Chapter Chapter Twenty-Six
Meditation
Thea’s head wouldn’t stop spinning. Her own uncle. In line with the Breaker. She didn’t want to believe that Uncle Van was a Shadow Alchemist, but the more she thought about it, the more she had to admit it made sense. C.C. had acted the way she did because she didn’t trust Uncle Van. It explained C.C.’s fear, as well as the odd vibe she got from Uncle Van when she met him at her birthday party. He’d given her such an odd look when he’d first met her. Probably because he had been worried she would remember him and what he’d forced Todd to do to her.
She looked at the schedule again and saw that the instructor for the very next lesson was also marked. Guru Ellhorn, of the Celestial Fragment. She dreaded the idea of going to yet another lesson with an Alchemy tutor she couldn’t trust.
She marched across the Keeper’s Antechamber and up to the Bookkeeper’s desk. Tenebrous saw her coming and rolled his eyes before she even opened her mouth to speak.
“I need to talk to the Keeper. Something very serious has happened.”
“The Keeper is meditating. Privately.” Tenebrous spat the last word. “Not to be disturbed!”
Thea huffed and stamped her foot. “Will you just listen to me? I think I may be in very real danger!”
Tenebrous glared at her. “Keep your voice down, missy! This is no place for a tantrum.”
“I’m not having a tantrum. I just need to see the Keeper.”
“And like I said–”
“I know!” she interrupted quietly. “Fine. I’m going back to my dorm room and I’m not going anywhere until the Keeper comes to see me.” She wheeled around and began to walk away, but Tenebrous came out from behind his desk and grabbed her vest, bringing her to a halt with a scowl on his face. Thea brushed him off and clenched her jaw as she looked back at him.
“You need to go to meditation, or you will lose your Spectrum Scholar Vestments.” Tenebrous scowled at her.
Thea clenched her jaw. “Surely you can make an exception?”
“The only exceptions we offer are for illness and injury. Otherwise, you must attend each lesson.”
She rolled her eyes up to the marvelous arching ceiling of the magnificent Antechamber. What would her favorite character, Hermes Trismegistus do? Hermes wouldn’t get caught in a trap, but he wouldn’t run away from an enemy either. The library was definitely the safest place for a lesson with a known enemy. Ellhorn couldn’t very well get away with any foul play in the crowded library. Now that Thea knew she couldn’t trust Ellhorn, she could go to her meditation lesson without too many risks.
Finally she nodded. “Fine, I’m going.”
Tenebrous sighed heavily and nodded curtly.
Thea spun on her heel and walked all the way up the main corridor toward the Crowning Chamber, her head swimming with frantic thoughts. What would her parents think if they knew what was happening? Would they take her somewhere far away from here? Or would they side with her uncle because he’s family? Would they allow the Keeper to continue to manipulate her? Would she ever truly be able to make a choice, or would he manipulate her for the rest of her life? The thought made her stomach swim, and she regretted having such a large lunch.
She’d never felt so vulnerable. Who in the whole world could she trust? She couldn’t trust anyone in her family. They had allowed the Keeper to manipulate her. She couldn’t trust any of her Alchemy tutors. Either their names were marked on her schedule and they worked for the Breaker, or they worked for the Keeper, who couldn’t be trusted either.
What about Todd? He had erased her memory, after all. Could she trust him? She longed to talk to him about her uncle. He would probably be in the Crowning Chamber for meditation. Maybe she could arrive early and try to talk to him. She picked up the pace as she walked by the green hallway where her dorm resided.
What about her other new friends? Could she trust Tajana? She’d like to think so. The Spectrum Scholar had fed orphans, though she had needed to sneak out of the halls in order to do so. Regardless, it seemed like the type of thing a genuinely good person would do. She had felt so drawn to Tajana when she had first met her. There had to be a reason for that feeling of nostalgia. Tajana had felt it too. If only she could see Tajana right now, but she needed to follow her schedule.
What about Chadwick, she wondered as she kept walking. Could she trust him? He was researching a legend that centered around the idea of stealing the Keeper’s secrets. It certainly seemed like the type of thing a Shadow Chemist would do. She wanted to be friends with him, but she didn’t know if she could ever grow to trust him. Maybe she should ask Tajana how she felt about her own Protégé. But who knew when she’d be able to see Tajana again.
Everything was starting to feel so hopeless. Just as she finally arrived at the Crowning Chamber, she realized that she could give up her Spectrum Vestments and go back to her dorm where she’d be safe. She could forget everything and run away. But she’d be letting herself fail if she did that. Could she really give up on herself like that?
Before she could decide what to do, the people behind her swept her up in the crowd and ushered her into the room. The library tables had been moved off to the sides. A large group of Chemists and Alchemists with vests and robes of all colors filled the Chamber. They all milled about, finding places to meditate and setting up zafu cushions or Conjuring Alchemical clouds.
She hesitantly descended the stairs and looked about for someone she knew. Despite the giant crowd in the room, she felt so vulnerable.
“Excuse me,” someone said, coming up behind Thea and touching her shoulder gently. She jumped and spun around to see Hulan, Todd’s friend from the Roots yesterday. “Oh, sorry to startle you.”
Thea sighed and shook her head at the Chemist in his blue Chandler Vest. The boy had a worried look on his face. “It’s fine. What’s wrong?”
Hulan sighed heavily and said, “No one can find Todd. Have you seen him lately?”
“What?” She felt the blood rush out of her face. “He’s missing?”
Hulan nodded. “Nobody I’ve talked to has seen him since breakfast.”
“Since breakfast?” she blurted, feeling her pulse quicken. “He wasn’t at lunch?”
Hulan shook his head. “Here, come with me. We’re going to meet up with Desmond.” Hulan motioned for Thea to follow him, and he ventured into the large Crowning Chamber, scanning the crowd. It seemed hopeless to find anyone in this crowd, but somehow Hulan led them straight to Desmond. “Des!” he shouted, waving his hand at Desmond, who sat on the floor near a fountain.
“Hey! Have you seen Todd?” Desmond stood and pushed his way through the crowd to walk up to them.
Thea shook her head, her gut swimming with worry. “Hulan said you haven’t seen him since breakfast?” she asked.
Desmond nodded. “He ate with us and then left to go to his first lesson. I have a lesson with him at ten o’clock, but he didn’t show. He wasn’t at lunch either. We’ve started asking around, but no one has seen him.”
Thea nodded. “We had our first lesson in the Modicum Rotunda, and, well, we were only there for about ten minutes maybe, because I finished my lesson really quickly. Then we came here and watched some Elemental Sparring. I left him here to go to my next lesson around 8:45, I guess?”
“Maybe someone in his Sparring Cohort saw him. Do you know who is in his Cohort?” Hulan asked.
“Um … Joella, Meris, … Santiago, Tajana, Keisukei, and … Will,” Desmond said.
Thea felt a spark of excitement when she realized that she knew where Tajana would be when meditation ended, so she could ask her about Todd.
“Maybe we should go talk to them?” Hulan said.
Desmond nodded. “Let’s split up and see who we can find.”
Hulan nodded and looked back at Thea. “I know you don’t know anyone in Todd’s Cohort. And Meditation is about to start. You can just go to your private Meditation Lesson. We’ll find Todd, alright? Don’t worry.”
Thea bit her lip. If she told them where Tajana would be, she’d be breaking her trust with her new friend. She decided to keep it to herself and nodded. She would need to go ask Tajana about Todd after meditation ended.
Suddenly, a loud bell rang out, and the voices of the gathered Chemists and Alchemists died down. Everyone settled into various meditation poses, all facing the far side of the Crowning Chamber, where a group of Alchemists dressed in golden robes stood on the Mezzanine.
A female Alchemist held her hands up, and in a strong voice, she said, “Thank you for joining us for meditation. No matter how fast your life is moving around you, there is always a place for stillness. Shall we begin?” She looked at the other Alchemists standing with her, and they took out brass singing bowls from their robes. In unison, they all struck the rims of the brass bowls with black mallets.
The large Crowning Chamber practically vibrated with the sounds of the mallets circling the rims of the singing bowls. Underneath the calming sound, Thea could hear the trickling water from the fountains. A few Alchemists standing with the group began to chant OM.
Thea felt very out of place. Where was her private Guru? She scanned the room and noticed a man standing up on the Mezzanine toward the entrance to the Crowning Chamber. He wore violet robes, with short black hair and a plain face. Oddly enough, the man was barefoot. He gazed up the hallway, seemingly waiting for someone. Could that be her Guru?
She carefully made her way across the room to the Guru up on the Mezzanine walkway, carefully stepping around every Alchemist and Chemist on her way. When the Guru’s eyes met hers, he beckoned for her to come forward.
“Althea Presten?”
She nodded wordlessly.
“I am Guru Ellhorn,” he said as he came down the steps toward her. “I will guide you in meditation and help you rejuvenate after your long morning and ensure that you are ready for the rest of your day. An Initium such as yourself will have plenty to learn. Shall we begin?” The man motioned for her to follow him into a small private area below the Mezzanine.
She froze. If she followed this Shadow Alchemist into the private chamber, who knew what would happen.
Guru Ellhorn held up his hand and waved her in. “Please, we must begin.”
If she refused to attend her lesson, she would lose her Spectrum Scholar vest. Would they expel her from Blackthorn and Burtree? She would have nowhere to go. The thought made her breathe a sigh of frustration. She followed the Guru into the private room.
As she entered the small secluded space, the sound of the singing bowls vanished, and she realized that some sort of Conversion had been set up to block the sound from entering the room. Her heart started hammering. C.C. twitched in her pocket, and she tried to subtly put her hand over the pocket. She took deep breaths to try and calm down.
Guru Ellhorn sat in Kapalbhati Pranayama on the tatami mat on the floor of the private room; he motioned for Thea to join him. “How much have you learned about your Spiritual Energy?”
“I know it’s called Kundalini.” She kept her voice as steady as she could. She set her notebook and Chadwick’s thick book on the floor and sat down in front of the Alchemist and crossed her legs in Sukhasana, all the while trying to keep breathing steadily.
Ellhorn nodded and gestured for Thea to keep talking.
“And … every time I do a Conversion it takes my Kundalini Energy to work … Um, I guess, my Chakras need to be open for this to happen, right?”
He nodded again. “All Alchemists must keep at least one Chakra open to allow for Kundalini to flow. Did you know that open Chakras can close if neglected?”
She nodded her head.
“Hence the daily task of attending to one’s Chakras through quiet meditation. As long as the Root Chakra is opened, Converting is possible, but you will have more power with more Chakras. Now, you are a brand new Initium, so I would presume that you have just had your Chakras opened for you?”
Thea nodded at the Alchemist. “The Keeper, I think he did something like that, when I swore my Alchemical Oath.”
Guru Ellhorn inclined his head. “The Keeper is the most gifted Guru at Blackthorn and Burtree. With the help of a Guru, Chakras can be opened without doing harm. The problem is that new Initiums often become dependent on a Guru to keep their Chakras opened, and without this support, their Chakras will undoubtedly close again. Most new Initiums must only learn to open their Chakras on their own. You have the added challenge of balancing your Chakras. It won’t be easy, but it is necessary.”
Thea’s heart skipped a beat as she realized how much Guru Ellhorn seemed to know about her, and she suddenly felt cold.
“Do not be alarmed,” Ellhorn said. “I have been informed by the Keeper that your Chakras are out of balance, which could possibly cause a number of problems if left unbalanced.”
“But I feel fine. How do you know my Chakras are unbalanced? You can’t see my Chakras, right? So you don’t know for sure if there’s anything wrong at all.” She stared open-mouthed, completely caught off guard.
“The Keeper himself assigned you to me,” he said. He sounded rather put out that Thea doubted him. “He was incredibly concerned, so he asked me to tutor you privately. He has charged me with the very daunting task of helping you balance your Chakras to keep your Spiritual Essence from becoming tainted when you meditate. Now, if you are willing then we can begin.”
Thea swallowed and nodded her head. “Spiritual Essence?” she asked.
“Yes, it is another term for Kundalini. Many Alchemists believe that the Kundalini is in fact our Spirit, which goes to Heaven, the Crystal Realm, when we die. I am among those who believe that Spirits pass to the Crystal Realm upon our deaths, where they search the world until they find a new life in the womb of a mother. Then the Spirits return to our Earthen Realm to become new Spirits for unborn babies.”
“Woah, really?” Thea asked. That was quite the philosophical stance.
“Yes.” Ellhorn inclined his head in a modest bow. “Even some Recreants believe in this idea. They call it reincarnation.”
Thea huffed a thoughtful breath. “Huh.”
Ellhorn gave a small smile. “Please keep in mind that my goal is not to convert you to my religion. I only wish to help you learn to meditate properly so you will always take in pure Energy to replenish your Chakras. Today my goal is to help you replenish your Chakras enough so that you can make it through the rest of your lessons. So,” the Guru said with a grin. “How did your morning go?”
“It was fine. I guess, I’m pretty tired after all the Conversions.”
The Guru inclined his head in another nod. “Have you had any trouble with Conversions?”
“No, it’s been easy,” Thea said shortly.
“Easy? You would be the first Initium I’ve ever met to claim Converting is easy.” The Alchemist gave Thea a skeptical stare.
“I just say the Code Word. That’s not hard at all.” She shrugged. Then she realized Converting must be easy for her because she could break the laws of Alchemy. Had she just confessed her secret abilities? She swallowed hard and tried to act like her heart wasn’t hammering in her chest.
“Show me please, if you would,” Ellhorn said.
Thea nodded stiffly. She would need to be extra careful here to act normal. She picked a pocket on her tunic and pulled out some dust. Then she opened her notebook to the Cycle Fragment Insignias. “Evaporo,” she said, and almost instantly, her Kundalini rushed up and gathered around her head and then funneled into the Circle in her notebook, making it glow bright red. A puff of water vapor came out of her mouth and mingled with the dust on her palm to form a cloud.
The Alchemist raised his eyebrows in shock. “Upon reaching out for your Kundalini and harnessing that power, you should simultaneously feel a surge of warmth and a cold tingle rising through each of your Chakras along your back and infusing your body with a rush of warmth and a blast of cold. This should leave you with a sense of bliss as your Spiritual Essence travels through each open Chakra until it leaves your body at your Crown Chakra. This takes time to master and is usually a slow process until the Initium grows more experienced with Converting. Even experienced Alchemists continue to feel this rush of power and the sense of bliss.”
Thea stared wordlessly at Guru Ellhorn.
“I take it by your silence that this isn’t the case?” Ellhorn asked.
She had felt what the Guru was describing during her Trial. When the Keeper helped her swear her Oath, she had felt the power in her Chakras for the first time. She hadn’t felt those sensations before or since then. Somehow, something was wrong, but she hadn’t noticed until now.
“Do you feel anything?” Guru Ellhorn asked.
“Yeah,” Thea replied. “When I say the Code Words, I get this rush around my body.” She gestured with her hands as she described how the Energy traveled up around her body and gathered above her head. “It swirls up to my head and then fills the Insignia with light.”
The Guru frowned deeply. He stood up and approached Thea, and she looked up at him, suddenly very nervous. Ellhorn reached out above her head. He frowned at what he felt. Then he knelt down in front of her, a look of concern on his face.
“This is more serious than I thought. Althea, you are suffering from a deposed Kundalini. Your Kundalini should reside in your Root Chakra, but yours is outside of your body. While it is your Spiritual Essence, it is still under your control, but outside the body, your Kundalini is vulnerable. You are vulnerable, without your Spirit in its proper resting place.”
“Vulnerable how?” Thea asked.
“Vulnerable in body and in mind. I hope you see the conundrum this leaves us in,” he said, so softly, she had to strain to hear. “I can’t have anyone manipulating my shisha.” Her Intuition Amulet translated the word as student. “I must return your Kundalini to your Root Chakra. Now. Lie down, please.”
Thea stared open-mouthed at the Guru, refusing to lie down.
Ellhorn frowned sternly at Thea. A tattoo flared indigo on Ellhorn’s wrist. “Perhaps you remember the Conversion that you used to swear your Alchemical Oath? The Conversion uses your Kundalini as a Component. But if your Kundalini isn’t safely inside your Root Chakra, anyone can manipulate it with this Conversion, and with your Kundalini under their control, they can manipulate you.”
All too late, Thea made a move to run for it, but Ellhorn said, “Stop,” and she couldn’t budge. Her instincts told her to yell for help, but she remembered the sound barrier Ellhorn had placed over his private room.
“Please don’t,” Thea pleaded. “Let me go.” Her voice cracked with fear and she gasped as she sat there unable to run away.
“I must return your Kundalini to your Root Chakra. It is for your own good. Now lie down.”
Slowly, she felt her body move. She calmly reclined on her back just as the Alchemist had asked.
Her heart pounded, and her head started reeling. Why had she come back here to this deserted room with someone she knew she couldn’t trust? She was utterly helpless.
“I can tell you’ve decided not to trust me for some reason. I hope you can forgive me, but this must be done.” Ellhorn activated his Conversion Circle a second time and said, “Stay calm now.”
Thea immediately felt her heart rate slow down and her body relax. She suddenly felt transcendent, as though she was outside her body looking down at this scene. This was followed by an incredible amount of pressure on her skull.
Yet somehow Thea knew that everything was going to be alright. This sense of assurance was followed by a rush of heat inside her head. She almost felt as if something were melting down the inside of her skull and into her throat.
In a flash, Thea found herself sitting in the oak tree on the ranch, writing in a small pocket notebook. She felt overwhelmingly safe in that moment.
In the next instant she was back on the floor in the private room, with an intense pressure in her neck. The floating colored lights hurt her eyes, so she squeezed them shut. The heat rushed down to her chest. Her pulse increased until she thought her heart would burst.
Suddenly she was waking up from a dream. Her mother was right there beside her, in her room at the ranch. With only a smile from her mother, Thea knew everything would be alright.
In another flash, Thea was back on the tatami reed floor. The Energy rushed down her spine and into her diaphragm. Her chest heaved as she hyperventilated. She felt an overwhelming fear rush over her, and she tried to cry out. Instead, her lungs seized up. The heat swarmed into her stomach.
Thea was suddenly sitting cross legged on the stage of the Chamber of Trials. The Keeper sat before her, unlocking her Spiritual Energy. Slowly, she felt her Sacral Chakra flood with heat, pooling into her abdomen in a tangled knot. The heat was blocked, but like a failing dam, the Chakra started to give way. Slowly the knot unraveled until the heat could escape and shoot up her spine, almost instantly leaving her body and flooding Thea with a sense of connection to the Keeper, and to all things.
Thea felt like every nerve in her body was on fire, and she realized she was back in the private room in the library. Her skin was crawling, her arms and legs were shaking, and her spine was tingling with a white-hot pain. She was drenched in sweat, still unable to move. She gasped involuntarily in quick hiccups that left her feeling lightheaded.
The heat moved the rest of the way down Thea’s spine, and her lungs seized up again as her head jerked forward and lifted off the floor. She was going to die now, she thought. Tears trickled down her face, though she tried to cry and couldn’t make a sound. Her whole body continued to tremble.
Suddenly Thea was riding on her horse Cecelia, running away from the lupitris. She felt herself tipping, falling, and landing on the ground with a jarring impact that left her feeling detached from everything. She sprawled there with the wind knocked out of her lungs, watching as the lupitris tore her faithful horse to shreds. Cecelia’s shrill neighs echoed in her head as she felt her consciousness slipping. Then everything went black.