From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash Series Book 1)

Besides the Duke and the Dark One, he was the last person I wanted to see standing behind me. Like Vikter, his red tunic was sleeveless, and behind his mask, his pitch-black eyes seemed to glimmer. I managed to keep my voice level as I said, “My Lord.”

A sardonic, tight-lipped grin twisted his mouth as his gaze flickered over me, lingering in a way that really made me wish that I were covered head to toe in a sack. Finally, he tore his gaze away and nodded at Tawny and Vikter. Then his attention settled back on me. “I hear that a certain Priestess is very unhappy with you.”

The tension returned, sinking its rigid claws into my neck as I stared up at him.

The Lord stepped in close—too close for any level of propriety. “I do believe you’re in for another lesson, my dear.”

 I inhaled sharply, almost overcome by some kind of thick, musky cologne. My gaze flew to his as his scent triggered a memory. He hadn’t smelled of cologne the night he’d trapped me in an alcove—the night Malessa had been murdered.

He’d smelled of something else then—something sweet and musky.

Jasmine.

He’d smelled of jasmine.

My mind immediately went to the petal I’d found under the chair in the room Malessa had been found in. There hadn’t been jasmine in that room, unless it had been replaced by the lilies, but hadn’t Tawny—?

“Excuse me,” Vikter stepped in, placing a hand on my arm. “We need to be—”

“No need to run off.” Mazeen’s gaze remained fixed on mine. “I’ll be on my way now. Enjoy the Rite.” And with that, he slipped around us and headed down the steps onto the main floor of the Great Hall.

“What was that about?” Vikter asked, his voice low.

“It’s nothing.” My thoughts raced as I turned back to Tawny. “You said you saw Malessa the day she died. That morning, correct?”

Tawny’s lips pinched. “Yes. I did.”

“Was she carrying a bouquet? Do you remember what kind of flowers it had?”

She blinked. “I…I don’t know. I know they were white.”

The petal in the room had been white, and it had definitely been jasmine. My stomach dipped.

Her gaze searched mine. “Why are you asking?”

“That’s a good question,” Vikter chimed in.

“I don’t know…” I looked out over the mass of people, unable to find the Lord. I thought about how he’d stood in that doorway, staring and unmoving. He’d been there when Rylan had escorted me back to my chambers. And he’d come out of one of the rooms. Which one, I couldn’t be sure, but what did any of that mean anyway?

He could’ve been with Malessa before she died, or it could be a coincidence, but an Atlantian had killed her. That much was clear. Nothing else could’ve made such a wound without getting blood everywhere.

“Poppy.” Vikter touched my arm lightly as the Priest moved toward the center of the dais. “Is everything okay?”

I nodded. I would speak to him later about it, but I wasn’t even sure what I was thinking.

“Where is the Duke?” Tawny whispered. “The Rite is starting.”

And he still wasn’t here. The Duchess kept pacing to her left where the dais could be accessed by the back entrance.

“We are gathered here tonight to honor the gods,” the Priest spoke, hushing the crowd gathered on the floor below. “To honor the Rite.”

“Excuse me,” a soft voice came from behind us.

I turned the same time as Vikter, and another shock greeted me as I recognized the woman standing there.

It was Agnes.

Oh, my gods…

My eyes widened as she glanced nervously between Vikter and me. She was wearing red, like everyone else, a skirt and blouse dyed to match. She looked better than the last time I had seen her, but there were deep shadows under her eyes that told me that her grieving had not been easy.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, keeping her gaze downcast. “I saw you…and I had to come over.”

“It’s okay.” Vikter sent me a look. “Would you like to speak to me somewhere private?”

She nodded without looking up, and not for one second did I think she didn’t realize who I was.

Vikter’s gaze met mine. “I’ll be right back.”

“Actually, I would like to speak to her,” Agnes said as the Priest launched into a prayer. “If it would be okay.” Her gaze lifted briefly to mine. “It would only be for a moment.”

Vikter started to deny her request, but people were beginning to pay attention, sending sharp looks of reprimand in our direction. “It’s okay,” I said quickly. “We can step outside.”

Who is that? Tawny mouthed at me, and I forced a casual shrug. “I’ll be here,” she said.

Vikter quickly escorted Agnes out into the nearly empty corridor. There were a few stragglers as they hurried into the Hall. He led us to an alcove near one of the open archways that led out to the garden. “It’s very unwise for you to approach us,” he began almost immediately.

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, but I…” She glanced at me, her eyes widening slightly. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“How did you know it was me?” I asked.

Vikter’s head jerked in my direction, his mask doing very little to hide his disbelief. The fact that she’d identified me when she hadn’t seen my face was worth the risks.

“I didn’t until I heard that Ascended—I mean, the Lord—speaking to you,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she said again.

“Dammit,” Vikter muttered under his breath.

Well, that was another thing I could hate Lord Mazeen for. Not that there needed to be another reason.

“What did you want to speak to her about?”

Agnes’s throat worked on a swallow. “If I could speak to her in private—”

“That’s not going to happen.” The softness was gone from Vikter’s tone. “At all.”

Trepidation flickered across the woman’s flushed face.

“It’s not,” I said. “Whatever you need to say to me can be said in front of Vikter.”

She clasped her hands together. “You…I just…I wanted to thank you for what you did.” She glanced around before continuing. “What you did for my husband and for me.”

“There are no thanks needed,” I assured her, wondering why she had wanted to speak to me alone about that.

Vikter was obviously wondering the same thing based on the way his eyes squinted.

“I know. You have been so kind. Both of you. I don’t think—no, I know I wouldn’t have been able to deal with it by myself. I just…” She trailed off, pressing her lips together.

A cheer rose inside, and I glanced toward the entrance. Names were being announced. Ladies and Lords in Wait, who would be handed over to the staff.

“You just what?” Vikter asked.

“It’s just that…” Her chest rose with a heavy breath. “I heard about what happened to you—what’s been happening here. That…that poor girl. And that someone tried to take you. There are rumors.”

“What rumors?” Vikter demanded.

Agnes dampened her lips. “People have said that it was the Dark One coming for you.”

That wasn’t exactly news, but goosebumps still broke out over my skin.

“I don’t know about that poor girl,” Agnes continued. “I just…I didn’t think you’d be here tonight. When I saw you, I felt that I needed to tell you what I’ve heard.

“Thank you,” I said as another cheer erupted from inside. “I appreciate it.”

Agnes briefly met my gaze. “I only want to make sure you’re safe.”

“As do I.” Vikter straightened to his full height.

She nodded. “Especially in crowds like this. There are so many people, and if he…he got in here once before, he could do it again. Others could, too.”

“He got in here twice before,” I corrected. “Or at least two who support him did.”

Her mouth opened, but then she closed it.

“I think by now you’ve realized that I’m her personal Royal Guard,” Vikter said, and Agnes nodded. “It is my sole duty to keep her safe. I appreciate your willingness to tell me what you’ve heard.”

She nodded once more.

“We would be forever in your debt if you could tell us everything you know,” he continued. “And I feel as if there is more that you’re not sharing.”

I looked sharply at Vikter.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You’re not?” he asked softly.

She shook her head. “I’ve taken up too much of your time. I should be going.” She started backing up. “I’m sorry. Just…” Her gaze met mine. “Be careful. Please.”

Agnes turned, hurrying off toward the front of the castle. Vikter started after but stopped. “Dammit,” he growled. “Where is Hawke?”

“I don’t know.” I looked around, my gaze snagging on one of the garden archways and to the darkness that lay beyond. “What do you think she wasn’t telling us?”

“I’m not sure.” He rubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s only a feeling. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Come on.” He placed a hand on my back. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

I wasn’t so sure if he really believed that, but I let him guide me back into the Great Hall and to Tawny’s side.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yes.” Or at least, I hoped so. I had no idea what to make of what Agnes had said.

Tawny glanced at Vikter and then said, “They’re almost done with the third sons and daughters.”

I checked out the dais. “The Duke still hasn’t arrived?

“No,” she whispered. “Odd, right?”

It was very odd. Had something happened when he went to see the Descenter the night before? If so, then something would’ve been announced. Between the missing Duke, my suspicions concerning Lord Mazeen, and Agnes’s unexpected presence, my mind was all over the place as the ceremony continued. Honest to the gods, it sounded like the Priest was speaking a different language. Maybe he was. I was unable to pay attention, and that was a shame because I’d always been curious about the—

The back of my neck tingled, and the strongest sense of awareness swept over me. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew that when I looked over my shoulder, I would see him.

Hawke.

And I was right.

The next breath I took seemed to go nowhere as my gaze swept over the crimson-hued breeches and red tunic that showed just a hint of skin below his throat, as well as the carved line of his jaw and his lush lips. The curve of the red domino mask drew the eye to the rise of his cheekbones. A strand of dark hair tumbled over his forehead, brushing the stiff fabric.

He was…

Hawke looked like I imagined one of the gods waiting in the Temples appeared—striking and unattainable, alluring in a way that was a little frightening.

And I knew that he was looking at me just as intently as I was him. A wave of shivers followed his gaze as it tracked over me with such concentration that it felt like a caress. Every inch of my skin, what was exposed and what wasn’t, became hyperaware. The flutter was back with a vengeance.

“Hi,” I said, and immediately wished I’d kept my mouth shut.

One side of his lips kicked up, and that dimple of his made an appearance. “You look…lovely,” he said, and my stomach dipped in the most pleasant way possible. He turned to Tawny. “As do you.”

Tawny smiled. “Thank you.”

He glanced at Vikter. “You, as well.”

Vikter snorted, and I smiled while Tawny giggled. “You do look exceptionally handsome tonight,” she said, and I swore Vikter’s cheeks deepened in color as I turned back to the dais.

“Sorry for the delay,” Hawke said as he came to stand behind me.

“Is everything okay?” I asked as I looked up at the dais. If Lord Mazeen knew about what had happened with Priestess Analia, then she’d definitely gone to the Duke as expected. I doubted she’d left out what Hawke had done.

“Of course,” he replied. “I was pulled to assist with security sweeps. I didn’t think it would take as long as it did.”

I wanted to ask if anyone had said anything to him about what had happened with the Priestess. Still, if I said it in front of Vikter, he’d have questions, and I didn’t want him to worry.

As those given to the Court and to the Temples were led out, the Duchess stepped off the dais, stopping to speak to the families and then some other Court members. Next to the dais, music began to play, and servants entered from the access doors, carrying trays of champagne. Ladies and Lords, along with those in Wait, broke into smaller groups. Merchants and other commoners joined them.

Vikter was eyeing the front before he turned to me. “I need to speak to the Commander,” he said. When I nodded, he turned to Hawke.

“I have her,” Hawke answered before Vikter could even speak, and that stupid, funny motion hit my stomach again.

Expecting Vikter to challenge the statement, I was surprised when he accepted the answer. Was he coming around to liking Hawke? Trusting him? Or did he just want to catch the Commander before he lost sight of him?

Probably the latter.

“Have I missed anything?” Hawke moved to my right, standing about a foot or so behind me.

“You haven’t,” Tawny answered. “Unless you were looking forward to a bunch of prayers and teary-eyed goodbyes.”

“Not particularly,” he commented dryly.

That reminded me. I looked at Tawny. “Did they call out the Tulis family?”

Her brow creased. “You know, I don’t think they did.”

Did that mean they hadn’t come? If so, that would be considered treason. Guards would go to their home, the child would still be sent to serve the gods, and Mr. and Mrs. Tulis would most likely be imprisoned.

The only way they’d have a chance was if they left the city, but no one came in and out of the city without the Royals knowing. They’d have to be incredibly well connected to even attempt such a feat, and even if they did, where would they go? Word would be sent to all surrounding cities and towns to be on the lookout for them.

Knowing all of that, I still understood why they’d take the risk. It was their only child.

My attention shifted as the Duchess drew near, flanked by several Royal Guards who, like Vikter and Hawke, had swapped out their white mantles and typical black garb.

“Penellaphe,” she said, her well-practiced smile in place.

“Your Grace,” I murmured as demurely as possible.

She nodded at Tawny and Hawke, her gaze lingering on him for a few seconds. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smiling. “Are you enjoying the Rite?”

Considering I only saw a few minutes of it, I nodded. “Is His Grace not attending?”

“I believe he is running late,” she answered smoothly, but the corners of her mouth tightened. She stepped closer, lowering her voice. “Remember who you are, Penellaphe. You are not to mingle or socialize.”

“I know,” I assured her.

Her dark eyes briefly met mine, and then she was on her way, like a jeweled hummingbird, buzzing from one group of people to the next. Laughter rang out from the floor, drawing my attention. I saw Loren and Dafina.

“I have a question,” Hawke said.

I inclined my head. “Yes?”

“If you’re not supposed to mingle or socialize, which are the same thing, by the way,” he said, and I grinned, “what is the point of you being allowed to attend?”

My grin faded.

“That is actually a good question,” Tawny remarked, hands lightly clasped in front of her.

“I’m not sure what the point is, to be honest,” I admitted.

For several minutes, none of us spoke. I lost sight of the Duchess, and the Duke still hadn’t appeared from what I could tell.

I sighed as I glanced at Tawny.

She really did look absolutely beautiful tonight, the red complementing the richness of her brown skin. I knew what she was so vividly focused on without following her gaze. Her expression could only be described as wistful as she watched couples pair off for some waltz I probably would never have been able to master even if I’d been allowed. Her eyes tracked their movements fervently, and I knew for a fact that she knew every step of that dance. Why was she here and not out there with the rest of them?

Of course, I knew the answer.

It was because of me.

Guilt settled in my chest like a stone. “Tawny?”

She twisted toward me. “Yes?”

“You don’t have to stand here beside me. You can go and have fun.”

“What?” Her nose scrunched against the mask. “I’m having fun. Aren’t you?”

“Of course, but you don’t have to be right beside me. You should be out there.” I gestured to the dancers and beyond, to where people huddled together in groups of three and four. “It’s okay.”

“I’m fine.” She plastered on a bright smile, and my heart squeezed. “I’d rather be standing here with you than out there without you.”

“You’re the best,” I said, wishing I could hug her. Instead, I reached between us and squeezed her arm. “You really are, but I don’t need you to be my shadow tonight. I already have two of them.”

Tawny’s gaze flicked over my shoulder. “You really only have one. Vikter is still with the Commander.”

“And one is all I need. Please.” I squeezed her arm again. “Tawny, go. Please.”

Her gaze searched mine, and I could tell that she was waffling. Before she could decide not to, I lied, “I’m actually feeling very tired. I didn’t sleep all that well last night, so I don’t plan to be down here for much longer.”

“You’re sure?”

I nodded.

Tawny’s entire body practically vibrated with the effort required not to throw her arms around me, but she managed a subdued nod as I released her hand. She gave me one last long look and then headed down the steps, crossing the floor to where Dafina and Loren stood with three Lords in Wait.

I smiled, relieved. I hoped she let herself enjoy her night, and to ensure that, I knew I needed to leave. If I stayed down here for any amount of time, standing between the enormous, red geraniums, she would come back.

I felt Hawke step closer before he even spoke, and a shivery wave of warmth danced over my skin. I turned my head to the right, to where he stood no more than a few inches behind me.

“That was kind of you,” he commented as he stared out over the floor.

“Not particularly. Why should she stand here and do nothing just because that’s all I can do?”

“Is that really all you can do?”

“You were standing right here when Her Grace reminded me that I am not to mingle or—”

“Or fraternize.”

“She said socialize,” I corrected.

“But you don’t have to stay here.”

“I don’t.” I turned back to the floor, swallowing another sigh. I did have to leave. The idea of returning to my chambers held little appeal, but if I didn’t, Tawny would return to my side. “I would like to go back to my room.”

“You sure?”

No. “Of course.”

“After you, Princess.”

I turned, eyes narrowing as he stepped aside. “You need to stop calling me that.”

“But I like it.”

Brushing past him, I lifted the hem of my skirt as I stepped onto the slight rise. “But I don’t.”

“That’s a lie.”

I shook my head as I skirted around the groups of smiling, masked faces. None looked in my direction, most having thought twice about whether they’d seen the Duchess speak with me.

The air was much cooler outside the Great Hall, courtesy of the breeze coming through the open garden entrances. I spared only a quick glance out into the garden before I started down the hall.

“Where are you going?” Hawke asked.

Stopping, I turned to him in confusion. “Back to my rooms, as I…” I trailed off.

Hawke’s amber eyes were assessing as they roamed over me, lingering where my hair lay draped over my shoulders. His gaze traveled over the tiny scalloped lace along the bodice of my gown. The neckline wasn’t as low as I’d seen some of the Ladies in Wait wear, and just the upper swells of my breasts were visible, but that…that was a lot for me, considering my normal gowns had a neckline up to the throat.

“I was wrong earlier when I said you looked lovely,” he said.

“What?”

“You look absolutely exquisite, Poppy. Beautiful,” he said, giving a little shake of his head. “I just…I needed to tell you that.”

His words brought forth such a sharp, swelling emotion that my control over my gift snapped, and my senses reached out before I could stop them. I didn’t feel pain from him other than the hum of sadness. My gaze flew to his face. I felt…something else. Two separate emotions. One reminded me of lemon—tart against my tongue. The other sensation was heavier and…spicy, a bit smoky. I thought the first might be confusion or maybe uncertainty. As if he were unsure of something. The other…

Gods.

It took a few moments for my senses to zero in on what that was. It made me feel hot and…and achy. It felt like arousal.

“I have an idea,” he said, slowly lifting that intense stare of his to mine.

“You do?” I felt strangely breathless as I wrangled my gift, closing it down.

He nodded. “It doesn’t involve returning to your room.”

Anticipation and excitement rose, but… “I’m confident that unless I remain at the Rite, I would be expected to return to my room.”

“You’re masked, as am I. You’re not dressed like the Maiden. To use your own ideology from last night, no one will know who either of us is.”

“Yes, but…”

“Unless you wish to go back to the room. Maybe you’re so engrossed in that book—”

“I am not engrossed in that book.” My cheeks flushed.

“I know you don’t want to be cooped up in your chambers.” When I opened my mouth, he added, “There’s no reason to lie to me.”

“I…” I couldn’t lie. No one would believe me. “And where do you suggest that I go?”

“Where we go?” Light from the sconces glinted off the curve of his mask as he tilted his chin toward the garden.

My heart skipped at the same moment it twisted. “I don’t know. It…”

“It used to be a place of refuge,” he said. “Now, it’s become a place of nightmares. But it can only stay that way if you let it.”

“If I let it? How do I change the fact that Rylan died out there?”

“You don’t.”

I stared up at him. “I’m not following where you’re going with this.”

He stepped closer, dipping his chin. “You can’t change what happened in there. Just like you can’t change the fact that the courtyard used to give you peace. You just replace your last memory—a bad one—with a new one—a good one—and you keep doing that until the initial one no longer outweighs the replacement.”

I opened my mouth, but then I really thought about what he’d said. My gaze traveled to the darkness beyond the door. What he’d said actually made sense. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not. It’s hard and uncomfortable, but it works.” He extended his bare hand, and I looked down, staring at it as if a dangerous animal rested in his palm—a fluffy, cute one that I wanted to pet. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll be there with you, and not just watching over you.”

I’ll be there with you, and not just watching over you.

My startled gaze lifted to his face. His words struck a chord I tried to never touch. Gods, I couldn’t even begin to know the number of times I’d felt alone since Ian had left, even though I rarely ever was by myself. But those around me the most were sometimes just there because they had to be. Even Tawny and Vikter. That acknowledgement didn’t lessen how much I knew they cared for me and how much I cared for them, but it also didn’t change that while they were with me, they were sometimes not present. Nor did it change the fact that I knew a lot of it was in my head. That small, very insecure part of myself that worried that our friendship would be non-existent if Tawny wasn’t my lady’s maid never really went away. I worried she’d be like Dafina and Loren and the other Ladies in Wait.

How did Hawke know that? Or did he know I felt that way? I wanted to ask, but again, it was something I didn’t like to touch or talk about. Loneliness often brought with it a heavy, coarse blanket of shame, and a cloak constructed of embarrassment.

But with Hawke, even in the short time I’d known him, I didn’t feel alone. Could it be simply his presence? When he was in a room, he seemed to become the center of it. Or was it more? I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to him, forbidden or not.

And I didn’t want to return to my room, left to confusing thoughts that I couldn’t act upon. I didn’t want to spend another night wishing I was living instead of actually doing it.

Was it wise, though, if I was right about what I’d felt from him? I could’ve been wrong, but if I wasn’t? Did I have the willpower to remember what I was? I shouldn’t even attempt to find out

But I…I wanted.

Drawing in a shallow breath, I reached for his hand but stopped. “If someone saw me…saw you—”

“Saw us? Holding hands? Dear gods, the scandal.” Another quick grin surfaced, and this time, the dimple appeared. “No one is here.” He glanced around the hall. “Unless you see people I can’t.”

“Yes, I see the spirits of those who’ve made bad life choices,” I replied dryly.

He chuckled. “I doubt anyone will recognize us in the courtyard. Not with both of us masked, and just the moonlight and a few lamps to light the way.” He wiggled his fingers. “Besides, I have a feeling anyone out there will be too busy to care.”

My vast imagination filled in what could possibly cause others to be too busy to care.

“You’re such a bad influence,” I murmured as I placed my hand in his.

Hawke curled his fingers around mine. The weight and warmth of his hand was a pleasant shock. “Only the bad can be influenced, Princess.”