FULL NOVELXO HUGE STEPS: Chapter 17
I’m completely frozen, probably stuck in this position with my jaw unhinged, looking like a goddamn cartoon character, forever.
Pregnant.
Shit. With Cody’s baby? What the hell is she going to do now?
Abi squints up at us, waiting.
Waiting for a response. What can I say? Congratulations? Like fuck I can.
This is the woman I want to be mine.
There’s barely any space between me and Abi and Jared, but it feels like we all just got put on one of those carnival rides where the floor drops away from your feet because you’re spinning so fast. I don’t get how everything is standing so still, so silent, but my insides feel like I’m in a blender.
Jared comes to his senses first. “Do you…” He clears his throat and tries again. Do you know who the father is?”
I haul off and punch him right in his damn arm. What the fuck is his problem? “What the hell, man? You can’t just go around asking people who knocked them up!”
Abi sticks up for him, holding her hands up and stepping in between us. It’s okay, Jamie. It’s a totally valid question. And I get why you’re asking,” she says quickly. “This is so difficult to tell you.”
Jared puts his hand on Abi’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Just take your time.”
“It’s can’t be Cody,” she says softly. “We didn’t do anything…you know…sexually in a few months.”
I stare at her. Not Cody’s. That’s good. But who’s is it? A flash of the night we all had sex crosses my mind. The feeling of pushing inside her. It was so fucking good…I wasn’t wearing a rubber.
Fuck.
Abi shifts from foot to foot, looking a little green. Is she feeling sick? Sick from the pregnancy or sick from having to tell us. “I don’t know…who the father is?”
For the second time, my stomach seems to drop. Could it be someone else’s? Maybe Jared and I weren’t the only men she’s been drowning her sorrows in. The thought makes me want to punch the fucking wall.
“What do you mean?” Jared says quietly.
“I mean…neither of you wore a condom, did you? That means it could be either of you.”
It takes a few seconds for her words to sink in. Seems I wasn’t the only reckless fucker that night. “You didn’t wear a condom?” I turn to Jared. He shakes his head looking sheepish. We’re usually meticulous about using contraception. Neither of us wanted to have any kids and not be around for them full time. We had that enough when we were growing up.
There’s this weird quiet moment where I’m looking at Jared, Jared looking at me.
He shakes his head and I think his expression must be a mirror image of mine. We’ve fucked up. I can’t imagine how Abi must be feeling right now.
“I’m sorry,” I say to her. “We should have been more careful.”
Abi shakes her head. “I was there too. I could have told you.”
“We were all lost in the moment,” Jared says gently.
I take in a breath to give myself a moment to gather my thoughts. I’m not usually good at dealing with ‘feelings’. They’re too subtle for me to wrap my head around, but I get that she must be feeling worried right now. “What are you thinking, Abi? How do you feel about it?”
She gazes up at me, her eyes glassy and my heart fucking shatters. I don’t want her to cry. Not now. Not ever.
“I don’t know,” she says. “Shocked. I mean, I was supposed to be getting engaged and now that’s over and this…” She puts her hand protectively over her stomach and I get a fucking lump in my throat. “I have a life inside of me, and I didn’t think it would ever happen this way…you know…without planning it.”
Jared nods. “Do you need anything? Is there anything we can do for you?”
“Whatever you need, Abi,” I agree.
The look of nervousness on Abi’s face fades into something less panicky “I don’t know what I need right now…other than time…and space. I just can’t get my mind to wrap around what’s happening…and I need to think things through.” She pauses. “But I appreciate you guys worrying about me. I’m trying to keep it all straight in my head, you know?”
The way she says it doesn’t sound ominous but it still doesn’t stop the way my stomach twists in on itself. What exactly does she need time to think about?
“We can give you that,” Jared replies, stepping aside and giving her some actual space. Wait, we can?
I find myself nodding and doing the same, despite the way everything in me is screaming to tell her that I want her and I want this baby. “Yeah, whatever you need, Abi,” is what my mouth actually says.
Abi bites down softly on her bottom lip. “Thank you. I’m so tired right now. It’s so early but it’s really affecting me. I think I’m going to make myself something quick to eat and call it a night. I’ll call you guys when I know…when I work things out, okay?”
What she’s saying is so vague. How can we walk away like this? Abi’s not herself and with all the shit that she’s been through over the past few months, I don’t want to leave her to deal with this by herself.
We’re back to not knowing. We’re no further forward but what can we do? I turned to Jared, desperate for his usual relaxed way with the words.
“Yes, it’s definitely been a long day. For all of us. Just let us know whenever you’re ready to talk again.”
I’m the first to go in for a hug, but it’s awkward — somehow being too intimate and not intimate enough for me — so I end up giving her a quick squeeze and pat on her back. The smell of her sweet shampoo tickles my nose, making me want to pull her closer back to me, but she’s already stepped out of range and Jared gives her a pretty weird-looking hug as well, the strange look on his face giving him away. He hates the idea of waiting just as much as I do.
By the time we’re out the door again, my chest feels tighter than ever before. Once we make it to the sidewalk that leads up to her apartment building, I stop, needing to get it out. “What the hell are we going to do, Jared?”