Forever Never

“I’m going to head back,” Remi announced, appearing in the kitchen already wearing her coat.

Brick stood abruptly, nearly knocking over the kitchen stool he was occupying. “I’ll walk you,” he volunteered.

This night was not ending without her hearing his apology.

“No!” she yelped. “I mean. That’s not necessary. You should stay.”

“Now, she’s gonna sock him,” Ian said in a stage whisper.

“Brick? Make sure our girl gets home safe, will ya?” Darlene asked, swooping in to give Remi a tight hug.

He gave a brisk nod. “I will.”

“Mom! It’s not even two blocks away. Have him walk Kimber and the kids.”

“It’s dark and cold, and if anyone can disappear in two blocks, it’s you,” her mother announced, matter settled.

No. Remi mouthed the word at him over Darlene’s shoulder.

Her trademark defiance and the fact that she’d finally been forced to address him directly almost made him smile.

“My turn,” Gilbert said, elbowing his way in to hug Remi. “Missed you,” he whispered.

“Missed you, too,” she confessed, squeezing him harder.

Brick still felt awkward around the Ford family displays of affection. The Callan clan hadn’t been big on hugs or I love yous. And once his mother had flitted off in search of a spotlight somewhere, any sporadic affection had gone with her.

The rest of the hugs and good-byes performed, Brick followed Remi to the front door. He put his bulk between her and the exit while he pulled on his winter gear so she couldn’t duck out without him. It earned him a glare from her.

“I’d prefer to walk home alone,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, well, I’d prefer that we talk.”

“I really don’t care what you prefer,” she snapped, reaching around him for the door knob. The door opened a scant four inches before hitting him in the back. Leisurely, he laced his boots and zipped his coat while she fumed beside him.

“They’re definitely fighting,” Ian whispered from the shadows of the stairway.

Hadley shushed him.

“Bye, guys,” Brick said, grabbing his hat and flashing the eavesdroppers a wink. Remi used the distraction to slip through the front door. She didn’t make it very far. He caught her by the hood, arresting her progress on the steps.

“Brick, I swear to God,” she said through clenched teeth as he shut the door behind them.

The night air was cold enough that the entire world felt like it was one big ice cube.

“First. Don’t run away from me,” he said mildly, tightening his grip on her hood until she fell into step next to him on the walkway.

“Or what?” she scoffed.

“Or you won’t like the consequence. Second, I’m sorry.”

Her boot caught a lump of snow on the sidewalk, tripping her up. He caught her before she could stumble.

“You’re what? And stop manhandling me!” She batted at his hands.

“Stop asking to be manhandled. I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean what I said before. You know I don’t hate you.” They were two blocks from home. Not nearly enough time for the conversation they needed to have.

“Do I? What gives you that impression?” she said haughtily.

He stopped her and turned her to face him. “You know I don’t hate you.”

He waited, and when she didn’t give him a reaction, he gave her a tiny shake.

“Ugh. Fine. You’re sorry. You don’t hate me. I accept your apology. May I please walk home alone now?”

“Not happening. Third—”

“There’s more? Holy Alicia Keys, how much bourbon did you have?” She broke free of his grasp and started down the sidewalk again.

“I know you’re not telling the truth,” he said, his long stride easily catching her. To slow her down and to give himself something to think about tonight, he settled his arm on her shoulders, his hand dangling in front of her.

“About what?”

“The accident. Your asthma. Why you came back.”

She came to a sudden halt. A shiver rolled through her and he knew instinctively it had nothing to do with the cold. She started to speak, but he took his big, gloved hand and closed it over her mouth.

“Before you lie to me again, Remi,” he said, leaning down to whisper the words in her ear, “think long and hard about if it’s in your best interests.”

He could feel her running calculations, wondering how much he knew, what she could get away with. After a long beat, she pried his hand from her mouth. “Maybe it’s in your best interests if you don’t know. Maybe it’s in everyone’s best interests.”

“That’s never going to be the case,” he insisted. “So get your head around it. I’ll be here when you’re ready to tell me. But if I figure it out before you talk, I’m gonna be pissed.”

“This big brother routine is not fun,” she complained. “What are you going to do, start terrifying anyone I date with your badge and that nightstick you keep in your pants?”

That fucking mouth.

The way she managed to push so many of his buttons at once made him wonder if she knew his secret. If she knew what he really wanted.

“I’m not your brother, Remington,” he reminded her.

They crossed the road as her cottage came into view. The lake rolled out black and glistening before them.

She huffed out a breath. “Well, I suppose if you were, it would make a few of my teenage fantasies really gross and incestuous.”

Another button pushed.

But he had one more thing to say. One more question to ask.

“Fourth and final,” he said.

“Oh, come on, dude. I’m tired.” She tried to slip out from under his arm, but he merely pinned her to his side as they walked along the cottage’s hedgerow.

“How did I hurt you?” he asked.

She sighed. “Does it even matter?”

“Look. About Audrey—”

“It was before that,” she snapped. She reached for the gate, but he wasn’t done yet. He closed a hand over hers.

“Was this because of that day…after you graduated? That was a mistake.”

“Christ. You think I’m carrying a grudge because a guy is either too dense to be attracted to me or, worse, too much of a chickenshit to act on it? Real nice, Brick.”

“Then fucking tell me,” he demanded, choosing to ignore the chickenshit dig. He needed to know. How could he fix it if he didn’t know what it was?

She looked down at their feet, then up at the night sky where shimmers of the northern lights were visible, a ghostly green against the midnight blue. “You left me. Without even saying good-bye. You just abandoned me.”

Cold crept into his chest and took up residence. He blew out a breath trying to dislodge the iciness. “I never meant to hurt you. Not then.”

He’d had to go. There was no choice. Staying on the island with a warm, willing, of-age Remi would have taken a level of willpower he hadn’t possessed.

She looked up at him, green eyes stormy. A clench in her delicate jaw. “You forget, Brick. We used to know each other really well. We used to be close. So yeah. You meant to hurt me when you left. We both know it.”

She yanked the gate open, but he didn’t let her pass. He blocked her with his body, keeping her against the hedgerow that whispered in the wind. They weren’t touching except for their hands on the gate, but he felt stripped naked standing this close to her.

“Remi.”

He didn’t know what to say besides her name. She’d tossed the truth of it in his face. On some level, he’d wanted her to hurt the way he did. It was selfish and cruel, and he’d thought the pathetic slight would roll off her like everything always had.

Now, knowing she’d been carrying that hurt with her made him feel like a fucking worm.

“I’m sorry.” Good god. He’d apologized more times tonight than he had in the last five years.

She closed her eyes, appearing suddenly weary. “Look. I didn’t come back here to be besties. We both know we’re better off with distance between us. So let’s just move past all of whatever this is or was.”

But he wasn’t ready to move past it. “When you saw me at Doud’s—” he began.

She’d walked into his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I was caught off guard. It was reflex.”

“You came to me because you’re scared. Because you know I can help you. I can see something’s wrong. Your lights stay on all night. You used to eat like a long-haul trucker at a diner, now you just push food around your plate. What’s got you so rattled, Remi?”

“Stop.” She slapped a hand to his chest, and before he could stop himself, he leaned into it. Her head tipped back to look up at him. He hated how much he loved that.

“Talk to me,” he insisted, his voice hoarse.

She looked down at the hand on his chest. The point of contact he was pressing into until he nudged her chin up, forcing her to look at him again.

Her eyes shimmered under the dim light of streetlights and stars. “You lost the right to hear my confidences a long time ago. Let’s leave it that way. It’s safer for both of us.”

“You know I’m not going to accept that,” he warned.

Her lips curved in a sad smile. “I know,” she admitted. “But you can’t fix this one. Hell. I’m not sure I can.”

“Remi.”

“Brick.” She sounded exasperated, but her smile was a few degrees warmer now. “You’re sorry, and I accepted your apologies. Now we both have to leave it alone.”

“No.” His denial was flat but firm. He wasn’t budging on this. She wasn’t going to charm her way out of it.

“At least you’re consistently irritating,” she said lightly. “Some things never change.”

He let out a growl of frustration. “Back at you, baby.” He felt her soften at his words. Felt her melt just a little bit against him.

A buzzing sound came from her coat pocket. She dug frantically, finally pulling it free. Her expression dimmed when she read the screen. Pain in My Ass read the screen.

She stuffed the phone back into her pocket without answering.

“Don’t you need to take that?” he asked, wondering who Pain in My Ass was and why Remi wanted to avoid them.

“Definitely not.” Her jaw was set, making his blood pressure rise.

This withholding from him was fucking torture.

“Look up,” she said softly. When he didn’t, she cupped his chin in her free hand and forced him. The northern lights flickered and glowed above them. “See the lights?”

“Yeah.”

“You once asked me what it’s like to see music. It’s a little like that.”

In silence, they both stared into the night sky. “It’s beautiful,” he said finally.

“It is,” she agreed. “Now, go home before Mrs. Early sees us out here and alerts the gossip authorities.”

“You know I’m waiting here until you get inside.”

Her sigh was accompanied by a cloud of breath. “I know.”

She slipped around him, and this time he didn’t stop her. He stood there, rooted, until she was inside and the lights came on. And then he continued to stand guard, wondering what lurked in the dark that frightened the bravest girl he’d ever known.