Just a Rogue

Seth

Lying curled together in a big wolf heap with all the others, I am able to stay warm and sleep. I’m ravenously hungry when I wake up, but I know that the mountain cave is stocked with food that is waiting for us. So we’ll be able to eat in a few hours when we arrive. Maybe those of us who are wolves will also be able to grab some rabbits or something along the way - one benefit of this form is the ability to hunt. I don’t know whether Xavier will allow us the time to do it, though.

It seems that most of us are still asleep and I don’t want to disturb everyone that I’m huddled against by getting up, so I stay where I am until I hear Xavier gruffly say, “Come here,” and I lift my head to see what he’s doing.

It’s immediately obvious. I understand completely. “Fuck you!” Lynette spits out.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” he growls, and as always it’s hard to tell whether that is a bit of humor. I’ve never seen him demonstrate much appreciation for humor or puns.

I see him trying to hold her still, and lifting himself on top of her, but she kicks and fights and yells, “Stay away from me!”

He punches her, of course, and I quickly get up and shift. I can see where this is going. I throw my clothes back on and go over there. By the time I do that, Xavier is standing and yanking Lynette up as well, Nova forced to follow by the handcuff.

Xavier spins Lynette around and wraps his forearm around her throat to choke her. She stops yelling and sinks her teeth into his flesh.

He bellows and spins her around again, and slaps her across the face so hard that her hair flies to the side. She falls to the extent she can while cuffed to Nova, who staggers sideways. “I don’t have time for this, you bitch!” he screams.

“Then let me go!” she screams back, continuing to struggle as he grabs her by the upper arms.

“Seth!” Xavier barks out at me, “bring the collar!”

“No! Fuck that!” she screams, kicking at him, and reaching out the fingers of her free hand like claws to swipe across his face.

She manages to scratch him, and he roars in fury and pulls his hand back to strike her. But instead he spins and slaps Nova viciously across the face. The girls both fall to the ground again, and Nova looks back up in fear, with blood on her lips, seeming so small and childlike. Lynette looks completely shocked, like she hadn’t anticipated Xavier stooping this low.

He leans over and grabs Nova by the hair, wrenching her upwards to her knees, and holds his other hand up in the air, ready to fling forward again. “You want her to get more?” he sneers at Lynette.

She shakes her head, defeated, and stays still while I get the collar. Her expression is so hopeless as I approach, lift her auburn hair away, and lock the silver around her neck again. At least she was able to mostly heal overnight, the wounds are reduced to scarring, rather than bleeding. That will change quickly. I sense her deflate as the collar seals around her throat, I can see the immediate weakness that descends on her as her eyes fill again with pain.

Before I turn back around, her eyes turn to Nova and she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Grace

I understand why Xavier keeps just the two girls human. He doesn’t want either Nova or Lynette to shift. We saw Nova shift once, the first time she had ever done it, right when she had first run away from her pack and we took her in. Only Xavier and I saw it, and it was just a brief moment before the wolf faded and the girl returned. Her wolf form was very unusual. For one thing, her fur was a shining silvery color, brighter than her blond human hair, almost difficult to look at. Also, her wolf was huge, bigger even than most werewolves, who are about twice the size of natural wolves. Xavier doesn’t think that she would be easily controlled if she grew accustomed to shifting, so his answer for the time being is to simply forbid it. It makes moving around between locations more difficult, though. If the entire group could be wolves it would be easier to relocate.

Lynette, of course, can’t be allowed to shift because once that happened, Xavier would either have to kill her or let her go. There would be no controlling her as a wolf. She used to shift with the rest of us, but as soon as he started offering her use to the males, she tried to shift and run away, and he was barely able to subdue her wolf with teeth and claws. So now he prevents it by various means, usually with silver.

I understand it all. He doesn’t want to let Lynette go. She is a useful means of controlling the males and earning their loyalty. Access to females is important, and one of the primary reasons that Xavier has been able to maintain control over this group.

I’m very proud of him, for having established his little kingdom of rogues. It went from him being a lone wolf, when his pack first exiled him, to the time that I met him and we formed a bond and chose to remain together as a pack of two, to now a group of fourteen.

It is a constant struggle to assert the dominance required to maintain his position. Wolves are naturally strong-willed and difficult to control, and rogues are even more so. It isn’t easy to hold on to his role as the leader.

So, I understand. I even understand when he doesn’t speak to me for days at a time, his longest and most loyal follower. But I submitted to him long ago, and know that I must simply wait for his commands, fulfill his wishes, and hope for my turn to enjoy his attention.

I do not look away when he uses the other girls. At least I know he is enjoying himself, and that is pleasurable for me. I do wish that they would cooperate more, especially Lynette. Why does she fight it so? She’s just hurting herself, and hurting Nova.

I care for the girls, deeply. I care for all the members of our rogue pack. If rogues had the same structure that ordinary packs do, Xavier would be the Alpha and I would be the Luna. But as it is, it feels almost like we are the Father and the Mother. He leads us, guides us, protects us, and provides for us. I support him, care for the others, protect the girls when I can, and try to ease everyone’s way as we survive the harsh life we are able to carve out as rogues.

It has never been easy, but I still love him, and that is what makes it possible.

When Lynette has been brought back under control, she and Nova stand side by side, their wrists fastened together and their heads hanging down. Xavier commands us, “Let’s go.” Seth and Xavier lead, carrying backpacks which are now empty of provisions. Seth holds Lynette’s leash, and the rest of us, all wolves, pad silently out of the cave and follow behind, to go up the mountain.

Nova

Xavier has never struck me before, and I am more hurt by the fact that he chose to do it, than by the pain. I have obeyed him in every way, ever since I arrived and he agreed to take me in. I ran away from my pack to get away from this exact sort of abuse. I was tired of being the punching bag of all the boys who were allowed to do whatever they wanted to me.

My wolf hadn’t even come to me yet when I ran away. I was just a human girl, lost and on my own, when a kind lady approached me in the woods and introduced herself as Grace. She told me that she was part of a rogue group, and that I could come and live with them, and she would take care of me.

Of course I accepted. What else could I do? I hadn’t eaten in days, I was cold and ragged and afraid, and I had been gone from my pack too long to be able to go back and beg them to let me return. I probably would not have survived if I refused her offer.

So I followed her back, and as we were walking, I was utterly disoriented when a voice came into my head, warning me. I thought I was dreaming, or hallucinating, but she quickly told me, “I’m just your wolf, I am a part of you, and we will talk later, but I don’t feel good about this rogue pack. I don’t think you should join it.”

I didn’t know what to do. I had known that my wolf should arrive sometime soon, and I was excited to hear her voice, but it was at such a strange moment, and it was so confusing for her to be warning me away from my obvious salvation. Did she want me to starve to death?

I hesitated, and Grace looked back at me, and asked, “What’s wrong?” I shook my head, not knowing what to say.

Then suddenly a man appeared, Xavier, and Grace told him, “This is a new girl who’s going to join us,” and he moved forward to reach out to me, and I could feel my wolf panic in my mind.

Without any control over it, I suddenly shifted, my wolf form bursting out of me. My clothing was shredded to bits, and every piece of me was in agony. My muscles and bones and skin and hair all changed, and I felt every part of it, and suffered through every moment, and when it was over I was too shaky and terrified to move. What had I become? I couldn’t control myself.

Grace slowly approached, her hand out, and touched my head, and murmured, “There, there, sweetheart, you don’t have to do this. Just change back, you’ll feel much better, and we’ll take care of you.”

I was too upset to do anything else. My wolf vanished, and I was a naked girl in the middle of the forest with two strangers. Xavier immediately yanked his shirt up over his head and gave it to me, and I put it on, long enough to be a dress, and followed them to my new family.

I think about that day often. What if I hadn’t met Grace? Would I have been dead long ago? Probably. What if I had trusted that wolf, and let her run off with my body. What then? I have no idea. I have never allowed the wolf to come back, although she still talks to me inside my mind sometimes. I just know that it was very scary, and I didn’t understand it.

This situation I understand. I understand abuse, and beatings, and having to use my body to keep men happy. That is what my life would still be like at home in the pack, so things haven’t really changed very much. I just move around more. The difference is that the women I am with here really do love me, I think, and try to take care of me. I didn’t have anything close to that kind of affection back home. So this is my home, wherever the rogue group is, and I do whatever I’m told, and try to be quiet and obedient and helpful.

I just wish Xavier hadn’t hit me.