Hidden Depths

I didn’t know how long I stood there in Dalton’s embrace just sobbing. Finally though I pulled away slowly and started pacing. I needed coffee but I wasn’t going anywhere, and I didn’t want Dalton to leave. This was my first time not being alone while I waited.

Dalton watched me pace for a while before walking to the vending machines against the far wall. He came back with a Dr Pepper and a couple things of trail mix.

“You should eat something.” He said softly, and though I didn’t feel hungry I accepted the snack and started slowly munching on the nuts.

“Chelsey?” Janet said coming back in.

I hurried over to her. “Is she okay? Can I see her?!”

“Good news is there is no more tissue damage than last time she came in. We were lucky the mistake was caught right away.” She smiled at Dalton, “You probably saved her life by checking on her and noticing. However, her heart rate went so low she went into another coma. You know the drill on that, we just have to wait till she wakes up then run some tests.”

I nodded numbly.

“Can we see her?” Dalton asked desperately.

“Typically it’s only the family who can see them.” Janet said, pursing her lips.

“He’s my fiancé.” I lied, grabbing his hand quickly.

“Please.” Dalton said not missing a beat.

“Okay, and I’ll have the nurse get you a cot, though we both know you won’t use it.” She smiled sadly. “I’m not technically supposed to say she’ll be okay, liability reasons, but she will. I'll stay here and keep watch over her.”

“Thank you doctor,” I murmured.

“Oh come on, it’s Janet to you. You know that honey.” With that, Dr. Mason led the way to Maddison’s room.

Maddison laid on the white bed with breathing tubes up her nose and a heart monitor beeping steadily beside her. As I step forward my hand was held back. I looked back irritated only to see Dalton’s expression. His eyes were tearing and his chest rose and fell unsteadily. He was scared, and I was suddenly sympathetic.

I squeezed his hand lightly, gaining his attention. “It’s okay. She’s going to be okay. She just needs some support.”

He nodded still looking afraid but followed me slowly into the room. I knew the feeling. The first time this had happened I had a full on panic attack in the corner. It was the first time Janet had done something out of character for a doctor.

“I was just about to head out. Do you have someone I could call for you honey?” Janet asked unsure.

I shook my head burying my face in my knees as I sobbed in the corner of Maddison’s room. Maddy was almost two and had gone into a coma after a problem with her medication. Janet sighed before coming to sit next to me. She held me as I cried, comforting me. When she did leave she came back with food half an hour later.

“Seeing any child like this is hard. When it’s a child you love, your child, it’s nearly impossible.” I said comfortingly.

“She’s not mine though.” He responded, reaching out to brush hair out of Maddison’s face.

“Yeah, she is. You two adopted each other a long time ago.” I sat down next to her. “I had to tell her she couldn’t call you dad last week. I didn’t know how you would react, but no matter how hard I try to protect her she still gets hurt.” My voice broke, and I pulled my legs up to my chest.

Dalton looked over at me surprised, but didn’t say anything. Instead he walked over scooping me up before sitting down with me on his lap. I cuddled into him trying to hide my tears and my mascara smeared face. I was a complete mess, and so embarrassed. Dalton tucked his fingers under my chin lifting it so I had to face him.

He kissed me tenderly before meeting my eyes. “You are an amazing mother, but nobody can protect a child from everything. They fall down, they get hurt, the important thing is that you are there to pick them back up. You are a beautiful and incredible woman. I just wish you could see how deeply I love you.”

I stared at him, unsure what to say. His crystal blue eyes simmered with unshed tears. His pain was evident in his expression. I hadn’t meant to hurt him with my indecisiveness. I was surprised by the tidal wave of emotion that hit me when I realized the pain I had inflicted on him.

“I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” I admitted slowly.

“That’s not my point.” He chuckled as he closed his eyes and laid his forehead against mine. “This isn’t the time, I’m sorry.

Later Dalton stepped out to call Seth. And I laid down in the bed with Maddy. It was almost six in the morning and I hadn’t slept yet. So I wasn’t surprised when I slowly felt myself drifting off to sleep with my daughter safely in my arms.

I spent the next week in the hospital room. To my surprise though, Dalton rarely left as well. He left to get us food and had to leave for business for three hours on Saturday; day eight of being there. He came back looking exhausted and quickly laid down on the cot where he had been sleeping.

“Everything okay?” I asked, concerned.

“Just tired. You have enough to worry about babe.” He smiled sadly.

Blood flooded my cheeks as it always did when he called me that. I stood from the chair I was inhabiting. I walked over to the cot and laid down curling up next to him with my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head with a content sigh.

“You would sleep better at home.” I said reluctantly; I didn’t want him to go anywhere.

“No, I would be too afraid to sleep at all there. At least here I know if something is happening.” He responded.

“ I would call you first.” I admitted.

He smiled down at me. “I know. Now come here, close your eyes.”

I sighed as he pulled me closer to him and quickly obeyed. Soon his breaths evened out and I knew he was asleep. I looked up at his peaceful expression.

“I love you too.” I whispered, finally voicing the reality that terrified me more than anything else. “I want to stay with you.”

“I know.” He sighed, smiling slightly. “Now sleep my love.”

I felt embarrassment wash over me and my cheeks burned. But it felt so good to say it out loud, that I couldn’t even be mad. I sighed, squeezing him tighter.