Chapter 24
My eyes were glued to the door once Kyle pushed through it, and I flinched a bit when it latched closed.
He’d wanted to say hi to Sebastian, but my mom didn’t know I was with him.
My guess was now he knew that, too.
I closed my eyes on an exhale, and then I was beaming at my son, listening to him tell me about how excited he was to go to the museum with his nana today. He was talking with his hands, his eyes all big and wide and his voice entirely too loud for this early in the morning, but I smiled and nodded and listened intently.
I’d been away from him only twenty-four hours, and yet I already missed him.
Sebastian had become my entire life.
I couldn’t remember what it was like before I had him, couldn’t recall who I was back then. What had my priorities been? What did I do on a Saturday? Did I have dreams or aspirations that didn’t revolve around my son?
My stomach dipped a little at that, because this morning when I’d woken up with Kyle curled around me, his body so warm against mine I’d had to kick the covers off, the first thing I’d done was dig in my bag for a notebook and pen.
And I’d spent the morning writing.
It wasn’t the next great American novel, by any means. In fact, I was fairly certain every word I’d written was terrible.
But I’d written.
I’d wanted to write.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt that desire inside me. I’d forgotten what that part of me felt like.
I thought it had left me long ago.
“Sebastian, sweetie, why don’t you go feed Titan, put on your jeans and t-shirt Nana laid out for you, and put your sneakers on like a big boy,” Mom said when Sebastian finished telling me about the movie they watched last night. “We need to get going soon.”
“And brush my teeth!” Sebastian added, clapping as if that was the most exciting thing in the world.
I chuckled.
“That’s right. And you better brush them good, I’m going to do a breath test,” my mom said.
“Love you, Mommy!”
“I love you most,” I chimed back. I blew him a kiss, which he caught and smacked against his cheek before running out of frame.
Then, my mom’s eyes were on me, and I knew before she said a word that she could read me as easily as a children’s book with fourteen-point font.
“Long night?”
I hoped my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.
My mom smirked a bit when I didn’t answer, and then shook her head, glancing down the hall to make sure Sebastian was out of hearing range.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” she said. “You deserve that.”
“Do I?”
Mom knew my guilt like no one else did. I felt like I should be able to do more to get Sebastian away from Marshall, felt like I never should have ended up in this position to begin with. Sometimes, my life felt like one long line of mistakes.
Then again, I couldn’t imagine a life where Sebastian was never born.
Everything happens for a reason, they say. And if he was the reason for all the hell I had to endure, I’d do it ten times over.
“You’re too hard on yourself,” Mom said. “But whoever this man is that you are keeping a secret, something tells me he sees what I see in you. What everyone else sees, too.” She paused, her eyes sincere. “You’re a great mother, Madelyn. You’re driven and caring and strong.”
I almost snorted at that.
I did not feel strong most days.
“You’re a catch,” she finished, and then she let out a long sigh and gave me a pointed look. “If only I knew just who you’d been caught by.”
I swallowed, looking down at my fingernails. I had to stop my nervous habit of picking the polish off so I wouldn’t show up to this wedding looking like a nervous wreck.
“I’m with Kyle.”
I couldn’t look at the screen for a full ten seconds after I said it, and when I did, the mixture of shock and concern on my mother’s face made me drop my gaze again.
I waited for her to say something, maybe, “Kyle who?”
But she knew.
“I didn’t realize you two still spoke,” she finally said.
“We didn’t. Well, not until very recently, anyway. I took a house showing from one of the real estate apps I’m on and…” I looked at her. “He showed up.”
“I see.”
We were both silent for a pause, and then everything poured out of me — the way it always does with my mom. She’d been my best friend since I was a kid. Dad and I were never that close, especially because he was more married to his job than to my mother.
But with Mom and me, the words had always come easy. I went to her with everything — good, bad, and in-between.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I started. “But, for obvious reasons, I wasn’t sure how you would take it.”
“And how are you taking it?”
I let out a laugh, a sigh, and then shook my head with my eyes glossing over. “I feel like I woke up in the Twilight Zone.”
Mom was patient while I filled her in on everything, starting with the house showing and dinner. I told her about the deal he’d proposed after he’d seen the bruises on my arm, told her about shopping and the park with Sebastian and everything that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours.
Well — not everything.
But by the time I finished speaking, her gaze had softened, and she was leaning in in the way that told me if I was there with her, she’d have a hand on my arm squeezing gently.
I looked a lot like her — same brown eyes, same button nose, same tired smile.
“It sounds like he’s grown up quite a bit.”
I nodded, but then frowned. “That’s what I don’t understand, Mom. Kyle has been so… strange.” I shook my head. “When we first reconnected, it was like he was mad at me, like it was somehow me who was the bad guy in our situation. That changed after he saw what Marshall had done to me.”
“I want to walk right down the road and give him a piece of my mind for that.”
“You know it wouldn’t do any good,” I said on a sigh. “And you also know I can take care of myself. I have a plan.”
Mom’s mouth twisted to the side. She and Daddy had offered several times to use their savings and give Sebastian and me a fresh start somewhere new.
But I wanted to do this on my own.
I needed to save myself.
“I asked him on the plane yesterday why he left,” I said, my voice a whisper now. “And he said he didn’t have a choice.”
My eyes found Mom’s, and though my hands were shaking, I knew I couldn’t back out now.
“Mom… what happened at the party that night?”
Her face went white when I asked.
Everyone in our little suburbs knew about that party. Everyone knew something had happened, though the parents were tight-lipped about what exactly. All I knew was that come the following weekend, Kyle and his parents were gone. They’d moved.
Or had they been run out of town?
“That’s an old story that I don’t think we need to dredge up,” she said.
“Please.”
Mom looked away from me, tucking her hair behind her ear. “No one even wanted to go to that party, if I’m being frank,” she started. “The Robbins liked to think they ran that town, and because of the money they had, I guess they did in a way. They helped a lot with the church and the PTA. They were the first to step up and donate whenever we had a cause. But… Lord, they were a pain to be around. Lynette had the backbone of a salamander, and Michael…”
She looked at me in the way that said she didn’t need to finish that sentence — and she really didn’t. I knew exactly the kind of man Michael was. He was well respected in the community, a leader at the law firm he was a partner at — the one my father worked at with him — and a seemingly stand-up guy.
But he was also a hot-tempered man with a short fuse and a bad drinking habit.
He was like Marshall.
I shivered a bit, nodding for Mom to go on.
“The first bit of the party was fine. The food was great, drinks were flowing. But we were all kind of biding our time until it felt like we’d stayed long enough to make an excuse to leave. The kids left around eleven — some of them going to a sleepover while others headed home or out to meet up with their friends. Kyle was the only one who stayed.”
I swallowed.
He’d asked me to be there, but I hadn’t been ready to face him. I hadn’t been ready to tell him I was pregnant.
And I couldn’t be around him and pretend I was fine.
I’d tried to be normal around him that week at school, but he knew something was off. He kept begging me to talk to him, but I needed time to process. I needed to figure out what I wanted, what I would say when the time came.
“About an hour later, your father and I decided to leave. We went to say goodnight to Michael and Lynette.” Her eyes lost focus. “Michael was drunk — which was par for the course. We tried to laugh it off when he said we were losers for leaving so early. But then he got mouthy with your father, something about work.” She went a bit green then. “He seemed to be insinuating that your father was having an affair with someone at the office.”
“He would never!”
“I know,” she said, holding up a hand. “I knew then, too. But Michael thought it was hilarious. Your father shoved him a bit, which made Michael laugh, and then he grabbed my ass and said a crude comment about how if I were his wife, he’d be too busy to stray.”
I gaped at the screen.
“He… what?”
Mom nodded, letting out a long sigh. “It all happened so fast after that. Kyle stepped in, trying to get his dad to calm down and go upstairs.” She paled. “Michael wound up and hit him right in the jaw with all of us watching. I can still hear it.”
She covered her lips with her fingertips, and I mirrored her, shaking my head.
When he came to school on Monday, he had a split lip that was crusted over and healing. I remembered it now, that detail that I had catalogued before being overrun with heartbreak when he’d turned away from me.
“Everyone was up in arms. We threatened to call the cops if Michael didn’t go upstairs and sleep it off.”
“Did you? Call the cops, I mean?”
“We weren’t going to originally, but later, we just couldn’t stand it. We got home and couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. But when your dad called, I guessed someone else had beat us to it. The cops were already on their way, showed up about an hour after the party ended, according to the Moores.”
The Moores had lived across the street from Kyle.
I blinked, wetting my lips and trying to process it all. “What happened when they came?”
“No one knows. Clearly, Michael wasn’t arrested. No one pressed charges, or anything. But we were all pissed — obviously. We had plans to talk to Michael and Lynette about stepping down from their positions in the church and with the PTA. But then…”
“They left.”
She nodded, her brows softening as she watched me take it all in.
Oh, God.
My eyes welled with tears. “Mom, what if… what if Kyle never knew I was pregnant?”
She frowned at that. “Honey, you told him you were.”
“No,” I said, the word wet and garbled. “I told his parents.”
Mom’s face slackened. “What? But you—”
“Told you I’d told him, I know. Because I thought I did. I showed up that morning, I knocked on the door, and Michael and Lynette answered. They said Kyle was sleeping but they saw how upset I was and I… I told them.” My eyes were blurring more and more by the second. “Mrs. Robbins hugged me. She told me it would all be okay. She told me they’d tell him as soon as he woke up and have him come to the house.”
I sucked in a breath, my heart racing.
“But he didn’t. And he didn’t answer my calls. And when I saw him on Monday, he looked like he hated me. He… he turned away from me like I’d hurt him. But what if that wasn’t about the baby? What if it was because I wasn’t there for him, because I hadn’t…”
I could barely keep up with how fast my brain was working.
“What if he didn’t know?”
My mom leaned toward the camera, but Sebastian came barreling out of his room and down the hall, doing his battle cry that usually led to him running into my legs full-force and wrapping his little arms around them.
Mom painted on a smile at the same time I did, and Sebastian leapt into her lap.
“I’m ready! And look, I tied my shoes up just how you showed me!”
He leaned back far enough to kick his feet into the air, and Mom and I shared a look before we both smiled at him.
“Wow, you sure did!” Mom said. “Okay, blow Mommy a kiss and then go use the restroom and we’ll get going.”
“Can I get a bag of rocks at the gift shop?!”
If it weren’t for the lump in my throat, I would have laughed at that.
“We’ll see how good you are,” Mom said.
Sebastian blew me a kiss, which I caught with as much focus as I could, pressing it to my cheek with a smile. He leapt up and ran toward the bathroom, and Mom turned to me.
“Okay, here’s what you are going to do,” she said calmly. “You’re going to hang up this phone, take a deep breath, wash your face, and lie down on the floor for ten minutes.”
“Mo—”
“Ten. Minutes,” she repeated, holding up a finger. “And then, you can gather your thoughts, and talk to him.”
I nodded, my eyes filling with tears again. Kyle had gone to golf and brunch with the guys before the wedding. I likely wouldn’t see him until it was time for both of us to get dressed and go. I couldn’t drop this on him right when we were supposed to walk out this door, fend off the media, and be happy for one of his best friend’s wedding.
It would have to wait until tonight.
And just like last night, a sickening realization washed over me.
Because I knew before it even happened that this conversation would change everything.