Fake It ‘Til You Break It

The second the buzzer indicating the end of the fourth quarter sounds, I tear off my helmet, my eyes flying to where I knew the girls to be sitting.

She’s still not here.

Macy lifts a shoulder, looking from them to me, and it hits.

I drop my helmet and take off.

There’re a few teachers in the hall, but I jog right past them, ignoring their shouts of protest.

When I get to that last step though, my feet freeze, my gut twisting.

I take a deep breath, letting my cheeks expand with my controlled exhale and gently push through the door to the rooftop, hanging onto it as it begins to close, erasing any sort of sound I might create.

I don’t know why.

I step around the corner and there she is, standing in a long, deep blue gown, my letterman’s jacket hanging from her hands.

Her hair is curled and down now, hanging loose over her shoulders, eyes lined in black making the green appear brighter, lips a slick, creamy color.

She’s perfection.

My perfection?

“I should have told you,” she says instantly.

I shake my head, approaching her slowly. “We talked about this—”

She holds a hand out, cutting me off. “No, I mean, yes, I’m sorry about that too, but that’s not what I mean. We can fight more about that later if you want,” she says quietly and damn if my chest doesn’t ache, my lips twitching.

She gives a sad smile. “I should have told you where my mind was as soon as I figured it out for myself.”

I reach her, and she places a hand on my chest, looking up at me. “Why are you standing here apologizing to me when I’m the one who fucked this up?” My hands slide into her silky hair and she closes her eyes a long moment. “You have no idea how much I hate myself for putting doubt in your mind. All I ever wanted was to hold you, baby, and to know you wouldn’t force me to let go, but I allowed you to believe you were worth less than other things in my life, when that’s so fucking false, D. You’re worth more than anything I’ve got.”

I slide my palm across her cheek and she leans into my touch. “Tell me I’ve still got you,” I whisper, dropping my forehead to hers.

“You do.” She swallows. “Neek… you have no idea.”

“Say it, baby. Nice and clear for me. Tell me.”

She doesn’t hesitate. “I love you.”

I swallow her words with my lips, and she sighs against my mouth, pulling on my jersey as she tries to get closer. I kiss her, slow and soft for as long as I can until she needs a full breath of air and pulls her lips from mine, all to come back in for another short kiss.

“I want you,” she whispers.

I grip her hair. “I’m all sweaty, baby, and you’re in your dress already.”

“I don’t care.”

I chuckle and step back, bending to grab my jacket off the floor. I hold her gaze, opening it for her and she spins, slipping her hands in but keeps her eyes on me over her shoulder.

I lean in, kissing her once more, then grab her hand and pull her over to the chairs. She drops into the one beside me.

“Me and Alex used to be friends.”

“We don’t have to do this,” she whispers. “Not right now.”

“Yeah, I do. I fucked up not being honest with you. Let me break some of this down, and you can ask me anything you want about it later.”

She nods.

“So, we were friends and a couple weeks before freshman year we went to this party. Alex wasn’t supposed to go, he was grounded or something, but he snuck out anyway. His dad showed up to get him, piss drunk and acting like a fucking dickhead. Alex flew from his seat and was rushing to leave, but his dad decided he was moving too slow, grabbed him by the neck and tossed him out the front door. Alex fell and hit his head on a rock, knocked out cold.”

“Oh my god.” She frowns.

I nod. “His dad just fuckin’ left him there, didn’t even notice or care, I’m not sure. He took off. It took a little less than a minute for Alex to open his eyes, and when he did, he was fucked up, dizzy and said he saw spots in his vision. I helped him up and drove him to the ER myself. I didn’t even have a license, but he had a car, so we took it.” I shrug, a heavy exhale leaving me. “When the nurse asked what happened, I told her. Didn’t think too much of it right then.”

Her eyes soften. “They put it down as child abuse.”

I nod.

“You did what was right.”

A low scoff leaves me. “His dad was arrested the next day. He lost his job, lost his pension.” I meet her gaze. “Lost his wife next.”

Her eyes tighten as she tries to piece it all together.

“Couple weeks went by, and then she came over to thank the father of the son who was brave enough to help hers.” I scoff. “My mom wasn’t home when she stopped by, she was in the city, where he was supposed to meet her the next morning.” Anger forms in the pit of my stomach, but I push it down.  “Dr. Avery Hammons made herself quite comfortable that night, and when she finally left, Alex already had her convinced to take my dad with her.”

“He took from you,” she breathes.

“Yep. His mom couldn’t get back with his dad after word got out what he did, not if she wanted to keep her practice open and successful. Alex’s dad lost everything, he felt he lost everything, so he made it his mission to make sure I did, too.”

“Your dad walked away, just like that?”

“My dad never appreciated my mom to begin with. The fact that I was never good enough for him made it easier to leave me behind, too. He had an heiress for a wife and gained a doctor. Had a son who started on his team but ‘only’ held a 3.0, gained one who started and was top of the class.”

“Second in class,” she whispers.

I chuckle lightly, looking to her. “Yeah, second to my Pixie. That was just another reminder he’s better for you.”

She frowns, stands up and walks over to me.

I spread my legs for her to step between, but she straddles me instead, leaning her elbows on my shoulder pads.

“I don’t need another version of me,” she says, running her thumb across my bottom lip.

“You deserve someone worth as much as you,” I rasp.

“I deserve someone who will love me hard, want me despite my mistakes, and appreciates who I am because of them.”

I swallow, and her legs sink farther beside me. “I can do that, D.”

“I know,” she whispers, kissing me lightly. “Your worth isn’t measured in your accomplishments, Nico, even though you have many to be proud of. It’s how hard you love that counts.”

I pull her mouth to mine, kissing her roughly and she moans against me.

She can feel it, my love for her.

“My silent knight,” she breathes across my mouth before sinking into me more.

But I’m a greedy bastard. I want words.

I pull back, looking up at her as she smiles gently at me.

“Mr. Brando said it was about misconception, right?” I start.

She laughs, nodding as I run my hands up her thighs and under the jacket until I’m gripping her hips.

“Tell me, D. What do you see when you look at me now?”

Her palms find my cheeks and she holds my eyes with hers.

“I see a guarded, suffer in silence type who is more than the first glance could ever give. A stubborn, hardheaded guy I want to keep,” she whispers, a calm, almost sadness taking over her eyes. “Even more, I see the guy I accidentally fell in love with and wouldn’t change if I could. A gorgeous, strong-minded guy I want to love me back.”

My pulse is beating out of control, my heartstrings pulled tight as I stare at the girl I never thought would say half the shit she just did while staring right at me. Right fuckin’ into me.

My Pixie.

I pull her closer, tilting my head to whisper in her ear. “I do, Pixie. I have, and I will.”

She pushes me back, waiting, but not long.

“I love you, Demi,” I whisper, and tears fill her eyes. “And not only can you keep me, baby, but I’m not against forcing you to, ‘cause I’m keeping you, following you wherever you go. Shit, I’ll chase you if it comes to that.”

She laughs, her head tipping back but only for a second before my palm is spreading across her spine and I’m bringing her face to mine again.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being brave enough to try, even if it was in an ass-backward way.”

This time it’s me who laughs. “I’ve never been one to do things right the first time around.”

She smirks. “Now that I’d have to disagree with.”

A loud laugh leaves me.

I bring my hands around to rest them on the curve of her ass, our gazes meeting. “Good to know, Pixie, but just wait.” I lean forward, biting on her bottom lip a second. “It only gets better with practice.”

She lets my jacket slide off her arms, giving me a saucy grin, whispering, “Prove it, Neek.”

So I do.

At her request, we skip the stupid dance knowing there’ll be more, and I take her home, showing her over and over until she’s putty in my arms, and then falls asleep in them.

As mine.