Hermione's All That

"Damn him! Damn that Harry Potter!" Hermione uttered under her breath as she made her eleventh lap around the lake.

She sighed in frustration. Kicking the grass, she plopped herself on the ground and laid with her hands behind her head.

She stared up at the morning sky. The sun was just rising, the birds were merrily chirping, and it was seemed like it was going to be a really nice day; but that definitely didn't reflect Hermione's emotions.

She was filled with anger, rage, hostility, sadness, and utter heartbreak. No happiness, nada, zip, so the damn weather needs to turn gloomy and gray! She groaned again, watching a few birds fly over head. They seemed so free, with no worries or cares. At that moment she, Hermione Granger, wished she could fly. She thought she would never openly admit that, but now she was. She wanted to be able to lift off into the open air and soar above all the pain and torment her life had thrown at her.

She rubbed her eyes, and was surprised to feel moisture on them; she hadn't even realized she was crying. She didn't think she could ever cry again, she had shed enough tears to fill up the Atlantic Ocean and then some.

She couldn't believe it had only been last night when the whole secret made its way out into the open; only yesterday since her world crashed onto her once again; only yesterday since she had lost one of the best things that had ever happened to her.

How could he? That question had plagued her a million times, and she didn't have the answer, and she didn't know if she ever would. She could not understand how he could do something so cruel. She thought he really liked her. He seemed so sincere, so genuine, how could I have made such an error in his character? Could I really be that dense? She had berated herself all night, unable to sleep from the terrible pains in her chest and aching eyes that would not stop leaking.

She started to recall last night and its awful events. She had run up to her room, after hearing about the bet and declaring her love for Harry. She half expected Harry to rush to her room, begging for entrance, pleading with her to let him explain, but that didn't happen. The only person that banged on her door was Lavender, trying to get Hermione to let her in so they could talk. Hermione couldn't make herself talk to Lavender, or anyone for that matter.

She didn't want to confront her feelings or deal with the actions that had just transpired. She wanted to seek solace alone, bury her emotions deep within herself, retract her mind from the outside events, and hide in her hidden fantasyland that she used to retreat to when she had lost her parents.

In her fantasy land, people would only cry out of happiness. In this magical dream world everyone cared about everyone and true love existed. In her place, her heart was filled with caring and joy, and all was right in the world.

She actually got what she wanted, became successful and envied. She was everything in her fantasy. But not here, not in the real world; here, she meant nothing. There was a time when she had thought that maybe Harry cared about her, maybe Harry was really interested in her, but that had passed. It was only merely a façade, put up by Harry so he could win a bet.

Thoughts of the bet made her squeeze her eyes tightly shut. She tried to suppress the bet out of her mind, but whatever she did, she couldn't forget.

I can't believe it was all for a bet. Somewhere in her heart, something was telling her that it wasn't all an act, and she believed that with a little percentage of herself, but it wasn't enough to make her believe it fully.

Is that true or do I just want it to be true? She didn't know. She was so confused at the moment.

She opened her eyes, staring up at the blue sky again and the soaring birds that flew gracefully from one tree to the next. They reminded her of Harry and how he flew on a broom. Everything tended to remind her of Harry. Her hands unconsciously went up to her neck and she fumbled with the locket that lay there.

She remembered the night she had confessed everything to Harry; shown him her vulnerable side and this was what she got- sorrow and grief? She trusted him, trusted him completely and he had turned around and caused this much pain for her.

Utter frustration made her rip off the necklace and clasp it into her fist. She squeezed tightly, feeling the jewelry embedding itself into her palm. She ignored the pain and continued to squeeze. All the hurt she felt was being poured into that locket that Harry gave her.

"Hermione," a voice said and Hermione tensed. She jumped up quickly, swinging around to come face to face with Harry.

Harry watched as Hermione turned to him. He didn't know what to say to her, but he knew he had to talk to her.

After the scene in the common room, Harry had headed up to the Astronomy Tower; a place that was filled with so many memories of him and Hermione together.

He had reminisced about the night, about everything that he had caused by agreeing to the stupid bet. In a way, he was glad it happened, because if it didn't he wouldn't have been able to get to know Hermione, but he was terribly sorry that it had caused so much pain and hurt. He never meant for that to happen.

After replaying the events in his head, Harry had resolved that he was going to talk to Hermione as soon as he could and explain himself. He needed her to know that everything he ever said to her was not a lie, not a joke. It wasn't about the bet.

He had sat on the couch in the common room all night, hoping to get a chance to talk with Hermione as soon as she came down. He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew, he heard sounds coming from the stairs. He lay still, hiding himself by the couch so the person wouldn't see him.

He was glad to see it was Hermione, but she looked awful and he knew she had been crying. She didn't even notice he was there. She just made her way through the common room and out the portrait hole. Harry thought that this was his chance, so he jumped up, and followed her.

When he got outside, Hermione was making her way around the lake. He tried to force himself to go over there, but he couldn't. He was terrified and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how long he stood there, watching her walk, but she suddenly stopped and lay on the ground. Finally gearing up his courage, he made his way over to her. She had obviously been in deep thought, because she didn't even notice his presence.

And here he was, staring right into her eyes, and he couldn't find the words. He knew what he had to say, what he wanted to say, but for the life of him, he didn't know how.

"I don't want to speak with you right now," Hermione said to him in an icy voice. Harry flinched at her cruelty, but he knew he deserved it.

Finally, he opened his mouth and words poured out. "Hermione, I know you hate me right now and you have all the right, but please, let me explain!"

Hermione shook her head, turning her gaze to the ground. "Harry, I just can't listen to you right now. You don't know what you did to me. I thought you cared about me, but I guess I was wrong. I don't see what you could say that could make this any better!" Hermione said to him. She made her way closer to him and Harry watched her move till she stopped right in front of him.

"Hermione, you've got to understand…," Harry started to say, but Hermione interrupted him.

"No, you've got to understand. I don't trust you anymore and I don't want to hear what you have to say. How do you expect me to believe anything you tell me? You lied to me, you hurt me, and even if you have a great explanation for this, I'm just not ready to forgive you yet," Hermione said. She looked up to him, tears shining in her eyes, and Harry was at a loss for words again. He wanted to force her to listen, but for some reason his body didn't want to react to his commands.

"Hermione, can you let me say one thing?" Harry asked, wondering how he found the words to even speak that sentence.

"Fine! Go on! Let's hear what the boy-who-lived has to say!" Hermione said, staring him right in the face.

Harry stood shocked at her statement. That was the first time she had made any reference to him being the boy-who-lived and it rocked him to his core. The feeling that he had turned into nothing in her eyes was terrible, but he could live with that, but what he couldn't live with was her treating him like the rest of the world did. Just that little phrase hurt him and he lost any ability to speak what he was about to.

"That's what I thought!" Hermione said. She reached out her hand, grabbed Harry's, and pressed something into it. "Goodbye Harry," Hermione said in an alarmingly calm tone. She turned and walked away.

Harry stood still for a second, holding the object in his hands. Slowly, he opened his hand and was shocked to see the locket he had given Hermione for her birthday in his hand. He fingered the outside, before he opened it up, staring at the inside pictures. He stared at the picture of Hermione and her parents, and then his gaze shifted to the picture of himself and Hermione. She was smiling and she was so happy. He thought back to everything that he and Hermione had done, and the only other time he saw Hermione smile like that was when she was with him. He did make her happy, but he also broke her heart. He had to tell her, he had to tell her everything now!

He turned around quickly and screamed, "HERMIONE!", but he saw her dash through the doors without looking back. Harry stared at the doors for a second before whispering, "I love you."

He looked back down at the locket and felt a tear roll down his cheek. He didn't know what he was going to do and he didn't know if he was ever going to be able to make things right again.

Hermione sat in the chair in Professor Lupin's office. He was sitting on the other side, pouring them both a cup of tea.

"So Hermione," he said, picking up his tea and sipping it slowly. "Tell me how everything's been going?"

Hermione sighed. "It's ok, just really stressful."

"What about you and Harry?" Lupin asked and Hermione tensed a little bit. Lupin must have noticed this because he asked, "What happened?"

Hermione stared at the cup in front of her, tracing the patterns with her fingers. She didn't know what to say. They hadn't spoken since the day out by the lake, and since that time she had regretted not listening to what he had to say.

He had tried everything to get her alone. He waited for her after class, sat up late in the common room when she spent the evening in the library. He sent her letters, but she tore them all up before reading them. She didn't know why she was so angry and she even called herself unfair. She should give Harry a chance, but for some reason, her stubborn self wouldn't back down.

She stopped tracing the patterns and looked up to see Lupin staring at her, still waiting for an answer.

"I found out, a week ago, that Harry never really cared about me. He was just getting to know me to win a bet he made with Draco Malfoy. It was all fake, all of it!" She stated, her anger flaring up a bit.

Lupin set his cup down and leaned forward. "Hermione, do you honestly believe that everything that occurred between you and Harry was just pretend?" Lupin asked seriously.

"Yes," Hermione lied and Lupin smiled.

"Hermione, I know you really don't believe that," Lupin said to her.

"But I know it started out as a bet!" Hermione stated firmly, mad at herself for letting her heart take over for a moment.

"Hermione, it may have started out as that, but it didn't end like that. Harry is just a teenager and teenagers do stupid things. It was a way to impress his friends, but what he didn't expect was to really feel for you. You changed him Hermione, and I think, in your heart, you know that," Lupin told her, eyeing her with a small smile.

Hermione listened to Lupin's words and she knew he was right. She just didn't want to force herself to listen to Harry. She didn't want to face him. She thought about it, and she had been thinking about it, and it wasn't the fact that he lied to her or even the bet, it was that she was scared of facing him after she made her confession. She had given him everything, and he could either break her or take her and she was terrified to hear his reaction.

"Tonight's the Yule Ball, are you going?" Lupin asked.

"I was. I was even going with Harry, but not now. I'm not going to go," Hermione said. She was a little sad at that. She had already bought everything for it and she was really looking forward to it; especially spending the evening with Harry.

"Hermione, I really think you should go," Lupin said. "You'll regret missing it."

Hermione, again, knew he was right. She sighed. "Yes, but I don't have a date."

"I could fix that," a voice said, and Hermione turned around to see who the voice came from. She was startled when she saw who it was.

"I'm sorry to barge in here like this, but I couldn't find you and someone told me you were in here. I know that the last time we really spoke we were fighting, but I want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all mad at you for going with Harry. I came here hoping you would like to go to the ball with me. I heard what happened between you and Harry, and I'm sorry. I just hope you'll give me another chance," the person said.

Hermione smiled. He wasn't Harry, but she appreciated the gesture. "Yes," Hermione said. "I'd love to go with you, Neville."

Harry was on his way to his room to get ready for the Yule Ball. He had decided that he was going to go. At first, he thought it would be best if he didn't, but he knew Hermione would be there. He wanted another chance to talk to her and he needed it soon.

He knew that Hermione wouldn't go with him to the ball. He had tried to ask her, and when he did, she said no, that she wasn't going with him, and stormed off.

Coming in through the common room, Harry was about to head up the stairs when a hand grabbed his arm and made him stop. Harry turned to the person who had grabbed his arm and rolled his eyes.

"Harry, darling, what time are you coming to my room for the ball tonight?" Cho said with delight.

Harry shook her off his arm. He looked at her with rage in his eyes and hatred in his heart. She was the one who had caused this whole thing to occur. "What the hell are you talking about Cho?" Harry asked hatefully.

Cho looked shocked for a moment, but it passed. She put a hand to her chest. "Well, of course, we're going together silly," she said dramatically, batting her eyelashes at him.

Harry was growing angrier and angrier by the minute as he stood near her. Just staring at her, like he was doing now, he wondered to himself how could he have ever cared for her. Not really caring what she thought, he said, "What did I ever see in you?"

Cho didn't show any hint of emotion on her face and merely replied, "Why do you even have to ask Harry? I am the most popular girl in school, not including the most beautiful and sought after girl at Hogwarts. You were just lucky enough to catch me." She flicked her hair a few times, smiling at herself and Harry was sickened by her attitude. He couldn't believe that she had once been attractive in his eyes. She was so superficial and materialistic and not at all like Hermione.

"You aren't the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts, Hermione is," Harry said aloud. He didn't even remember thinking the sentence, it just happened to come out.

Cho scoffed aloud, rolling her eyes for effect. "Well, I can name plenty of guys who will beg to differ on that one," Cho said.

Harry narrowed his eyes a bit, but he refrained from cursing at her. "Well, none of the other guys matter. To me, she is, and that's all that matters," he told her.

"Well, even if that's what you think, I surely don't see her going to the ball with you tonight, especially after what happened last week," Cho reminded him, flashing a fake grin. Harry knew she was proud of herself for exposing his secret and that she was reveling in the sight of his utter downfall, but he didn't care. He wasn't concerned about her or any of the other dumb things about reputations and popularity, his only concern was Hermione and he had a deep feeling that that fact would never change.

He stared into Cho's eyes, wanting nothing more than to tell her off, or even make her run away crying, but he wasn't going to stoop to her level. "Listen, Cho," he said vehemently. "You may think that you're all high and mighty and I know that you're happy about telling Hermione about the bet, but it won't change the way I feel about her. You could take everything away from me, my money, my fame, my hopes and dreams, but I will still love her and I always will." Harry turned his back on her and made his way up the stairs.

"So, I'll see you at seven?" Harry heard Cho yell up the stairs. He shook his head at her, knowing that she would never change. He was disgusted at himself for actually being with her. He had even thought that she might have been "the one". How could I have been so stupid?

He was about to enter his room when he stopped. He stared at Hermione's closed door; he raised his hand to knock, but decided against it. She hadn't answered the door to him in so long, why would she now? Stepping away from the door, he turned and entered his own room to get ready. He had to talk to her tonight, and he would, no matter what. Even if he had to lock her in a room so she would listen, he would do it. He had to tell her how he felt, even if it did cost him everything he had.

Hermione put the finishing touches on her hair and studied herself in the mirror. She was happy with how she looked.

She was wearing a simple, blue gown with a see-through covering of glitter flowing over the bottom of the dress. It wasn't too elegant, but formal enough to wear to a ball. When she had picked it out, she knew right then that it was the one for her.

Her shoes were silver and were only a small heal because she still wasn't able to really walk in them well, and she didn't want to trip and fall while dancing.

She had her hair down, curls flowing down her back, with a small, black clip holding it up in the back.

She had applied a thin layer of makeup, just the basics of course. A little foundation, a hint of eye shadow and mascara, and a coating of lip gloss on her lips. Just enough to tell it was on there, but not too much that it covered her face.

"Hermione, are you finished?" she heard Lavender call through the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm coming out," Hermione said back. She took one last look at herself and then emerged from the bathroom.

Lavender was standing in the middle of Hermione's room. She had on a red, form-fitting, dress that hugged her in all the right places. Her hair was pulled up, and curls were falling all around her head in a nice, cute clip. Hermione thought she looked really beautiful.

"Wow Hermione, you look great!" Lavender commented, giving her a big smile.

"Thanks," Hermione said, blushing a bit. "You look really good too, Lavender."

Lavender smiled again. "We are gonna knock 'em dead tonight, girl!" Lavender said to her, as she walked over and gave Hermione a hug.

Hermione smiled again and she slowly started to think about Harry. She tried to get her mind off of him, but she couldn't stop thinking about him. She had wished, on some level, that he would have come by and still asked her to go with him. She had done a lot of thinking, and she thought maybe, she was ready to listen.

"Hermione, I know you miss him," Lavender said and Hermione turned to her friend, shocked to hear her say that.

"How did you…," Hermione started to say, but Lavender interrupted.

"It's written all over your face. He misses you too, terribly. You know he didn't mean it," Lavender said and Hermione moved to the window.

"Lavender, don't defend him," Hermione said, not wanting to hear about Harry, even though deep down she really did.

"I'm not defending him," Lavender said, coming up beside Hermione. "What he did was wrong, yes, but I really think he has learned from it." Lavender put her hand on Hermione's shoulder and Hermione turned to look at her friend. "What you and Harry had, I don't know, it was special. And I know it started out as a bet, but I'm telling you that Harry didn't see it like that once he got to know you. You changed him, for the better I might add. I know it's hard, but I think it's time you should give him a chance to explain himself."

Hermione listened to Lavender, letting the words sink in. Hermione knew Lavender was right and she knew that Harry deserved a chance. Even if he did make the bet and as cruel as that was, he was really good to her while they were together, and Hermione knew, in her heart, that it wasn't all an act. Finally, letting her walls fall down again, a lone tear traveled down her face as she nodded to her friend. Lavender didn't hesitate to wrap Hermione in a hug. And Hermione finally decided that if Harry wanted to explain, she would listen. And she silently hoped in her heart that it was something she wanted to hear.

Harry, already dressed for the Yule Ball, made his way out to the Quidditch Pitch. He needed time to think. He had to talk to Hermione and tell her everything. He wasn't going to stop until he did.

How could I have let things get this messed up? Why didn't I just confess to Hermione when I had the chance? Why do I always have to do the wrong thing?

When he got to the pitch, he pulled out the shrunken version of Malfoy's Nimbus 2001 and muttered the charm that brought it to the real size.

Harry stared at the broom and thought of his Firebolt. He was going to say what a waste it was, but honestly, it wasn't. It had bought him more time with Hermione, precious time that was now more cherished then it was when he was with her.

He kicked off the ground, soaring high above the pitch, and started circling. As he was up there, images and memories ran through his mind. No matter what he did, he couldn't get Hermione off of his mind, and he knew, deep down, it was because he really didn't want to. She made him happy and he felt a certain way toward life and love and everything when he was with her. She was everything he had ever wanted in his life, and she had slipped through his grasp. He just prayed it wasn't too far gone for him to get it all back.

He stopped as he was in mid-air, realizing just then that it was the same spot him and Hermione stopped at the night he took her flying for the first time.

Flashback

He turned around and lifted the broom up. Pulling it into the air, Harry began the ascent. Hermione gripped onto him harder when she felt the broom slant at an angle.

Keeping her eyes closed, and her head buried in Harry's back she didn't notice when they leveled out.

"Hermione, look," Harry told her and she shook her head. "Please," he urged and she finally pried open one eye.

She saw Harry's green eyes boring into her and then he flashed a smile. "Look," he said pointing out toward the horizon.

Hermione looked up and gasped. The sight was magnificent. The stars shined brightly in the sky and she saw in the distance where the blackness of night met the earth. There were swirls of purple haze, mixing above and the moon illuminated the lake where she saw casual ripples forming near its shore.

Hermione turned back to Harry and beamed up at him. "It's really beautiful up here," Hermione told him.

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, it is nice. But it's even nicer to have someone to share it with."

End Flashback

Harry shook his head of the scene. As he circled again, his mind brought up another scene.

Flashback

Harry cringed at the sight of her tears. She was crying and it was because of him. He had tried so hard not to hurt her, his own promise now broken. Everything blew up in his face.

Harry reached out a hand to wipe the tears off of her cheek, but Hermione jumped back.

"Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me," Hermione shrieked. "I just can't understand why! Why Harry, why? Why did you do this to me? I opened up to you, I told you my secrets. I shared with you things that I could barely share with myself. I trusted you, I cared for you, god Harry, I loved you!"

End Flashback

Harry lowered himself back to the ground slowly. He felt so ashamed and angry. He needed to set this right, if it was the last thing he would do. He pulled out the locket from his pocket and opened it. He took another brief look at Hermione and smiled. She was beautiful, caring, and sweet, everything he needed in life, and he was going to get her back.

Shrinking the broom, he placed it in his pocket, and headed toward the Great Hall. He knew he had to talk to her, tonight. He couldn't live like this anymore, and in his heart, he knew she couldn't either. Squeezing his hand tightly with the locket still in his palm, his heart swelled with love and perseverance. Tonight, she would listen to him and he would finally say those three words to her he had never told anyone in his life. Surprising enough to himself, he wasn't in the least bit scared or nervous, just hopeful that this time, life would finally be on his side.