Discovering Fae

I watched as Mal and Quinn walked away from us and shivered, despite the warming weather. I didn’t want there to be space between us, but it was clear that I was more of a danger to Mal than even he wanted to admit. If he refused to look out for his own well-being, then I would do it for him. I hated it.

I rubbed at my chest, knowing it wasn’t going to soothe the ache there any and Mary put her hand on my shoulder, getting my attention.

“It won’t be for long,” she gave me a small smile.

“He’s going to worry so much,” I frowned.

“Your father is going to keep him busy, just like we will be,” she patted my shoulder before dropping her hand and turning back towards the target. “So, you have the strength to make lightning. Were you intending it, or did it just happen?”

“A little of both, I guess,” I said turning away from the retreating figures. The sooner I could control my emotions, and my abilities, the sooner Mal could come back to me. “We argued. Are all men that irritating or is it a Bonded thing?”

“Every man is like that,” she snorted. “It’s just worse with a Bond.”

“Fantastic,” I rolled my eyes. “Well, I felt heavy? No. It was like a pressure. In my chest.”

“That means it was intended,” she nodded.

“But I didn’t want to do it,” I shook my head.

“Part of you did,” she giggled. “Trust me, it’s normal to want to hit something when you're frustrated. You flung the lightning out of you. Did you think of it or was it instinct?”

“I had no idea what was going to happen, if that answers anything,” I shrugged.

“It does,” she smiled. “You’re accepting the new power in you fairly well, otherwise you wouldn’t have had the instinct to rid yourself of the magic. Do you think you can do that again? Without being irritated?”

I looked at the target and squished my brows together. I tried to bring back the feeling of pressure, but when I held out my arm, only sparks came out and I huffed.

“I expected that,” Mary smiled at me. “You’re not quite okay with all of this, and your uncertainty is blocking the flow of energy within you. Strong emotions trigger a strong release, but without that fuel it’s...”

“Puny,” I supplied when she trailed off, looking for the right word.

“I was thinking "choked", but yes. Puny works,” she laughed. Then, her face got serious. “Without Malachi to calm you, tonight is going to be a disaster. Your nightmares will see to that.”

“I’ve never gotten explosive in my sleep,” I said, then added, “Yet.”

“That’s because your Bonded was there to comfort and calm,” she said. “Without him, I fully expect another massive outburst like before.”

“I can’t do that in the house,” I gasped. “Bianca will have a stroke.”

“I am not concerned about that worthless cur,” Mary spat, and I giggled.

Bianca wasn’t a pleasant person. Mary and Bianca had a bit of an altercation a few days after our talk. Apparently, Bianca had said something about me living with Mal and how it made me look like a whore or something. Needless to say, Mary’s motherly instinct took over and it was a showdown for the records.

“But you’re right,” she admitted. “You can’t stay at the house until your nightmares are gone.”

“They won’t ever be gone,” I said flatly.

“It seems like it now, but they will, eventually fade, given proper help,” she looked at me sadly. “You aren’t the only member of this family that’s been treated that way.”

I looked at her, confused, and she closed her eyes with a sigh.

“Your father,” she said. “It was before we met. You know, most dark fairies, like him, are assassins? Mercenaries? Well, he wasn’t much older than you. He was given an easy mission. Sort of like a graduation. It went wrong and he was captured. Even with his training to withstand torture, after months, it takes a toll.”

“Months?” I gasped.

“Yes, Fae. Months,” she said sadly. “He was a broken man when we finally met, but still good. It took years, long after the wars ended, before I finally convinced him to talk to someone about it.”

“Therapy?” I quirked my head sideways a little bit.

“Technically, yes,” she laughed. “Just don’t tell him that. There’s a creature in the Sidhe that eats the pain of the mind and its trauma. It’s an unpleasant process and quite disgusting to witness, but it declaws the fear you feel from those memories so you can work through the problems it caused.”

“That’s not very reassuring,” I snorted.

“No, it’s not,” she laughed. “But it works.”

“I was doing something a little more traditional before... that,” I said. “Some crazy old lady and whatever a hellcat is, though he’s not really one.”

“I’m sorry. A hellcat?” she held up a hand. “Jacob? He’s here?”

“You know Jacob?” I asked.

“Of course. He was one of my bonded warriors,” she smiled widely. “Do you know where to find him? I would love to catch up with him.”

“Um... Sort of?” I made a face. “Usually, Nana opens a door and yanks me through, but she hasn’t done that since I was taken.”

“That old hag is still alive?” she exclaimed. “Well, now we have to go for a visit. But first things first: Your training.”

She crouched and moved her hand over the grass between us and the blades sort of grew backwards. Instead of getting longer, they grew shorter until they went back into the earth. Using her finger, she started drawing in the dirt.

“Now, while the four elements are each separate, they also interact with one another, mixing and resisting,” she said as she drew a triangle. “Fire. It seems like this is the element you are strongest in. It’s the element of passion and destruction. It cleanses and rejuvenates, leaving emptiness in its wake to be filled however is seen fit. It’s a wild and stubborn element and the most difficult to control and it often bites the hand that wields it when handled poorly.”

“I mean, it’s fire,” I said sitting on the ground across from her. “That kind of goes without saying.”

She rolled her eyes at me while she drew another triangle, this one with a line through the top of it.

“Air is both harsh and gentle, hard and soft,” she said. “It brings the rain across the skies and carves stone into dust. It carries seeds across great distances and is the breath of the world. It’s the element of happiness and joy, as well as uncertainty. It is also the second strongest element for you.”

Next, she drew an upside-down triangle.

“Water is peaceful and calm. It soothes and heals. It has the power to shape the world and, when angered, can wipe out entire civilizations,” she said and drew another upside-down triangle with a line through the pointed end. “Earth is steady, patient, and strong. It gives life where there is death, gives security where there is none, and has the potential to bury and crush. It’s stubborn and resists. It’s a proud element, but the most reasonable.”

“Fire and water are opposites, just like air and earth,” I said, catching on to the lesson. “Without air, fire can’t burn and without water, earth can’t grow.”

“But you can mix the opposites,” she held up her dirty finger.

She stood and held out her hands. One filled with water, the other held a small flame.

“What happens when fire and water mix?” she asked, then brought her hands together without my answer.

The water boiled and steamed as the fire sputtered out.

“Boiling water has the properties of both elements. It burns, like fire, only amplified by water. It cleanses, like fire, but doesn’t destroy because it is controlled by water,” she said.

“Water is like a leash on fire?” I titled my head.

“Yes,” she smiled. “Although it is the softer element, fire will always bow to water.”

She crouched down again and grabbed a handful of soil.

“Air cannot exist where earth rests. Unless earth allows it otherwise, of course. Earth can trap and hold air when no other element can. But what happens when you mix the two?” she said.

“Sandstorms and dust clouds,” I answered.

“When driven by the air, earth stings and cuts more harshly than either element on its own,” she said. “But only when the earth lets itself be gathered. If it wishes, the earth will move in large quantities when guided by the wind.”

“Earth controls air, then?”

“In a way, but it’s more like the earth releases the air and lets it do as it pleases,” she shrugged as she dusted her hands off. “Things get more interesting the more elements you use, depending on how much of each one you use, but we’ll deal with that later. Right now, we’ll focus on accessing the elements without using your emotions.”

“By controlling myself,” I guessed.

“By facing them,” she corrected and held out her hand to help me off the ground. “The way you feel, the emotions inside of you, they are a part of you. They are you. Fighting them only makes things worse. If you want control, you have to face the things you feel. You can’t force them away, because they’ll tear you down until there’s nothing left. Accept them, then let them go.”

“And this is the part where you say something about therapy, right?” I smirked at her, and she laughed.

“Gods, you looked like your father just then,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “It’s a good thing that the men are away from us during this part.”

“Because I spazz out?” I snorted.

“Yes, but...,” she looked around and stepped closer, looking mischievous and full of plots. “That’s not the main reason. There will be pain and tears and if they were here, they would just trample all over the place and bull around until they make a bigger mess of things. But the real reason? I want you to myself.”

I laughed at the wicked wink she gave me as she put her arm through mine and started walking down the field, closer to the target.

“Now, the elements are just like any weapon. They aren’t inherently good or evil. It’s the hand the holds them that does the trick,” she said. “That lightning you released earlier. You were angry, irritated, frustrated and it made you want to lash out. You wanted to hurt something for the sake of hurting it. In normal people, this wouldn’t matter. The element is the tool and doesn’t hold the purpose behind the actions it’s used for.”

We stopped with the large metal wall several feet away and she pointed at the edge where my bolt had hit. It was black, with jagged lines reaching towards the center. The metal was warped, bubbled, and flaking as if it had been left in the elements too long.

“But for us, with our ability to access the fifth element, our intent gives the elements our purpose,” she explained. “You wanted to inflict damage greater than what you were able to do on your own. By the way, next time, aim for the gut, right behind the belly button. It doesn’t require much effort.”

I laughed as she pointed from the warped metal towards the ground, following the route the bolt took after hitting the wall. The grass was gone, and the ground was black, charred and sickly looking.

“Every action you take when riding your emotions has consequences,” she said. “It might feel good and right, but once you calm down, the regret and guilt come in. When you act, make sure it’s with a clear, level head, understanding, fully, the outcomes that could happen. You only act when you are prepared to accept the responsibility of what you do and the price you will pay.”

“Price?”

“Target practice is one thing, Fae, and I pray that is all you ever do, but if you ever take a life, if you act rashly, the guilt will never leave you,” she said, staring at the darkened earth. “It will haunt you for the rest of your days and Fae? Our family is extremely long lived, even by fae standards.”

“How long?” I asked.

“Well, my tenth great grandmother is still alive, as far as I know,” she answered thoughtfully as she led us away from the target. “If I remember right, she’d be somewhere around 1500 years, give or take a century or so.”

“What?!” I squeaked.

“In human terms, she’d only be in her seventies or so,” Mary laughed. “Not old enough to pass from old age just yet. I’m sure we have other relatives that are older, but Granna won’t name names. She’s got a bit of a grudge when her sister tried to sleep with Grannda before they were married. She only refers to her as “the shameless harlot” and often suggests her to be... unclean, if you get my meaning.”

“Venereal cess-pit,” I laughed. “I believe I know one or two of those types.”

“Well, it’s still early, so how about we get to work on the next step?” she said.

“Next step?” I asked.

“Therapy,” she smiled and pushed me backwards.

I felt a bony hand grab my upper arm and I was yanked backwards instead of being left to fall as Mary laughed and jumped after me, coming through the door that Nana had opened.