Fake It ‘Til You Break It

The knock at my door has my stomach jumping into my throat, but I don’t have it in me to ignore the possibility of who might be on the other side or what they’ll have to say.

As quietly and gently as possible, I place my palms on the door and lean forward to look into the peephole.

Trent?

I take my hands off the door, sneaking a single step back before his voice floats from the other side.

“I know you’re there, Dem. Come on. Please.”

A frown takes over, but I give in and pull it open.

One side of his mouth tips up in what’s supposed to be a smile, but it’s not hard to tell he’s got a lot on his mind and happy-go-lucky is the furthest thing from how he’s feeling.

“Your mom home?”

“No, she’s” —a sad scoff leaves me— “it’s just me.”

He tilts his head.

“Why are you here?” I ask him.

“Think I could come in?”

I eye him a moment, smashing my lips together as I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I shift against the frame, putting my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. “Trent, I don’t think we should be talking, especially if you haven’t worked out everything with Nico yet. I can’t and won’t get in the middle of your  friendship any more than I unknowingly already did. He not only deserves you, but needs you.”

Trent’s eyes grow clear with understanding, only for a heavy sense of guilt to wash over him seconds after, his chin falling to his chest on a long exhale.

He didn’t believe in us.

Or more, he didn’t believe in me.

He looks up, but only with his eyes. “You love him.”

It’s not a question.

This isn’t why he’s here.

He knows everything, other than maybe before Nico and I fell apart again, we had taken the first step to moving past my sleeping with the guy standing in front of me.

“It doesn’t really matter how I feel about him, does it?” My eyes sharpen. “I was a forfeitable play piece.”

He frowns, taking a half step forward.

“Dem, no,” he stresses, eyes grave. “You are so wrong.”

I give a lazy shrug, but he knows where to start to keep me from closing the door and leaving him on the other side.

“Nico told me you agreed to fake all this the morning after it happened.”

I hesitate a moment, but a frown takes over and I step from the house and onto the porch.

“I’m listening.”

He nods, continuing, “I was a little hard on him, told him it wasn’t a good idea, and he knew it, too, but once you were in reach, there was no way he’d back out. I knew that as much as he did.” He leans against the wall, looking across the lawn.

What he’s saying, though, still doesn’t make much sense to me.

“At dinner the night after the boardwalk, I gave him more shit, told him it seemed like too much, too quickly and he got mad. It sort of kept on like that, I’d say things that would piss him off. You guys acted like you’d been together for years when it had only been days or weeks. You moved and spoke and looked at each other like you understood the other and like…” His eyes come back to mine. “Like you loved each other, but it was fake. Watching you two made me nervous, I was worried.”

I give a sad smile, guessing, “You didn’t want me to get hurt.”

A low laugh leaves him and he glances at the sky before releasing a deep exhale.

“That wasn’t it, Dem,” he says quietly, his words heavy with guilt. “I’d never want you to get hurt, I hope you know that, but if I’m honest right now, and I feel like I have to be, it was him I was looking out for, not you,” he admits, shameful.

“It was true what he shouted the other night, he’s wanted you for a long ass time, but fear kept him from trying to get close to you. There were a few times when he thought he’d go for it, just before freshman year and then again when he found out you were in his PE class that semester, but both times he backed out, thinking he’d never be enough and decided it wasn’t gonna happen for you guys.”

“But enough for what?”

“Enough to keep your attention when approaching you would have meant he’d have to fight for it.”

I lower myself into one of the patio chairs, so Trent drops into the other.

“I don’t understand,” I admit.

“What Nico said to you about Alex, how he convinced you to start this in the first place, it’s true. Alex does take, he does want what someone else has, but not just anyone. Only Nico, and it started summer of eighth grade.”

My head begins to pound. “That’s when Nico stopped talking to me.”

He nods. “Exactly. Alex pays attention to Nico’s every move, and takes everything he can, however he can, always.” Trent’s eyes bounce between mine. “You, Dem, were the one thing Nico wasn’t willing to lose to him.”

My ribs constrict and I move my eyes to the grass. “So he stayed away…”

“Yes. So Alex didn’t know he wanted you, so he wouldn’t sweep in and steal your attention away before Nico had a chance to make you want his more.” Trent leans forward, and I move my gaze back to his. “Nico said he had something to gain, right?”

“He never said what,” I whisper weakly.

“Come on, Dem.” He gives me a dejected, knowing smile. “It was you. You were what he wanted to gain. All this, everything that’s happened, was to win you in the end, and not as his prize, as his girl.”

My pulse begins to race and I attempt to calm it by taking a deep breath.

“Nic might have stayed away and never told you, I don’t know, but all bets were off when Nic realized Alex might want you without knowing Nic did.”

And Nico saw I was interested in Alex. He knew I’d have fallen into Alex the second he made a move.

“Oh my god.” I close my eyes, covering them with my hands.

He was afraid to lose me, that’s why he insisted we play it out longer when Alex approached me only hours after he saw Nico and I together.

This had nothing to do with Alex and everything to do with me.

I let my arms fall to my lap, looking to Trent. “You should go.”

He gives a tight smile, nodding, as he pushes to his feet, and turns to leave.

“Trent,” I call once he’s halfway down the driveway.

He looks over his shoulder.

My chest tightens. “You think you guys will be okay, you and Nico?”

“Guys are complicated, Dem,” he says with a sad laugh. “But yeah, we’ll get there.”

The corner of my mouth raises.

“See you at school?” he asks.

I nod, opening my mouth to thank him, but as if sensing it, he lifts his palms and gives a small shake of his head, and walks away.

Once he’s gone, I pull my legs into the seat, and remain there until late into the night, working through every detail of the last few months in my head.

When I finally manage to bring myself inside and hours later fall asleep, I wake with the same thoughts from the night before.

I take my time getting ready and head for school.

I let the door slam with my intentional late arrival and all eyes fly to the entrance.

Miranda reaches over and presses pause on the music before slowly rising to her feet. Her lips purse.

“Everyone break off with your partner and run one through five,” she tells them, not moving her gaze off mine as she takes small steps toward me.

I’m only three feet from her when she tips her head like a petty little bitch.

“Gotta say, didn’t expect this.”

“I’ll bet.”

She pops a hip out, crossing her arms. “I’m not letting you back on my team, so if you came here to grovel, don’t waste my time.”

“Unless you want the school board to know you’re sleeping with students, don’t waste mine.” I step closer to her.

Her eyes widen then sharpen in the same second. “You—”

“Save it. I’m the best you’ve got, Miranda. I’m taking my spot back.”

Her lips thin and she lets her arms fall to her sides. “Nico’s gone. Hasn’t been back since you made a scene. You dance, you’re dancing with Alex.”

I laugh lightly. “Funny, you think you’re still in control.” I set my bag down, pulling my hoodie over my head. “I need this on my college applications, and you want to stay out of jail, so you can keep shaking your ass for rappers.”

“Watch it, little girl.”

I roll my eyes, adjusting the top of my gym pants. “Let’s not pretend we like each other, but be professional and get the job done well.”

I walk past her, slipping right back into the center.

Trent eyes me, both of us aware we can’t dance together.

Thompson suddenly slides in behind me, whispering in my ear, “I got you, girl. Let’s get it.”

I give him a grateful smile, then face forward and wait.

It takes Miranda a second, but slowly she spins around and walks back to the speaker. She gives a tight clap, avoiding my eyes.

“From the top.”

I can hardly hold in my smirk.