Hurdles - Cindy (Book 2)

The court case was last year but judgment was on from the 8th of August this year.

I shared my story to encourage someone out there because I am fully aware that they are many women like me who have been staying in loveless marriages hoping their partner will change, maybe others have been lucky enough for the man to change but that hasn’t been the case for a larger percentage of us.

I was scared for starters; of ending up like my mother. Anyone who has grown up in a broken home can bear me witness that they have vowed never to end up like their mother, whilst our parents are the first examples of what a happy home should be like – mine was a different case. I hated that my parents divorced and later married other people, I didn’t want that for my children and I was willing to put in the extra work even if it meant it was one sided.

Secondly my fear was what the world at large would say, I didn’t want to be labeled as one of those women who failed to put her house in order. I was scared of being the wife who had failed her husband but what I didn’t realize earlier was that no matter what people said, they would never come to my rescue at the point of death.

I had to learn to love and respect myself first, I had to walk down the road of acceptance of things that were and I had to ask for grace to accept those that I couldn’t change and for the life in me I hope this example is what my kids will use to make better decisions.

I lost myself trying to make sure they were okay but I should have known better, that they will turn out okay and I should be there to see it. One of these days I hope we will raise a generation of women that won’t stick around just for the children – but I know society is not ready to hear that just yet.

Today I am an independent woman, I love myself and my children and leaving Elias was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Sixteen years ago after eloping with Elias I had no idea that I would be here today, but I have learnt some lessons and I know I will never make them again. I have learnt that no matter the situation it is always important as a woman to have an income, it doesn’t matter if you are in formal employment or in business – you just need one. Also along the way I learnt the importance of valuing oneself because that is the only way that people will value you.

It took me 16 years to realize that I can actually walk away from a badly raised and broken man who tried to break me too without having any regrets, I am happy, I am not bitter and I love my children better now.

My greatest regret is I knew a lot of things were wrong in my marriage and yet I tolerated them, I allowed them to happen in hopes that maybe my husband would change. I should have been consistent with my work and not quitting all the time Elias said so. I should have never put my personal progress on hold just to make him happy.

From what I heard, Elias never stayed with the girl for long, she left him amidst all the court hearing drama and again he blamed me saying I used charms on her and that is why she left, rumor has it that each time he went to work she would take her younger boyfriend home and they would party. Whatever the case my guess is she just realized her mistakes in time. I still wish him the best though, he is still bitter at me and behaves as though I am the one that broke his heart.

These days peace is reigning my life, the boys are happy though they do miss their father at times – I allow them to talk to their father on the phone and that is okay with me.

To the next woman, I hope you find the grace to walk away from anything and everything that breaks you, from everything that makes you feel worthless, from everything that doesn’t sit well with your spirit. I pray you find peace, enough peace to get you through and make you sleep better at night.

My names are Cindy, I was married for sixteen years before finally gathering the courage to walk away. I am getting better by the day and I couldn’t be happier.

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Your Friend and Author

Winnie

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