Manipulate

The sun sets just as we’re finishing working on protecting our faces. Some people have bruises forming while others have blood trickling down from their nose or their lips. Max’s eyes scan the crowd as some of us yawn with exhaustion. Theo leans against the stack of crates like he did earlier.

His arms are crossed over his chest and his eyes are trained on the floor. Max walks up toward us. A stone like expression replaces his call one.

“Tomorrow, you’ll be training with Theo. While I’ll be helping Alia with the younger unit. I want all of you to do what Theo says. I will get a report from Theo.” Max states as he looks at every one of us.

My blood runs cold. This is not going to go well.

Max scans the crowd with a hard stare. “You may all go to dinner then.”

We leave the training room with confusion sweeping through the crowd. Dinner is loud. As usual. I sit down next to Abi, Kayla and Mia. Nick and Lee dash through the cafeteria with their trays in front of them.

I pick up my fork and stab it into the mashed potatoes that are drenched in thick brown gravy. My plate contains potatoes, yellow corn, roasted chicken with red bell peppers and lemon cheesecake.

Alia, Max and Theo enter the cafeteria talking to each other. They sit down at a table and continue to talk. They get up moments later and go to get food.

Theo sits down next to Peter and Trey at the table next to ours. I keep my head low as Abi chatters away about how some girl named Hannah managed to push her down and made her sprain her ankle. Abi taps me on the shoulder and I sit up immediately.

“Is it true? Did you actually punch Nick in the face?” Abi asks in amazement.

“Yeah, but it’s nothing. How’d you know?” I ask.

“Oh well you see, it’s spreading around TID from other people in your unit and well it’s sort of a big topic right now,” Abi says, shrugging her shoulders.

My face burns with embarrassment. Why? Why did I do that? Oh, wait because he’s a jerk and he deserved that. That’s why!

The bell rings dismissing us from dinner. We begin our long but short walk to the dorm. We still look like robots.

And I still have the same, aching feeling in my heart that we’re being manipulated.

When we enter the dorm, our beds have the same uniform neatly folded and stacked on our bunks. Each uniform contains a maroon tank top, black leggings, black sweatpants, and a green camouflage zip up hoodie with TID’s Phoenix rising from the flame embroidered onto the jacket right above the heart.

We change hastily. Every now and then, someone falls or trips from pulling on the pair of leggings they gave us. I sit on the top bunk tugging my leggings on. The material is soft and comfy. It’s thick enough to keep me warm but not too thin at the same time.

I tug my shirt off and replace it with the maroon tank top. A sudden burst of cool air causes goosebumps to rise on my arms. I tug the tank top on then I push my arms through the sleeves of the jacket. The jacket is warm and soft like a blanket.

I look out the window and see the moon. The night is clear with no clouds covering the night sky. The lights shut off and shouts echo through the room. Yep, TID is like home except with more people and no crazy stepmothers or sisters.

I crawl under the sheet and blanket. My eyes close instantly once my head hits the pillow. My body falls asleep but my wanders.

#

“She’s dead Abhaya. She’s dead,” Aj whispers.

I’m five years old again and those words echo through my mind. She’s dead. No, she can’t be. I look at Aj. His brown eyes that he got from dad search my blue ones. I raise my eyebrow at him.

“What? No, she’s not!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Liar!”

I know the real reason. She left us. She left to protect us. To protect me from danger. It’s not real and I know it.

“What’s going on in there?” Dad asks, carry an armload of boxes in his arms.

I stop. Aj does too. We stare at each other then at Dad. Dad looks at us like we’re crazy. He sighs and puts the boxes down.

“We need to talk. Come on,” dad says, motioning for us to sit on the floor.

We’re moving and I don’t want to. Why? Why do we have to? This makes absolutely no sense.

Aj and I sit on the floor with our legs crisscrossed. Aj’s ten and he has a better understanding of the world while I’m only five. I don’t understand any of this.

“Aj, Abhaya, you know that we’re moving right?” Dad asks, we nod. “Good. So, do you both understand that we’re moving in with my new wife and your new stepmother?” We nod again. “You’re going to be living in a larger house, you’re going to have two stepsisters who are two years older than you Abhaya and four years younger than you Aj. We leave tomorrow morning at eight o’clock sharp. We need to load these boxes now. Can you guys help me?”

Aj and I scramble to stand up. My anger has melted but I know for a fact that mom is not dead. I pick up a small box packed with books, paper and pens and pencils. Father chuckles as I pass him with the box. He pats me on top of the head as I exit the apartment.

That night I can barely sleep. I toss and turn on the ground in my blanket. My blanket rustles with motion as my thoughts run wild in my head. I need air. I sneak out slowly and quietly.

I tiptoe around Aj and dad as I make my way to the door. Our apartment is on the sixth floor so we have a pretty decent view of the damaged buildings lining St. Louis Ave and around the rest of the city. I creep toward the door and open it.

I slip through a crack and I stare out at the city below me from the old metal balcony. The sound of bus engines fills the night along with the constant sound of trains rattling on the tracks.

Street lamps glow dimly in the dead night. Clouds cover the moon and a chilly breeze rushes past me in my gray t-shirt and black sweatpants. I never understood why black, gray and maroon always drew my attention. Maybe it’s because mom influenced my style. She wore black sweaters and maroon leggings or the other way around. Or if she was at home, she’d wear gray t-shirts and black or maroon sweatpants.

The door creaks open and Aj emerges from the dark apartment and into the cool night. His black t-shirt and gray sweatpants make almost make him part of the night. Aj stops and stands next to me on the metal balcony. His arms rest on the railing and I look at him.

“Are you going to apologize, or am I?” I ask.

Aj chuckles softly and looks at me. “Look, Abhaya, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I really am. This is going to be hard on us all. I mean we have to move to a large house on a completely different street and that means we have to figure out a route to get to school, we have to say goodbye to our childhood home. It’s just going to be different and a new adjustment for the three of us.”

I nod. “I should apologize because I yelled at you and I feel terrible for it. You know? You’re my best friend Aj and I feel awful.”

Aj bends down and hugs me. His lanky arms wrap around my waist and mine wrap around his neck. I laugh.

“This is awkward,” I whisper.

Aj laughs and squeezes me tighter. I squeal. He lets go and pats me on the head.

“Come on, Little One, let’s go to sleep. We have to be up early tomorrow morning,” Aj says as he opens the door.

I make my way around dad until I get to my bed. I crawl under my blanket and sheet and snuggle into my pillow. Aj closes the door behind him, letting a soft, fresh, chilled breeze into the room.

Sunlight warms the room as I slowly open my eyes. I sit up and yawn. Aj and dad are awake. Dad smiles as he folds his sheet and blanket.

“Good morning, Abhaya. We’re leaving in an hour,” Dad chirps.

He’s always like this. Except when mom ‘died’; he wasn’t like he is now. He sat at the counter reading the same newspaper article over and over again until he went to work a week later and met Donatella. He brought her home for her to meet Aj and I.

I knew from the second I met her that woman was not human; she was something else. Aj was skeptical about her too and I didn’t blame him. She was something else. And it wasn’t a good something.

Aj hands me an apple and I chew on it silently. I’m nervous. I met my step-sisters once and it’s something that I never want to do again. One time is enough. Linda and Lillie are not the brightest or reliant people. When Donatella brought them over once they were pretty much brain dead.

Dad, Aj and I leave an hour later. Our boxes were packed into Donatella’s government issued car the night before so all we had to do was ride a bus to the nearest street. The three of us sit on the bus as it bumps against the uneven cobblestone and pavement that no one has redone in years.

I feel my anxiety increase as we near the stop. New home and new rules. I grab Aj’s hand and hold it tightly. Once a family, always a family.

#

When I wake up the next morning all I can register is a blur. Feet shuffle and beds groan from body weight. Whispers and low conversations scatter throughout the dorm.

I open my eyes and blink slowly. My body is heavy and sore from yesterday. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of my bed. I’m still dressed in my new uniform from yesterday and my combat boots.

Nick’s obnoxious snores woke me up this morning. I almost want to tape his mouth shut tonight. Almost.

I hope down off my bunk and see Nick casually reading a news article off of his disc. A bruise forms along his jaw and his nose is crusted with dried blood. Does he ever take care of his personal hygiene?

My eyes bounce around the dorm. It feels empty without the younger unit but with Nick, Erika and Lee how could it feel empty?

The lights flicker on in the dorm and Theo stands in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks tired and his boots are tied lazily. His hair is messed up from sleep and his maroon t-shirt is half tucked into his black jeans. His expression looks exhausted as he scans the dorm.

“I want you all in the training room in three minutes,” Theo orders.

This morning feels like it’s going to be long and today is going to drag by even slower. I hop off my bunk onto the floor and realize that I’m still wearing my combat boots from last night. I follow a group of other people to the training room.

Theo stands in the training room glancing at his watch as he waits for the rest of us to arrive. Once everyone’s in the training room, Theo does a silent headcount and nods.

“After breakfast you’ll meet me at the cafeteria doors. We’re going to explore TID a little more,” Theo says. “You may go to breakfast.”

We exit the training room. What did Theo mean when he said that we’re going to explore TID a little more? Is it bad or is it a good? Questions race through my mind as we make our way toward the cafeteria for breakfast.

This morning it’s the same as yesterday’s morning. Toast, eggs, bacon, coffee and milk. My arms and legs ache even at the simplest tasks. I struggle to even use a pair of tongs to pick up a slice of toast!

My arm shakes as I place the slice of toast on the plate. I scoop eggs onto my plate with a yawn as the line begins to shift. I pour a cup of coffee into a cup and carry it with my other free hand.

I sit down next to Abi, Kayla and Mia. Kayla and Mia sit with their heads balancing on their hand as they scoop eggs into their mouth. Abi sits chattering away about the weather and how she’s nervous about the test coming up later this week.

“How are you this morning, Abhaya?” Abi asks in her chirpy tone.

I nearly choke on the egg that I’ve been chewing on. “Tired, sore, hungry,” I say as I swallow the eggs.

Mia and Kayla nod in agreement as they finish their breakfasts. Breakfast is silent at our table but Nick and Lee are yelling and acting like complete morons at their table. Kayla sighs as she pokes at her eggs.

“Those two are complete Bishcuits,” Kayla mutters.

“Well obviously they are. I mean look at them! They probably don’t even brains,” Mia exclaims softly.

The three of us nod in agreement and burst into a fit of laughter as Abi looks at us horrified. Abi’s jaw drops in a matter of seconds when she hears Kayla’s and Mia’s.

“Quit calling other people Bishcuits! You know it’s not very nice,” Abi says as Kayla and Mia laugh.

“Oh, Sunshine, it’s fine. Besides who cares anyway? It’s been over used anyways,” Kayla says, waving her hand as if the topic is silly and she doesn’t need to be reminded of it.

Abi rolls her eyes and glares at Kayla. “Quit calling me Sunshine, please.”

Mia and Kayla laugh. “Sorry Abi it just suits you well that’s all,” Mia says, wiping a tear from her eye.

The bell rings dismissing us from breakfast. The sound of benches scooting against the ground the sound of plates and utensils clattering we leave them on the tables. Conversations become louder and groups become larger as we exit the cafeteria.

We wait for Theo at the cafeteria doors as groups of other people and the younger unit exit the cafeteria chattering away. We wait in a single file line as we wait for Theo to arrive. And when he does, we’re relieved that he didn’t forget us.

“Follow me,” Theo orders.

My eyes bounce around looking at everyone. We’re all confused about something. Theo leads us down multiple different corridors until he stops. The sound of roaring water echoes through the hall.

Theo looks at all of us. His eyes are narrow and his expression is hard as stone. “Many of you have either been here for a year or two; while some of you have only been here for a few months,” Theo starts. “But everyone who’s a transfer must know about The Cliff.”

We all stop. People stand on their toes to get a better view. The Cliff is a steep, deep decline that holds rushing water and jagged rocks. Whispers fill through the room but the water drowns it out. A rusted metal bridge connects one rocky side to the other.

“Every year a daring person will jump. But one wrong move and you’re dead,” Theo says, making a person fall with his hand and then with the other hand he uses it as the bottom of the cliff. “The Cliff will hopefully remind you not to be idiots, Bishcuits or daredevils here. Now will you please follow me.”

We stare at The Cliff in disbelief. Why? There are kids here for God’s sake!

We follow Theo back to the training room and we wait for him to give us orders. Theo stares at us.

“I want you all to find a partner and then stand back to back,” Theo announces.

This time I get stuck with Erika. This isn’t going to go well. Erika stands in the same uniform as the rest of us but her expression shows it all. She does not want to do this. She sighs and we stand back to back

“We’re resuming from yesterday. Start now,” Theo says.

Erika stands in front of me like a stone statue. Her stare is icy and death like. She’s nothing compared to living with Donatella, Lillie, and Linda. She is nothing at all.

I begin to circle around Erika until she decides to hit my ear with her fist. Hard. Ringing begins to echo throughout my ear as the sting wears off. I stagger for a moment until I regain my balance. I take a heavy breath in and I throw my fist at Erika.

I hit her ribs and I hear the air get knocked out her. Erika stops and holds her side heaving for air. Theo observes us. His footsteps are like a clock. A clock reminding us to keep moving.

Sweat beads my neck and bruises begin to form on my arms and legs, my ribs beg for mercy as they attempt to push air in and out of my lungs. Erika’s pale arms are a light pink color from blocking my hits and her breathing is heavy.

It’s only seven thirty and we’ve been fighting for the last half hour and my body feels like a brick. Heavy and ready to fall. Theo’s footsteps stop and the room is silent. All of us look at him.

“You may all have a water break but you have two minutes,” Theo says sternly.

We all rush out to get water as if we live in a desert and we’re seeing water for the first time. The sound of feet pounding the ground fills the room with an oddly satisfying sound. It reminds me of order and unison. Everyone has a sound they make but they all blend in together.

I push the jammed water fountain to make the water come out of the fountain. The cool water hits my mouth and it feels as if my mouth is a desert and the water is rain. I stand there for a few seconds.

I walk back to the training and the rest of the group is waiting for Theo. Theo examines a notepad as we wait.

“Initiates, we’re going to be adding something new today,” Theo announces.

“What are initiates?” Erika asks

“What you all are now,” Theo says with a smile.

I can already tell that Erika being here is going to be hell for Theo and the rest of us. Laughter ripples through the room as Erika’s face turns a bright shade of pink. The sound of Theo’s notepad hitting the chalkboard silences the laughter.

“That’s enough,” Theo bellows. “Focus please.”

The room turns silent again as Theo explains what we’re going to be doing until lunch time. We watch him as he explains how to properly kick someone. Some people look annoyed and bored; while others look interested and they want to do it.

“Find a different partner and do what I just showed you to do,” Theo says.

The sound of name calling and “over here! Over here!” begin to fill the room. I manage to get paired up with Lee. Great can this day get any worse?

I place my arms in front of my face as Lee prepares too. He’s mirroring me and that’s a dumb move. That’s exactly how you get beat up or how you get severely injured.

“Come on, Bishcuit, what are you waiting for?” Lee snaps.

Anger flares in my blood. I cannot wait to have an excuse to kick the boy. I can’t. I step back and Lee follows. I’m so going to kick his butt.

My leg sweeps him from underneath as Lee hits the ground with a loud THUD! I smile. Revenge is sometimes the best feeling you can receive. Lee scrambles to stand up. He looks like a deer.

His legs are long and his arms are like sticks. Lee is scrawny and his light brown hair doesn’t help it at all. Lee’s leg hits my knee and I fall. My knees hit the ground and pain shoots through my body.

I bite back a groan and grit my teeth. Bone hitting cement floor does not feel good at all.

I stand back up. I’m determined and I won’t fall this time. I swear. My knees still sting from hitting the ground but that’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through.

Lee and I knock each other to the ground multiple times before it’s time for lunch. By the time Theo dismisses us, my knees are bruised and my legs are mush. Sweat beads the back of my neck and I end up tying my jacket around my waist.

As we walk down to lunch my stomach begs for food. When we enter the cafeteria the scent of sweat, salt, bread, cheesecake and hamburgers fill the room. The sound of yelling begins once we get in line. Nick and Lee begin to talk and shove each other in the ribs.

I sigh and pick up a hamburger and a slice of chocolate cheesecake. I greedily fill two cups of water and place them on my tray. I make my way through the cafeteria and sit down next to Mia, Kayla and Abi. Abi pokes me on the shoulder.

“Hi!” Abi exclaims with glee.

“Hi,” I say, unsure of what to say in this situation.

“How are you all?” Abi asks.

We all groan and roll our eyes. Kayla aggressively spreads a red paste on her hamburger as Abi talks about how Max and Alia had to break up a fight earlier. I stab at my cheesecake as I think about my conversation with Rae the other day. What’s going on at home? Why is Aj safe and not dad? I need answers.

Sometimes you have to fight for the answers you want even if it means that you get hurt. If it means that I protect my family I will find out what is happening at home. I’ll risk it all to save my family. I promised father and Aj that I’d bring mom home and I will fulfill my promise. I will.

“Earth to, Abhaya. Abhaya!” Abi snaps.

I snap out of my daze. “Huh?”

“What happened to your arms?” Abi asks.

I look down at my arms. Bruises form along my radius and wrists. I guess two days of training can change you.

“Training,” I state.

“Okay. Is it fun?” Abi asks.

“Only if it involves beating up people that you don’t like,” I say.

Abi stares at me. Her blue eyes are wide as her jaw drops. “But- but-but,” she sputters, “that can’t be right!”

I shrug my shoulders. “Life isn’t always fair and we learn to cope with who we’re surrounded by.”

Abi nods and begins to poke at her bread. I chew the tender hamburger in silence. The two days of training that we’ve had, has made my body heavy and sore. I eat the chocolate cheesecake as Nick and Lee act like idiots at the next table to my right.

The bell rings and the sound of benches scraping the floor, plates, silverware and cups clattering fill the room. I make my way to the trash can and dump my remaining food into it. Loud voices fill the room as we exit the cafeteria.

I manage to catch a glimpse of Abi as we leave. Her head hangs low as she trudges out of the cafeteria. She looks miserable. Like a secret weighs her down.

As we make our way back to the training room, I notice many things that I’ve never noticed since I’ve arrived in TID. I notice tattoo ink curling around necks, shoulders, arms and hands. Piercings cover faces, ears and in some cases belly-buttons.

“Hi, Abhaya!” Kayla chirps.

I stare at her for a moment. Kayla’s black and slightly wavy hair is dyed a bright red at the ends. That’s new. Her ears are pierced in multiple places and a tiny diamond sits on the left side of her nose. No tattoos. At least not yet.

“Hey,” I say. “Are you ready for later?”

“In a way. But I’m not ready to face Lee, Nick, and Erika. They make me want to run into a wall.” Kayla shudders.

“Literally or figuratively?” I ask.

“A little bit of both,” Kayla says with a giggle.

We burst into a fit of giggles as we walk down toward the training room. When we get there, Theo stands in front of the chalkboard staring at it as if he can change the rankings and names around with just one thought.

Theo turns around and faces us. We stand in a large clump. Theo’s eyes are hard; he looks like he hasn’t eaten since breakfast.

“We’re going to be moving on from self-defense for a few,” Theo announces. “Line up in three lines. I want five people in each line.”

I guess some people never paid attention in math class because some people can barely do simple math. It takes us four minutes to get into three lines. As we wait for Theo tell us what we’re doing, the picture of Abi in the cafeteria replays in my mind. What happened? What’s happening in the dorms?

“Follow me,” Theo orders.

The three lines full of boys and girls follow Theo out of the training room and down multiple hallways. Left, right, right, left, straight. Theo stops and faces us. His arms are crossed over his chest as he faces us. All our eyes burn into his as we wait.

“I want you all to stay in the order you’re in when I open this door. And when I open this door no stupid moves. Understand?” Theo asks.

We all nod. Theo opens the door and we follow him. Inside guns, arrows, bows, knives and bullets all line a table as we walk past the table. Theo stands in front of the table and stares at us.

Then, he starts numbering us off. When he gets to me, I’m four in line two. Theo stops and then goes back to the front of the room. His arms are once again crossed over his chest.

“I want all one’s to grab a silver gun off the table and follow me,” Theo says.

All the one’s obey and grab a silver gun off the table. The silver guns are small and have a weight to them. Mia’s blond hair bounces in the ponytail she wears as she follows Theo and the other one’s out of the room.

Theo opens another door to a different room and then he closes it once all the ones are in there.

“Stay in the order you’re in,” Theo says sternly over his shoulder before he closes the door. “And I mean it.”

The door clicks closed behind him. Conversations begin to fill the room before a loud BANG! comes from the other room. Shrieks and gasps fill the room. My heart skips a beat until I feel a sudden shift in time. Dangit.

The one’s exit the room and Theo calls for the twos to come in. Then when the two’s come out the three’s go in and that means Kayla leaves. Guns gleam in the dim lights.

I feel panic rise up inside of me. My heart begins to beat in my ribcage and all the blood that courses through my veins I feel rush to my head. Control your breathing. Don’t over react. I argue with my head. Don’t give in. You’ve been through worst.

Theo opens the door and I snap back to reality. I glance down at my hands. My knuckles are white as I clench the gun in my left hand.

“Fours,” Theo calls.

All the fours follow Theo into the room and then for the fourth time he closes the door behind him.

The room smells of dust and sweat. Five targets stand in front of us. Each target is made out of thin aluminum and bullet holes pierced through them like a needle to the skin. Clean and clear.

“Find a target and stand there,” Theo says.

Instead of the usual scrambling, we walk. Since there isn’t fifteen people in one room it helps. Erika and Nick stand on either side of me. Theo walks by examining us as we stand fifteen feet away from the target. Theo’s hand brushes mine by accident. Did he mean it or was it an accident?

“Bring the gun up in front of you with both hands for now,” Theo says.

We lift the silver guns up in front of us. The gun’s weight makes my arm scream in pain but I ignore it. Erika stands on my right side. Her expression shows that she’s annoyed. Nick on the other hand looks determined and like he was born for this.

“Load the barrel by clicking the lever in the back,” Theo explains. “Then aim and shoot.”

The sound of guns firing and bullets piercing aluminum fill the room. My ears begin to ring from the loud and painful noise. We shoot a total of five bullets and I manage to only shoot one bullet that hit the target. The four other ones only God knows where they went.

“Good. You’re done for today,” Theo says.

We exit the room and Theo calls the last group in. Everyone has placed their gun back on the table so we do it too. Kayla and Mia stand next to each other talking. I walk toward them.

“Hey Abhaya how was it?” Mia asks.

“Terrifying, intimidating, nerve wracking,” I say. “How many times did you guys hit the target?”

“None,” Mia says.

“Same,” Kayla says with a laugh. “What about you Abhaya?”

“Once,” I say.

“Good job. That’s awesome! How many times did Nick hit the target?” Kayla asks.

“I don’t know for sure but I think four times.”

The three of us sigh together.

“Nick the show off,” I say, jokingly.

Kayla and Mia burst into laughter at my comment. We stand in our small group laughing and making names up for other people in TID.

“Nick is Show Off, Lee is Brain Dead, and Erika is Drama Queen,” I say.

“Perfect,” Kayla and Mia chime together.

Theo comes out with the fives and closes the door. The room falls silent.

“We’re leaving now. Follow me,” Theo says as he opens the door for us to leave.

The fifteen of us walk down the halls with Theo guiding us. I glance around and see Alia and Max with the younger group in a different training room. The younger group stands behind a line marked on the concrete wall as they throw knives at a target.

What world are we living in and why is this necessary? We’re not kids or teenagers anymore; we’re initiates and grownups now. And we have to learn everything we need to know within two weeks. We are maturing. And no one has a choice to object.