Chapter 15: Hanna and Muriel
Four hours later, Hanna awoke on the table of the healer. The crystal was quiet and to her surprise, Muriel was lying next to her, cuddled close with her head lying on Hanna’s shoulder and her arm draped over Hanna’s belly. Hanna blushed as she noticed Muriel had on a modest but sexy teddy that covered her discretely, but accented her assets very well. Muriel’s reptilian arm lay draped across Hanna as she slept peacefully. Hanna yawned as she then noticed that she was wearing a tan teddy made similarly to Muriel’s teddy and nothing else. Looking around the room, she saw her sword, dagger, scorched armor, charred coat, and burned boots sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. “Oh, my,” Hanna whispered in embarrassment. “When did this happen?” She looked down into Muriel’s sleeping face with a sigh and embraced her gently. An eerie sisterly attraction filled her as Hanna gazed at Muriel. Love for the mutated aberration lying next to her welled up. Hanna kissed Muriel on the head and then shook her gently. “Muriel...wake up, sweetie. I have to get up now.”
Muriel stirred and then lifted her head as she opened her eyes. “Oh, you’re awake,” she murmured sleepily to Hanna.
“Why are you lying on me, Muriel?” Hanna asked softly.
“I became afraid,” Muriel whispered, “and only by lying with you did I feel safe. I hope I wasn’t out of line.”
Hanna smiled warmly. “No,” she replied. “It’s not out of line. I was just a bit surprised to see you lying on me the same way Selina used to. It’s not a problem. This is your first intimate contact with anyone, isn’t it?”
Muriel blushed. “Yes,” she admitted, “the first time in a very long time. You accepted me unconditionally, so I felt you would not reject my advance.”
“Of course I wouldn’t,” Hanna murmured, “But you do realize I am bound to Selina, right?”
“Of course,” Muriel stated, “I would never come between you two. But it’s been so long since I’ve had any kind of intimate contact with anyone and I know you know what it’s like to be alone.”
“Indeed I do,” Hanna stated, “I never really knew the joy of a warm soul to mingle with my own until I met Selina. She taught me that.”
“Would you kiss me, Hanna?” Muriel asked politely, “Kiss me ever so gently on the lips?”
Hanna nodded and rolled on her side, pulling Muriel into full-body contact, and kissed her ever so gently on the lips. At the same time, she made telepathic contact with Muriel, showing her how much she loved her, but at the same time showing her where her loyalties were.
Muriel soaked up the embrace and kiss like a sponge, weeping softly with joy after the kiss. She latched onto Hanna and held her, crying, “I knew it! You do love me. I am loved unconditionally! Thank you, Hanna. You have made a very old woman very happy. I’m loved! I am loved!”
“That you are,” Hanna replied, no longer feeling embarrassed by having Muriel in such intimate contact. “I love you, Muriel. You are my beautiful, exotic older sister that I cherish dearly. But I can still see you have trouble accepting that you are beautiful. Can I share something with you?”
“Sure, little sister,” Muriel replied, having cemented her connection mentally to Hanna as a sister.
“Before the misfortune of my mutation, I used to be a man,” Hanna stated. “I wasn’t the handsomest man out there by any means. In fact, I considered myself to be plain, and just a bit ugly…especially after my time as an agent of the Darkness that spawned the Emperor. When the Ancient of Days pulled my soul out of that darkness and saved me, I still considered myself not handsome. In fact, I considered myself right down ugly because of all the evil I had committed.”
Muriel’s eyes grew wide as she murmured, “No; you’re not ugly, not compared to me.”
“But I did think that,” Hanna insisted, “I believed that right down to the very soles of my feet. Because of everything I’d done, I didn’t believe anyone would want to get close to me. In fact, I feared it because of the acts of extreme violence I committed. I worried that if someone got close and got me to open up to them, they’d hurt me or I’d inadvertently hurt them. The rage you saw on me while I was dealing with the basilisks is a constant reminder of where I came from and what I’m capable of.”
Muriel nodded as she laid her head down on Hanna’s right breast. “I know what you mean,” she murmured. “I’m the same way.”
“Anyway,” Hanna continued, “I refused to let anyone get close to me because of it. Between the fear of what I was capable of and the belief that I was ugly because of what I’d done, I kept everyone at a distance. For years, I lived alone, working with many people and becoming good friends with some of them, but I was still alone. The day I met Selina, all that changed. She found her way into my wounded, dark heart and pulled my soul from that darkness. She accepted me just as I was and loved me for me. I didn’t know how closely matched we were until the day after our wedding when Selina merged telepathically with me for the first time. We were truly meant for each other to such an extent that we healed each other’s mental and emotional wounds. Even after that, I still refused to think I was beautiful, even though I loved beautiful things. I never thought that I could ever be beautiful, and I could not figure out why Selina loved me so.
“Then we came here to this savage land where the Emperor rules with blood and violence. He captured me...torturing, and mutating me in ways I never thought possible, but ways I suspect you are all too familiar with. Only after I escaped in the mutated condition I have now, and finally coming out of the coma I was in from my ordeal in the Arena did I see the error of my belief. It was here in this very tower after I recovered my ability to walk after weeks of being crippled that I discovered a potent truth.”
“What was that?” Muriel asked, soaking up every word.
“I awoke in my room, not too far from this very place,” Hanna stated, “having finally gotten feeling and the use of my legs back. I must admit, the mutation has been difficult for me. I was a man for fifty years, only to be mutated at a genetic level into my female counterpart by a science that is far beyond anything we have on the surface. The female sensations were alien to me...some of them frightening and some of them strangely pleasant and exhilarating. To have real breasts and a complete female reproductive system with ovaries and a uterus instead of pecks, and a male reproductive system threw me for a loop. As I was tormented as a man trapped within a clone woman before my mutation, I came to love the sensations women had, especially the sexual ones. I felt things no man ever dreamed of feeling. But I’m getting off the line here. When the Emperor mutated me into a woman, the feelings I had while trapped in the clone woman on the sex floor became a permanent reality for me. I was forced to accept it. Being a woman forced me to do something I’d never done before.”
“You never let your emotions have a free reign in your life, did you?” Muriel surmised.
“That’s exactly right,” Hanna admitted. “As a man, I always suppressed my emotions about everything and as a result, they’d explode violently and unpredictably at times. When the Emperor mutated me, I realized my fault in doing that. By suppressing my emotions, I created undue stress on me and was never happy. Shortly after I finally accepted that this is my form for the foreseeable future, I let my emotions out and dealt with them as they emerged. By doing that, I found I was much happier and confident a person.”
“I can see that,” Muriel agreed, “But what about how you felt about your looks?”
“After waking up just a few days ago in my room,” Hanna stated, “I looked at my legs and the rest of me in the mirror. For some reason I do not understand, the Emperor had me made this way. I looked at myself and suddenly realized that I really was beautiful. Furthermore, I realized that the beauty was not just coming from the outside, but from within me. My submission to my God has endowed me with beauty that transcends this flesh. When I discovered that, I realized that regardless of which sex I am, I was always good-looking. I was just too thickheaded to see it. I had always wondered why Selina loved me so much and that was the answer. She saw my true beauty: a beauty that I never could see until I was literally turned into a woman, and forced to integrate the many suppressed aspects of my psyche. Therefore, what I told you yesterday, Muriel, I said from the first-hand experience. I’m your Selina who can see your true beauty. It’s an exotic beauty that puts mine to shame. You are such a beautiful woman, Muriel, and I’m honored to be your friend and confidant.”
Muriel finally understood Hanna and wept with joy. “I’m not just loved, but I’m also beautiful too! How could I not see it? Thank you for sharing such an intimate truth with me, Hanna,” Muriel cried. “I am in your debt forever.”
“No, you aren’t,” Hanna chimed pleasantly, holding Muriel close. “I merely pointed out an example from my tortured experience of how it is so easy to get a negative attitude about yourself. But I’m glad you finally see the truth of what I said. Another truth is that it is okay to let people into your life. As you saw, I had a terrible time letting people in until that one special person showed up and refused to leave. You will find your special man at some point who will accept you as I have. Then you will know true happiness.”
Muriel suddenly kissed Hanna on the lips, hugging her tightly. “I love you, little sister,” she beamed with delight, “I’m so happy. I just wish I had a mate like you that I could share it with.”
“Patience, my dear Muriel,” Hanna stated, “Your prince will come, just as my princess came to me. I pray that I will shortly be able to be the husband she married once again.”
“You will,” Muriel insisted. “You have done something no man or woman has ever done for me. You broke through my shield and penetrated to my soul, showing me that life really isn’t just one horrid nightmare after another until we die. You showed me that love and light still exists even in this deep darkness and that no matter what I look like, I’m accepted and loved in this world.”
“And that you are,” Hanna stated, “By more people than you realize. Morpheus is particularly fond of you. This much I’ve seen.”
“I know he is,” Muriel stated as she sat up. “But I still fear to open myself to a male like I’ve opened to you.”
“But you know that I was born a man,” Hanna stated, “My present form is not truly who I am.”
“I know,” Muriel stated, “But you’re different. You understand me and accept me.”
“Of course I do,” Hanna stated, “But I am not your destined mate. Only the man the Ancient of Days has for you will make you whole, just as Selina makes me whole. I know the fear you speak of because I’ve wrestled with it too all my life. You can’t let it stop you from taking a chance. There is an old saying on the surface that says ‘Faint hearts never won fair lady.’ That saying goes both directions. You must be willing to step out on faith once in a while, otherwise you will remain lost and alone. Not every soul out there is out to reject, betray, or even kill you.”
Muriel sighed as Hanna sat up beside her, hanging her legs off the table. “You astound me, Hanna,” Muriel admitted, “You keep reaching in and finding my deepest darkest fears and showing how foolish they are.”
Hanna put her arm around Muriel. “Your fears and secrets are not foolish, Muriel,” Hanna retorted softly, “Just misplaced. I know this from experience because I’m constantly finding misplaced fears and secrets in me too. It’s only foolish not to fix them when you realize your mistakes. We all live our lives by trial and error. It’s the way we are, and so are you.” Hanna laid her head on Muriel’s shoulder. “I can’t imagine how you survived so long in such darkness. But it shows you have an incredible strength of will and character even the Emperor couldn’t erase.” Sensing Muriel needed to take the conversation in a lighter direction, Hanna said after a pause, “You are a beautiful flower, Muriel. No doubts about that; and that teddy really enhances your beauty. It’s so pretty.”
Muriel smiled, looking at Hanna. “It is, isn’t it? Just having it on makes me feel pretty and not like a wild animal. Does your pretty teddy make you feel the same way?”
“Yes,” Hanna stated, “It really does. This is one of the things I’m going to miss when I reverse my mutation. These teddies make me feel truly alive. That’s one of the big things I discovered by being mutated. For fifty years, I never truly lived as I should have. Being forcibly mutated into a woman has allowed me for the first time in my life to really live and enjoy my life as I should have.” Hanna looked Muriel in the eye adding, “I’ve come to like being a woman, and sometimes wonder if I truly want to go back to being a man.”
“If you have the chance to reverse what the Emperor did to you, you should take it. You should go back to who you truly are,” Muriel stated, “Otherwise, you will inevitably regret it. Don’t let the fancy of being female destroy what fifty years of manhood created.”
“I know,” Hanna admitted, “I must eventually reverse this mutation, but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it while I have it. I have come to enjoy the perks of being a woman.”
“I can see that,” Muriel stated, “I just wish I could have your enthusiasm.”
“Have faith, Muriel,” Hanna chimed, “You’ve just been freed. In time, you will know the joy I do. Would you like to dance?”
“Dance?” Muriel asked, “I don’t know how to dance.”
“Then I will teach you,” Hanna replied pleasantly, “Selina taught me and so did the various Teaching Machines I’ve encountered. Just follow my lead. We’ll do a slow dance.” Hanna jumped off the table and pulled Muriel to her feet. “Put one hand around me like this,” Hanna instructed as she wrapped one arm around Muriel’s waist, “and the other hand right here.” Hanna took Muriel’s other hand in hers, standing in a traditional waltz position. Muriel followed her example, wrapping one hand around Hanna while holding her other hand. Hanna pulled Muriel close as she blushed. “Now waltz with me…one, two, three; one, two, three,” Hanna instructed, slowly moving Muriel around in a waltz.
In less than a minute, Muriel had the idea and waltzed with Hanna around the healing chamber. A smile crossed her face as she murmured, “This is fun. I’ve never danced with anyone before.”
“And it won’t be the last,” Hanna crowed softly, enjoying the close contact with Muriel. “I must say that I’m enjoying this too. I went so long without being able to even walk. Now look at me, I’m dancing. The Almighty is so good.”
“Indeed,” Muriel agreed. “Thank you for everything, Hanna. It seems I have a lot of catching up to do on things.”
“You’re welcome,” Hanna chimed, “Seeing you like this just makes my day. I am truly sorry that EMP shorted you out at Acheron. If I’d know it was going to do that, I wouldn’t have done it like that.”
“Water under the bridge,” Muriel stated as they circled in the dance. “I’m just happy to be alive and free with you.”
“Same here,” Hanna replied. “My, you caught on quickly. You dance like a pro.”
“The movements seem fairly simple,” Muriel stated. “I keep getting brief flashes about dancing. But as soon as they appear, they melt away. It’s infuriating.”
“Do these flashes stay long enough for you to remember them?” Hanna asked as they continued their slow dance.
“Sort of,” Muriel stated, “Sometimes, I see what I think is me un-mutated without the cybernetic implants wearing a beautiful dress dancing with a strange man. But as soon as I see it, the images fade away.”
Hanna ended the waltz and curtseyed to Muriel, who did the same following Hanna’s example. “It seems you may have sealed memories like Amelia did,” Hanna stated. “And thank you for the dance. It was divine.”
“The pleasure was mine,” Muriel stated, “You think the Cadre may have done something to my mind when they mutated me?”
“It’s a high likelihood,” Hanna stated, scanning Muriel’s frame seeing all the cybernetics attached to her. The teddy seemed to accent Muriel’s exotic beauty, arousing Hanna slightly. “Would you do something for me?” Hanna asked, “If you think it’s too personal, just say no and I’ll understand.”
Muriel didn’t hesitate when she peeled the teddy off, letting it drop to the floor, exposing her whole mutated torso enhanced with cybernetics to Hanna. Hanna gasped in astonishment to see the extent of the cyberization. “May I?” Hanna asked politely.
“Go ahead, little sister,” Muriel replied softly, apparently unashamed of being nude in front of Hanna. Hanna gently touched Muriel as she explored the cybernetic implants that covered Muriel’s chest, abdomen, and legs. Noticing the cybernetics included Muriel’s groin area, Hanna didn’t touch her there, not allowing her hands anywhere near Muriel’s groin.
“Oh, my god,” Hanna breathed, “I didn’t think this level of cyberization was possible. Is there any way to separate you from this machinery?”
“I don’t think so,” Muriel stated. “My vital organs are tied into the cybernetics. If the cybernetics are removed, I die, though up until yesterday that would not have been so bad a deal.”
“Did you try to kill yourself?” Hanna asked softly, stepping back from Muriel as she put the teddy back on.
“Yes,” Muriel stated glumly, “Many times. I repeatedly tried to get the guardians to kill me, but they just wouldn’t do it. They only barred me from escaping the grotto. I tried to cut my wrists and my throat, but the cybernetics protected those areas from such lethal damage. I tried to burn myself up and only succeeded in creating extra torment. Even the basilisk poison didn’t affect me. So I had no choice but to accept my prison. I’m now glad I didn’t succeed. You have shown me the way out of that outer darkness.”
Hanna put her arm around Muriel. “I don’t know what to tell you except that I’m glad you lived long enough to be freed from that prison and hopefully see justice done on the Emperor for what he put you through.”
“Me too,” Muriel replied, embracing Hanna. “Your appearance and kindness has made the ages of darkness and despair bearable. Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure,” Hanna replied as she heard a knock at the healing chamber door.