Embers of the Lost

The next time she awoke, Lily found herself looking up at the star-dotted sky, her head cradled by a softness she had never known, her body warm and her chest slightly heavy with the vibrating weight of a purring feline.

Lily glanced at Kiki who snored intermittently between the healing purrs. It hadn’t all stopped then. Sighing almost in disappointment, Lily turned her eyes back to the quiet sky. Breathing felt like it burned as she turned the hazy memories over in her head.

She’d killed the family? She remembered retaliating with fire. Had she actually used the incantation? She couldn’t remember. All she could remember was green eyes and fear.

Reaching up with her right hand, she touched her cheek to realise that tears were gently running down them. How long had she been crying for? Her face felt tight from where other tears had dried previous to these ones.

“You’re ok.”

Lily tilted her head up until she was looking at the upside-down view of the white-haired stranger looking over his shoulder at her.

“Who are you?” Lily’s voice cracked as she spoke.

With a smile, the man reached around to hand her a small container of water. Lily felt pressure on the back of her neck, giving her support as she sat up. It was a tail. A larger, white spotted, fluffy tail.

“Vilankuri?” She asked, looking up at the gentle expression.

“Half. But yes, I’m a large cat like Axel. My name’s Quinn, unfortunately, given the name of one of the women you are hunting.”

Lily took a sip of the water. It was freezing but it unleashed a desperate thirst in her.

“Steady. You were in that fire for a while. You’ll be highly dehydrated.” The stranger said, reaching out to slow her pouring speed as she gulped greedily at the water. The more that hit her stomach, the more her stomach seemed to turn. Ok, so this stranger knew what he was talking about.

“Did I… really?” She didn’t really want to know the answer, her hand finding Kiki’s fur and causing the kitten to stir and looking up at her sleepily.

“It appears they all died in the fire.” Quinn confirmed.

“Oh,” Lily whimpered as tears pricked her eyes. She was a killer. She hadn’t meant to. She would never have meant to. Lily had meant her words to Lucretia when she said she didn’t want to hurt anyone.

“They were Byrnes.” Axel groggy voice sounded, drawing her eyes over to where he was pushing himself up next to the fire he slept by.

Why did he say that like it made it okay? Lily looked at him with a devastated expression. “So?!”

“So, we needed to stop them.”

“Stop them! Not kill them!” Lily shrieked, starling nearby birds into flight.

“They would have killed you the moment they found out who you were.” It was the female who had blocked spells aimed at them while Lily couldn’t stay conscious.

“I don’t want to be the same as them! How is that so hard to understand?!” Lily cried. How could she possibly live with herself if she became someone who could kill and hurt without care?

“You aren’t,” Kiki chimed, jumping onto her knees to nuzzle away the tears on Lily’s cheek. “If you were, you wouldn’t feel the pain you are in right now.”

Lily scoffed.

“You should have just left me.” She grumbled. “I’ve had enough of everything.” Pushing herself to her feet, she walked away from the group. She didn’t want to be with them. She didn’t want to be anywhere; all the places she craved were no longer options.

Kiki followed but, thankfully, the others gave her space.

“What am I doing, Ki?” Lily whispered sadly. “I want to go home.”

“So, let’s go home.”

Lily turned to raise an eyebrow at the little cat who looked at with empathetic eyes. “What?”

“Let’s go home.”

“We’re banished.”

“They’ll never expect us to sneak in and spend some time with mum and dad.” Kiki winked at the idea. Could they really do that?

“Lily?” Lily sighed at Axel’s voice approaching her. Really? She couldn’t even get five minutes?! Turning to him with a raised eyebrow, she folded her arms across her chest.

“What, Axel?”

The challenging expression she received was not subtle, but she didn’t care. He could be bigger than her, older than her, more powerful than her, whatever… She didn’t care.

“This is Misha.” He paused. “Misha Byrne.”

Lily turned sharp eyes on the female, finally taking her in. She wasn’t someone who would stand out in a crowd. She had cropped brown hair and those tell-tale green eyes that seemed to belong to Byrne’s more often than not. She was only slightly taller than Lily and the clothes she wore were covered in dust and holes. From Lily’s experience, Byrne’s were high up in society and therefore well-presented.

“There was no Misha in that family.” She commented suspiciously.

Misha laughed bitterly. “Of course not. I went against them, so they got rid of all traces of me and locked me in that hidden room you passed out in.”

Lily surveyed her for a minute. “I thought they killed people who rebelled?”

“This close to a war, they were just going to wait and make me a war victim.”

“And blame fairies for it?”

“Exactly.”

Rage bubbled inside her.

“So, I would like to thank you.” Misha continued. “If you hadn’t come along, I’d have died in that cage.”

Lily blinked at her. She’d killed five people but saved one. The five who died were part of the reason mass genocide continued every hundred years. The one who had been saved stood against it. Did that mean her actions had helped the ‘good’ of the world?

It still didn’t change the fact she had killed people, no matter how unintentionally.

“Lily…” Axel reached out only for her to flinch away. Looking up at him with the shadows of fear in her eyes, she shook her head.

“Please don’t touch me.” She whispered in a broken voice.

Axel lowered his hand with a look of guilt on his face. The girl in front of him became more broken with every day that passed.

Lily wrapped her arms around her stomach before looking back at Misha with hollow eyes. Misha swallowed before opening her mouth again, a little more cautious this time. “I hear you have Lucretia. If you let me punch her in the face, I’ll help you locate every other member of the family?”

Well, that wasn’t what Lily had expected.

“Why would you want to punch her?”

“She’s the one who sold me out and had me put in that cage.” Misha shrugged.

“She did seem the type to do that.” Lily sighed. “You know what, do what you want. She’s in the satchel.” Even if Misha was lying and was just aiming to free Lucretia, honestly, Lily found she couldn’t care less.

“You’re just going to let me…?”

“You’re a witch, right? You can change her back.” Lily stated with finality.

“I was more surprised at the trust.” Misha admitted.

“It’s not trust. I just don’t have it in me to care, right now.” Lily shrugged, turning away from them and continuing so she could walk away from the two and sit down where she could see the campfire but couldn’t hear much.

The peacefulness of the midnight wind was what she needed. Though it didn’t quite silence her mind.

Murderer.

Failure.

Useless.

Pathetic.

So many words, so little strength to fight against them.

“We should definitely go home and see mom and dad.” Kiki jumped up onto Lily’s lap and curled up with that soft, healing purr she excelled at.

“Yeah.” Lily whispered, in that moment desperate to curl up in the arms of her parents and beg for forgiveness.

“Oh! She actually did it!” Kiki chimed, guiding Lily’s eyes to the sight of Lucretia stumbling backwards from the weight of the blow Misha had landed. “She’s got some power for someone not much bigger than you.”

“And who has been in a cage for a while.” Lily added.

“It might be nice to have some more allies…” Kiki’s suggestion was obvious even without her speaking.

“Ki.” Lily sighed. “People around me die. It’s not wise for them to stay.”

“What if they choose to anyway?”

Lily shook her head, looking over the scene of Misha and Lucretia descending into a more vicious fight while Quinn and Axel backed off. They all seemed to have no one else, so maybe they would choose to come with her. But it still wasn’t fair. Especially for Axel and Quinn, this war had nothing to do with their kind. They had no loyalty to either side, and no loyalty to Lily.

“I doubt they would.” No one seemed to put themselves at risk for ‘the right thing’. Lily was beginning to truly believe that she was an idiot for even trying. The whole journey had been nothing but agonising. “I’m not even sure I’m doing the right thing anymore.”

“Of course, you are. You said it yourself on the Xeomont Peaks; we can’t just walk away knowing how many people will die in a war that is fuelled by a lie.” Kiki leant her head against Lily’s stomach and nuzzled into her gently. “If we become everything we hate to save everyone else… well, I can’t imagine anyone else being kind enough to do it.”

“Stupid enough, more like.” Lily snorted, raising a hand to block the smack aimed at her by a tiny white paw.

“And,” Kiki continued. “If you decide you don’t want to do it anymore, I’ll be right there with you running to the other side of the world to find peace.”

Damn her.

Lily turned a small scowl at the kitten. She was being played like a fiddle and she knew it. They both knew that as soon as Kiki started giving her options that meant she could run away and never face it again would make Lily realise she could never do that. The guilt she would live with would be unbearable. This pain was terrifying, it was immobilising at times, but it was layered with enough anger that it kept her on her feet.

Her pain, Lily could live with. Others pain was not.

“Ok.” Lily sighed, her mind settling on the only conclusion. She had to see it through.

Wrapping her arms around the kitten as she got to her feet, Lily walked back over to the campfire. Her heart was heavy and her stomach hollow, but her steps were solid.

“Alright, enough.” She said as she drew closer, raising a hand and reciting the incantation to turn Lucretia back into a mouse. Quinn caught her with quick reflexes and placed her back in the cage as Lily continued. “I’m going back to Fae Greenwood.”

“I thought you were banished?” Axel asked in confusion.

“I am.” Lily confirmed. “But I’m going back anyway. Not only do I want to see my parents, but there’s Byrne’s in there which I need to find.”

“Cyrus too,” Kiki added.

“Which may not go well.” Lily shrugged. “I don’t want to ask anyone to come with me. It’s safer if you don’t.”

“And what if ‘safe’ isn’t something I’m worried about having?” Axel challenged with a smirk.

“Then, you are a strange man.” Lily replied.

“Ok, so you can walk unsafe roads and not be strange?”

Lily’s lips twitched into a small smile which grew into a cheeky smirk. “I’ve always been strange.”

“Well, get used to not being the only one.” Axel laughed.

Rolling her eyes with a slight fondness in her expression, Lily turned to look at the other two.

“As a Byrne, I doubt you are just going to let me go?” Misha raised an eyebrow. She had a point. Lily didn’t know if she was really against the war. It could all be another elaborate lie to gain her trust and make sure she failed.

Misha wasn’t Finnigan.

She was still a Byrne.

Could Lily really just discriminate based on trust issues and heritage? Did that make her just as bad as everyone else following the beliefs of the past?

“You’re right. I can’t just let you walk away.” Lily said. “I don’t know if you are really against this war. I don’t know if you are going to be trustworthy or not.”

“But…” she continued. “I want to believe it. I don’t want to automatically distrust everyone because of Finnigan. If you don’t want to be involved, I would ask you to let me turn you into an animal I can keep in the satchel when I’m not with you.”

Misha chortled at the idea and shook her head. “So long as you make me bigger than Luce so I can be in charge, I don’t mind being an animal. However, if you can trust me to an extent, I can help you identify the rest of the Byrne family.”

Now that would be a huge help. It would certainly save time too.

“You’d sell them all out?”

“And tell you which ones are actually against the war but too scared of being killed to say it openly.”

“There’s more of you?”

“Just because we’re related to greedy psychopaths, doesn’t mean we are all the same.” Misha deadpanned, making Lily flush in embarrassment.

“Of course, sorry.”

“One of my cousins, Yuri, has been subtly undermining the fairies’ beliefs for centuries. Unfortunately, most of the people she can convince get too loud about it and end up getting arrested.”

“Wait,” Quinn interrupted. “There’s already unrest in the fairies.”

“And the witches.”

“What?!” Lily exclaimed. “Who?”

“There’s plenty out there who don’t want to fight and kill. It’s just they can’t make any bridges without going missing and they end up believing the other side is to blame.” Misha explained. “Any time the family catches wind of rebellion, they send the family members of the other race to get rid of the threat.”

“Which would only enhance the distrust and anger,” Quinn concluded.

“Exactly.” Misha nodded.

“So, theoretically, with the Byrne’s not around, we should be able to build bridges?” Lily asked.

“There’s a lot of others who would squash those attempts as well. Those who survived wars and lost people. Those who truly believe the history books.” Misha sighed. “It won’t be as simple as cutting out the source of the rot.”

“It’s still a good place to start,” Quinn countered, sending a reassuring smile to Lily as though he knew her mind had begun to be overwhelmed by the scale of her goal again. It grew faster than she could keep up. Though, it did cause a fine white eyebrow to raise on her forehead towards him.

“You’re coming too?”

Quinn nodded. “Axel told me what you were really aiming to do. The war has gone on far too long, so yes, I will help.”

“Huh,”

“You don’t believe me?”

“No one helps just because; even Axel’s doing it for the thrill.”

“Hey!” Axel protested.

“You saying you aren’t?” Lily challenged.

“Well, it’s a factor.” Axel flushed a little and folded his arms across his chest. It only really dawned on Lily now that both he and Quinn looked fully human aside from the feline ears on their heads and the tails which hung from the base of their spines.

“It might be easier for you to sneak in if you are both in animal form? Though you’ll still be a bit too big.” Lily thought aloud. “Maybe you should stay on the ground in the woods.”

“We’ve got some distance to travel before that so we can plan on the way.” Misha offered.

“It is a long walk.” Kiki agreed.

“On human legs maybe,” Axel chortled, looking at Quinn with a glint in his eye. “Us big cats can travel much greater distances in the same amount of time.”

“Talk about riding in style!” Misha laughed.

“Ok. So how about we head for the Densewood then along to the Greenwood?” Quinn suggested. “It’ll be longer but we’ll be less likely to catch anyone’s attention. Lily, are you going to be ok to ride?”

They all glanced at her, or rather, at the dryness of her skin, the still-cracking sound of her voice from lungs infected with smoke, and at the bruises around her throat where she had been lifted by Alexander.

“I’ll be fine.” Lily straightened her back as she spoke. It would be her mantra going forward. No matter what, she would be… ‘fine’.