Chapter 20
Kyle was uncharacteristically quiet after his shower, and we got dressed and ready mostly in silence.
I didn’t mind.
It was hardly ever silent in my life.
Besides, I was still slightly frustrated after my bath.
It was nothing new for me. Somewhere over the last couple of years, I’d lost the ability to make myself get off. I’d tried everything from toys to porn, but I could never turn my brain off long enough to fully release.
I was mildly aware it likely had to do with my ex-husband. Nothing about our sex life had been fun — especially since he loved to weaponize intimacy in a way that made it feel more like a chore than anything else. But maybe part of me was in denial about that. Maybe I just didn’t want to deal with it.
Maybe I was pissed he had any semblance of power over me still, so I refused to acknowledge it at all.
After my nap, I’d felt stirred up. Maybe from the day’s events, maybe from that kiss.
The water had been so warm and inviting, and the more I soaked, the more I ached for a release.
But I couldn’t get myself there.
And what frustrated me almost as much as that fact was that I’d thought of Kyle in the process.
My cheeks heated as I worked on getting ready, the memory of my fantasy still bright behind my eyelids. I’d wondered what it would have felt like if that kiss we’d faked earlier had lingered. I’d imagined what could have happened if when he jokingly pinned me on the bed, he hadn’t just laughed it off and left me to nap.
What if he would have stayed, pressing into me, his thigh gliding between mine.
What if he would have noted how faint my breath was, if he would have called me out on it.
What if he would have kissed me again — without anyone to perform for?
The insistent ache between my legs that I hadn’t been able to take care of in the bath flared to life once more, and I cursed against it, focusing on the task at hand.
I took my time with my hair and makeup — as if that would somehow suddenly make me good at doing either. I had only a very basic knowledge that I picked up mostly from watching YouTube videos of teenagers.
My hair wouldn’t curl, so I just straightened it, and in the end, my makeup was no more than moisturizer, concealer, a brush of shadow over my eyebrows and some mascara. I added a bit of lip gloss that I was fairly certain was four years old to finish the look.
I got dressed in one of the few dresses I owned, a very simple black dress my mom had purchased me as a gift for Christmas last year, and then sat on the edge of the bed to strap into my heels.
I was doing just that when Kyle rounded out of the bathroom, his eyes on where he was fastening a button around the wrist of his gray-blue button-down shirt.
My hands stilled where I was buckling my shoe, eyes scanning him from head to toe.
His hair was still a bit damp from the shower but styled with just the right amount of mousse. He had that swoop going, the one that reminded me of the boy I used to know. His tan skin and bright blue eyes blazed against the color of his shirt, and the way the cream slacks he’d paired with it hung off his hips made it impossible for my gaze not to snag there.
Kyle looked up, and I snapped my attention back to my heel, finishing the clasp before I stood and grabbed my clutch.
When I dragged my gaze to Kyle again, he was staring at me with his lips parted.
I tried not to flush at the sight of his eyes on me, at the way his Adam’s apple bobbed and the muscle in his jaw ticced. He didn’t rush his gaze after I caught him staring, either. He took his time like he had nothing to be ashamed of, letting his eyes wander over every inch of me.
His eyes finally found mine, and he arched a brow on a whistle.
“Damn, Mads.”
The words were almost a whisper, they were so low, and they made goosebumps parade across my skin.
We were silent in the elevator on the way down to the lobby, Kyle checking the time on his watch. We also stood three feet from each other.
But the moment we hit the lower floor, Kyle looked at me, extending his arm with a crooked grin. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”
I blushed, looping my arm through his and letting him guide me into the lobby.
We didn’t make it two steps before Giana grabbed me by my free arm and tugged hard enough to turn all three of us in the opposite direction.
“This way!”
She dragged us with enough force that we didn’t even get the chance to argue or ask what was going on. Instead, Kyle and I shared curious looks before trying our best to keep up.
Clay jogged up behind us a moment later, looking over his shoulder before he grabbed Giana’s hand protectively.
“Cops are here handling it, and hotel security has the front under control. We should be good this way.”
“What’s going on?” Kyle asked as we wove through some doors that I was fairly certain guests weren’t supposed to access.
“Media got wind of the wedding,” Giana grumbled.
My heart stopped in my chest, and I flicked my eyes up to Kyle, who pressed his lips together in a flat line.
The media.
I hadn’t even thought of that.
I felt stupid for that fact, but before I could think too much on it, Kyle unlinked our arms so he could grab my hand, instead.
The moment he wrapped my hand in his, he gave it a squeeze, his eyes holding mine.
I’ve got you, that look said.
I swallowed down the knot in my throat as we hustled through the inner working of the hotel, following a path that clearly Giana and Clay were familiar with. We finally moved through a large kitchen that I assumed was for room service, and as soon as we pushed through the door that led outside, we were ushered into a waiting black car.
Kyle released my hand, and his palm slid to my lower back, instead. He shielded me with his entire body, and I felt the heat from him like an electric current in my bloodstream until the very moment he helped me into the car and slid in behind me.
There was no one at the back — at least, no one close enough that I could tell. I had braced myself for photographs, for flashes and people screaming at us. Instead, it had been completely silent, and once we piled in the car, the only sound was the labored breathing from all four of us.
“I don’t think anyone got anything,” Clay said, peeking out the tinted windows as the driver took off. He immediately turned to Giana, folding her hands in his and searching her eyes. “Are you okay?”
She grinned at him before kissing his knuckles. “Oh stop, I’m fine, you barbarian.”
She dropped their hands to rest on her stomach, pressing Clay’s palms flat against the small bump there, and he sighed with relief.
They pressed their foreheads together, closing their eyes, and I tore my gaze away.
Which left me looking up at Kyle.
His lips were pinched shut, his brow furrowed, eyes assessing me. “I’m so sorry, Madelyn. We… I didn’t think…”
I squeezed his hand. “I’m okay.”
He nodded, his jaw tight.
Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he pulled me under his arm and kissed my temple, his next exhale warming my skin.
I tried not to overanalyze the media aspect too much as we drove across town, Giana and Clay finally letting go of each other and striking up conversation. But I couldn’t help but spiral.
If someone got a picture of us together…
I shivered even at the thought. What would happen? What would my parents say? Would I lose all my privacy? Would they try to bother Sebastian?
The thought made my stomach tighten, but not as much as the next one that crossed my mind.
What would Marshall do?
I swallowed, hating that I was afraid of him. I could handle myself, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still scared.
The rehearsal dinner was at a beautiful restaurant in the middle of the city. There didn’t seem to be any paparazzi when we arrived, but Giana still asked the driver to take us around to the back. I could tell she was in public relations from the way she calmly handled everything, like she’d anticipated every possible scenario and was now enacting her second or third backup plan with ease.
We were greeted by the staff, who led us to the rooftop location of the event.
I promptly lost the ability to breathe when we entered.
It was an open terrace, half of it under a sheltered roof, and the rest open air. Edison lights were strung from one corner to the other, and candles flickered on every cocktail table in sight. Cream linens and soft piano music coming from a musician in the corner helped set the ambiance, but not as much as the backdrop.
The sun setting behind the Rocky Mountains, Denver illuminating slowly with lights flickering on more and more as the sky grew darker.
I didn’t realize I’d walked straight out to the railing until my fingers curled around the banister, and I gaped at the brazen gold of the setting sun against the cool blue of dusk rushing in on its heels.
It was beautiful.
And for some reason, it made my eyes water.
I felt completely out of control of my emotions. This one day — no — the last two weeks had been so much… I didn’t know how to sort through it all.
Kyle coming back into my life, everything going on with Marshall, then the deal, shopping, Kyle meeting Sebastian, Kyle defending me against Marshall, the plane ride, the fake kissing and touching that felt more real than I’d ever admit out loud, the hotel room, the way he saw what I needed without me saying a word…
My heart started racing the more I thought about it all, and then, there was a warm, steady hand at the small of my back again.
“Wow,” Kyle breathed, sliding up next to me with his eyes on the sunset. His arm snaked around me, fingers curling on my hip and holding me close.
I shut my eyes against the panic.
When I opened them again, Kyle was smiling at the mountains. He looked at me next, and that smile faltered.
He looked around us like he wanted to make sure no one was watching, and then he leaned down, lowering his voice.
“We can leave. We can go right now. I’ll—”
I kissed him.
I silenced whatever words he was going to offer next with my arms sliding up around his neck, pulling his mouth down to mine.
He stiffened only for a split second before he was gripping me to him, both of us inhaling the kiss like it was everything we needed.
I told myself I did it for show.
I told myself I was just holding up my end of the bargain.
And I swore to myself it wasn’t because, in that moment of panic, I knew kissing him would make me feel calm again.
And it did.
My heart rate steadied, lungs expanding easier when he slid his hands up my arms to cradle my face and hold me to him. He kissed me slow and softly, his lips covering mine in sensual, methodic kisses that made me feel like he was exploring me, like he was mapping out every centimeter of my lips.
I couldn’t be sure how long we stood there losing ourselves at that railing with the sun setting behind us, but eventually, Kyle pulled back, tucking me under his arm again with his lips coming right to my ear.
“If you don’t stop, I’m going to have a situation,” he said, his lips against my skin.
I frowned, confused, but then watched as he subtly used his free hand to adjust himself in his slacks.
Fire licked along my spine.
I’d turned him on.
I felt the heat blasting my neck as I peeked up at him with a grin. “Oops.”
He dug his fingers into my side as I laughed, but then he dropped his mouth to my ear again.
“I need to apologize to you. Or, rather, I should apologize… but I’m not sure I’m sorry.”
I frowned. “Apologize? For what?”
“I heard you earlier.”
I froze, my next exhale lodging in my throat as a zip of excitement ran all the way down my spine.
He heard me?
“You said my name.”
Oh, my God.
He heard me.
Whatever steadiness he’d given me with that kiss was obliterated, and I felt my heartbeat in my throat as he sucked the lobe of my ear between his teeth.
“I also know you left yourself… unsatisfied,” he rasped.
My cheeks flamed — not from embarrassment, but from arousal at the thought of his admission. A small part of me wondered if I should be appalled, if I should feel angry or violated.
But I didn’t. Not even a little bit.
Intrigue filled me, instead.
“Don’t worry,” he added with another nip of my earlobe. “I can help with that.”
My next breath shook out of me, chills racing all the way down to my toes.
I angled my chin up toward him, our mouths centimeters apart, my heart beating out of my chest. When our eyes met, his nostrils flared, his fingertips tightening where they held my hip.
I wanted to know more.
I wanted him to tell me exactly what he’d heard, what he’d seen…
What he’d do next.
His throat bobbed, hand sweeping across my chin before he gently wrapped it around the back of my neck. When he wet his lips, lightning struck me to my core as if his tongue had been between my thighs, instead.
But before either of us could say another word, we were practically tackled from behind, Leo Hernandez popping up between us and hooking his arms around both our necks.
“Alright, you lovebirds. Save the snogging for the hotel room and come party with your friends.”
“What, are you English now?” Mary asked, offering me an apologetic smile as she shook her head at her boyfriend.
I hoped like hell I had a convincing, normal smile on my face as Kyle reluctantly put distance between us, the smile on his face seemingly just as strained. I hoped no one could see the way my legs trembled with every step we took toward the bar.
Because inside, I was burning.
And when Kyle slid his arm around me when we rejoined his friends, the smirk on his lips told me he knew it.