Hidden In Plain Sight

Six days, that was all she had. She didn’t know it, but that was all she had. She spent them like she always did, grabbing Sebastian’s tailcoats and skipping after him, planning hide and seek spots, begging Sebastian to play with her, reading books, joking, laughing. She didn’t even think about her mom. She didn’t wonder where she was or when she would get to see her again. But all good things end and come to an end it did.

She was holed up on her bed scribbling down on some possible hide-and-seek ideas on some papers. Sebastian had gotten sent home early when her father got back so she was on her own and she was just staying quiet until she could go to bed. The plans weren’t anything detailed, just some random ideas she likely wouldn’t even go through with. Hide and seek had gotten more difficult recently as the house started to exhaust of places to hide, so her spots kept getting more and more extravagant. She had even managed to scale the house walls high enough to hide on a small ledge along the ceiling once.

Each hiding spot seemed to leave Sebastian more exasperated, but as long as she followed the rules he couldn’t stop her, though her weak body seemed to be the biggest limitation to her hiding. She doodled a small bunny along the side of the parchment, her mind wandering boredly from the shortlist of ideas.

“Alicia.”

She snapped back from her zoned-out stare at the wall. What? Did her father call her? Why? She didn’t move.

“Alicia!” her father called again much louder. This time she snapped into action, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and pushing herself off to stand quickly. Why was he calling her? If he wanted her he always came and grabbed her. He had come back from his business trip a day ago and hadn’t said a thing to her, which was strange in itself. He had come home and made quick work storming to his study, sparing her a bare glance before Sebastian managed to whisk her away to the other side of the house.

She had expected to wake in the middle of the night to the sound of breaking wood or slurred words or even a tight grip on her wrist pulling her out of bed but she didn’t. She still woke up in the middle of the night but not to anything. The house was dead silent. In the morning she didn’t smell any alcohol and she knew something was wrong. It seemed like Sebastian knew it too, keeping a close eye on her and even opting to read to her in her room when he would have normally told her to read on her own. It wasn’t like it even mattered, as she could barely focus on the story. They were both acting like normal but everything felt anything but, and then Sebastian got sent home early.

She scurried down the hallways quickly to her father’s study, slipping through the door like she had so many times before as she tried not to think about what was likely about to happen. Her father sat at his desk looking down at some papers in his hand, looking as cold as ever. He only ever looked cold or angry now, or on the rare occasion, she could catch a vacant look in his eyes. She hadn’t seen him smile in years, not since before she left them, but things were much different now, a reality that seemed shattered above her head since she returned from the bakery.

She had another stuffed animal, not unlike what her bunny was like before she gave it to Sebastian. A fox that she hid in the back of her closet. It wasn’t as loved as her bunny was, but the fur was a little rough and a seam along its leg had started to come loose. She never played with it or even took it out of its hiding spot, if you could even call it that. She was sure Sebastian knew it was there but she just couldn’t get rid of it. Every time she tried to put it with the stuffed animals that were being taken away, she just couldn’t. It felt like giving up her memories, even if she knew the memories that came with the plush were long gone. She couldn’t even look at it anymore without stirring up painful feelings yet she still couldn’t get rid of it.

She remembered running through the house, latching onto her father’s leg as he clambered through the door, suitcase still in hand.

“Did someone miss me?”

She gave a squeal as he picked her up, bouncing her with a smile as he glanced over at her mother, leaning in the doorway as she watched.

“That’s good, ’cause I have a surprise.”

His chest rumbled with a small laugh as he carried her over to one of the plush chairs in the room, resting her on his knee as he grabbed his suitcase, making a big show of pulling it up and rummaging through it. She whined impatiently, bouncing herself up and down a bit. Finally giving in, her father pulled the plush fox from his suitcase with a grin holding it in front of her. Looking at the toy, she named it quickly.

“Fox.”

With that her father bent over slightly laughing, the fox almost falling out of his grip as she grabbed for it and she could even see her mother laughing from the doorway, her hand held over her mouth in a vain attempt to hide her giggles. She wasn’t quite sure what was so funny but she smiled anyway, finally grabbing ahold of the fox and pulling it to her lap to play with.

She blinked out of the familiar memory, trying to focus more. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss it, missed being able to drag her fox and bunny across the house and seat them together for tea parties and to read books. Maybe in a different life, she would have been able to, maybe in a different life things would have turned out differently. Her mind thought back to the flour in tangled brown hair, falling like small snowflakes. She remembered how cold the snow was, how chilling and unforgiving it could feel, but she also remembered Sebastian and how happy she was.

She took a deep breath, feeling it hitch a little in her chest as she tried to ground herself, focusing on the wood of her father’s desk, slowly raising her gaze to look up at him. He had put down his paperwork and was staring at her now. She suddenly felt aware of how quiet the room was, tense silence sitting in the air, but not the exciting thrilling silence like when she was playing hide and seek, but the oppressive suffocating silence. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that before her father finally spoke.

“You left to find your mother.” It wasn’t a question.

Alicia could feel her eyes dilate as panic tightened in her chest, How did he know? Did Sebastian tell him? No, he wouldn’t ever do something like that. Was it the men? Or the girl? Would they even care? Questions surfaced quickly in her head as her mind started to race. She was so sure that she was fine, that he wouldn’t find out.

“I told you time and time again but you still wouldn’t believe me. You still tried to leave me, just like that good for nothing hag you have for a mother.”

She flinched back slightly as he rose from his desk, hands slamming down against the scattered papers.

“Yet you had to go see for yourself, so did you see it?” she made a small noise as he continued. “Did you finally see how little she cares for you, how she left you here at the drop of a dime for something better?”

Alicia felt tears well up in her eyes. He wasn’t saying anything he hadn’t before, but for once she couldn’t disagree with him, tell herself he was wrong and lying, ’cause she had seen it for herself.

“She thinks of us as a nuisance, a stain on her past, you know. So much so that she came to tell me that you had come. That she didn’t want you ruining what she had now so she told me not to let it happen again.” What? Everything seemed to stop for a moment. She had told him? She knew that she didn’t want her, that she shouldn’t have gone to the bakery, but she had. She had gone as far as to tell her father? Did she not know what he would do? She couldn’t have, she wouldn’t have done it if she knew- right?

Her mind only sped up more as she trembled back against the wood of the door. Her father was speaking again, but she didn’t listen. They were the same words she always heard. He spat the words angrily as he rounded the corner of his desk and Alicia knew what came next.

She braced herself against the door, squeezing the hem of her dress tight as she closed her eyes and waited. But it never came.

The room fell silent and after a moment, she let herself open her eyes again. Her father was standing in front of her, but he wasn’t screaming or shouting or gesturing wildly like he normally would. He didn’t even look mad anymore. He looked cold, and tired, and had a deep twinge in his eyes that she hadn’t seen since the very first night on her own, before she had even met Sebastian before she knew her mother wasn’t coming back. The memory that was so burnt into her mind that she could still picture it perfectly.

They stood in thick silence as seconds ticked on that felt like minutes. This hadn’t ever happened before, she didn’t know what to do anymore, and somehow it hurt more. She just wanted it to be over, to be able to hide under her covers till Sebastian came and pulled her out.

The air was tense and she wanted to look away but she couldn’t, she felt stuck in place.

“We’re leaving.”

The quiet was broken instantly as her father jerked his head away from her as he spoke.

“W-what?” her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke, her throat feeling tight and unbudging.

“We’re leaving. We’re going away from here so you can’t interfere again.” he turned back to his desk and started walking towards it so she could only see his back. “Sebastian will pack your things tomorrow and say goodbye.”

What? Time seemed to slow again. Say goodbye?

“W-what about Sebastian?”

“We’ll find another butler once we get there,” he picked up some papers on his desk and shuffled them around, seemingly undisturbed. “It’s late, go back to your room and go to bed.” he shooed her stiffly and she heard the underlying get out in his words.

Unsure of what else to do she numbly turned around and pulled the heavy door open, letting it close behind her. Lifting her head, she looked around the empty hallways slowly.

They were leaving.

Her legs felt numb under her as she stumbled away from the door and down the hallways slowly. Looking at the only walls she had ever known, the walls she would soon never see again. The chair Sebastian would read her books in, the scuff on the wall from where she had run into it while they were playing tag, the stain on the curtain from when she had spilled soup over herself and Sebastian. She would never see it again, she would never see Sebastian again.

Nononono. She couldn’t leave, they couldn’t leave, she couldn’t do it. She felt her breath stutter as she looked around wildly. The more her eyes roamed, the more memories bubbled up to her mind. Sebastian trying to teach her to make soup. Sewing up her dress while she played at his feet. Finding her in hide and seek. Wrangling her into a bath. Begrudgingly sitting on the floor and playing tea party with her. Before she couldn’t remember much but now she could remember everything, every smile, and laugh, and smirk, and she was supposed to leave it all.

She didn’t know what she was thinking but she had to do something, find him, make him come with them, anything, she couldn’t just stand by and let it happen, lose everything again. So she did something she hadn’t ever before. She pried the door open and ran.