Designed : A Young Adult Dystopian Romance

It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

Unlike Heath, I’d attended several bonfires on the base with my friends and always loved them. It would have been unfair to deprive him of the experience.

But the question of “Why not?” was quickly answered as I sat across the warm, flickering flames from Heath.

This wasn’t like being with my friends.

The beauty of the fire was the same. The appealing smoky smell was the same. The crackling of the wood as it was consumed was exactly what I’d remembered from those other occasions.

But this situation felt… intimate.

Maybe it was because it was just the two of us here.

Maybe it was because the firelight dancing across Heath’s face and bare arms made him resemble some sort of pagan fire god, more beautiful and terrifying than he’d ever been before.

Never in my life had I felt the sort of attraction I did for him, and tonight it was more powerful than ever. I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what it would be like to be closer, to touch him. To kiss him.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

Heath’s words interrupted my private worship of him, and I cleared my throat, fighting to rein in my crazy thoughts.

“What did I say?”

“You said now is the perfect time to make a fresh start, that I could work somewhere else, do something else with my life. I think maybe you’re right.”

I smiled. “Of course I’m right. Look at you—you’re smart, you’re hard-working, adaptable. You made an amazing campfire on your very first try.”

He laughed. “I don’t know about all that.”

“It’s all true. And I’ve only just met you really. I’m sure there’s so much more I don’t even know about. So… the question is… what do you want to do? What do you love?”

He sat for a few minutes, staring into the flames, his hands rubbing each other as if he was washing them. Then he looked up and met my eyes.

“I’m a scientist.”

“You are?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Like my dad. I told you he wants me to be like him? Well, the thing is… I kind of am like him. We used to work together—in the lab at Gideon.”

“You’re kidding.”

I had to take a moment to digest this new information and adjust my impression of him. I’d imagined Heath as a bright person who, like me, was a poor student in school.

I’d assumed he’d become a delivery van operator because he didn’t have the capacity or desire to pursue higher education.

“Nope. It’s true.”

“But… why would you ever switch to a job operating delivery trucks? That’s got to be a demotion. Right?”

He snickered. “That’s an understatement. But I chose to leave, to make the switch. I worked with him on the Gebby project, actually. But then I…”

His voice trailed off as if he was considering his next words—or was reluctant to say them aloud.

I was dying to hear the conclusion of that sentence. What could possibly have made him leave a top-tier job like that voluntarily? With the lack of young people around to go into science and technology careers, he must have commanded a high salary as a scientist for Gideon Corp.

“Then you what?” I prompted.

“I… had doubts. I didn’t feel good about what we were doing anymore.”

“Because of Daniel,” I said.

He nodded. “Among other things. I needed to step away from it, to see if I could get past my personal feelings. Because, you know, I loved the science. I loved the technical aspects of the work—the challenges, the discoveries, the victories of figuring out how to overcome a setback, make things work… create something special.”

Now he stared at me, apparently finished and waiting for my reaction. I wasn’t sure how to react.

His revelation had stunned me deeply, but I found that instead of feeling betrayed by his lack of openness earlier, I was flattered he was opening up to me now.

The new transparency was seductive. It made me feel close to him.

“Thank you for telling me. I guess when Daniel said you were a genius, he wasn’t kidding.”

Heath shook his head, looking bashful. “Nah. My brain’s just hard-wired for science, that’s all. I promise you—I can be really stupid when it comes to other things.”

He picked up a twig and tossed it onto the fire, watching it combust and crumble instead of meeting my eyes again.

I got up and walked to his side of the fire, sitting on the log beside him. I wanted to touch him, to take his hand or rub his back, or make some other sort of comforting physical contact.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I leaned toward him, speaking in my most earnest tone, letting him feel my belief in him.

“I don’t think you were stupid for walking away from that job. I think it was brave. I admire you for following your convictions.”

Now his gaze did meet mine, and it looked positively tortured. Obviously, it had been more than a job he’d walked away from—it was his father, too.

I could only imagine the backlash he’d suffered and the accompanying guilt and pressure he’d lived with ever since.

“You did the right thing,” I continued. “And I think you should take it one step further and leave Gideon Corp altogether. It’s got to be tough working there day after day, so close to the job you used to love that you had to leave. You need to really make a break and give yourself some distance—and some peace. Go work for another company.”

He nodded. “That’s what I’ve been thinking about. I could still work in science somehow. Not for a competing company—I could never compete against my father. It would destroy what little is left of our relationship. But maybe an independent lab. I could still use my talents and the knowledge I’ve acquired.”

“Yes,” I agreed enthusiastically. “Maybe you could even help people like Daniel. Maybe you could help people like Ketta and the other base kids with whatever the nanos and that recall update did to them. In fact, I’m sure the Haven could use someone with your skills.”

He shook his head, looking away again, his lips turning down and his jaw tightening.

“They’re not going to want me, Reya. I’m not one of you.”

I gestured around us. “It sure looks like it to me. Look where you are.”

Now I let myself touch him, resting my hand atop his on the log between us. Heath’s breath quickened. He didn’t meet my eyes, only stared at our joined hands.

“Look what you did,” I said softly. “You left your job and your family behind and spent your own money to help me. You’ve risked a lot. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met.”

My own breaths shallowed as I debated saying the next words on the tip of my tongue.

Because they didn’t just apply to the kids at the Haven. They applied to me, too.

“How could anyone not want you?”

Heath’s eyes snapped back to mine.

“Reya.”

My name left his lips on a sharp exhale, as if his breath had been stolen.

He slid his hand into my hair and moved forward in one fluid motion, bringing his mouth to mine. His lips were hot and soft as they brushed gently over mine, whispering silent words against my mouth and sending a jolt of pleasure through me with every pass.

Nerves were vibrating all over my body. I felt like I might fly out of my own skin. And then he settled into the kiss, deepening it, drawing me closer with one arm clamped around my back until I relaxed and went with it, allowing instinct and sensation to take over.

Though it was my first kiss ever, it also felt wonderfully natural, as if we’d kissed a thousand times before.

I brought my hands to his chest and then up to his strong neck where the pulse pounded under my touch.

Abruptly Heath pulled away, shaking his head and blinking as if emerging from a trance.

“Damn.” He shook his head again, breathing hard. “Damn. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

He was apologizing? For giving me the most powerful, wonderful feelings I’d ever experienced in my life?

Fighting to recover rational thought, I said, “There’s no need to be sorry. I liked it. A lot.”

I laughed softly at the massive understatement. “And… I know we only met two days ago, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. It’s hard to explain.”

I moved toward him again, wanting more of the intoxicating mouth-to-mouth contact. Just before our lips touched, Heath gripped my upper arms and drew back his head until we were eye-to-eye.

“Wait. Reya. There’s… there’s something I need to tell you.”

I blinked and swallowed. “Okay.”

He said nothing as I waited, only looked at me, wearing a pained expression as if the words were burning a hole through his tongue but he still didn’t want to let them out.

“What is it?” I prompted. And then it hit me. “Oh no, wait—you have a girlfriend, don’t you? I knew it. I knew you had to—”

“No. That’s not it. I don’t have a girlfriend.” He paused. “I’ve never even kissed anyone but… you.”

What? His words whirled in my brain, making no sense.

There was no way in the world he hadn’t kissed anyone before. Not with all that skill. Not with that face of his. And his incredible voice. And body.

And and and

“That was your first kiss?”

Again, he said. “No.”

He blew out a long breath before continuing. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

My heart pounded crazily as I waited for him to go on.

“I have never kissed anyone but you… but that was not our first kiss.”

After an extended pause, I let out a burst of incredulous laughter. “Yeah right. I may not have the best memory, but I think I’d remember if you’d kissed me before.”

He held up a hand in a staying gesture. “Let me finish, Reya.”

My laughter died abruptly at the seriousness of his tone and expression.

“That day at the base, when you thought I recognized you—you were right. We did know each other. We’ve known each other a long time.”

“How can that be true? Why don’t I remember you?”

His lips twisted in a reluctant grimace. “It’s the nanos. That’s why you have memory lapses. Some of your memories were removed… intentionally.”

My chest caved as all the air rushed out of it. My voice came out in a choked whisper.

“What? Why?”

“You’ve always been a special case, even among all the other base kids. From a young age, you were more sensitive, more… intuitive. You asked questions the others didn’t ask. Gideon believed it was best if you didn’t know everything about yourselves—he wanted you all to develop as normally as possible, to have regular lives. So… anytime you started realizing things weren’t… quite right… he manipulated your nanos to make you forget.”

My mouth fell open, but no sound came out. A heavy ache spread through my chest.

“All these years… I thought I was stupid. I thought I was defective. My memory wasn’t defective—it was stolen. By Apollo Gideon. And he took my memories of you. Why?”

Heath’s tortured gaze begged for understanding.

“I’ve always been… attracted to you,” he said. “I knew better, but there’s something about you I’ve never been able to resist. And it seemed like you felt the same about me when we spent time together. My father noticed that we were close. One day… one day he walked in on us… kissing. Let’s say he was not pleased.”

“Oh,” I said, as if I understood. But I didn’t.

My memory lapses and struggles in school made so much more sense now.

And now I knew why I’d been battling what had seemed like a sudden and inexplicable pull toward Heath since the moment I’d seen him on the base two days ago.

One part of his fantastical story didn’t add up, though.

“But… isn’t it natural? I mean, for two people who spend time together and feel attracted to each other to get involved like that?” I said. “Was he upset because I was a study subject? That’s probably against some rule, isn’t it?”

Another possibility occurred to me. One that left a sour burn in my gut.

“Or was it that I’m just a military brat who grew up in base housing, and your dad is some big-wig scientist working for Gideon. You probably grew up in a penthouse or a mansion or something, didn’t you?”

“Social class difference is not the problem. There’s more than a rule against us being together, Reya. There’s a law.”

“A law? What law?”

Was this another one of those outside-the-base facts I’d been unaware of?

Were people on the outside matched up by the government with no freedom to choose their own life partners?

Heath closed his eyes and drew in a breath before opening them again. “What I’m trying to tell you is that we’re different—physically different.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know. You’re a ‘hundred percent organic,’ and I have nanos. That’s against the law?”

“It’s a little more than that.” He rubbed his forehead. “Gideon Corp didn’t just save you during the Calamity.”

The pause went on for so long I thought he wasn’t going to finish.

But then he did.

“Reya… Gideon made you.”