FULL NOVELXO Kissed by Shadows: Chapter 3
“Let’s run you a bath,” Nikolai says after several moments of lying in each other’s arms. “Do you have any bath salts?”
“I think so.” I stretch when he gets up, my nose wrinkling at the slight throbbing between my thighs and the stickiness that coats the inside of them.
Sitting up, I scoot over to the edge of the bed, the red slash across the sheet capturing my attention. My heart skips a beat as I stare at the stain, at the proof that I am no longer a virgin. I’m torn, a mixture of elation and sadness filling me. I finally know what it’s like to have a man inside me, to be connected so completely to someone else, and it was with my childhood crush, the boy I fell for so many years ago. But it wasn’t after several dates, after reconnecting and taking things at our own pace. This was forced upon both of us, and that mars the pleasure that has loosened my muscles, which is still running through my veins.
“I’ll change them while you soak, Solinishko,” Nikolai says, emerging from my bathroom, the sound of water splashing into the tub drawing my gaze away from the proof of my virginity.
“You don’t have to,” I tell him, a blush staining my cheeks as I get up. I suddenly feel unsure, my arms coming up to wrap around myself as a shiver pebbles my skin in goosebumps.
“But I want to,” he replies, walking over to me and pulling me into his embrace, my arms automatically unwrapping to return the hug. My body immediately relaxes into his, his juniper scent full of a male musk that I’m really loving and can’t help nestling into, the touch of our skin exciting and comforting. “And my father will need to see them.”
I stiffen in his arms, unbidden tears filling my eyes. I fucking hate this, hate that something which was so special is being tainted by that vile man.
“I hate that he’s spoiling this,” I whisper, a single tear slipping down my cheek.
“Me too, Solnishka.” He sighs, my head moving up and down with his deep inhale. “But he can never take away tonight, what we’ve shared. That’s for us alone.”
My chest aches, and I pull away just enough so that I can look into his eyes. They’re not hard like his father’s. They’re full of compassion. I’ve no idea how he’s kept his goodness all these years, lord knows Sergi has tried to beat it out of him. I always knew about the punishments and harsh training, Nikolai could never quite hide the black eyes and bruises, although we never spoke about them. I just patched him up in silence, my heart hurting for the boy who was always kind to me. My lips part as the realisation hits me like a slap to the face.
I love Nikolai, I always have done.
The way he used to play childish games with me, even when I knew he was so much older than me, he’d never complain. The letters he’s been sending me for the past few years, always making me laugh and feel good about myself, even when I complained about how boring my etiquette lessons were, how I longed for something more. He was there, telling me with his written words that I would be exactly who I wanted to be because I was a force to be reckoned with. He made me believe in myself when I thought that all I was worth was what I could bring to a husband. Those letters were almost angry, telling me that I was allowed my own dreams, that I could do whatever I wanted to set my mind to.
“Nikolai, I l—” He presses a finger against my lips, his head shaking sadly.
“Don’t say it, Solinishko,” he sighs, his eyes tormented, and a shudder falls over me, my chest flaring in pain at being denied the need to tell him how I feel. “Not yet, save it for another day.”
“O–okay,” I murmur, trying and failing to keep the tremble from my lip.
“He’ll just use it against you, against me,” he says as his forehead crinkles, and I swallow, knowing that he speaks about Sergi and his need for ultimate control over his son. “Come, let’s get you in the tub.”
I miss his warmth as soon as he steps away, but he takes my hand, which is some consolation, leading me into my bathroom. The almost full bath is full of bubbles and I assume some bath salts as the jar is open on the side.
No words pass between us as he turns the tap off, helping me into the hot water. A deep sigh leaves my lips as it covers my body, my muscles relaxing into the warmth as I lie back.
“I’ll be back soon, Dorogoi,” he assures me, placing a light kiss on my head before leaving the room and pulling the door, not shutting it completely.
I listen to him moving around my room as I soak, the swish of the sheets being changed accompanying my slow and steady breathing as I try to process what the fuck happened in the past few hours.
How did I go from a normal young woman with a bright future ahead of her to this? Being owned by the Russian Bratva, losing my virginity to my childhood crush—who happens to be the son of the leader—and having the proof of my virginity being paraded for all to see?
Low voices draw me out of my thoughts, the bedroom door softly closing, and my heart races. They’ll all know what Nikolai took, what I gave him. Although, would I have done so under different circumstances? I don’t regret that my first was him because I’d always fantasised that it would be him.
But those were the dreams of a young, naive girl who knew absolutely fucking nothing of the world and all the shit that is in it. My jaw clenches when I think about my father and what he’s done.
We’ve always been so close, my mother leaving before I was old enough to walk brought us together. It was me and him against the world. My throat tightens when I think about Nik’s words earlier and the fact that my dad didn’t have a choice. Was he hurt? Where has he gone? And why didn’t he take me with him?
Questions swirl around my mind as my hands trace the bubbles in the water. How could he have just traded me like a piece of property he had no other use for? I know he sent that message, and Nikolai says he didn’t have much of a choice, but to sell off your own daughter…that shit’s fucked up. That’s the kind of unforgivable act that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I think about getting in touch with him, calling or texting him back and asking him all of this, demanding that he explain himself, but aside from the fact that Sergi has my phone and I can’t remember my dad’s number, would that put him in danger? Does he even have his phone or did he ditch it so that Sergi wouldn’t be able to track him? And do I even want to speak to him after what he’s done?
I’m sure Sergi promised that I’d be looked after, but surely my father knows the man better than I do, and I know that he likes to hurt people, I could see it in his eyes downstairs. He liked my fear, and I know from his treatment of Nikolai, and from what I can guess, that Sergi is not a good man.
“Are you ready to get out?” Nikolai asks, his deep voice interrupting my swirling thoughts, and I startle a little even at his soft tone. I glance up to find him leaning in the doorway, his tattooed arms crossed over his muscled chest, wearing just his black boxers.
My brain short-circuits for a moment, the sight of him rendering me speechless and overriding my overwrought mind. His cough breaks my ogling, and my cheeks heat at being caught staring.
“I’m ready,” I reply in a rasp, getting up. He moves towards me, taking a towel off the heated rail and helping me out of the bath, wrapping the warm towel around me.
“Let’s get you to bed, you need to rest.” His large hands rub the towel over my skin, making sure every inch is dry before he hangs it back up and leads me into the bedroom.
The bed is freshly made, the duvet back on it, and I see he’s even put out some of my favourite PJs; an oversized T-shirt and fluffy bed socks. A small chuckle falls from my lips when I see which T-shirt it is.
“What’s so funny, Kotenok?” he asks, a single brow raised even as his lips tilt up into a smile.
“Do you know what this means?” I question, letting go of his hand to pick up the T-shirt before slipping it over my head.
“No…”
I glance down, laughing again. It’s a picture of several book spines, flowers surrounding them with the words ‘Just buy me books and tell me to STFUATTDLAGG.’
“It’s an acronym…” I start, that stupid blush heating my cheeks again.
“And?” he questions, bending down to help me put the socks on. I belatedly realise he’s given me no knickers, though I can’t say I’m too sad given I hope he’ll be in bed with me. Evangeline gives a weak protest, still a little sore even after my hot bath, but if more sexy time with Nik is on the table, I’m taking it.
“It means, shut the fuck up and take this dick like a good girl.” I bite my lower lip as he stills. It was a joke T-shirt one of the girls got me for my birthday, knowing my love for naughty romance novels, and one that I never explained to my father. His head raises and the fire in his eyes burns hot enough to scald me.
“Time for bed, Solnishko,” he whispers, taking my hand once more and leading me to the side of the bed.
“Will you stay with me?” I ask as I get in, hearing his hissed breath behind me when I crawl to the opposite side, flashing all the goods at him. Good, he can feel as desperate as I currently do.
“For a little while,” he answers, climbing in beside me and immediately pulling me close. For a second, I worry what will happen when he leaves. Will Sergi or one of his men come into my room? Then he pulls me closer, and I know that he’ll never let anyone hurt me. It’s a truth that I know deep in my bones; Nik will protect me no matter what. I snuggle into his chest, my finger playing with the ink marking his body.
“Will you tell me about your tattoos?” I ask, my eyes already threatening to close as exhaustion sweeps over me. His body stiffens.
“One day, maybe. They tell you why I’m not a good man, why I don’t deserve you.” His voice drifts over me as I lose the battle, my lids closing as sleep pulls me under.
NIKOLAI
I hold her in my arms for hours, the room getting darker and the house quieting as she sleeps.
She is so peaceful, even after the shock of discovering her father’s betrayal and after giving me the precious gift of her virginity, even if she had little choice. I fucking loathe that my father forced it, hate that he even had a hand in it. It should have been something just between Iris and I.
What kind of man does it make me that I’m glad I was the first inside her tight pussy though? That I want to strut around like a peacock who has had his mate for the first time, shouting from the rooftops that it was me who had her first? That I wish I could be the only man to ever be inside her?
A deep sigh leaves my chest and I pull her closer when she stirs, huffing in her sleep. I really don’t deserve her, the words I whispered as she drifted off some of the truest I’ve ever spoken. I’m a bad man, have done terrible things, and she’s as pure as the snow that falls in the old country.
If she stays with me, she’ll end up like the muddy slush that lines the streets in St. Petersburg. I can’t let that happen, even if the thought of letting her go tears at my soul.
Moving my arm, I look at my watch. Midnight. The Shadow’s party should still be in full swing, which is good as she’ll need to get Hunter, their leader, to extend his protection if this is going to work. And by the lack of sound, my father and his men are either asleep or occupied elsewhere. He did say that he had other business to attend to and I was to keep an eye on Iris until he returns. I can’t let him get his hands on here, suka knows what he’ll do if he ever does, but if I’m a bad man then my father is the fucking devil himself.
When my father told me earlier this morning that we’d be paying Iris’s father a visit to cash in the substantial debt he owed, my blood ran cold. I’d had no idea things had gotten to that point with Iris’s dad, and knowing my father the way I do, there was an ulterior motive that I was also fucking clueless about. But somehow, Iris was part of it and would be affected by this, and that filled me with anxiety like angry wasps buzzing inside me. It was almost a relief when my father gave Mr Montgomery the choice of his death as repayment or to live if he handed Iris over. I’ve never felt sheer terror like I did in that moment, when Iris’s dad hesitated, not even when I was sent to Russia to spend some time in the prisons and learn the ways of the Bratva, taking my first life.
So I had come up with a plan to keep her safe, to keep her away from Seergi. The first step was taking her virginity, making her mine so that he didn’t. I shudder to think of the anger on his face when I won that fight, a part of me knowing that he wanted her for himself, which is why she can’t stay because I won’t be able to protect her from my father if he decides to send me away again, or outright stakes a claim on her. And I still have no fucking idea why or when his interest in her started.
The plan was always to take over for him, it’s what he’s been grooming me all these years for after all. It’s just he never knew that I would take his empire by force. My plan is to take everything he’s worked for and make it mine, but also clean it up a bit so it’s not the nightmare that it currently is. My father does some heinous things, things that I would never do. Trafficking women and children among them is a line I refuse to cross. We may be criminals, monsters, but we are not those kinds of monsters. We should have honour and integrity. Sergi Petrov has forgotten that, consumed by greed and the need to dominate and own every living thing he comes across. To conquer all those he feels are beneath him.
So for the past few years, I’ve been moving towards my takeover plan, gathering allies, putting things into place so that one day I would rule his empire and right all the wrongs he so carelessly forced into this world.
But then he had to bring in Iris, the one person in my life who was untouched by his cruelty, by his poison. A part of me wonders if it’s because he knows that she’s my one weakness. That he knows she’s the only light in my dark world, that I fantasised about a life where she was by my side, tempering my darkness with her light.
For that reason, I must let her go. He can never know for sure what she means to me, never get his hands on her, and I will have to expedite my takeover plans in order to keep her safe. For now, the next step is to take her to the Shadowmen, a crew I know to have honour and who I know will protect her given her connection with them.
Although she’s not told me firsthand, I know from the tabs I’ve been keeping on her that she helped Willow Anderson, the leader of the Shadowmen’s sister, when something happened at a party just after Christmas. I don’t know what went down, but I do know that Iris let Willow stay with her, then secured her a place at Highgate Preparatory Academy in Colorado, paying for her fees and giving her a fresh start that Hunter, Willow’s brother, would have never been able to. He is in her debt, and I know that he, too, has been keeping an eye on Iris, a fact that leaves my jaw grinding because it smacks of an obsession that I feel within myself. But all the more reason as to why he’d keep her safe.
Plus, the Shadowmen are a formidable enough gang that my father won’t want to mess with them lightly, especially given Hunter’s seconds, the Kent twins, have connections to the Irish mob families. It’s the only way I can get her away from Sergi and have protection on her.
Shit, this is a clusterfuck and enough to send me into an early grave. Sighing, I prepare to wake her up and deliver the next blow.
“Solnishko,” I whisper, giving her a small shake and placing my lips on her forehead in a light kiss. “Wake up.”
“What is it, Nikolai?” she questions, her voice husky from sleep, and my dick stirs.
No time for that now, I need to get her to that party. The Shadows might be the only ones right now who can protect her, watch her, and I have so little time to get her away. This is the best solution I could come up with on such short notice.
My chest tightens as a wave of frustration washes over me. I wish I could get her out of London, out of the fucking country and away from him, but then she’d be all alone and he’d find her. His reach is just too great. My reach is good, but not quite at his level yet. Not until I take him down, which I’m not ready to do. I just need time to clean house, to put all the pieces into place, then I can protect her myself.
“You need to get dressed, Dorogoi.” My voice is firm, and I get out of bed, leaving behind the only warmth in my cold life as I pick up my clothes from the floor and start to put them on.
She sits up, looking adorably confused in the light of the moon that filters in through the window, and my heart fucking stills inside my chest, the organ I thought was dead beating only for her.
“What’s going on, Nik?” she asks, her voice too loud, all the huskiness from her recent slumber gone, replaced with panic, and I shush her.
“We need to be quiet and quick. You need to leave, but it has to be now.” Reaching down, I throw her clothes onto the bed, then walk over to her large walk-in wardrobe and grab the bag I’d packed for her earlier. It’s only got a few things inside, but I know the Shadows are wealthy enough to cover her costs until I can find a way to get her money to her.
“Where the fuck am I going?” Anger laces her tone, and I watch as she pulls her lacy underwear on with jerky movements, her glare hard enough to scald me. I remember that look from when we were younger, from the time I dared to laugh when she first made me pretend that her dolls and teddies were real. I learned not to laugh again afterwards, instead, marvelling at the world she created. It’s a good thing if she’s angry at me right now. It’s better that she hates me and isn’t too heartbroken over what happened between us. It’ll keep her safer if she just leaves without trying to get back to me.
“I’ll tell you once we’ve left,” I whisper, drinking every curve and line of her perfect body. “Come.”
“I’m not going any-fucking-where until you tell me what’s going on, Nikolai Petrov.” I have to tamper down my smile at her harsh tone, she always was a firecracker. She’s standing there, in her underwear, looking like a fucking Duchess, hands on her hips and her chin jutted out.
“I am not a good man, Solnishko,” I murmur, stalking towards her. I reach past her, grabbing her dress off the bed and hating myself for the hiss of breath that escapes her when I thrust it into her chest. “But my father is worse. He’s evil and he will do whatever he likes with you.”
Her eyes bulge slightly, her body trembling as she takes in my words. “B–but I’m yours, you said I belonged to you. I thought I would be safe with you.” Her voice is quiet, thank fuck. I made sure not to bring my phone up here, leaving it in my coat downstairs, because you never know who is tracking you or listening in, but someone could overhear if they were listening at the door.
“You’re not. Now come.” I spin around, unable to keep facing her for fear of gathering her into my arms and never letting her go. Slinging the bag over my shoulder and slowly opening the door, I listen, my shoulders loosening a little when the house is still silent.
“You know, you’re really fucking bossy,” she grumbles under her breath, and I have to bite my lips to stop the chuckle from escaping. She has no idea how bossy I can get, and unfortunately, I don’t have time to show her, much as I would like to.
Feeling her body heat behind me, I reach back and take her hand, scanning the dark hallway to make sure it’s empty before heading towards the servants’ stairs that all these large English mansions seem to have. Thank fuck because it makes our getaway so much easier.
With her hand tightly clasped in mine, I pull her along, finding the hidden door with ease and praying that it’s not going to squeak when I open it. Holding my breath, I pull the small ring and breathe out a sigh when it opens smoothly.
“Nikolai—”
“Shhh!” I hiss, pulling Iris through and shutting the door until we’re in pitch-black darkness. “Careful.”
I don’t dare turn on any lights, so we will have to find our way in the dark. Luckily, I’ve faced so much worse than this, and the dark doesn’t bother me. By the way Iris’s breathing picks up and her body presses closer to mine though, I’m guessing she’s not a fan. I remember that she used to hate the dark, always telling me that she had to have a nightlight on to sleep, and I squeeze her hand in reassurance.
It’s all worth it, as long as she’s safe.
I make my way down the stairs, pulling her gently along behind me until we’re at the bottom. Then I stop, knowing that the door in front of me takes us directly into the corridor that leads to the kitchen but also leads to the large gardens at the back. Iris and I used to spend hours exploring the house and grounds of her father’s huge property, so I’m well-versed with its layout, even if it is dark.
Gently easing the door open, I wait, still hearing nothing but Iris’s harsh pants. Taking a slow, measured inhale, I pull open the hidden door and pause again, only moving out into the dark corridor when I’m sure the space is empty. We silently walk down the corridor, my heart pounding as I pray the men that my father left are all asleep in the bedrooms upstairs and any guards aren’t in this part of the house.
Luckily, we don’t come across anyone, and then we’re heading outside into the frozen winter night. I’m grateful that Iris was wearing a wool coat when I took her upstairs all those hours ago. Sticking to the outskirts of the well-maintained garden, making use of all the shadows, I lead her to the back gate, which is set into the outside wall and has a key hidden under a rock to one side. We discovered it as young teens, though we were never brave enough to use it, both our fathers making it clear that we had to stay in the grounds of the house. I could have picked the lock if need be, but this just makes things easier.
Iris is silent as I open the gate, again, clearly well-maintained as it doesn’t even squeak, so it’s obviously used by the staff and groundskeepers. Then we’re out onto the street, and with hurrying steps, I lead her away from her childhood home.
“Nik,” she hisses, tugging on my hand once we’re far enough away from her house to talk. “Tell me where we’re going, please.”
It’s the note of desperation in her voice that pulls me up short. Looking around, I tug her into the darkened doorway of a shop, hiding her body with my own. We’re about twenty minutes away from the World’s End Estate, the base of operations for the Shadows.
“I’m taking you to Hunter and the Shadows,” I tell her, watching as her forehead creases. “They can keep you safe, Solnishko. More than I can.”
“How do you know about them?” she asks, her eyes searching mine, trying to seek answers that I cannot give.
“Everyone knows about them, and if you’re under their protection, my father will be loath to mess with them, especially with the twins’ connection to the Irish.”
Rumour has it that the Kent twins were the byproduct of two warring Irish mob families. So their mother hid them away with a foster family in the World’s End Estate to allow them to grow up into men who now have the backing of both sides of their family. And those Irish fuckers don’t mess around, plus I doubt my father wants a war on his hands, which is what he’d get if he messed with the Shadowmen.
“But why would they take the risk? Why protect me?” she questions, and I want to tug her into my arms and tell her just how fucking smart she is for even thinking of these questions.
“They owe you a favour, right?” I stare into her eyes, watch as they widen when she realises what I’m talking about.
“Willow.” She bites her lower lip, glancing away, then back to me. “Why can’t I just run, why can’t we just run? Surely that’s better than being right under his nose?”
I sigh, my hand coming up to cup her soft cheek. It’s chilled from the cold night air, and something inside me rebels at the fact she’s here out in the cold and not warm, wrapped in my arms. “You can’t outrun him. We can’t outrun him. He’d find us, and then our lives wouldn’t be worth living with what he’d make us endure. Trust me, Dorogoi.” Dark memories try to take me back to my childhood, to the time I spent learning to be a man, but I push them aside. “The only way is to keep you protected, to keep you safe until I can come for you.”
I don’t dare speak of my plan to eradicate my father. To commit the ultimate crime of patricide and take over by removing him. It’s the only way to end his reign of terror over my life. The only way to truly keep her safe from his clutches. The only way to right so many wrongs I’ve lost count.
“And you will come for me?” she asks softly, her voice barely above a whisper and her forehead creased, worry shining in those hazel eyes of hers. My heart hurts for her. I know the effect of her mother leaving when she was younger. I saw it in the games we played as children that always included a loving mother who doted on their child. That abandonment has only been compounded by her father giving her to my father, leaving her alone in the world. Although, she will never be alone, not as long as I draw breath.
“I swear, if it’s in my power to do so, one day I’ll come for you, Solnishka.” I seal my vow by placing my lips against her trembling ones, trying to memorise the feel of them, knowing I’ll need the sweet memories for the dark times ahead. “Now let’s go.”