Hockey With Benefits

“Who were you hoping to avoid back there?”

After Cruz deposited me in his truck, we left the lot, but I hadn’t said a word. Neither had he. He gave me four blocks.

I appreciated those four blocks.

I let out a sigh and sat up a little bit more in my seat, stuffing my hands into my sweatshirt. I just now noticed it was his. I’d pulled it on as soon as I got home, had been wearing it when I was at my place, and I forgot to switch it out.

“My friend Kit was inside.”

“You weren’t worried about the guys?”

I shook my head. “They’re fine or I think they’ll be fine, but they know something about my mom that I don’t want out.”

“They’ve met her, huh?”

I gave him a faint grin. “No. You’re the only one who’s met her, and maybe I’m being dumb. I mean… I don’t know. The drama from that night is only half of a percentage of what she’s been all my life.”

God.

My insides were turned inside and out, and my outsides were the opposite. One visit from her twisted me all the way up. “I’m so messed up. I–everything made sense in high school. Get through it. You know? No one knew about her back then. I always knew, even when I was little, that my friends couldn’t come over. We lived in town so I could walk.”

“How’d you keep her away from your school?”

Gah. A sad laugh ripped from me.

He really did understand. So many would have no comprehension.

“The school had her banned from their property. Things were different in elementary school. She’d come in, and you know, your classmates don’t see that stuff. We’re just focused on recess or hanging out at the cute guy’s desk, stuff like that, but my mom kept showing up to the administration office. I don’t even know what all she did, but they banned her from their properties. I think she tried taking them to court.”

“CPS get called on you when they did that?”

“She always kept her shit together when they came. They kept sending the same worker, and my mom had her snowed. But the school doing that, helped me. I told my friends that there was always fighting and drama at my house, which wasn’t really a lie. I had a few friends who got peeved at me because I never let them come over, but guys like Zeke helped. He overheard a couple of our friends giving me shit, and he butted in, giving them shit instead. It happened a few times until they shut up.”

“You’re not worried about him or your ex?”

I shrugged. “Not anymore. They won’t say anything about my mom, but Kit…” A sick feeling started in my gut. “My mom tried to kill herself.”

Cruz let out a soft curse and pulled the truck over.

He kept the engine running but turned to me. “I’m really sorry.”

A lump was in my throat, and I started to shrug that off, but I couldn’t. I was crumbling, and fuck! I closed my eyes, trying to numb this, but it wasn’t coming. Not this time.

I couldn’t stop whatever storm was coming over me.

“I was supposed to get a semester off, but to do that, we lied to my mom. She was told I was going to school in Oregon. Then I got the call from a nurse in January about my mom and what she did. I took off. Didn’t think about it. The hospital was back home so it’s a three-hour drive. I got there and found out that–the nurse and my dad think she did it to find out how far away I actually go to college. The cuts weren’t severe, and she got a nurse who knew me to call me. Otherwise there’s an order on her file not to contact her daughter.

“A part of me was pissed that’s what they’re saying. An attempt is an attempt, but the other part of me was just as mad because it could be true. I don’t know. I’ve asked my mom, but she won’t answer that question. I, just, I want to know. I don’t know why, but I do. I can’t stop not knowing. The diagnosis she has, they say they’re not usually violent or suicidal. That’s not true with her. She’s been violent in the past. She defied their diagnosis then, who’s to say she wouldn’t do that now?”

It was all coming out.

All of it.

Every fucking sad and sordid fact.

I never said all of this to anyone.

“She manipulated the nurse. Literally every fucking thing she does is manipulation, but that nurse who called me was also the one who let it out. Fallen Crest isn’t that big. Gossip spreads fast, and now everyone back home knows about her. My old friends weren’t the greatest people, and one of them is here. Kit’s a bitch, but she helped me out with my thing with Burford so she’s here expecting me to do what? Come in and kiss her ring? I have to ask her not to say anything and… I never wanted to owe anyone anything. Ever. Learned that when I was six, not to owe anyone. And now you know, and you’re hearing me, and you’ve met her. I feel like my world is imploding and I don’t even know why.”

Panic. Fear. Anger. All of it was lit up in me. I couldn’t hide.

Old Mara would be a bitch. Push him away. Slam the walls down. Protect myself, protect myself, protect myself. That’s what it was all about. Keep everything separate, but nothing was separate anymore. And gah. I couldn’t bring myself to cut this tie off to him.

I could push everyone else away. But not him. Not Cruz.

“What do you want to do?”

“I have no idea.” I looked over, seeing his face in shadow and for some reason that tugged at my heartstrings. He wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t making this about him. He was sitting here and being present with me. He was letting me talk. “I don’t want to go back. I don’t have the energy to pull a wall around me, but going back to my place or your place and having sex feels like hiding.” A hard laugh ripped from me. “Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I don’t want to hide either.”

“You eat?”

“What?”

He reached for the gear shift. “Did you eat yet?”

“No.”

“We’re getting pizza and heading back to my house. Pizza and a movie. We’re not going back, but also not hiding either.”

I considered it, and he was right. It was a perfect option.

That’s when I said it. “Thank you for the apartment.”

He glanced my way, held my gaze, and gave me a slight nod.

That was it. That was perfect.

We were a third of the way into the movie, the pizza half eaten in the box on the coffee table in front of us when the guys came home. They were loud, and as soon as the door opened, we saw why. Gavin and Zeke had come with them.

So had Miles. “Roomie!”

He opened his arms wide, his coat falling off from the motion. He left it where it fell. He half flung himself toward me but must’ve thought differently because instead of landing on me, he folded in on himself and ended up on the floor right in front of where I was sitting. Cruz and I both had our feet stretched out on the coffee table, the pizza box moved aside, and each of us had our own individual blankets. “Oooh, pizza!”

Gavin scooped up the box, grabbing a piece and handing it over to Zeke, who was coming in right behind him.

“How are you doing tonight, roommate?” Miles had turned his face toward me, blinking his eyes so many times that it was obvious he was two seconds away from passing out.

I reached forward, half shoving his shoulder backwards. “Fine. Go pass out in a room somewhere.”

“Hmmm.” It was meant as a protest. It came out like he was eating in his sleep.

Gavin dropped the box, taking us in before ending on Miles. “Come on, Gaynor.” He went over and half-picked him up by grabbing his arm and yanking him upright.

“Hey…”

He took him to the hallway as Labrowski yelled from the kitchen, “Do we have more pizza?”

AJ wandered in, munching on the last piece from our box. He sank down in one of the lounge chairs and smiled drunkenly at us. “Hey you two. How’s it going? Whatcha watching?”

Cruz answered, but I was focused on Zeke, who was still standing, eating his pizza, his gaze focused on me over his slice.

“What?”

Zeke took a big bite and shook his head, but he was still eyeing me.

“Look elsewhere while you eat.”

He gave me a brief grin before transferring his gaze to Cruz, and the same thing. He took another big bite.

Cruz wasn’t as bothered, instead shifting back. He gave Zeke a chin-lift sort of thing. It was very manly. “You got a girl, Allen?”

Zeke was still chewing and shook his head.

Cruz motioned to me. “You wanting this one?”

I almost choked on how blunt he was being. Zeke paused mid-chew, his eyes narrowing, but then he kept on chewing and shook his head again.

Cruz gave him a faint smile. “You want me then?”

Zeke started laughing, folding his head down and his shoulders were shaking. Cruz asked in a very casual way, but he waited until Zeke swallowed the last of his pizza before shaking his head. “Dude.” He was laughing and had to sit down.

He nearly sat on AJ’s lap, who shoved him off until he landed in one of the other loungers. He fell in backwards, his legs rising up from the motion. The chair began to tip to the side from the momentum. Zeke was a big guy. He took in some air before he was able to talk. “You–”

Cruz took his arm away from behind me and leaned forward, his arms going to rest on his legs. He pulled his feet down from the coffee table. “Guys openly stare at someone it’s either because they want to fuck ’em or they want to fight ’em. I went with the fucking first because I’m not getting the feeling that you want to fight. Am I wrong?”

Zeke was still half laughing as he shook his head. “No. Sorry, man. Nope. Just drunk here.”

Cruz settled back, easing down on the couch again and he pulled his blanket back over him. “Then what’s with the weird looking shit?”

“It’s seeing Daniels all cozied up.” Zeke stopped laughing enough to give me a more serious look. “It’s nice to see. That’s all.”

I shifted on the couch, starting to get uncomfortable.

Cruz glanced back, studying me.

I had no doubt he saw how that comment made me feel, but he turned back to Zeke. “How long you guys in town?”

“Till Sunday.” His eyes slid my way. “Hoping to hang out?”

I gave a nod. “For sure.”

Gavin came back from the hallway, stopped short at seeing the empty pizza box. “No more pizza?”

AJ started laughing, finishing his slice.

Labrowski yelled from the kitchen, “I got more coming!”

“Dudes!” came from top of the stairs. “Some of us are sleeping. We do have to travel for a fucking game tomorrow.”

Cruz tipped his head back. He was about to yell when Labrowski came marching in from the kitchen, a towel in hand and another thrown over his shoulder. He went to the bottom of the stairs, took hold of the railing, and let out a holler. “WE’RE MAKING FOOD! IF YOU WANT A SLICE EITHER TONIGHT OR TOMORROW, SHUT THE FUCK UP! You have fans and earplugs for a reason.”

He didn’t wait for a response. He marched back to the kitchen, and we heard pans being moved around.

Cruz said, “He’s making two pizzas now.”

Zeke started laughing.

Gavin turned for the kitchen. “Oh, sweet. I’m starving.” He went into the kitchen.

Zeke laid his head back against his lounger and rested a hand over his stomach. He heaved a sigh, but gave me a contented smile. “We stopped at Taco Bell on the way home too.”

The door burst open again. This time, a guy walked in with a girl attached to him. Her legs were around his waist, her arms around his neck and their mouths were attached. They were trying to eat each other.

Zeke snorted.

Cruz grinned.

The guy turned around. It was Barclay. The girl was… I shot upright, jolted. It was Kit.

“Excuse us, folks.” Barclay said around her mouth, holding up two fingers in a salute. “Just gonna take this upstairs.”

Kit was laughing as she pulled him back for a kiss, but she skimmed the couch and gasped. Her head went back, stiffening in Barclay’s hold. Her gaze collided with mine. “Mara–”

I jumped to my feet.

I didn’t want her to say anything about my mom. It wasn’t that I was worried about people knowing what she tried to do, it was about her getting to where I went to college. She already got to my high school friends, but here–I was still trying to keep her contained.

Kit frowned. “Mara?” Her voice grew soft, and Barclay let her ease down from his arms. He stood behind her, his gaze taking me in.

“Wha–” Kit shook her head, seeing Zeke and jerking backwards. “Zeke?”

He grinned, slowly and a little mean. “Saw you all up in his space so I figured I’d catch a ride here with the rest of the hockey team. Get a front row seat to this show.” His eyes jerked my way. “Sorry. I should’ve warned you.”

Kit had a boyfriend. I was guessing Barclay had no clue.

Kit flushed, straightening her shirt and pants. She glared at Zeke. “I know all about the shit you and your boy have pulled. Don’t start turning r–” She clamped her mouth shut, seeing Zeke’s face flood with anger.

He leaned forward. “Might want to rethink your position before slinging insults.”

“What is going on?” Barclay asked.

“They all went to the same high school.”

Barclay nodded to Cruz.

Atwater snorted. “Oh, damn. High school gossip is the best kind. Out with it! What’s all the shit?”

Kit pointed at me. “Not one word or I’ll spread your shit all over the Kappa house.”

“What a friend,” Cruz clipped out, standing up behind me.

Kit flushed again. Her hand lowered a little, but she was still glowering. “Just–don’t say anything, Mara.”

“Kit’s got a boyfriend.”

Barclays’ eyes widened and he jerked to the side, away from Kit.

All eyes went to Zeke, who had leaned back in his chair and gave a smug smile. His eyes went to Kit. “You got nothing on me, and if you threaten Daniels again, you got two new enemies at Cain.”

Kit’s eyebrows dipped together.

He clarified, “You know I’ll go hard for her. I’ve always had Daniels’ back. Things will just be extra-enemy-ish between you and me now.”

Kit was losing some of her steam, but she turned to Barclay. “My boyfriend cheated on me. We broke up before I came here this weekend, and FYI, he’s the reason I came along.”

Atwater hooted. “Dude. That means you’re the rebound fuck.”

Barclay was giving her another assessing look before shrugging. “I’m okay with that.” He swooped in, picking her up, and as she gave a little shriek, he took her upstairs. He said to Cruz, “Wake me up thirty minutes before we gotta go for the bus.”

Cruz nodded.

Labrowski came out from the kitchen. “First pizza’s done.” He took in the weirdness of the room. “What’d I miss?”