enough to move him but, it’s enough to wake him up. My fist hits the tough bone of Nick’s jaw and the aftershock of the impact stings. Nick’s eyes meet mine and they blaze with anger as he raises his fists at me.

“You scared, Bishcuit?” Nick sneers.

“No,” I hiss. “No.”

Then, Nick’s fist grazes my side and miraculously, I manage to kick him in the knees. Nick stumbles to the ground, landing face-first. I slowly begin to circle him like a wild animal in a fight. Nick stands up, blood gushes out of his nose, and drips everywhere around him. Nick raises his fist once again and the pressure of his fist colliding my ear, causes a blaring ringing noise to incircle me.

I stumble backwards as I attempt to regain my balance from Nick’s unexpected blow. I press the heel of my palm to my ear as the world dances around me. I narrow my eyes and as surge of anger rushes through me.

“Come on,” Max complains. “Tick-tock.”

I know it seems pointless, but I decide to attempt to knock Nick off guard by tackling him to the ground. I run like a mad bull toward Nick and use all of my force and strength to knock him to the mat. Nick lands on his back, hard.

He knees me in the ribs and a shock of pain shoots through my nerves. The pain is intense but short. White-hot anger bubbles up inside of me and the memories of what Nick has done not only to me but to everyone else who has dealt with his horrendous actions.

In two seconds, everything stops. The air around me is still; as if I would touch it like its glass. The space around me feels like glass.

Nobody breathes.

Nobody breathes.

Nobody talks.

It’s just pure silence.

I want to ask myself what I just did, but I know what I did. I did it again.

The room is motionless except for one person. Theo. His gaze locks on me and he blinks. This time I freeze. My emotions took over. They got the best of me.

I take a deep breath and I feel the room spin around me. Time is back to normal and everyone looks the same as before I manipulated time. Max looks cold, sweat coats Nick’s face, but Theo doesn’t look the same.

I punch Nick in the stomach and he rolls onto his side, vomiting. The foul stench of his vomit fills my nostrils, making me want to puke, too. Nick finishes emptying his stomach quickly and I spring up. The fight continues.

He jumps up and his eyes are like snakes. Control, I think. Control your emotions and thoughts. I throw a punch at Nick’s face and blood gushes out of his nose. Nick cups his nose as blood stains his shirt. Nick glares at me and I swear that he wants to kill me on the spot.

“You’re so going to pay for that, Bishcuit,” he snarls.

And then, I feel a fist collide with my stomach. I gasp, the air inside of me escaping. I try to keep my balance. I need to win this. I grab Nick’s arm and pin it straight so I can sweep him out. I kick him in the knees so he falls.

Sometimes revenge is the best thing. Sometimes it’s never tasted this good.

I flip Nick over and pin him to the ground, using my elbow. I count to three. He’s down.

“Nick lost,” someone whispers in disbelief. “That’s never happened before.”

Blood and adrenaline fill my veins as sweat rolls down my face and neck. I work on catching my breath as they come out in short gasps.

“That’s enough.” Max moves forward. “Lunch will be served soon. You may talk or you have the option of doing twenty burpees and fifteen push-ups.”

I remove my elbow from Nick and stand up. Nick’s face turns sour and red. I just beat Nick and he did not like that.

I begin to walk off of the mat while everyone begins to talk amongst themselves. But Theo stops me. He grabs me by the elbow and a scowl crosses my face. He directs me to the door and I want answers.

“Abhaya, why did you do that?” Theo hisses, as we stand in the hallway, his grip tight on my elbow. “Do you even realize how dangerous and risky that was? TID may be a safe place, but that doesn’t mean people won’t get suspicious about you.”

“I don’t know,” I spit. “And yes, I do realize it’s risky. I’m not stupid.”

Theo’s face falls. He looks surprised at my answer. “You realize that you, have a higher risk of Donatella finding you. I know what you’re capable of. You can see into the past, you have strong hearing, and you can manipulate time. No one can or has the ability to do what you have, Abhaya. So please, protect yourself and control your powers.”

I nod. “Yes.” A silence causes me to stop for a moment. “Theo, what are we called, if you know?”

Theo releases his grip on my elbow and looks at me. His serious face falls and it’s replaced with a soft smile. “We’re called one of the most cliché names ever imaginable,” he says. “We’re called Powerfuls. But the Government disagrees and label us as another cliché name, Dangerous.”

“That seems both rational and irrational,” I state, raising my eyebrows.

“You seem to have a large vocabulary, Abhaya,” Theo teases.

“Another word could be immense,” I say. “And I paid attention in school too, Wolf,” I tease, as I poke his arm playfully.

Theo’s smile becomes wider. “You’re a very interesting person, Phoenix.”

“You seem to pay attention to the small details.”

“Well, paying attention to the smaller details are easier than paying attention to the larger ones or the big picture,” Theo explains. “The small details can give you the bigger picture if you piece them together.”

I nod and open my mouth--only to be drowned out by the bell for lunch. Nick comes sprinting out of the training room, dashing past me and Theo. I turn to walk to the cafeteria, but Theo catches my wrist before I’m out of his reach.

“Meet me here after dinner,” he whispers. “I want to show you something.”

“Okay,” I say and I walk off, leaving Theo deserted.

When I get to the cafeteria, food and plates are piled on the tables. No line, I think. That’s strange. Rae stands next to the podium and uses a knife and a glass cup to capture our attention.

“Just a brief announcement,” says Rae. “I need to clarify some things. This is just a trial to see if we can relieve some congestion in the room. Also, for our initiates, today you will be finishing Stage One today. Rankings will be posted tomorrow during breakfast. Thank you.”

The cafeteria returns to its usual and loud self. I sit down and lean across the table to reach for toasted bread, baked chicken, red strawberries, and a slice of chocolate TID Cheesecake. I did not realize how hungry I was until I saw the food in front of me. My stomach growls with hunger at the sight of the food.

The bench creaks as another human-being sits down next to me. I turn my head and see Theo sitting next to me. His shoulder bumps against mine in a rush.

“Oh, sorry, Abhaya,” he apologizes. “My bad.”

“It’s fine,” I mumble, “Don’t worry about it.”

I poke at the thick and creamy slice of cheesecake, not bothering to eat it. What is my rank? I wonder, venturing deeper and deeper into my mind. Did I make it?

“Abhaya, are you still there?” Theo’s voice cuts through my voice like a sharp knife. “Phoenix?”

“Oh, sorry,” I say. “Did you need something?”

“Your elbow is in your food.” Theo points to my plate.

My face goes a deep red. I glance down at my elbow and Theo is right. It’s covered in strawberry juice and somehow chocolate. Go me, I think. You really do know how to act natural. Theo then hands me a couple of napkins.

“Thanks,” I say. I’m sorry, I add mentally.

Theo looks at me and says, “You’re welcome. You may want to wash that jacket or get a new one when you get the chance to.”

I smile and nod my head. Then, it goes back to an awkward silence. I layer the chicken onto the wheat bread and take a bite. My stomach churns with both nerves and food.

The bell rings ten minutes later, and everyone leaves their trays on the tables. The room becomes a blur of black and red as we exit the cafeteria. As we head back to the training room, I take a detour and find a dirty laundry hamper to throw my jacket in.

When we get to the training room, Max looks crossed for some reason and a scowl paints his face. Nick appears to me with an ice-pack pressed to his right arm. I press my lips together and draw my arms closer to my sides.

“If you haven’t climbed the rope with someone or, if you haven’t gone down to the Hallucination Room with Theo, raise your hand,” Max yells, his voice filling the room.

At least half the room raises their hands. I turn my head and see that Theo’s face looks slightly annoyed. Marie and Max begin to call names for climbing the rope or for the Hallucination Room.

“I only need ten people, Max,” Theo calls out.

Max rolls his eyes. “Fine. Have it your way.”

Soon, we’re left with two of the cruelest people in the room. The door closes behind Theo and a heavy feeling sets in. Leaving forty people with Max Marie is like leaving a toddler by itself; it does not end well.

“If you’re not climbing the rope,” Marie says, “then you’re doing burpees, squats, push-ups, or sit-ups.”

Groans of agony fill the room. Burpees. Burpees are the equivalent of hitting a heavily bruised knee over and over and over again; it’s torture. The people that are climbing begin while the rest of us go through the body-aching exercises.

Marie walks past us, watching us like a hawk. Every few minutes or so, she snaps at someone for one or more of the following reasons: not using the right technique, for not doing the exercises, or for talking to their friend. I feel her eyes burn into the back of my neck as I go down to the floor and back up again.

Sweat beads form on my forehead as the minutes pass. My arms, legs, and core ache after performing the exercise. Every breath I take sits the muscles in my core on fire.

“You all can take a brief break for a few minutes,” Marie says after a while.

We collapse to the ground in relief. I lay on the cement floor, my chest rising and falling as it fills itself with air. The cool cement cools my body down and I take it while I can.

The door opens and Theo comes in with the ten other people. They eye us as they pass us. They’re probably thinking that we’re crazy for laying down on a dirty floor.

“What are you guys doing in here?” Theo asks, cocking his head at Max.

“We’re having the people who haven’t climbed the rope with an opponent, climb and those who are finished, we’re having them do exercise,” Max explains, gesturing at us who are laying on the floor.

“Okay.” Theo nods his head. “That makes total sense.”

“Is that everyone?” Marie asks, breaking into the conversation as we stare at them like children.

“Yes,” says Max. “Everyone is done with Stage One.”

Everyone in the room hears Max’s announcement and they begin to cheer; I stay silent, unsure of what to feel. I see that the three instructors stare at us, unamused at the sight of fifty teenagers cheering like lunatics.

“No, Max was mistaken,” Theo says, breaking the cheerful mood. “We still have one test.”

The cheering dies down to a silent room. Theo crosses his back and looks at us coldly. The room is deadly silent as Theo’s gaze cuts through the room like ice.

“We’ll be reviewing how to shoot, aim, and handle a gun responsibly,” Theo says in a slightly annoyed manner. “I want mine and Max’s group to follow me. Marie’s group will stay here under her watchful eye.”

Theo motions for us to follow him, so we do. Fifteen people stand up, and we follow him and Max out of the training room. Our footsteps are like pebbles bouncing off of the walls, they fill the hallway with noise, drowning the unsettling mood filling us with angst.

Theo takes the lead this time instead of Max and it seems unusual. He leads us to the room where we first shot the targets after our unit split up. We stop walking, and Theo spins on his heel to face us, his hands are behind his back.

“This will be your test,” he announces. “Stage One will be concluded after you shoot five bullets. Before you start to protest, I know that we haven’t spent much time on shooting guns, but you all did just fine the first time so we moved on. Now--”

“Remember, your score will define your ranking,” Max interrupts, “so don’t mess up.” Max adds a brief smirk at the end.

Theo sighs and motions for us to follow him again. When we enter the room, Alia stands at the table cleaning the small silver guns. She nods at Theo and Max when she sees us. Her brown hair is pulled back into a sleek ponytail and her eyes soften at the sight of Max.

“I was just finishing cleaning up the guns,” Alia explains. “Because some people can’t do it themselves.”

Max nods. “I’ll take it from here, Alia. Go back and find your unit.”

Alia nods and sits the gun down. Then, she walks toward Max and pecks him on the cheek and walks out of the room. The door closes behind her and the room is entirely still. Max calls us in groups of three and leaves the rest of outside the range. Theo tells us to grab the guns off the table and wait as he follows the first group into the range.

We stand with the guns in our hands, waiting to be called in for our final test. My heart kicks in my chest and my palms become slick with sweat. I tighten my grip on the gun handle so I don’t stop it. Don’t do it, I chant in my head. Don’t screw anything up. Don’t manipulate anything.

“Abhaya, Nick, and Lee,” Max calls.

I walk toward Max with my shoulders squared but my heart is filled with dread. Nick and Lee follow me and the pressure is on.

Being in a room with Theo is much less intimidating than being in a room with Max, but I still feel pressure. Max’s visible piercings and tattoos, plus his attitude and posture makes the room feel extremely dark. Nick’s and Lee’s presence only makes it feel worse. I turn my head and see Max pull a notepad and pen out.

“Start,” says Max.

I stand with my legs shoulder-width apart, my left arm locked and my right arm relaxed a little bit. I hold the gun in front of me and aim it at the target. The gun is already locked and loaded; it’s ready for me to shoot.

Then Theo’s voice cuts through my concentration. I stop and lower the gun.

“Nick, you’re holding a gun, don’t be an idiot,” Theo calls from the safer side of the room.

Focus. Aim. Inhale. Pull the trigger. Exhale. I feel the kick of the gun but I stand straight, still focused. The bullet pierces through the target, right through the bullseye. I only have nine more bullets and that’s nine more attempts to beat Nick and Lee.

When all of the bullets are gone, that’s how my self-esteem feels. I lower my gun to show that I’m done. I begin to ponder as the gun points itself down at the ground. What if I fail? What if I didn’t make it? I promised Aj and Dad that I would bring Mom home and right now, I need to focus on getting through initiation so I can find her and bring her home.

Nick and Lee finish, then we’re kicked out of the room by Max. He calls in another group of three in. I sit my gun down on the table and sit along the wall. I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them. I take in a deep breath and exhale. Just breathe, I tell myself, everything will be alright.

I can’t fail. There is no room for failure right now.

“Hey, Abhaya, are you okay?” Theo asks, I look up. His hands rest in his pocket as he looks at me.

I nod. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

He nods. “Okay. You were sitting along the wall-- alone. You looked like you were beating yourself up.” Theo crouches next to me on the ground and turns head to face me, a slight grin appears on his face. “You’re worried if you passed or failed the test, aren’t you?”

“No,” I deny.

“You’re lying,” he says. “I know that you are. It’s normal to be worried about tests like that. Well, if you have Max in the room, it makes it even more daunting. Just to let you know, that wasn’t a pass or fail test, it was just made to make everyone not look like idiots while they hold a gun. It’s more of a ranking test. It shows us who’s better at the skill than others. Also, the way you fought today, was really good. I’ve never seen anyone beat Nick up like that. And believe me, I, myself have wanted to punch him for months. And, Abhaya, you really should give yourself more credit. You deserve it.”

“Thanks for the advice, Wolf,” I say, smiling. “And by the way, I do give myself credit.”

Theo smiles softly at me again and grabs my hand. He squeezes it lightly and stands up. He lets go of it. When he leaves, the heat still lingers on me and it ignites my nerves.

“Come on, everyone, we’re done now,” Max calls as he walks out of the other room. “We’re officially done with Stage One.”

Cheers erupt throughout the room. It fills the room with glee and excitement; replacing it with the once heavy feeling. I stand up and find Kayla and Mia. I stand behind them, cheering alongside the others. Max and Theo lead us out of the room and we’re still cheering. As we walk down the corridors, I think to myself, Stage One is now done. Now I just have to fight my way through Stage Two and pass it.

“Where are we going now?” Lee asks idiotically.

“Back to the training room,” Theo says, his voice slightly annoyed and not bothering to look behind him.

“Why?” Nick asks, joining the idoitc conversation.

“Because, that’s where we’re supposed to be until dinner time,” Theo says coolly. “Now, if you don’t mind, shut up.”

“Do they even have brains?” I mutter under my breath.

Theo’s comment shuts them up. Even in age difference, Theo seems to be the taller one when it comes to authority, no matter what. Nick and Lee are silent all the way back to the training room but everyone else is still talking amongst themselves.

When we get back to the training room, Marie’s group is waiting for us at the door. Theo and Max nod at her as we enter and then they exit as we take their place and they take ours. We stop and Max and Theo turn to face us.

“Congratulations, you all have made it past Stage One,” Max announces, slightly bouncing on his toes. “Stage Two will begin tomorrow after breakfast. You’ll meet us in here and then we’ll divide you up into groups. Now, we’re going to--”

“We’re going to stay here and work on our techniques,” Theo cuts in, glancing at Max, not giving a shit that he just cut in.

“Yes, that is what I was about to say before Mr. Future Boy had to cut in.” Max shoots a slight glare at Theo, then motions for us to find a punching bag. We scramble, knowing that Max is not going to put up with any of us lingering.

Five minutes pass, and the room is full of fists hitting the rough fabric. My legs and arms are half dead from fighting Nick earlier and shooting the gun. My muscles scream in agony but I fight through it.

I’m not broken like I was before; I’m stronger and I will rise and burn. No matter who tries to stop me, I’ll find a way to fight through them like they’re a crowd of people. If Donatella wants me dead, I’ll die trying just to save those I love.

I kick the bag and strike it. Sweat pours down my face and I smile. It feels good to punch and kick something.

As we work on our techniques, footsteps echo throughout the room. I can tell by my hearing that they belong to Theo. Another set of footsteps echo on the other side of the room, they belong to Max. I direct my attention back to the bag. My arms sting from attacking the rough fabric.

A set of hands grab my arms and I stop. They belong to Theo and my face burns intensely and my heart beats fast, blood rushes through my body. Theo’s grip on me is firm but I can still move my arms. I turn my head and see Theo’s concerned face.

“You’re going to injure yourself, Abhaya,” he says, his voice low.

I feel my face turn a deeper shade of red. And it’s not from Theo’s touch but from embarrassment. Theo lets go of my arms, but only for him to reposition my position.

“Did you already forget basic training, Abhaya?” Theo guides my arms to a different angle. “You can’t stand like that; you look way too stiff and that can cause major damage to your body.” He kicks at my feet, making me stand shoulder-width apart. “There.” Then he walks away.

I mentally want to kick myself but I can’t. My body is heavy as heck and I don’t care at this point. Theo comes back and stops the bag.

“You have power, Phoenix, use it,” he says, his tone serious. “Including in the hallucinations, you need the physical strength to be able to fight it mentally. Understand?”

“Yes, Wolf,” I say. “I understand.”

Theo lets go of the punching bag and it almost whacks me in the face. The heavy material hits me in the stomach and I don’t say anything.

The bell rings four hours later and I swear we’re all dead. The dinner bell is supposed to be a good sign, but now I’m terrified. Theo wants me to meet him outside the training room after dinner and I feel like I screwed up.

When we get to the cafeteria, the scents of food invites the hungry initiates into it. As we sit down at the tables, Rae stands next to the podium, waiting to address us. The tables that are normally filled with limited food, now looks like it’s a feast. Rae waits for us to be seated so she can make her announcement.

“Congratulations to our initiates,” says Rae, smiling, and praise filling her voice. “You have made it past Stage One-- Physical Training. I can’t wait to see how you all do in Stage Two.” Rae steps down from the podium and we begin to clap or cheer.

The clapping and cheering aren’t only for Rae, it’s for excitement and that we completed the first stage of training. I join in with the clapping as a smile spreads across my face. TID is home for all of us and I will make sure that Donatella will never hurt us. This is another family for me and I will find myself and rebuild too.

Conversations swirl around the cafeteria. Kids laugh and shriek; the initiates talk about the tests and how they think they did; instructors discuss rankings with one another one-on-one.

“Abhaya, want to go?” Peter asks.

I look up and see Peter holding a butter knife like it’s a sword. I smile. “You’re on.”

I pick up another knife and we begin to duel. The sound of metal clashing against metal makes an ear-screeching sound but it’s fun to act like this. We’re acting like immature ten-year-old’s and that’s the best part. A giggle escapes my lips and Peter laughs along with me. My knife ends up dominating his and it’s the best thing ever. I laugh while throwing my head back.

“You guys need to focus on eating,” Mia says. “And not acting like immature kids. Peter, you know this.” Mia shoots him a look of ‘I went over this so you should know it’.

“Isn’t that what teenagers are?” Peter asks, raising his eyebrows. “Children who are not yet adults but no longer children?”

Mia sighs and mutter, “You are such an idiot, Peter, but I love you.”

Peter smiles and says, “I love you too, Mia.”

The bell rings and everyone dashes out of the cafeteria, I linger, hoping that no one will notice what I am doing. I make my way to the spot where Theo asked me to meet him and I wait.

Then, I see his figure. A soft smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

“You didn’t forget,” he says.

“Why would I?” I ask, my blood begins to course through my body, and my heart pounding in my ears; making me feel shaky and nervous.

“Come on,” he says, “we’re going to the hallucination room.”

“Wait, what?” I ask. “Theo, can I trust you with this?” Panic begins to take control of my voice.

“Phoenix, you can trust me, I promise,” Theo says, then he doesn’t elaborate on the subject.

He begins to walk and I follow him, not knowing what to expect of the situation. Our footsteps fall in sync and I begin to relax. My eyes focus on the floor and following Theo’s footsteps.

“What’s the purpose of this?” I ask, the question popping out of nowhere.

“I can’t tell you the exact reason but I can tell you some of it,” says Theo, looking at me. “I chose you because I know your risks from watching your hallucinations and because I trust you.” He pauses. “I don’t let many people into my life; much less my head. But you, Abhaya, there’s something about you that I seem to trust.”

I nod, stunned by Theo’s comment. “Really? Wo-wow,” I stutter. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

For a brief moment, his eyes catch mine and it’s awkward. He laughs softly-- not like a chuckle-- a kind one. His hand catches mine and I look up at him.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Abhaya,” he says. “Instead of being sorry, you should learn to be a badass who doesn’t take orders or apologizes for the small things. Theo squeezes my hand and smiles at me again. “I know that you have it in you.”

I smile at Theo. Then I look down at the concrete ground. Theo doesn’t let go of my hand and I don’t let go of his, either.

When we get to the Hallucination Room, I open the door for Theo. He smiles at me and thanks me but he doesn’t let go of my hand. I stand in the middle of the room and Theo lets go of my hand.

Theo walks over to where he is usually. He picks up two different colored syringes; one blue and the other an amber orange. He walks toward me, holding an alcohol-soaked pad in his other hand. He tilts my head, exposing my neck to him as he inserts the syringe into my neck. I don’t flinch but I hear the hiss of the syringe as its amber-orange color is injected into me.

Then, despite his discomfort around needles, Theo injects himself with the blue colored needle. Surprisingly, Theo’s face is calm as he does so. He does it with ease and I’m shocked.

Theo grabs my hand and guides me toward the metal chair in the corner and looks at me. “Do you want to sit with me?”

I dig my fingernail into my palm and say, “Sure. How does this work, though?”

Theo sits down and I stand next to him. “The liquid I injected into you will let you see into my hallucination while I have the main serum. Now are you ready?”

“I am if you are,” I say confidently.

Theo guides me toward him and I sit in between his legs. My back is against his chest and his hand find mine, holding onto them. They feel cold and shaky but his breath is calm and steady. Then, we enter his hallucination-- only to face his worst fears.

“Theo, they’re dead,” a deep voice announces, catching my attention.

Theo and I appear in an old bedroom decorated in grays and blacks. The bed is neatly made and there is no sign of disruption. Then, I see a man who looks like he’s in his early twenties stands with his hands behind his back. His face is sunken and deep, dark circles appear under his cold blue eyes. Theo lets go of my hand and steps in front of me to face him.

“They’re not dead, Luke,” Theo says through gritted teeth. “They can’t be.”

“Oh, but they are,” Luke says again, this time with a sly grin. “Both of them are.”

Theo strides closer to him only to be face-to-face with him. Theo’s brown hair hangs in front of his face. Theo and Luke have the same hair color. Luke. That name sounds so familiar to me.

The tension between them rises. I can hear Theo’s harsh and heated breath come out in short breaths. Then he punches Luke in the face, hard. Luke stumbles back, rasing his eyebrows and smirking.

“Well,” he says, “are you going to admit that they’re dead, little brother?”

“No,” Theo responds, his teeth gritted. Theo raises a fist at his brother but he disappears.

The scene is replaced and four people stand on a ledge of a building, with their hands tied behind their backs. I look at Theo and he looks like he’s about to sprint to save them. Everything inside of me wants to help him but he puts an arm in front of me, stopping me.

I open my mouth to ask a question but Theo is already sprinting toward the three females and the one male to save them. I begin to follow Theo, wind whipping at my hair. The sky is dark and an angry gray. The clouds above us begin to rumble with thunder.

Wind begins to whip at the four people’s hair as their bodies threaten to fall off the ledge. Rain drops begin to fall from the sky causing a storm to begin. Wind begins to interfere with Theo as he dashes to save the people, he is afraid of losing.

The rain pours down on us and I feel it drenching my tank top. Goosebumps creep up my arm. Theo makes it to the edge but the people he loves fall. I stand next to him and I catch a glimpse of the people. One girl looks like the one who went missing just a couple of months ago, the other one looks like a female version of Theo, and the other one looks like me. The man looks like Theo, too, and Luke.

A pain-filled yell escapes from Theo’s mouth as he stands on the ledge of the building, threatening to jump. But it seems as if glass had been put between the two of us and the people in the hallucination.

Theo’s face turns red as he continues to yell. He bangs his fists on the glass. But the glass is too strong; it can’t be broken.

Theo stops yelling and but continues to hit the glass. He looks at me and he looks like he’s on the verge of tears. The once soft blue eyes now look like broken waves in an ocean. I step onto the ledge next to Theo and stare at the ground below us. The bodies are now on the ground, lying at obscure angles, blood covering them and surrounding them.

Theo grabs my hand and squeezes it. I squeeze back in response. Theo steps off the ledge and back onto the gravel and guides me down. When I’m on the ground, Theo drops my hand and wraps his arms around my waist. Theo buries his face in my hair and holds me against him. Warm tears cascade down his face and into my hair.

I wrap my arms around him and hug him. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. This may not be real to me, but it is to Theo, I think. This is one of the worst things that could happen to him.

“I’m sorry, Abhaya,” Theo whispers in my ear, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry that you had to see that. I’m scared of losing you.”

I run a hand over Theo’s shoulder blades-- attempting to comfort him. I’m not a very comforting person, but I try. I like you, I think. But I can’t tell you.

The rain pours harder around us, drenching the two of us in rainwater and chilling us to the bone. My teeth begin to chatter and Theo pulls me closer to him, making me feel warmer and safer in his embrace.

Now we’re standing in the hallways of North Kate Private School. I notice that Theo and I are dry and no longer drenched in rainwater. We stand next to each other in a crowded hallway and no one notices us. Theo looks straight ahead as we fight our way down the hallway.

“You went here?” I ask Theo.

“Yeah,” he says. “It was wonderful.” A hint of sarcasm snakes into his voice.

“So, it’s like a trip down memory lane, only there’s something that haunts you here?” I say, guessing.

Theo chuckles. “Yeah, you could put like that.”

Theo grabs my hand and holds it. I feel the rough calluses on his hands scrape the broken skin on my palms. My heart begins to sputter in my chest.

“Theo! Hey, Theo, when are you going to ask her?” a voice asks.

Theo and I turn around and see a boy running down the hall. Papers fly out of his binder and a pair of thick black glasses slide down the bridge of his nose. The boy stops a foot away from Theo.

“I don’t think so, Mason,” says Theo. “I don’t want to get my hopes up. What if she laughs at me?”

Mason smiles. “Theo, you’ve told me that your sister, who is two years younger than you has asked out both guys and girls! You can do this.”

“Please don’t bring Brooke into this,” Theo pleads. “You know if Luke or his friends hear this, they’ll hurt her.”

“Okay. But still, you can do it,” Mason cheers. “It’s fi-”

“Don’t say that ‘it’s fine’, please. I can’t get my hopes up like last time. Remember?” Theo asks, raising his eyebrows. “I can’t risk it.”

“You didn’t even ask last time!” Mason hisses. “You chickened out.”

Theo sighs in defeat and let’s go of my hand. He walks toward a girl dressed in a black sweatshirt and maroon leggings and her black sneakers are worn from activity. Her nose is buried in a book and her brown hair is pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. The girl looks up from her book and smiles when she sees Theo.

“Hi,” she greets.

I walk toward Theo to see what’s going on. When I see Theo, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders are hunched. He looks insecure.

“H-h-hey,” Theo stutters.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” she asks.

“I was wondering if you would-” Theo gets cut off.

“Look, I’d love to talk but I need to go.” The girls walks off and disappears into the crowd of people.

Theo’s eyes catch mine and we walks over toward where I’m standing. He grabs my hand without looking down. Who was that girl? If Theo went here, how did I not recognize him when I arrived at TID? Did Theo recognize me? What’s wrong with me? I’m not a lovesick puppy.

I can’t let my emotions distract me. I have too much to lose and I can’t risk anyone or anything. I just can’t.

“Theo, not to be rude, but what was that fear about?” I ask, hoping that I’m not hurting him.

“There was a girl that I liked back when I went here,” he says. “Mason was one of my friends and he always encouraged me to go up and talk to her, but I never did.” Theo chuckles. “I had every word and every move planned out-- then when I saw her, my hopes got too high. I thought that I could… I was a coward.”

“You’re not a coward, nor were you then,” I argue. “It’s called being nervous and fearing rejection.”

“Thanks, Abhaya.” Theo sighs. “But I was a foolish person then and I still am at eighteen.”

I want to argue but I can’t. As humans we mess up and we can be foolish. That’s just life.

The hallways and people fade. Theo and I stand in a room that’s bare with the exception of a chair and a small table with a lamp on top of it pushed against a wall. The door opens and Luke appears. He chuckles and does it wickedly.

He walks toward Theo, still chuckling. The feeling in the room begins to feel heavy. Luke stands face-to-face and eye-to-eye with Theo.

“Oh, Theo,” Luke says, “you’re so naive and head-over-heels for that girl.” He smiles devilishly. “Little Brother, why?”

“Because, unlike you, Luke, I care about people,” Theo hisses.

Luke chuckles again. “She won’t love you back. She doesn’t even know that you exist. So why waste your time, Theo? Why?”

Theo’s face is set but his breaths become irregular. His kind eyes become stone and then his face fills with hatred.

Luke slaps Theo across the face and smiles. Theo kicks Luke in the shins and it’s sibling war.

“Stay there, Abhaya,” Theo pleads.

Then, Luke pins Theo against the wall with his arm. Theo’s breaths become short as he gasps for oxygen. Everything inside of me screams to help him but I’m frozen in place. Luke grins at the weak state he has Theo in. Theo struggles to fight back and an idea pops inside of my mind.

“You scared me growing up,” Theo gasps. “You hid in my closet. You would put in a chokehold and that one time you almost killed me. And I thought that you were just being an older sibling. You manipulated me into not telling Mom or Dad.” Theo’s breaths become shorter.

Luke grins again, his face filled pleasant memories. “Ah, yes,” he says, “scaring you was so easy. I hid in the closet we shared and I would jump out of it when you walked in. Sharing a room was fun. Wasn’t it, Theo?”

Theo kicks Luke in the shins and I sprint toward the table. I yank the lamp off of it and I run back to where Luke still has Theo pinned against the wall, not bothered by Theo kicking him. I stand behind Luke and bring the lamp over my head. Then I bring it down on Luke’s head, bashing him with it at full force.

The lightbulb shatters and blood seeps out of Luke’s head. He sways and he unpins Theo from the wall. I drop the lamp and all I see is shattered shards of glass and blood staining the hardwood. My body begins to shake at the sight of what I just did.

Theo drops to his knees, gasping for air. I crouch next to him. Theo grasps my knee as he takes in shuddering breaths. I place my hand on top of his and squeeze it.

I’m not much of a physical-contact-person but when someone needs support, I’m there for them. I’m working on being more open to people; I really am.

“Thank you, Abhaya,” Theo says. “Thank you so much for hitting Luke with the lamp. It’s never been there before and normally, I have to fight him until I’m weak and he gives in. Thank you.”

I stand up and Theo follows me in action. He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me for a minute. I wrap my arms around his neck and I stand there with him. We stand there for a moment in the arms of one another.

It’s a feeling that I like. But no moment lasts forever. Because nothing can last forever. It just can’t.

Now, Theo and I find ourselves in a bare room. Nothing is decorated and the room looks unfinished. Theo looks at me and sits down. He motions for me to sit down next to him. We sit in silence until I break the ice.

“What is this fear?” I ask, glancing around the bare room.

“Love,” Theo responds. “Love is something I’ve wanted to avoid. Honestly, growing up with Luke wasn’t wonderful.” Theo scoffs. “Brooke and Mom loved me; I loved them. Dad did, too. Well, that was before Mom died. Then Brooke disappeared a couple months ago. Dad came to TID and told me. She- Brooke- was like me. But she insisted that she didn’t need to come to TID. Instead, she decided to stay at home.”

I want to say something but all I do is place my hand on top of Theo’s. I drag my thumb over it, like he did when I he saw me crying the shower stall when I first arrived at TID. He let me take my feelings out on him; now it’s my turn to return the favor. Theo looks at me and cracks a smile that only I know. He leans over to brush a strand of hair from my face. My face begins to heat up.

“So, what happens here?” I ask.

“Give it another minute,” Theo says. “You can’t tell anyone about this, but I’ve also learned how to set the hallucination to my liking.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise but I can’t say anything. We sit in silence for another minute, holding each other’s hands. Inside of me, I feel like a clock is ticking. It’s counting down the seconds until….

“Abhaya, get up!” Theo shouts, yanking me up.

I stand up as the scene fades and we’re standing on the rooftop of TID. A girl who looks like me stands near the ledge, looking out at the city below her. Her arms are folded and rest on the ledge.

Theo looks at the girl and looks away. The girl walks toward Theo and smiles. Theo looks at her and walks toward the opposite side of the roof. He wants to talk to her but he’s too scared to, I think.

The girl disappears and two males and two females appear. Theo walks toward them and Luke steps in front of Theo and smiles. Theo’s face goes pale as Luke leans in toward him with his hands behind his back.

“No one loves you, Theo,” I hear him say. “You can and never will fall in love. And this all because you’re too scared.”

Luke leans back grins happily. Theo’s face hardens but he stands exactly where he is currently. Luke disappears and a younger girl stands in front of Theo.

Her wavy brown hair is pushed to her left shoulder and her eyes are the same shade as Theo’s. Her side-swept-bangs cover one of her eyes but her face looks kind and soft.

She smiles and opens her arms for Theo to fall into. She wears a gray sweatshirt that covers her long arms and the blue jeans she’s wearing, along with the blue sneakers. Is this Brooke? She looks so familiar to me; she was in my math class!

“Theo, it’s me, Brooke,” she says. “Why are you so afraid?”

Brooke decides against the hug and reaches a tentative hand out to Theo. I look at Theo and hurt seems to blind his face. He looks away and now hurt floods both of their faces.

Brooke fades away and she is replaced by Luke. When Theo isn’t looking, he takes advantage of hooking his elbow around Theo’s neck. Luke brings the two of them to the rocky ground in a heartbeat.

“Stop,” Theo orders as Luke pins him to the ground.

Luke knees Theo in the stomach and Theo rolls over, groaning and vomit falls from his mouth. Theo groans again as he attempts to stand up. He clutches his stomach in pain and Luke approaches him again.

Luke raises a fist at Theo as he prepares to punch him again. From where I’m standing, I run- no- I sprint toward Luke. I ram my elbow into his back causing him to falter.

“Ow! Son of a-!” Luke turns around and sees me, ready to beat the shit out of him.

He looks at me, narrowing his eyes. Then he strides toward me and raises a fist. I mirror him and hope that I’ll make it out alive.

Luke’s fist collides with my nose and my eyes begin to water instantly. I raise my fists once again. My vision is blurred by the tears that my eyes want to shed but I won’t let them fall.

I punch Luke in the diaphragm and I hear him wheeze as the wind is knocked out of him. He may be taller and stronger than me, but I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it. Luke drops to the ground and I go physco. I begin to kick him in the ribs, not noticing that Theo is dragging me away from him.

I look at him and see the mix of emotion on his face. He grabs my wrists and examines them and my arms for injuries. His eyebrows crease with worry. I suddenly am aware of the warm feeling of blood on my face.

“You’re bleeding,” he states.

“Well, wouldn’t getting punched in the nose by your older brother cause that to happen?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

Theo sighs and drops my wrists. He looks at me, his blue eyes are filled with an intense amount of emotion. I press my lips together and focus on the rocky and uneven ground we’re standing on.

Theo grabs my hand and holds it. His hand is warm and sticky, or maybe it’s mine. I’m not sure.

“I know that it’s stupid to be scared of love, but it’ll make sense, soon,” he says.

“We made it,” I say.

“Yeah,” Theo says. “You helped me.”

I smile and that’s the last of the hallucination I see.

My eyes snap open and they scan the room. I turn my head and my eyes meet Theo’s. He smiles shyly, his dimples showing.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hi.” I smile.

Theo removes his hands from mine and I stand up. I bend backward to stretch. It feels like I’ve been sitting down for hours.

“If you want to know the real reason why I’m scared of love, I’ll tell you,” Theo says.

“You can tell me,” I say, walking toward Theo. “I’ll listen.”

“Luke broke me of it.” Theo stands up. “He always told me that no one would ever love me, and of course I believed him. I thought that since he was the older sibling, he was the wiser one; I was wrong. When my mom died, all the love in our house seemed to die along with her. When we get older, we all seem to look for love. They say that falling in love is the best feeling that we can experience. But they seem to forget the rejection that you can face, or your or their past. I fear falling in love because I don’t want to risk losing or hurting them.” Theo closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. That was a lot.”

“No,” I argue. “It’s fine. We’re human and we have experiences that make us fear people, places, or objects.”

Theo smiles at me again. This time it’s bigger and not as shy. I glance down at his watch. It’s 9:30.

“I need to go,” I point out. “Night.”

“Good night,” Theo calls back as I walk toward the door.

I open it and goosebumps appear on my arms. The hallways are chilly and dimly lit. I draw my arms closer to my body to conserve heat.

When I get back to the dorm, guess who’s waiting for me at the door; Nick and Lee. Great, I think. Just great.

“Where were you after dinner?” Nick asks, a sneer creeping into his voice.

“Why are you asking? Will my location after dinner affect you in any way, shape, or form?” I retort.

“Salty much?” I hear Lee mutter underneath his breath.

I roll my eyes and walk past Nick and Lee, keeping my temper under control. I clench my fists into balls as I stride into the dorm. I make it to my bunk but I’m interrupted, again.

Don’t they know that they have the dumbest ideas?” I wonder, turning around.

“Abhaya, I’m calling a rematch from earlier,” Nick declares. “You know from earlier?”

“I’m not interested,” I state, even though I doubt that I have a choice.

“Oh, you don’t get a choice,” Nick says. “You have to do it.”

“Great,” I mutter under my breath.

Everyone in the dorm steps back to make room for Nick and I. I can’t mess up. Because if I mess up, I’ll be a joke to this unit for the rest of my life.

Don’t mess up, I think. Imagine that Nick is Donatella. Only that he’s male instead.

Nick approaches me, his hands curled into fists. My heart becomes lodged in my throat; but I can’t back down not now; not ever. I raise my arm in front of my face and bend my knees.

Nick’s face becomes stone and his eyes turn to stone. I inhale and exhale another breath. Nick raises his fist and directs it toward my face.

I dodge the punch, but I feel Nick’s foot hit my shins. My knees quiver at the impact but I don’t fall to the ground.

“Go, Nick!” Erika cheers.

“Come on, Abhaya, you got this!” Mia urges.

“See, this is exactly why you shouldn’t have won earlier,” Nick says, but only I can hear it.

I narrow my eyes and heat bubbles up inside of me. Then I remember something that Aj once told me. The jaw is the knockout button and the back of the head is extremely vulnerable if it’s hit just right. I might as well you that information to my advantage now.

I aim for Nick’s jaw and his head goes left- his body following his head. Then, I smack the back of his head.

“Ow,” Nick mutters. “You’re so going to pay for that.”

I reposition myself and I am ready this time. I am for the nose. If I can hit his nose, then it’ll be easier for me to beat him

I move as fast and as efficient as I can. I raise my fist and it collides perfectly with Nick’s nose. Nick covers his nose with one hand-- leaving one hand free. Blood begins to drip from his nose, and internally I smile.

Suddenly, I feel the force of gravity shoving itself into my jaw. Nick’s fist collides with my jaw and sharp, intense pain shoots through my face. That’s going to leave a bruise, I think.

“Are you done yet?” Nick asks, drawing himself to full height.

“No,” I respond. “Never.”

I raise my fist and I aim for Nick’s stomach. Nick gasps and he holds a fist to his stomach. The adrenaline that had me going earlier, has worn off and the side-effects are starting to settle in.

“Fine, you win,” says Nick. “But remember this, Abhaya, you are weak.”

Nick then walks off, heat radiating off of him. And I’m stuck with him as a bunkmate, great. I shake my wrists out to relieve the stinging in them.

I step onto Nick’s bunk, not bothering to shower tonight. I sit on my bed and close my eyes for a moment, trying to wash away tonight’s events. I take my boots off and lay down, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

#

“I want those floors to shine when I get home tonight,” Donatella snaps.

I look up from the floor that I’m currently scrubbing to death and nod. Donatella’s cold eyes focus on me as she thinks that I’m planning on running away or if I’m hiding something from her. Then, she looks away.

“Yes, ma’am,” I confirm.

“Good.” Donatella walks off, her heels clicking aggressively against the floor.

“Yeah, I’ll make them shine alright,” I mutter once Donatella is out of earshot.

I stand up, abandoning the floor that I was just cleaning. I walk toward one of the many closets that are located in this house and open it. I find the product that I’m looking for and smile wickedly.

She is going to get what she deserves, I think as I grab a bucket.

I sit the buck down and begin to pour almost the whole bottle of the solution into the bucket, then adding water. I take the bucket back and begin to scrub the floor, saving the front of the house for last.

Later that evening, after I’ve spent the whole day on my hands and knees cleaning the floor, it shines at least. The door opens and I hear a scream of surprise and horror. A body hits the tile floor and it takes all the power inside of me not to giggle.

“ABHAYA LYNNE HUGHES!” Donatella shouts, her voice filling the house, “COME HERE NOW!”

I roll my eyes. Hey, I’m thirteen and of course I’m going to have smart-aleck side to me. I descend down the stairs and stop at the base. Donatella stands, leaning against the railing.

“Yes?” I say, trying to sound as innocent as I possibly can.

“What did you do?” Donatella huffs, her face turning red with each passing second.

“I cleaned the floors and I made them shine, like you requested,” I state.

“That does not mean make this house a safety hazard!”

“It’s only this floor,” I say. “If that makes you feel any better.” I straighten my posture and smile. “By the way, there’s something called karma. Ever heard of it?”

Donatella shakes her head in fury and walks off. I smile and bounce up the stairs. She got what she deserves.

Later that evening, I’m in my room, reading a book for class. Donatella comes in and her face is still red from our heated argument from earlier. She looks like she’s going to combust. She yanks me by the wrist, causing me to drop my book.

Her stone-like eyes stare into mine and my heart begins to thunder in my chest. Oh, no, I messed up badly. I gulp, ready to take what I deserve.

Maybe making you Step-Mother who runs the city slip and nearly break her neck isn’t the smartest idea. I could have been less extreme with my idea and could have gone with something simpler. But it was funny, though.

Before I can say something smart, Donatella smacks my face. She smacks me so hard that it feels like she tried to break my jaw. I know that it’s going to leave a mark.

“Don’t you ever cross me ever again,” Donatella whispers harshly in my ear. “Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I lie. “I won’t cross you again.”

“Good.” Donatella leaves my room, being kind enough to close the door behind her.

When I sleep that night, Donatella manages to make appearances in my dreams. Her evil grin and her stone eyes haunt me. All of this makes me shiver in terror.

#

I wake up and the lights are off and everyone is somehow asleep. My heart is pounding in my chest. I sit up and take a breath. I put my boots on and I climb down off of my bunk.

I walk toward the door and open it as soundless as I can. My feet guide me to my destination. Soon, I find myself in front of Theo’s apartment.

I knock then I stare at the ground, mentally cursing myself for my stupid decision. God. That. Was. Idiotic.

The door opens and Theo is standing in front of me. He’s dressed in a loose maroon T-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants and no shoes-- just white socks. My face goes red with embarrassment.

“Hey, Abhaya, is there something that I can help you with?” Theo asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammer. “I don’t know… I just walked up here and-”

“And you’ve been having dreams that you want to talk about but you’re too afraid to tell someone,” Theo finishes. “Oh, my bad. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted you.”

“No, you’re fine,” I say. “That’s actually why I came here.”

“Do you want to come in?” Theo asks, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” I say. “Thanks.”

Theo nods and stands up straight. He walks into the small living space and I follow. Theo leans against the counter in the kitchen space, drumming his fingers on the counter top. I just stand there looking like an idiot.

“Do you want tea, milk, or water?” he asks.

“Tea, please.” I walk toward him, attempting to be less stiff.

Theo nods and turns to search the cupboard for tea. He pulls out two tea bags and sets them down on the counter. Then he finds two mugs and sets them next to the tea bags.

“So, do you know why you have these nightmares?” Theo asks as he begins to boil water.

“Well, that’s why I came here.” I lean on the counter, resting myself on my elbows. “I’m not really sure, to be honest. Some nights I get them and very rarely I don’t get them. I guess it’s based on my experiences that day, maybe.”

“To be clear, you don’t know why you get them but you have a theory, correct?” Theo asks, placing the tea bags in the water.

I nod. “That is correct.”

Theo places the mug in front of me as the tea begins to steep. Theo begins to shuffle around the kitchen for other items.

“Do you want sugar or milk, at all?” Theo asks.

“No thank you,” I say. “I’d prefer it to be plain and black, like my life.”

Theo chuckles at my comment and takes a drink. Then he begins to drum his fingers on the counter.

I soon realize that I’m shivering. Goosebumps form on my arms and I take a long, greedy drink of the warm beverage. The hot liquid scalds my tongue but I don’t care. The drink warms my insides.

“Are you good, Abhaya?” Theo asks, looking at me.

“Yeah, I’m just a little chilly. That’s all,” I admit.

“Here, I’ll be right back.” Theo sits his mug down and walks off.

I’m left in a silence that I want to break but I can’t. That would be just plain weird. Theo comes back with a black sweatshirt and hands it to me. I look up at him with a small smile on my face.

“Thank you,” I say, accepting the garment.

“You’re welcome.” Theo smiles, then he goes behind the counter and takes another drink.

I pull the sweatshirt over my bare arms and I instantly feel warmer. The shirt smells like lavender and mint; comforting.

“Better?” Theo asks, looking at me over his mug.

“Yes, thank you, again,” I respond with a smile.

The shirt is larger than me, so I have to pull back the sleeves a couple times until I can function. I pick the mug up and take another long drink. My body is suddenly aware that it should be asleep and not up at this hour.

A yawn escapes my lips and I have to set my mug down. I turn to leave but my body feels too heavy and I stumble over my feet.

Theo’s hands grasp around my stomach. He pulls me to my feet and my heart skips a beat. Theo guides me to his bed and sets me down on it. The mattress creaks and groans under my bodyweight. Theo removes his hands from me and stands up.

“I’ll be right back,” he says. “Do you want to stay here for the rest of the night? I’ll sleep in the chair.”

Being so tired, I say, “Sure. Thank you.”

Theo nods. “You’re welcome. I’ll get you a washcloth. You have blood on your knuckles.”

I glance down at my knuckles and see dried blood on them. Nick’s blood. “Thank you.”

Theo walks off and comes back with a washcloth that’s been doused with water and kneels in front of me. My eyes feel heavy as they beg for sleep. Another yawn escapes me and my eyes close for a moment or two. I feel the cool washcloth against my skin and it jerks me awake.

Theo finishes and stands up. He smiles softly at me and walks off again. He comes back and drains the almost empty mugs down the sink.

I bend over and untie the laces of my boots. I take the shoes off and sir the neatly nest to the bed. Theo comes back with a pillow and a blanket. He sets them down on the armchair near the window.

I lay down and burl my body into a ball. Theo sits down on the mattress and rests a hand on my shoulder. His touch is tender and soft.

“You can use a blanket,” he whispers.

I sit up and Theo removes his hand from my shoulder. He helps me situate under the covers and props a pillow under my head. It makes me feel like a child again when Aj would take care of me when I was sick. I instantly feel even warmer from the comforter and I curl myself back into a ball.

Theo’s hand strokes my head, helping me fall asleep. He stands up and moves to turn the lamp on the bedside off.

I end up murmuring loud enough for him to hear, “Can you stay with me?”

Theo doesn’t say anything. He walks around the bed and I feel his weight shift on the bed. A brief rush of cold air brushes me as Theo slides under the blanket with me. He wraps his arms around my stomach, holding me close to him. I feel the muscles of his stomach and his arms. I feel safe in his arms.

“Is this okay?” he asks, his voice soft and low.

“Mhmm,” I say, nodding my head.

Theo’s chest rises and falls against my back. His head is tucked near my shoulder and I feel warm inside. I place a hand over Theo’s hands and close my eyes.

“Night, Wolf,” I whisper as I drift off to sleep.

“Night, Phoenix,” Theo whispers in my ear.

Then, I drift into a black abyss of sleep. With Theo, I feel safe like I do when I’m around Aj. I don’t dream; I just sleep.

Maybe I do like Theo but I can’t and won’t say it. I don’t want to startle him. I’ll say this once and only once; I’m falling in love with Theo.