Freeing Starr

I watched the blood that trickled off my skin and down the drain as I buried myself underwater.

I was fully emerged, dunking my head and all and running the cloth across my skin to wipe myself clean of the blood that had dried there.

"Alpha King Leon."

My heart shuddered as I thought back to what was said and I sighed, leaning my head against the wall of the shower.

The Alpha King.

I was mates with the fucking king of werewolves.

Me?

The Alpha female who's not an Alpha? The girl with so much baggage she wasn't even sure why she hadn't killed herself yet?

Never would I have imagined my mate would be such a powerful person. I couldn't help the concerns and doubts that festered as I thought about what my life would be going back with him.

Would that make me the Queen Luna?

I grimaced at that.

I spent another ten minutes in the shower before I was certain that my skin was wiped clean.

Then I stepped out and looked at the giant tee I was offered with pursed lips. I'd have preferred wearing Nadia's clothes that I had bought for her but Leon insisted.

I dried my skin and wrapped the towel around my hair, then I threw the shirt over my head and watched as it fell to mid thigh like a dress.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, pausing at the entrance to observe the man before me as he sat in the couch, his back facing me with a laptop in his lap.

Now that I wasn't so caught up in so much fear and anxiety like the last time we met, I finally got to observe the man the goddess chose for me.

He was tall, towering my five six frame with muscles lining his body in a way that screamed authority, dominance and strength.

His emerald eyes were just as brilliant as the lashes that framed them, from his pointed nose down to his full lips screamed handsome as they decorated his chiseled face.

The man was definitely a looker and I have looked. Most definitely.

I subconsciously reached a hand up to outline Zion's mark on my shoulder and felt my heart crumbling as I thought of what I was about to do.

It's got to be the matebond trying to keep us together.

It has to be...

"Are you going to sit down or continue to stare at me? I don't mind either option."

I got snapped out of my thoughts as he addressed me and took a deep breath, walking over to him and sitting down in the seat opposite him. I consciously pulled the shirt down to cover me more to no avail.

He glanced away from his laptop screen and over at me, giving my body a once over, his eyes alight with approval.

I cleared my throat and addressed my concerns, "I don't think this will work."

He raised an eyebrow and leaned back on the sofa, giving me his undivided attention.

"Oh? Talk to me. What do you mean?"

I bit my lip nervously, "I'm not Queen Luna material. I'm tainted and I'm already mated to another Alpha."

"The Rogue Alpha King," his voice was eerily calm when he said this and I couldn't tell if he was angry, jealous or bitter. It slightly unnerved me. "I don't recall ever getting any documents from that mutt asking for permission to create this pack of his."

I eyed him carefully as I probed, "you didn't stop him either."

As I thought back to all my previous speculations about our pack's sudden rise and the fact that none of the bigger packs were paying attention to us, my suspicions rose.

"You knew he was building a rogue pack. How could you not? You're the Alpha King yet you didn't send any of the stronger packs to handle and maintain the situation. You allowed him to grow on purpose, didn't you? Why?"

His eyes twinkled, "A pack without structure will eventually crumble on its own."

"That's not the reason. Zion's pack is growing too fast and he's killing the small packs that are under you. This is clearly an Alpha asserting his dominance and trying to achieve something impossible. With your pride as King, you'd have never allowed this unless it benefited in some way."

His lips curled upwards as he chuckled, "you knew it was impossible and yet you still tried to help him expand even more."

My heart shuddered in surprise, "How did you..."

"There's nothing about your pack that I don't know about."

There's nothing about your pack that I don't know about.

Was that his way of saying that we were never a threat and that he had everything under control despite it looking otherwise? Zion was playing in the hands of someone else and he didn't even know it. A hint of admiration began building for the male before me.

"So what's your reason for doing this?" I asked curiously.

He glanced pointedly at the mark that resided on my neck, "until we get rid of that, there's nothing I can tell you."

Understandable.

Right now, I was still an outsider. As long as I had this mark on my shoulder, I was a liability to him and his entire Kingdom.

I nodded and readily changed the subject, "I'm not Luna material, I'm too weak. You know this. We're talking about an entire kingdom here. I can't do anything to help you lead. You'll be looked down upon, the people won't accept me, especially when they find out I was already mated before and to a rogue Alpha at that."

"You're more than Luna material though. You're smart, caring and you do what you think is best for your people despite the suffering that you've been through. Anyone else I know would've given in to the darkness around them but you stood firm. You don't understand how much willpower, and strength it takes to stay alive through hell not knowing when you'll ever get out of it. I admire you greatly, Starr. I think you're the perfect Luna for me."

"In this world, strength is everything but it's also nothing without the will to be strong. From the moment I saw you, I have never once looked down on you as a person. Even more so when I did some digging into your background. Even right now, looking at you question me about your suspicions just prove to me that the goddess gave me the right person. You're perfect."

My lips trembled as I wiped at the tears that slid down my face and I turned my head away so he couldn't see me in this state.

I sniffled, "I've tried. I've tried so hard to be stronger but it's like there's a barrier between my wolf and I. She's there but she doesn't help unless it threatens our life so I'm struggling and I don't know what to do. I'm not an Alpha, I couldn't possibly be."

I didn't hear when he moved but he was suddenly kneeling down in front of me, his hand under my chin and turning my head to look at him.

I tried to pull my head away but his grip was too strong.

I looked at him through blurry eyes as he asked, "You can communicate with your wolf?"

It was the same reaction as Zion.

I nodded.

"So can you see my wolf? In my eyes right now?" His eyes suddenly began glowing and the majestic wolf I saw from before appeared as if he was looking down on the world before him. He sat back on his hind legs and just stared at me calmly.

I nodded.

A smile graced his lips as he brought his forehead to rest on mine, "you really are perfect."

My heart weakened at that but my eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his reaction and I asked curiously, "do you know what it is? Zion told me that it wasn't normal but he couldn't find anything about it no matter how many times he looked."

His lips tugged down into a frown as he muttered, "don't mention that pup around me. Of course a rogue pack wouldn't hear anything about this. It's a condition that's extremely rare among werewolves. Only the Kingdom and a select few packs have documents on it."

I pulled away and stared at him anxiously, "what is it?"

"It's called the dissociative soul disorder. You've heard about the dissociative identity disorder right?"

I nodded, "that's the disorder that humans get, right? When they have split personalities?"

"Yes, the dissociative soul disorder is similar to that but it's a condition that only affects werewolves. As you know, a werewolf has two parts to their soul. Themselves and their soulmate. A werewolf lives with half a soul, waiting to meet their soulmate to turn that half into a whole."

I nodded along as I listened attentively.

"However, there are rare cases when a wolf's soul is split into three instead of two. That of the human, their wolf and then their soulmate. This is as disadvantageous as it is advantageous. Having your soul split into three takes a toll on the person. It makes them weaker and the wolf and human is always battling the other for control. There are even cases where the human loses their sanity because of the violent nature of the wolf part of their soul. Wolves with this disorder often see things that others cannot, for example, you being able to see the image of my wolf behind my eyes."

His wolf that was sitting calmly just a second ago stood up and stretched, shaking out it's fur then tilted its head at me as if in curiosity.

My eyes widened in fascination as I breathed, "How?"

"I'm one with my wolf. My wolf is me and I am him, there's no split thoughts or disagreements. We're one and the same. As it should be. What you're seeing is my true nature, the wolf behind my eyes. Me at my most primal. That is the benefit of your condition. You see truth."

He hesitated slightly, "but eventually, you won't be able to live like this. You'll continue growing weaker and weaker... until you finally die."

I shuddered at that as my heart trembled in fear. My wolf that was pacing restlessly in the back of my mind crouched down and whimpered. She didn't want us to die but she understood that we weren't supposed to be the way that we were.

I asked, "Is there a way to fix this?"

He smiled reassuringly at me, "there is most definitely a way. It's quite simple actually. Find your soulmate and let them mark you. By reuniting with the other half of your soul, you'll be able to bring all three sides together and connect with your wolf in a way that you've never experienced before. You'll be a new person and in your case, you'll finally be the dominant alpha female you're meant to be."

Tears streamed down my face as this feeling of relief washed over me and the weight that I had on my shoulder was lifted. I could become stronger. All I needed was the mark of the man before me.

My wolf hurriedly urged me to let him mark us right here and now but I completely brushed her aside as I carefully thought everything through.

I hesitated as I asked, "Will my wolf disappear? I've been with her for as long as I can remember, I won't do anything to make her disappear."

His eyes softened as he cupped my cheek and caressed it, "she won't disappear. Your wolf is but another part of your soul. You are one being. You'll still feel her presence, you just won't be able to actively engage with her like you've done in the past."

I hesitated at that, my heart roaring with conflict as I tried to piece my thoughts together.

"Will I stop seeing your wolves if I let you mark me?"

"No, in fact your sight will improve and you'll be able to see a lot more than you're able to at the moment. That's one of the benefits of this condition. Once treated, it turns into a gift, allowing you to peer into the true nature of a person. It's almost like a lie detector test."

My wolf tried comforting me, telling me that she was fine with this. That she wanted us to be whole like everyone else but I still hesitated because I couldn't fathom not being able to communicate with her anymore. I didn't want it but at the same time I had no choice otherwise we'd both die.

My eyes swirled with reluctance and fear as I continued to stare at the wolf that stood before me.

The hand on my cheek swiped at the tear that slipped out and a feeling of warmth enveloped me and calmed my anxious heart.

The image of the wolf gradually disappeared and I found myself staring into deep emeralds as they swirled with care.

"You have me, Starr. I promise you that everything that you've been through, everything that you've suffered. As long as you accept me, you'll never have to experience it again. Let me in."

The tears poured like rain as I cried and buried my face into his shoulder, both him and my wolf comforting me, urging me to take the step I knew I needed to survive... to be free.

After what felt like forever, I finally collected myself and nodded through my tears, my weak voice sounding, "Do it. Erase his mark with your own."

A growl rumbled in his chest as he pulled away to stare at me, "Are you sure? Once my mark is on you, there's no going back and I don't plan to let you slip away."

My heart warmed at that and I nodded resolutely as my wolf sent her full support for this life changing decision that we were about to make.

Freedom.

Could I finally taste it?

I closed my eyes and bared my neck to the man before me.

This was my choice.