Lapidary

“What?” My mouth was dry, and it felt as if someone had wrapped their hands tightly around my throat.

“Ryker went to Vesea often – not just for diamond smuggling, but for drugs,” Bellevue began.

I tried to steady my shaking hands. I had known Ryker was taking drugs…

“We found traces of Deluge in his body, the night he died.”

I felt lightheaded. Nothing could prepare me for what Bellevue said next.

“Ryker had been high, and that’s why he jumped.”

“No,” I said, shaking.

“I wish it wasn’t true, but it is.”

Deluge was known for making you over-confident and making you believe you could do fucking anything. Quinn, high on Deluge, had wanted to jump off the school building. Was that what Ryker had been like?

“How come no one knows?” I asked, my voice soft.

Bellevue snorted. “Do you know how hard it was to keep that information out of the news? I didn’t want people to know that my son was a drug addict who had foolishly jumped off a building, most probably thinking he could fly! I didn’t want him to be remembered like that.”

Bellevue had protected Ryker’s reputation, but she had also protected her own. If the media spoke badly about her son, it would reflect right back on her. He’d already made so many scandals, not following in her footsteps, joining the Sky Watch, and dating a human – me. I doubted she could handle another scandal becoming public.

“You never told me,” I said.

She glanced at my wrists. “You couldn’t have handled it.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I didn’t bother trying to stop them. “Are you sure no one pushed him?”

“Yes,” Bellevue said. “I checked all the security cameras – they would have caught it if someone entered the apartment. He was alone and high when he jumped.”

“You blamed his death on me…” I whimpered.

“It was easier than admitting I was a shitty mother who should have stayed by his side no matter what.”

I rose because I had the answers I had come for, although they broke my heart even more. Instead of turning to go, I went to Bellevue and hugged her. She paused before hugging me back. My mother had told me that we all reacted differently to pain and loss, and I shouldn’t judge others for how they handled it. Bellevue had certainly loved Ryker, and I knew she was hurting, even after all this time. Her way of coping with the pain was to lash out.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said.

“I’m sorry for yours,” she said softly. I let her go, wiped my tears, and left the room. I drew a deep breath before deciding what to do next. Although it was late, and I had traveled the whole day, I decided to head back to Vesea. I exited the building, signaled a taxi, and once I sat down, I called Ace.

“Nat,” he answered.

“I know what happened to Ryker.” He deserved to know the truth. “Meet me on the Saltcoast in eight hours.”

“Eight hours?” he asked.

“I’m on my way back from New Peace,” I explained. “I’ll see you then.”

I hung up the phone and closed my eyes. The voices were distant, like children in a playground. I dozed off for a while, and the cab driver woke me when we stopped. I paid and thanked him, before getting out. Ace was already waiting for me.

“Hi,” I say in a hoarse voice. He came closer, frowning. I didn’t see any point in procrastinating, so I blurted, “Ryker was high on Deluge, and that’s why he jumped.”

I took in Ace’s confused expression and understood his feelings. After everything, it was not the answer we wanted or expected. We wanted someone to blame, someone to get revenge on.

“Bellevue had his body examined, and their found traces of it. She kept it out of the news to protect his reputation.”

Ace looked down. “Gods damn.”

I touched his arm, and he looked at me. “And the White Crystal?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Bellevue doesn’t have it.”

“Then it must be the humans – The Insurgents,” Ace said. “They tortured Zimran; they broke into your apartment on the night he died.”

“They want to use the crystal to banish all magic,” I reminded him. “If they had it, don’t you think they would’ve done that already?”

“Then who has it?” he wondered “Who would open three rifts and let creatures into Testatha?”

I couldn’t answer his question, so I remained silent.

“Thank you for telling me, Nat. I know Bellevue wouldn’t have wanted you to,” he said.

“He was your friend. You deserve to know the truth,” I told him.

Ace’s wing brushed against my shoulder, and the softness of it gave me goosebumps. “Can I take you home?”

Of course, I was not going to fly, but I didn’t tell him that. I also needed my own time, to process everything that had happened. “I need to be alone for a bit.”

Ace nodded. Before he flew away, he said, “Nat, you look better.”

Better. I smiled, because I was better, and I watched him go. Slowly, piece by piece, I was putting myself back together. I was still far away from being whole, from being fully recovered, but I was better.

I took a taxi to my cottage, where I cooked a healthy meal and finished the plate. When I was done eating, I had a warm shower then I sat on the bed. I studied my ring, a perfect fit for my finger, before taking it off. Then I put it in my bedside drawer, next to the golden coins Bellevue had been sending me. That money basically came from Ryker, and he would want me to use it for a better life. If she kept sending this money, which I believed she would, I would never have to work again. I might move away from this city and start new somewhere else. But to move on, I had to let go of the past, I had to let go of Ryker. I had taken off my ring, because it was just a sad reminder of what we could have been.

I had come here looking for answers, and now I had them. Ryker had been high, and he had jumped. But there was something which wasn’t adding up. What had he done with the White Crystal?

I fell asleep easily as, for once, the voices were quiet. I slept deep and long, and only woke when someone was knocking on my door.

“Coming,” I say groggily. I got out of bed, rubbed my eyes, and went to the front door. I opened to find Devton, looking worried.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I was so worried about you!” Before I could respond, he pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him back and only asked why he was worried after he released me.

“Neron told me that Artemis took back his feather. I came to see you but couldn’t find you. I thought maybe Volgrun—” He shook his head, as if his thoughts were too brutal to put into words.

“I went to see Bellevue. I’m fine.” I stepped aside and motioned for him to come inside. I closed the door, and we sat down on the couch, next to each other.

“I decided to confront Bellevue and, to make a long story short, I still have no idea where the crystal is.”

Devton took my hand in his bigger, warmer ones, and ran it over my now-ringless ring finger. “We both know you never cared much about the crystal. What did she say about Ryker?”

I looked down and squeezed his hand. What happened to Ryker was none of his business, but he was a friend and clearly cared about me. I could confide in him; I could trust him. “He was high on Deluge. That’s why he jumped.”

Devton squeezed my hand harder. “I’m so sorry.”

I looked at him. “As am I.”

“Do you wish you never found out the truth?”

“No,” I said. “It’s always better to know than not to know.”

He ran a finger down my scars. “I have an idea.”

“Yes?”

“I can’t tell you. That takes all of the fun out of it,” he said as he got to his feet. He pulled me toward the door, and I let him.

“I have to get dressed first!” I headed to my bedroom, where I quickly changed out of my PJs. Then we walked in the direction of My Night Habit, down the busy street, and I enjoyed the fresh, night air.

“Are you going to leave? Now that you don’t have a feather to protect you from daimons?” Dev asked.

He was a daimon who could possess me if he so wished, but he would never do such a thing.

“No,” I said.

“I can send someone to protect you.”

I laughed. “I don’t want a bodyguard. Besides, why do you even care?”

He stopped walking and his gaze ran over my body. “There is a thin line between lust and love.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he began walking again. I would have to try to get a new feather, somewhere, maybe from Barrattiel, as soon as possible. Maybe Ace could ask an archangel for one. It certainly wasn’t safe for me to wander around without protection.

Devton stopped in front of a tattoo shop at the other edge of the island. He found the key in a ledge above the door, and he let himself in.

“Are we allowed in there?” I asked.

“My friend owns the place. He won’t mind.” Devton switched on the light. The tattoo parlor was small but comfy, with several chairs and tables, and tools whose names I didn’t know.

Devton pulled out a chair. “Sit down.”

Hesitantly, I sat down. “I told you I’m not getting a tattoo.”

“It’s okay, everyone is wrong from time to time.” Devton reached for my arm. I pulled away.

“Dev!”

“Come on,” he said. “I’m an artist.”

“Painting graffiti is different from doing a tattoo,” I said.

He smiled. “I’ve done tattoos before – I even designed some.”

“Oh.” I checked the tattoos on his arms.

“Trust me,” he said.

He must know how deep those words went. I was someone who hadn’t been able to trust people. I was human, and I was weak. Trusting someone could mean the difference between life and death. I’d trusted Ryker, and he had kept so much from me, drugs, diamonds, the crystal. I’d trusted Ace, and he had kept the letter from me. I had trusted my parents, who had kept something from me that made me leave home when I found out. But something told me Devton was the exception.

I extended my wrist. “Okay.”

His smile was contagious. He turned away and pulled a bottle from one of the cabinets.

“Vodka? For the pain?” I asked.

He smiled. “Water. It won’t hurt a lot! Don’t worry.”

I looked at the bottle and realized how often I’d gotten drunk and how sick I had felt the next day. Alcohol had been a crutch, and I didn’t need it anymore. Water would be much better.

I shook my head. “I’m going to stop drinking alcohol.”

“Not even for the voices?”

“They’ve been surprisingly quiet,” I said.

Devton put down the water bottle and took my wrists in his hands. “No peeking.”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes.

He began, and I almost shied away from the needle, but Dev kept my arm in place. We didn’t talk, and although there was nothing sexual about this, the moment was strangely intimate. I kept my word, and didn’t peek, and after a while, Dev moved onto my other arm.

“Look,” he said.

I opened my eyes and saw how the horrible scars on my wrists had been transformed. They were covered in small blue waves, detailed shells, small sea creatures, and lighthouses. They were absolutely magnificent. He ran his finger over them, healing me so that there would be no need for cling wrap or baby bum paste to moisturize.

“It seems the ocean has washed away your pain,” Devton said.

“You’re the one who brought me into the ocean,” I said, thinking of how we had gone surfing.

The world is lighter with you in it.

I examined my lighthouses before I grabbed his wrist and studied the hell fire tattoo there. I traced it with my finger. “The world is lighter when I’m around you.”

Devton leaned in and kissed me gently, a lover’s kiss. It was not the mindless, hungry kisses we had shared in the bathroom stall at My Night Habit. These kisses were passionate and sweet but had the potential to turn rough. I pulled him closer, tearing several buttons off his shirt in the process. Devton obliged, and I tilted my head backward to expose my neck. He kissed his way up from my collarbone, until his lips were on mine, and his hands were on my breasts.

I wrapped my newly tattooed arms around him. “Ow!”

The word had barely left my lips and Devton was already off me. He examined my wrists. “I got carried away.”

“Get carried away again.” I lifted my arms behind my head.

There was a dangerous gleam in his eye, but he didn’t climb on top of me again. He extended his hand, and I let him pull me to my feet.

“When the time and place is right, I’ll ravage you like you’ve never been ravaged before.”

His words sent a warm, electric feeling through my entire body.