Hockey With Benefits

Iwent on lockdown over the weekend except for a brief roommate dinner. Other than that exception, there’d been no Cruz. No Miles. No Gavin. The only one who got through was Zeke, and that was via the phone before I silenced his alerts. His first text was a picture of Cruz and I holding hands, walking through the hockey house.

Zeke: I rate this hand holding at a 7.5. It emotes, but a bit shy on the passion level.

His second text was a picture of me sitting on Cruz’s lap. We were in the back room. I didn’t know anyone had a phone there.

Zeke: This is an 8.35379. Bodily contact, but your eyes are closed. What it lacks in angst, it makes up for in passion.

The third was a picture of Cruz crushing me against his truck, his mouth on mine, and my hands in his hair. It was another situation where I didn’t remember touching his hair, but I must’ve because I was holding entire chunks of it in the image.

Zeke: A 10.000000. Well done, Daniels. Not handing out any awards here, but if you were on my Olympics team, you’d be a solid silver.

Me: Fuck you.

Zeke: Trying to make a joke of it cause I know you’re freaking. Let me know if you want a road trip out of there, even for a weekend.

I was tempted. That said volumes, but I was. Zeke would be fun, and he’d be protective. He wouldn’t hit on me. There’d been one moment I had bad judgment when I was spinning out the end of our senior year, but nothing happened.

I was eternally grateful.

I had other texts over the weekend, but after Zeke’s invitation, I decided to do my own ‘getting away.’ I turned my phone off and spent the weekend alone. There was a trip to the grocery store, a couple to get coffee, and I was in the library most of Saturday. That’d been the best decision. I had no idea how empty the library was on Saturdays.

Sunday was a different story.

I was studying at a back table on the second floor when a pair of books landed on the table next to me. Tasmin Shaw was glaring at me, her mouth tight as she swung her bag down on a chair and began unpacking her things.

I straightened in my seat. “What are you doing?”

“You are annoying.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re annoying.” Her phone. Her computer. A notebook. Two pens. She spread her texts out, and then sat down in the chair across from me with an extra oomph. She glared at me. “You have major baggage. You were so rude to me, and you know it wasn’t warranted. I’m nice and you know that too. But I saw the pictures. They’re all over social media. You and Cruz Styles? Do you have, like, a self-sabotaging button or something? I know you like to keep things on the down-low, and that’s who you end up banging? Anyways, I’m here because you need support and sucks for you, you already unloaded on me. I’m aware of the root of your baggage. You made a mistake when you confided in me in our floor’s bathroom last semester, and fuck you, but you made me like you in that moment. So whatever. Even you being a total bitch to me, I’m still here.” She ended it with a harrumph and snapped open her computer.

I took my phone out and pulled up Zeke’s number. I hit dial.

“Daniels! What’s the what? More pictures? Wait. I mean, not more pictures? Or no…”

At hearing Zeke’s greeting, Tasmin raised her head, her eyes holding mine steadily.

I held hers right back and asked, “Is Blaise with you?”

Zeke got quiet before he started coughing. “Uh. Yeah. Why…you don’t want to talk to him, do you?”

I almost smiled at the supreme caution he was having around ‘his boy.’ “No, but you might want to let him know that his little sister is sitting across from me at the library, and she’s informed me that she’s going to be my support system. Instead of being a bitch to her again, I’m going to cease fighting it. Let your boy know and if he has a problem with it, he can suck it.”

I enjoyed the myriad of emotions that flashed across Tasmin’s face. Shock. Horror. Caution. Fear. And then she ducked her head down. I caught the slight grin she was trying to hide from me.

“Well, technically, he doesn’t need to ‘suck it’ anymore, since you know he’s super–”

“I don’t care. Bye.” I ended the call and started a countdown.

Three.

Two.

One–Tasmin’s phone started blowing up.

Zeke did his job, but Tasmin just gave me another withering glare before answering, speaking tightly, “I do not give one fuck what you’re going to say.”

Now I was the one smiling because I was fully enjoying this. I wasn’t hiding my smile, though, and it only grew as I heard her brother’s voice over the phone.

She cut him off, “I don’t care. I. Don’t. Care. You’re not listening to me. I am here. You are not.” There was a pause as she listened to him, before she huffed out, “You can tell Cross anything you want. When my twin calls me, I will put my foot down. You’ve not endured me when I put my foot down. Cross has. I’d advise you to ask him what that experience is like, and yes, make sure you use the phrase that I’m putting my foot down.” Another pause as she listened to him. “Whatever. Fuck off, Blaise.” She rolled her eyes and said quickly, “I mean, I love you, but fuck off about this. You have no say.”

She ended her call, putting the phone back down.

It started blowing up right away.

She declined that call. She declined the next, and the next three.

I was almost scared to ask, but, “Are those all Blaise?”

“No. I think he sent out a group text. My boyfriend is probably coming here. My twin is calling. My twin’s girlfriend is calling. They’re all calling.”

I grunted. “Maybe you shouldn’t be my friend. It’s a lot of work, if you ask me.”

She seared me as she upped her glare to a whole new level. “I get you being exhausted because of your mom, but what’s your issue with having friends? You had a whole group of them at Fallen Crest.”

“They were the mean girls. I just didn’t let them be mean to me, and Zeke aside, I’ve found that if I let someone in, they always hurt me.” I leaned over the table. “Always.”

She got quiet, blinking a few times. “That sounds harsh and lonely.”

She didn’t get it. Any of it. “Just leave me alone, Taz. I’m not worth it. Trust me.”

A new determined expression came over her. She sat up straight, raising her chin. “Deal with it.”

“So, you’re going to study with me? Is that your plan?”

She checked her phone. “Until Race finds me. I’m sure one of my brothers called him.”

“I don’t do good with friends.”

She needed to be warned.

She lifted her head again, a softer smile on her face. “Fully aware, Mara.”

Shit. Why did her using my first name make me feel soft?

“Mara?”

We both looked up at the sound of another voice. Skylar was coming down our aisle, backpack over her shoulder, and a few other girls with her. A couple guys too. I didn’t recognize any of them. She frowned before flashing me a grin. “You’ve been holed up here studying all day?” She was taking in the somewhat private alcove that I found, and also the very large table we were at. She nodded at the empty space. “Mind if we join?” She gestured behind her. “Just a few of us. The rest are looking for their friends.”

I opened my mouth, but Tasmin beat me to it.

She perked up, a bright smile on her face. “Yes! We’d love if you joined!”

Skylar frowned a little, but gave a casual nod before she took the seat next to me. Some of the other girls filed in, spreading out over the end of the table. The guys with them took off, giving the whole table a two-finger salute.

I had to give Tasmin some points because she waited until Skylar was nice and settled in before she started.

“So.” She leaned in, her elbows resting on the table. She rested her chin on her hands and gave another closed-mouth smile at Skylar. “Do you remember meeting me? How was the rest of your birthday? Was it amazing? What’s it like living with Mara? I’ve decided that I’m going to be her friend, whether she wants me to be or not. Do you have thoughts on that?”

“Uh… I think that’s great.” Skylar frowned, glancing at me.

I had a feeling this was the precursor for how the rest of the day would go.

Tasmin Shaw chose her mission: me.