In My Desperate Time

Steven Song tells me to be ruthless and ignore my mother, and I do according to his words.
My mom is stopped at the gate by a security guard, and I go upstairs with Steven Song. My phone is vibrating all the time. I know
it is mom calling.
I don’t answer it. When I arrive at the door, I receive a message from my mother.
“If you don’t help your brother. I will be always knel down here util you say yes.”
She spells “kneel” wrongly. My mother doesn’t receive much education. It must cost her much energy to send a message like
this.
I go to the window and see my mother kneeling at the gate of the apartment.
The security guard tries to pull up her several times, but she wouldn't leave. People stop by and point at my mother, but she just
ignores them.
“What can I do?” I turn to Steven Song disappointedly.
My mother’s bone was broken before, and she hasn't been able to walk well since then. She can't kneel down like this.
Just ignore her. If you relent, things will be in more trouble than they are now. Go and cook.” Steven Song says to me.
I give a deep look downstairs, sigh and go to cook.
After I take a bath after dinner, I hear the rain clattering.
It’s raining.
I go to the window and see that my mother is kneeling there, not even moving.
“Don't go down. Jane Noyes, you can't live your life at the mercy of your family all the time. Believe me, if you keep staying in the
room, it won't be long before your mother leaves.”
Once again, I listen to Steven Song and go to bed.
But I have always been worried about mom in my heart.

The rain beat loudly on the window, more and more loudly. Perhaps, my mother sees the rain is too heavy and she has gone
back. I comfort myself like this but can’t be restless. I don’t sleep well, and get up early in the morning.
I couldn’t help walking to the window to look at her. I see my mother is still kneeling there. Pale face, the shaking body, to which I
feel so sorry.
Steven Song also comes over. He takes a look downstairs and sighs.
“It seems your mother is more persistent than I thought. We can also see that your mother takes your brother more important
than you. So, your sacrifice is not worth it. If you compromise this time, it will happen again.”
I understand what Steven Song says. But I can't change the fact that blood is thicker than water. Seeing my mother suffering
really makes me feel bad.
Downstairs, my mother sways to the ground, which breaks my last line of defense.
“Mom!”
I couldn’t think too much and run straight downstairs.
“Jane Noyes. Don't go down. It's a battered-body trick.”
Behind me, Steven Song is trying to dissuade me, but I couldn't listen to him.
I go downstairs quickly and rush to my mother.
My mother's desperate face changes when she sees me.
She struggles off the ground and catches me with her hot hands.
“Jane, help your brother. Help your brother! He is so young. His life can’t be ruined!”
I want to say that I am young, too. Can my life be ruined?
But facing my mother's hoarse voice and hot forehead, I can’t say it out.
I remember when I was a little girl. Once I had a fever, my mother carried me for miles to see a doctor.

Before my brother was born, my mother loved me very much.
My heart melts and softens down.
I grit my teeth and nod to my mother.