FULL NOVELXO HUGE STEPS: Chapter 9
After getting washed up from the earlier sink fiasco, I finally have a chance to settle in and see how much I made this past week at Dandie’s. Anything to get my mind off the way Jamie came in like my knight and shining armor.
“Well, at least I’ll be able to buy some decent groceries this week. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even splurge and pick up a couple new shirts.” I let out a small sigh of relief, just grateful that I’m able to still stand on my own two feet without Cody here pretending to have my back.
There’s a tap on my door and I quickly turn around in my seat, wondering who the heck could be visiting this time. Shay’s with her family and Bailey’s out of town now. Unless my dad is doing a random drop-in, maybe. He doesn’t usually surprise me but I know he’s worried.
Learning from earlier, I check the peephole. Jared.
It takes me a moment to compose myself before I throw open the door with a little too much enthusiasm. “Hey, uh, what are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to come by and check in with you. You know, to make sure you’re feeling okay. The way we left things before was a little, uh, abrupt,” he replies, cutting right to the point. Well, at least he’s honest.
I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “Oh. Right.” I shouldn’t let my feelings get so twisted up in my chest every time he speaks, but it’s sort of hard not to. Realizing I’m staring at him, I bite my lip and move over. “Sorry. Come in.”
The truth is that I don’t want to have any kind of conversation with Jared about what happened. The more I think about that night and what we did, the harder it is to stop thinking about it.
He walks past and waits for me by the couch, his eyes never leaving mine. “I just wanted to know that we’re okay. Are we? Okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” My way too casual tone isn’t fooling anyone.
“You’re not mad at us, are you?”
This, I wasn’t expecting. Mad. Is that what they think. “I’m not mad, Jared. Not at all. What happened…it’s not like I didn’t want to, you know?” I say more to myself than to Jared.
He nods. “I just had to make sure we didn’t make you mad because that would not have sat well with me or Jamie. We just want you to be happy.”
Warmth spreads through my veins like a slow-burning flame. Why does Jared have to be so sweet and caring all the time? It would definitely make it easier to avoid thinking about him if he wasn’t.
“I appreciate that,” I say softly. “I’m okay. We’re good.”
“Good.” He beams at me and I practically melt on the spot. “And…if you ever need anything, anything at all, Abi, just tell me. Just let me know.”
I sigh gently. “Thanks, Jared.” The contrast between the way my stepbrothers treat me and Cody is just so stark and it feels completely unfair. They make me feel so safe and secure and Jared, in particular, has always had this presence around him that leaves me calmer. I let his words roll around in my head
What I need is to feel him inside of me again, holding me close, taking his time with me until I feel the ultimate release. My eyes widen as the thought. I need to stop before my fantasies start spiraling out of control. I lick my lips quickly and turn back to him. “I good right now, Jared. I really need to get back to my, ah, cooking. Or it’ll burn.”
Jared twists until he’s sniffing for the non-existent food in the kitchen. “Oh really? What are you making?”
Without missing a beat, I walk over to the front door and open it, smiling at him the best that I can. “Soup. Some plain, boring soup. I didn’t even really want it, but I needed to go ahead and eat it while I still can.”
He seems to take the hint, and nods, smiling at me. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Just remember…let me know.” He ends this with a knowing look that I have to glance away from. There’s just no way I can keep staring up at him without letting all my feelings out in the process.
“I will.”
Jared gives me one more nod before walking out and letting me shut the door. My chest loosens a little, finally able to relax. When did it become such a physically impossible venture to let the guys leave?
Probably when you basically seduced them, the other side of me chimes in, reminding me. And maybe I’m right. Maybe I was just feeling bad about myself and only wanted their attention without their affection. It’s definitely possible.
My chest tightens yet again at the thought of this. I don’t want to lead my step-brothers on, but I don’t know if this is me leading them on, or if this is me wanting my deepest desires to be real again.