In The Name of Love

Fifi leans against the door of hers and Minna’s study, one hand resting on the key she just turned in the lock. Behind the door, the ambassador continues to talk with Minna and Queen Ingrid. Rain hammers against the wooden shutters over the study windows, telling her that fleeing to a courtyard is out of the question.

“But I can’t stay here,” Fifi whispers, and then her feet are carrying her across the room, to a corner next to the fireplace. Pressing the side of the wooden wall panel causes it to pop open a little, and Fifi pulls it open further, revealing a narrow, dark passage. I have to get away. She plunges inside without a candle or a torch, relying on muscle memory to find her way around corners and down a treacherous flight of stairs. Though it’s been years since she used this passage, and the walls are so close they almost brush Fifi’s shoulders as she rushes through, she never misses a step. What did that prince write to Minna? What does he want? She shivers and then moves faster, as if trying to outrun the answer.

The passage isn’t a particularly long one, and soon Fifi bursts into a seldom-used hallway in the kitchen servants’ quarters through another wall panel door. From her left come the sounds and smells of many people working together to prepare a meal. She turns right and makes her way down a few different corridors. All the while her thoughts are racing. Has this ever happened in a Quest for Favor before? she wonders. And if it has, did anyone bother to write it down?

Fifi knows there’s only one way to find out, one place to look. She rounds another corner and comes face to face with a set of oaken double doors, ornately carved with scenes of faeries and wood sprites. With effort, she pushes one of them open, letting herself into the Royal Library. The room itself is about the size of hers and Minna’s antechamber, but long and narrow and lined with floor to ceiling bookshelves on every wall. Opposite the doors she’s come through is a massive stained glass window, depicting Saint Gustavus making peace with the dragon. Tables and chairs are evenly spaced through the middle of the room. On each side, a small spiral staircase leads up to the galleries around the perimeter that provide access to the second level of books. On the main floor, the walls jut back in places to create alcoves furnished with comfortable chairs and small tables for candles and books. Between the bookshelves are niches for fat candles that provide additional light for reading.

“It’s been so long,” Fifi murmurs. She and Minna used to come here often, when they had lessons together, but those stopped years ago. Since then, Fifi has much preferred courtyards to the library, but the courtyards can’t tell her what she’s hoping to learn today, and the rain drumming against Saint Gustavus forbids her to go outside.

No one else is in the Royal Library, and Fifi has no trouble finding the section she wants—an alcove close to the window, devoted to the history of Aethyrozia. A whole shelf contains tomes and scrolls about the Aethyrozian royal family, and Fifi starts to go through them, one by one.

Should I have read that note over Minna’s shoulder, the way she read his to me? Fifi considers as her eyes scan through one of the books. It’s just records of kings and battles and taxes, nothing helpful. Do I even want to know what he said to her? She can’t imagine he’s trying to get her to reconsider her betrothal to Prince Adalberto. And even if he was, even though she liked him more, she wouldn’t do it, not now, Fifi knows.

“Maybe it’s just an over-the-top apology, for withdrawing from the Quest for Favor before the end and without saying goodbye to her,” she tries to assure herself. But she can’t shake the feeling that he wants something more, and she cannot stomach the thought of what that might be. Minna doesn’t deserve this. I don’t want this. There has to be another way….

Flipping through a book of Aethyrozian kings, a beautifully illuminated page catches Fifi’s attention: King Eskil and the Quest for Favor.

In the Days of Dragons, King Eskil ruled Aethyrozia. Though he prayed thrice daily to Chuezoh, asking for his seed to be blessed, he had but one child, a daughter. When the time came for her to marry, King Eskil intended that she should marry Prince Ciarán of Mordalce, but she refused, saying she would have the son of the Baron of Quelnuth or no husband at all.

“Baron?” Fifi wonders aloud. “Quelnuth is a duchy now…”

After much arguing, King Eskil and his daughter agreed that every man who wished to marry her would compete for her hand in three rounds: A talent competition, an interview, and a royal ball. Whoever performed most admirably in the competition would be her husband. This was the first Quest for Favor. But to King Eskil’s dismay, Lord Josef of Quelnuth proved himself the best swordsman in the talent competition, the best statesman in the interview, and the best dancer at the ball, by popular opinion. Thus Lord Josef married the daughter of King Eskil, becoming Prince Josef and, upon King Eskil’s death, King Josef the Just.

“Nice of the historian to record the daughter’s name,” Fifi gripes. The book also has no mention of whether King Eskil is as bent on having his own way as King Ansgar.

Still, Fifi hopes, King Josef is my ancestor, my grandfather’s grandfather’s father. Maybe, when my turn comes, if I go in with someone in mind…. But here the comfort stops. King Ansgar’s repeated declarations that Minna must choose a royal suitor echo in her head, and she can’t bring herself to finish the thought. None of the princes who competed for Minna appeal to her, and the idea of accepting Didier in particular, after he hurt Minna and caused so much strife, makes her insides twist in revulsion.

Tears prick the backs of her eyes. How did this even happen? Why did he decide he wants me instead of Minna? she despairs, not for the first time. We danced once, had one conversation. That can’t be enough to sway a man’s affections. And Minna is so much prettier, more graceful, more tactful…. She’d make a much better Queen. A much better choice.

Shoes shuffle on the stone floor nearby. Fifi looks up from the book she’s been trying not to cry on just in time to see Kai round the corner into her alcove. Their eyes lock. Fifi can’t breathe, can’t move. At first his hazel eyes are wide with surprise, but after only a moment concern and sympathy fill them instead. Guilt stabs through Fifi’s chest and her eyes drop to the book in her hands. I don’t deserve his concern. It’s my fault that Minna—

“What’s wrong?” Kai asks, his voice low and gentle.

Fifi shakes her head. Her lower lip trembles. Despite her best efforts, a tear slides down her cheek.

“I was just leaving,” she whispers, not trusting herself to speak louder, as she puts the book back on the shelf. As she moves to pass Kai and find another place to be alone, his hand catches hers. Fifi’s head jerks up in surprise and her eyes meet his again. All at once, the sobs she’s been holding back burst from her throat. Moments later, her tears are soaking into Kai’s doublet as his arms wrap gently around her, offering comfort.

“It’s all right. Let it out,” Kai murmurs into Fifi’s hair, near her ear. “You’ve been keeping this in for a while.”

You don’t even know… Fifi wants to tell him, but she’s still crying too hard to talk, and it doesn’t matter anyway. For the first time since Minna’s Quest for Favor began, Fifi feels safe in every way—safe to feel her feelings, safe to be completely honest, safe to let go. And so she just cries, mourning for her relationship with Minna and pouring out her anxiety for her own future.

What if I choose Kai? The thought comes unbidden to her mind as her sobs turn to hiccupy gasps. Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no guarantee he even competes, and Father hates his father. You’d have better luck asking to marry Algot. But Kai’s arms are still around her, and he doesn’t seem to mind that there’s a wet patch on his shoulder or that she probably looks like a wreck. And so the thought remains, bouncing around in her head: What if I choose him, when my turn comes?