Fire with Fire

RENNIE PRETENDS I’M NOT THERE DURING MONDAY’S cheer practice. She doesn’t look at me, doesn’t speak to me. Not a single word. Even when it’s me, her, and Ashlin standing in a circle, discussing what cheers we should work on next. Rennie keeps her eyes on Ashlin, only speaks to Ashlin.

It’s like I’m invisible.

I try not to let it get under my skin. Rennie loves giving the silent treatment. It’s practically her signature move. What makes me mad is that I didn’t even do anything to deserve it.

Not that she knows about, anyway.

So even though she’s being a bitch to me, I still talk to her. I mean, kind of. Like when I tell her, “I think Melanie is coming in late with her second roundoff.” Rennie doesn’t respond to me, of course. But she does walk over to Melanie and tell her to work on her timing.

In the locker room when we’re getting changed, Rennie invites Ashlin to come to her house for dinner. She does it right in front of me. Ash says, “Yeah!” and then, when she remembers that I’m standing there, she frowns and asks, “What about you, Lil? Come with?”

Rennie immediately turns her back to me and faces her locker, so that I know I’m not welcome.

“Can’t. I have to go to the stables.” I don’t really have to go, but I’ve been meaning to for weeks. Nadia’s been riding Phantom much more than I have lately. I don’t want him to forget me. Plus, I don’t want to seem like I care. Monday is pizza night at Rennie’s house, and I don’t love the place where they order from. They put way too much sauce on, in my opinion.

Rennie snorts at my excuse. She’s never liked Phantom. She tried to ride him once, but as soon as she was in the saddle, he started trotting sideways, because Rennie had her legs squeezed around him and his bridle pulled left. I told her to lift up on the reins, but instead she freaked out and jumped right off him while he was moving! She fell hard on the ground and skinned both her knees in the dirt. The stable guys ran over to help her up, but they were yelling at her too, because it is very dangerous to dismount a horse that way. Rennie was so embarrassed. She went and pouted in the parking lot by herself while I led Phantom back to his stable and got his saddle off.

I drop Nadia off at our house. At every stop sign I wait to see if she’ll say anything about the way Rennie’s been acting, if she’s noticed the cold shoulder, but Nadia spends the whole ride texting her friends.

As I drive over to the stable, I can’t help but think that Kat and Mary would never do something like this to me. Ice me out of the group for no reason. I decide to call Mary’s house and throw Kat a text, to see if they want to meet at the stables and hang out for a bit. I bet Mary will love Phantom. I’ll even show her how to brush him.

Kat texts me back right away. Horseshit?! I’m soooo in! I laugh out loud, and it already makes me feel better.

I call Mary’s house and her aunt answers. Her voice sounds groggy, like she was sleeping. “Hello?”

“Hi, is Mary home?” I ask her.

There’s silence on the other end.

So I go ahead and say, “This is Lillia; I’m a friend of Mary’s. I’m calling to invite her to the stables to go horseback riding this afternoon.” More silence. “So . . . if you could give her that message, that would be great.”

There’s heavy breathing. Then a click and a dial tone.

She hung up on me! I know Mary said her aunt’s kind of weird, but geez. That was freaky. I swear, I’m getting her a cell for Christmas.

I get to the stables too late to ride, so I head to Phantom’s stall to groom him. He stands perfectly still while I brush his coat. I whisper to him as I pull the bristles through, and he shines like black velvet. When I get to his neck, he keeps trying to turn his head and nuzzle me.

When Nadia comes to ride Phantom, she always asks the stable guys to brush him down and scrape the mud out of his hooves for her. But that’s my favorite part of riding him. You have to build up trust with your horse. And I trust Phantom completely. I know he’d never hurt me. Even though I haven’t been here to see him in weeks, he greets me like no time at all has passed. I used to be so in love with Phantom I would have slept at the barn if my mom had let me. When did that feeling go away? When I started cheering? I wonder if Phantom noticed, if it made him sad that I stopped coming around so much. The thought makes me want to cry.

One of the stable guys knocks on the door. “You’ve got someone here to see you, Lillia.”

“Oh, great.” I peer out of the stall, down the length of the barn. There’s Kat, her fingers pinching her nose closed. I wave at her. “Down here, Kat!”

Kat walks directly into the center of the barn, careful not to get close to any of the stalls. “Dude. Can’t we hang out somewhere else? It’s rank in here!”

I take a deep, long breath. “Are you serious? I love the smell of manure!”

Kat, looking skeptical, takes her fingers off her nose and gives a sniff of the air. Then she starts to gag. “I’d stop telling people that if I were you.”

“Fine. There’s a pretty trail that runs down by the coast. No one else is out riding. We can walk it.”

“Sure, whatever,” Kat says, gasping for breath. She turns and runs back for the barn entrance.

I put Phantom’s finishing brush away and give him a kiss before I leave him. Outside, it’s practically dark, and kind of cold, but Kat and I start walking anyway.

“I called Mary,” I tell Kat. “But I’m not sure she got—”

“Guys! Wait up!”

We turn and see Mary, running toward us. “Sorry I missed your call, Lillia. I fell asleep. I always take a nap after school.”

“Aww,” Kat says.

Delicately I say, “Is everything okay at home? Your aunt was kind of weird when I called. I didn’t think she’d give you the message.”

Mary sighs. “Aunt Bette’s on some kind of New Agey tear lately. She’s more into books and crystals and stuff than interacting with actual people.” She shakes her head. “So what’s up?”

I guess the three of us have only ever hung out when we were scheming up revenge plans. Or when we had urgent business to discuss. Except all that’s over with now.

“Nothing much,” I say. “I just missed you guys.”

Kat eyes me. “How’s things with Ren?”

“Not great,” I say. And that’s it. I mean, I want to let it all out. I want to tell them how much it sucks right now, but I can’t. Kat went through exactly what I’m going through. Even worse. So who am I to complain?

But Kat is surprisingly sympathetic. She pats me on the back and says, “Don’t worry. Someone else will piss her off and she’ll forget about it. Hey! It might even be me!”

“And you’ll always have us,” Mary says.

I smile at them both. “Thanks, guys.”

After that it’s kind of quiet. It’s not uncomfortable silence, exactly. More like we don’t have much left to say to each other anymore. Which maybe we don’t. It’s still nice being with them, though.