Into the Cold

As the plane took off Caleb screamed, a raw animal scream of loss and rage. He’d held in his anger since receiving the bill for damage he’d caused to his motel room angrily handing the receptionist a bundle of cash before getting into his cab.

He’d hoped and prayed that Amelia would be at the airport, ready to return to his cabin with him, he’d begged God for that, but in the end she’d gotten on another plane and gone back to Texas with her fiance.

Caleb screamed until his voice was nothing more than a whisper and he could taste the copper of blood in his mouth.

Collapsing onto his knees, Caleb held himself as he shuddered and cried, whispering her name over and over again.

“Amelia, Amelia, please come back!” he repeated, until his voice was as lost to him as she was.

He stayed there long into the sunlit twilight of the Alaskan night, hoping against all odds that a plane would crest the horizon and she would come running into his arms.

When he finally made himself accept that she was gone forever, Caleb stood on unsteady legs, and walked slowly into his cabin shutting the world out.

Lighting the lamp, he saw for the first time that Amelia had left her drawings behind, stacked neatly on the table with a note. Reverently, remembering the joy he’d gotten watching her draw, he lifted the bark and read:

Caleb,

Please understand. If there was no Dale, no life, no responsibilities out in the world I would have stayed.

Nothing could have dragged me away from you, from our wonderful little cabin in the woods, but fate is not that kind.

I will always cherish the time I spent here with you. It will be what I think of whenever I need to smile.

You have given me so much, and for that I thank you.

Please forgive me,

Amelia

With trembling hands, he gathered up the drawings and Amelia’s gloves. Crawling into his cold empty bed, he held them close to his nose inhaling her scent, crying himself to sleep.

When he woke, Caleb’s mind was ablaze with rage. Rage at an unfair world that had given Amelia to him only to take her away. He took the bundle of her drawings and gloves and lay them tenderly into his trunk, the place he locked all of his failures.

Sitting on his bed, he starred at the delicate little flowers and birds that covered the box. In the past they'd reminded him of his daughter, or her laugh and her smile, but now, their bright colors only seemed to mock him.

With a growl of outrage, he hefted the trunk and wrestled it through the door out into the clearing in front of his home.

Throwing it forcefully, to the ground, he relished the sounds it made as it splintered, its contents scattering across the dirt.

Still manic with overwhelming sadness he grabbed his shovel and hurried into the woods looking for the marker he'd left on top of the liquor he'd buried.

With shaking hands he dug with the shovel, eventually getting on hands and knees clawing at the ground wanting the bottles more than anything else right at that moment.

When his fingertips finally hit something hard, Caleb gave out a cry of triumph pulling out a bottle of rye whiskey.

Wrenching off the top he chugged the amber liquid until the bottle was almost half gone.

Carefully laying the first bottle aside he kept digging pulling three more bottles out before staggering back to his feet.

Nursing the whiskey bottle, he moved back to the clearing and poured the liquor out of one of the other bottles before shattering it on the pile of debris.

With righteous vengeance, Caleb struck a match and threw it on the pile.

In a flash the entire thing was blazing sending embers into the bright Alaskan night.

Slumping to the ground, he sat and watched as his once most valued possessions incinerated to ash.

By the time it had burned himself out he'd finished one bottle and was well into a second.

Stumbling to his feet, Caleb turned to see a black bear standing at the edge of his clearing, its nose scenting the air.

"Come on!" he yelled, daring the animal to attack. "Come and get me!"

Having just eaten his fill of deer and berries, the bear opted to turn and run from the unknown creature yelling at him rather than start a fight it had no real interest in.

"Fuck you!" Caleb screamed at the unending sky. "Fuck you for bringing her into my life! And fuck you for taking her from me!"

Trudging back up the steps into his cabin he looked around and realized the he couldn’t stay there, everywhere he looked reminded him of Amelia. Their bed, the chairs they’d sat in at every meal, she was everywhere.

Grabbing his rucksack, he began blindly grabbing supplies, not caring if he really had what he needed to survive. Snatching up his rifle he walked out into the wilderness, not bothering to look back.