FULL NOVELXO First Down: Chapter 32
IN THE MORNING, it’s torture getting up. I’m forced to leave a stunning, gorgeous, naked Bex in my childhood bed to go run in the cold. On the morning of Christmas Eve.
And I’m not even the first one downstairs.
My father looks up from his stretching as I sit down on the last step to put on my sneakers. “Nice of you to join us, son.”
“Slug,” Izzy says, poking my cheek as she walks by. “Were you up late getting frisky with Bexy?”
I roll my eyes. “One, she doesn’t like to be called that. Her name is Bex. And two, on the list of things I’m not discussing with my little sister, my sex life is in the top three.”
Seb stifles a laugh as he stretches out into a lunge. “Getting frisky. Nice one, Iz.”
“We were just about to leave without you,” Coop says, shaking his head solemnly. “The Heisman winner is getting sloppy.”
Dad straightens up and claps his hands. “Troops! Your mother insisted on sleeping in because of the holiday. Coop, Seb, Izzy, you start on Amberly, James and I will tackle Greenwich. First ones back get to pick the first movie of the day.”
I race my brothers out of the house.
Even as a much older man who hasn’t laced up his cleats in years, my dad nearly smokes me for the first couple of blocks. With the cold morning air stinging my cheeks, I pick up the pace, weaving in between cars parked on the side of the street.
“So,” he says eventually. “You brought her home for Christmas.”
I swipe at my forehead. “Yep.”
“After we agreed no girlfriends.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just… evolved.”
“After you pretended to be with her. I could have told you how well that was going to go.”
“She’s not like Sara.” I sidestep a pothole. “She’s nothing like her, actually. And I really care about her.”
He stops suddenly, and I nearly bump into him. He eyes me, chest heaving. “Christ. You’re in love with her.”
I’ve been trying to avoid saying it, even to myself, but there’s no point in denying it. It may have started out as a fake relationship, but Bex has worked her way into my life so thoroughly that I can’t imagine a version of it without her being mine. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I dream about her. If I thought I could convince her, I’d move her into my house, so I don’t have to spend even one night without her in my arms.
And my father can see those thoughts running through my mind, as clear as if they were written on my forehead in fucking Sharpie.
“James,” he says heavily.
“It’s different this time.”
“Until she gets in the way.”
“Sara didn’t—” I pause, scrubbing a hand over my face. “She didn’t get in the way. She was sick. I made the choices I did because I cared about her.”
“Exactly.” He reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “Beckett seems like a nice girl. I’m not saying she isn’t. But we talked about needing to choose the game. I thought you understood that.”
“I’ve been choosing the game all season.”
“And what happens when she wants you to choose her, but it gets in the way of the game?”
I swallow hard. I’ve thought about it myself, not that I’m about to admit that to my father. If the diner fire had happened during game day? I’d have gone with Bex no matter where I was supposed to be right then. All I knew was that the moment I saw the panic on her face, I was going to be by her side through whatever she was facing. “It’s almost the end of the season.”
“What about when this becomes your full-time job? Would she be willing to move with you?”
“Mom moved with you.”
“Your mother and I had a unique understanding,” he says. “It’s very hard for most people to understand and accept the sacrifices necessary to succeed in this world.”
“And despite not knowing Bex, you think she’s like that?”
I want to look away, but his eyes search mine, keeping me in place with the force of his gaze. “I’m just reminding you to be careful. If you play the way you’ve been playing, in a few days you’ll be a national champ. But then comes the draft. Graduating. Reporting to your first training camp. Your first season, likely in Philly or San Francisco.”
“And I see Bex by my side for all of that. Just like I’ll be at her side for everything she needs and wants to do.”
“Does she?”
I don’t say anything. I think so, but I don’t know. Bex should be a visual arts major; I know she’s lukewarm at best about her business degree. She should be looking at careers that utilize photography. If I asked her to come with me to San Francisco right now, I don’t know what her answer would be; she’s been steadfast about sticking with her mother’s diner. Long distance? I’ve never tried it and I’m not sure I could make myself. There’s a hell of a difference between away games or a couple weeks of training camp and living across the country from your girlfriend.
“I know you love her,” Dad says into the silence. “I know you think you’re going to be with her forever. But you thought that about Sara too, son, and look how that turned out.”
He rubs my shoulder. I blink, swallowing even though my throat is dry. I should tell him off, but the words don’t come.
“Let’s keep going,” I finally say. “Izzy’s going to pick The Family Stone and I can’t put myself through that shit again.”