elimination

“World War One, or the Great War, was caused by several factors: tension between the European powers as the result of colonial rivalries, barriers to trade, nationalism, militarization and a series of alliances created primarily by German Chancellor Bismarck. As the 20th century began, the Ottoman Empire—having lasted over 600 years—was finally beginning to crumble. Newly freed Serbia had dreams of expansion that threatened the Austrian Hungarian Empire, which was hanging in the balance due to the nationalism of its many peoples.”

Somehow Bump Nose’s eyes sparkle with excitement, despite the convoluted clumps of unorganized propaganda that spew from his mouth like vomit. He babbles on as my eyelids droop and my fingertips ponder the pine needles that have mysteriously ended up in my hair. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he is bored by his own words. Can one bore oneself to sleep? If I were Bump Nose I certainly would have no problem doing so.

“Austria Hungary crushed Serbia’s expansion dreams by keeping them out of Bosnia and Albania. In June of 1914 archduke Franz Ferdinand, the heir to the Austrian Hungarian Empire, was shot during a state visit to Bosnia by Serbian radical group, the Black Hand. In response the Austrian Hungarian empire issued Serbia an impossible ultimatum. The Serbian government had 48 hours to agree to demands that would equal ceding control of the Serbian state. Serbia’s response was moderate, but evasive—meaning war with the Austrian Hungarian empire was inevitable. Germany, allied with Austria Hungary in addition to the Ottoman Empire and others made up the Central Powers. Britain, France, Russia and later on additional countries such as Italy and the United States, became the Allied force against the Central Powers.”

Bump Nose drones on, but I am too transfixed by my hair to pay attention. Every time I think I have removed the last pine needle another one appears. People begin to stare as I pile them up on my desk forming a small mountain. I laugh silently to myself. I must appear truly insane. I’m too tired for this. I begin to spell out the word “trench” on my desk in pine needles.

Bump Nose ends by talking about the Treaty of Versailles and how it was so poorly executed that it somehow caused WWII. For once I do see weakness somewhere, but the textbook fails to mention it. What exactly were they fighting for? The war had its causes sure, yet as far as I see millions of people from all over the world dying to keep Serbia from becoming part of the crumbling Austro Hungarian empire makes so sense whatsoever. Yet of course the ever ambiguous “she” who writes out textbooks would hardly benefit in her goals of imperial conquest by instilling in her army the idea that some wars are absolutely pointless. One does not teach a history of pointless wars to their militant society of human robots. I sigh and yawn as Bump Nose continues. 12 sees me yawn and yawns as well making me laugh internally.

Bump Nose finally begins to read off a long boring list of examples of supposed “weaknesses” seen in World War One, conveniently leaving out the idea that everyone was killing each other for no reason. He blames the lengthy duration of the war on the “inability of the troops to follow orders,” referencing an armistice in the trenches on the western front for Christmas Eve. He didn’t give all the reasons why this “egregious example of human weakness betrayed the greater purpose and led to millions of deaths.” Yet based on my former less than pleasant encounter with a pine tree this morning, I can fully endorse the notion that Christmas Trees on the battlefield brought nothing but pain and destruction.