Chapter 8: The Urge to Fight
I stand in front of Foxglove as she goes to her fighting stance. Enyo speaks up in the middle of us. “The forsaken aren’t trained fighter’s but they have utter disregard for any pain. They move however they want, even if that means tearing off their own arms to get a hold of you.” He states. As I hear his words, I can't help but be cared off to that night as a little girl. The way if jumped through a window not caring about the military police after it, all it wanted was to get at me. Even after it had bitten me, it didn’t care, It kept biting and biting at my shoulder.
“So, because of this you will need to play dirty, be willing to do whatever you can to take them out. So this exercise is about getting your opponent to the ground and to a point if in a real situation, killing them. Understood?” He says looking between the two of us. I nod, I don’t lift my hands into fists but rather place one foot back to allow me to move quickly.
Suddenly before Enyo can say go, Clare interrupts. “Do not draw blood, Foxglove... Or you Aspen. I mean it . Do Not break her skin!” Clare demands forcefully. I huff out some air. “Clare, its fine.” I argue. If anything she sounded more like a mother then my handler. It bugged me unbearably that she’s making me seem like a fragile child, fragile is something I couldn’t possibly be. I've experienced more then others of my status. Even though her words irritate me more then I can say, I know she’s right. If she breaks my skin, or draw’s blood I may be endangering them more than they know.
“Go.” Enyo voice sounds out and immediately Foxglove’s moving towards me. She moves to jump at me to get a hold and I quickly jump out of the rolling onto my back and up to my knee I look up at her just in time to see her charge again. I stand this dodging her fist flying towards my face. I lean back avoiding her hit only for her to get me in the stomach. Pain shoots through me as I lose my breath, With my sudden falter Foxglove throws me to the ground. I tumble through the dirt, as more pain shoots through my body on the impact. She comes towards me, when like a pulse of Adrenalin, a fiery impulse surges through me burning every nerve as it kicks in my thoughts come sputtering to a halt on one thing, attack.
She stands over me getting ready to kick me, but just as her leg shoot’s out I grab a hold of her ankle and roll over it sending her falling to the ground. A loud thud sounds as her body slams down, I climb onto her as she fights to pull me off. Her hands going to pull my hair and my hand moves without thought slamming the pad of my palm down into her nose. She screams out as blood covers my hand at the impact of her nose. I don’t care, in fact see in the red floods my endorphins as I lift my hand again. Only before I can strike down a body impacts mine forcing me to the ground. I fight as the person’s body climbs on top of me keeping me pinned.
A hand connects with my face , as if I had been shocked into reality I open my eyes and look up to see Clare on top of me. I heave out a heavy breath as I pant. I stare at her as my heart rate begins to drop. And my actions hit my mind, I look over to see Foxglove hunched over her bleeding nose casting a ruby red pool of blood into the dirt. That guilt, the overwhelming guilt of what I had done. I've never lost control before... and now because of it she will never trust me.
I feel Clare’s weight move from on top of me as I sit up. My eyes unable to leave the blood on the ground. How could I lose it like that? What if Clare hadn’t stopped me, would I have done worse? That image of that forsaken on top of me blood thirsty, I was that thing, wasn't I? I tackled her without care that I was hurting her.
“I-I-” I start to stammer out as Clare’s hands pull my arm lifting me up. “Aspen go to the room I’ll be there in a minute.” She order’s and I hear her words but I can't move. What did I do? Clare steps in front of me blocking my view of the blood. “I said go to the room!” She order’s louder. I nod quickly I head to the front door, when I look back I see her team surrounding her all worried about her. Before I turn around I see Enyo turn and look towards me, I can't see his expression but I’m sure it's filled with anger. I probably just lost us the team for the mission.
I turn and walk up the stairs heading to the room. When I reach the room I slam the door anger and frustration building in me. How could I be so stupid to act like a ravaging beast as I did? I can all but kiss any future, goodbye. I slouch onto the ground leaning against the bed. I’m not sure how long I sit there but for as long as it is I can't help but want to hit myself for what I did. That same though hit me every time. Was I changing into one of those things already? I’m supposed to last for longer then the mission, and yet I’m already acting like those beasts already. The wall every inch of me was on fire still aches in my body. I felt like every nerve in my body is burned away.
A soft knock on the door draw’s my eyes. “Come in.” I say quietly. I had expected Clare to come and yell at me for my actions, saying I killed the mission with my actions. Harrison pokes his head in looking around the room until he finds me, looking like a child pouting. “May I come in?′ He asks carefully. I give him a nods and he comes and sits opposite of me against the other bed. His legs are so long they are tucked under my bed. “How is she?” I says looking at my blood stained hand.
“Oh, she’s fine. She’s been hit worse than that by actual threats.” He says, and although he could be lying I give him a smile appreciating his comfort. “That’s good, I didn’t mean to hit her so hard.”
" Actually I think you earned just a little respect from her for that, Maybe a little from everyone.” He laughs out halfheartedly. At that moment, for once I felt like I truly had a friend. I didn’t have that comfort with Clare. Clare was my handler, assigned to be near me, obviously not completely willing.
I cant help to laugh out about that though. "I guess I surprised everyone with my willingness to survive.” I laugh out, Harrison’s caramel smooth laugh joining mine. Were halted by a hard quick knock at the door. This time I’m sure it's Clare, who always knocks with purpose.
“Yes.” I speak up and in Clare walks seeing Harrison with me. “Oh, Calvary, I didn’t know you were here. Could you please give me and Aspen a moment alone.” She says calmly.
After Harrison leaves and the door clicks shut Clare start’s in, ” What happened to you!!” She commands harshly. Her hands on her hips watching me. “I don’t know, I was fine then I hit the ground and it's like all I could think about was going after her!” I try to explain holding back the tears that threatened to fall. I’m angry and frustrated, but mostly I’m so upset that I can turn into one of those things. “How far would you have gone? If I hadn’t stopped you?” She asks sitting on her bed looking down at me. “I don’t know, I don’t want to know.” I says looking down at my hands ashamed.
Clare’s quiet for a minute and then stands more positive now then before. “Well, from now on no hard combat fighting. Got it?” She half order’s half tries to comfort I nod. “Now come one we still have training.” She order’s and goes towards the door. ” I’ll be down in a second, I want to wash the blood off my hand.” I say standing and looking down at the dried blood on my hand. Clare nods and leaves the room, leaving me alone.
I take a deep breath and stand heading to the small bathroom door off of our room. One lone candle sits in the bathroom with an old sink, mirror, toilet, and tub. I turn on the sink watching the blood from my hands. My eyes fall on my reflection in the mirror, my eyes seem to shine bright and violently as the sound of Foxgloves scream of pain repeats in my head. My cheeks are a bit red but my face looked drain, just as much as I felt drained. I turn off the faucet and put my hands on either end of the sink taking in a deep breath. I hope the burning goes away soon, I try to breath through the dull ache yet I can't get the sound of her voice out of my head. I take in a few more shaky breaths. When I’m done I head out the room and down the stairs.
When I head out the courtyard I see the boys wrestling on the ground as Clare, Enyo, Foxglove and Orion stand around them. Foxglove look up and catches sight of me her nose slightly tinted red from the blood. She stands and meet me halfway, At first I’m preparing for her to hit me in pay back when suddenly she gives a slight smile nodding her head. ” I’ll give you props, you have a knack for fighting.” she says slapping me on the shoulder. I let a smile hit my face. “Well, I’m glad your not angry at me?” I say self-conscious but she just shrugs it off.
" Hey, you do hit harder then Orion, princess. So no harm no fowl.” She comforts me.
We walk back to the rest of the team, I stay back watching the others as they fight one another. It's interesting, everyone on the team had their own styles and ways of fighting. Enyo watches over her team like a father. Orion, isn't much of a fighter. That was clear when Enyo paired foxglove and Orion together only for Orion to end up flat on his back within seconds. He seems more like a brainiac then a fighter. He reminded me of a male Clare, the way he seems to stare and analyze his team member’s, me, and even Enyo. When he speaks it not off handed like foxglove or Talon, every word I’ve heard him say seems calculated and analyzed for any error’s.
I’ve also noticed that both Talon and Harrison were the biggest and strongest of the team, which isn’t surprise but they move fast. They use their weight in every hit, which I would think could take down foxglove within seconds but foxglove uses her small stature to move around them quickly. She seemed to literally embody a fox. They spend most of the day on combat, meaning I spent the day watching them fight hoping to catch onto some of it.