elimination

My eyes open. 14 places me down on a desk in Bump Nose’s room. He fetches a tub of repair gel from under the desk and applies it to my neck. I don’t flinch. I can hear footsteps down the hall, Bump Nose enters the room with quick, long strides. His face is tired and unamused. He sits across from me. “So you killed One.” I nod. He looks at me and nods back. “Well I suppose it’s not much of a loss. She became quite the defective test subject towards the end.”

Bump Nose gets up to leave. “Wait!” I croak. He stops abruptly and turns back shooting me with an unwavering glare. “Yes Seven.” My mouth goes dry. He regards me impatiently, “Yes Seven, what do you need?” I stare at the ground, my eyes shooting up for a second to see Bump Nose’s facial expression grow dark. “What do you want from me Seven? I offer no redemption, nor will I dispense divine retribution. I have no interest in soothing you.” I regard him slowly, hot sticky tears building in my eyes. He glares somberly into a world only he can see. “You want to feel better about yourself Seven, keep your head down and do your job, do whatever they tell you to do. Fulfill your purpose and we will create the great society. Fulfill your purpose and this will be the last generation of Titles.” I nod quietly swallowing my tears.

He leaves the room swiftly without looking back. The door shuts with an angry, dark sound, leaving me alone. I close my eyes. I like the alone. I lie back on the desk. Sleep begins to set in, but I know I can’t lie here forever. I finally lift my useless bones from the table and walk to the door. I open it and turn left toward the hall, walking right into someone’s chest. “14, what are you still doing here?” He regards my shock without the slightest break in his hyper-controlled composure. It’s unnerving. “I was curious to see what would happen to you.”

I regard him with cold eyes. “Well as you can see I’m still alive, I haven’t been electrically shocked or flogged or defenestrated. Now if that’s adequate satisfaction for your curiosity I will be leaving now.” I spin sharply and walk away, deliberate strides, erect posture and clenched teeth. Before I have made it two steps I feel his hand grab mine. I turn around my eyes burning with anger. “What?” I spit, I want my words to slice through him. His composure wavers for a second and suddenly I see through his perpetual facade: sadness, uncertainty, fear of everything that can go wrong in a world he is unable to control. He speaks softly. “I just wanted to ask you if you’re quite alright Seven.”

My voice prepares to yell, but it breaks as dehydrated tears appear from nowhere and realization sets in. I killed someone today. Purposely. I have fulfilled my expectations, everything Bump Nose warned me about. It’s real isn’t it? The imminence of my decent into insanity. I, My, Me. The tiny words fly through my mind like shards of glass from a shattered object slammed over my head. They are entirely foreign. I have no identity anymore. Everything that I once was has died. I’m nothing more than an animal trying to survive.

14′s voice speaks again. “Are you quite alright Seven?” My voice falters before an unwelcome though implants itself in my mind. “Why do you care 14?” He looks taken aback. “Why do you care 14? Why did you stand back and wait in the blizzard to pick me up by my bloodstained knees and carry me in to Bump Nose. We both know you don’t actually care about the right and wrong thing anymore. No one is manipulating you, so why are you here?” He purses his lips saying nothing. It faintly occurs to me that I’ve got nothing left to lose.

My right index finger slowly comes up and gently pulls his lower lip out of a purse. I stand on my tiptoes and slowly, softly my lips meet his. He stands there hands by his side looking confused, a circuit in his robotic brain glitching. I can see it in his eyes, the error signals shooting up to his brain. The system is fighting something, an old program thought long deleted, the ancient, vestigial in the context of modern technology, a carnal desire. Then the circuits burst and the computer dies.

His lips meet mine with purpose, intent. A hunger long suppressed finally breaking free as hands run through my hair and down my back pulling me into him. 14 moves me slowly backward, thoughtless footsteps. I feel as though I’m falling, falling through oblivion. I have found it haven’t I? The oasis, the fountain of unregulated dopamine. I’m falling, and I’m falling and I’m falling and ...I’m actually falling aren’t I? My head hits the concrete. I backed right into the concrete stairs. This time I actually fell. My head buzzes upon impact. Concussion? Nausea races through me. Then anger, anger like I’ve never felt before at my own immense stupidity. 14 tries to pull me back up. “Don’t help me I shout.”

I get up on my own, lifting my hand to the back of my head. It comes away red and sticky. I look back up into 14′s eyes for only a second more and turn away. “I’m sorry.” I whisper. With that I run down the stairs at full speed, tripping once and cursing an unknown curse. My head throbs. I kick open the door and run.